Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

I'm Still Here

by TheGrinReeper 2 reviews

song fic Gerard dies but stays to help his brother in his grief

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Characters: Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2010-12-13 - Updated: 2010-12-13 - 2085 words - Complete

I do not own the characters but I own the story!

If I got a penny for every time I was told I was selfish I would be a billionaire! I have come to the terms that I do think about myself more than I think about the other people around me ,also it is because of this selfishness that my little brother is suffering. I always feared that I thought about things too much. Usually once I have something in my head it is bashed about in my mind until it is automatically true . I thought I was not worthy of live, that my family would be better without me.. I was wrong. Very wrong. I never did good things when I’m alone , used to drink to the extinct that I forgot who I was. Often my brother Mikey would have to pull me off the floor and to the nearest toilet available as I puked the contents of my stomach up and pull all-nighters just to make sure I didn’t choke on my vomit. But I never thought of him it was just me and how hard my life was never about what I put him through. It was also when I was alone when I made the biggest mistake of my life. The night I killed myself..

I stumbled upstairs mostly pissed and pulled out my stash of sleeping pills. With trembling hands I opened the brown plastic tube and craned my head back swallowing every last one of them. Downing them two and three at a time with the beer. Tears flowed down my face as I scribbled a messy and almost unreadable message onto a piece of crumpled paper. “ I’m sorry Mikes!” As I sat on that dusty floor waiting for death, I prayed that Mikey of all people didn’t find me… .Slowley my eyes became heavy and I looked around me for the last time I spotted a picture frame on the floor, I probably knocked it over in my drunken state. Staggering painfully over to it I picked it up. What I saw just made my heart break. It was a picture of me and Mikey the summer before at the beach. I was giving Mikey a piggy- back along the hot sandy beach. Eleven year old Mikey had a smile from ear to ear as he tried his hardest not to fall off my back laughing. I also was in mid laugh. My newly black dyed hair was for once curling away from my eyes to reveal a happy and smiling boy. Mikey’s hair was still the pure untouched sandy blonde colour it had always been. I could see a very small amount of stubble on my jaw, where as Mikey was still clear as babies bottom. He was still a very skinny , non pubic child.

By the time the picture was taken I was staring my downfall. It started with the music, then the dying of the hair from the light brown colour to the black. Next was the drinking and it just kept getting worse. It then reduced to this. I wasn’t too long after that I closed my tired eyes and never woke up. One silent tear rolled down my face as I closed my eyes and letting the picture fall to the floor. But I did wake up, except I saw my body slouched in a pile on the floor. I was so confused. Then my worst nightmare came true. I heard a the key in the door. I rushed to the door and put my hand forward to grasp the door handle when my hand went right through it! “what the..?” I exclaimed then I walked though the door. I ACTUALLY WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR! I stood on the landing and peered down the stairs to see who it was. I hoped it would be one of parents but to my horror it was Mikey standing in the hall. “ oh shit!” He had a worried expression on his face. Then he made his way upstairs. He dropped his school bag on the landing and looked around the house for me. He knew because of an argument between me and our mom that I didn’t go to school. He didn’t know that I went out and got wasted and killed myself! “Mikey… I’m so sorry!” I yelled I guessed he could not hear me because he continued to make his way to my room. “MIKEY!” I screamed as his tiny arms pushed my bedroom door open. My brother is an asthmatic and it would not take much to sent him into an attack. He had just come out of hospital a few weeks ago because he had a really bad attack. I ran past him opening my arms wide to block the view from him but I didn’t work. I think it was his young face that was the worst. The shock to horror and sadness and fear all in one. He started screaming and ran over to my body and shook it . While sobbing and breathing heavy .

It was him I was worried about his breathing was so fast I knew what it meant. I saw him hug me and cry. He screamed and screamed angry sighs. Begging god not to take his big brother. He backed away from my body and sat in the corner shaking trying to catch his breath. I knew he needed his inhaler now! He was the only one in the house. He sat there a shaking ball. Eventually my mother and father came home and found the same thing Mikey found. Mikey was submitted back into hospital . I tried to follow but I soon found out that I could not leave the house, I could not leave the place where I died.

It has been a few weeks since the funeral. Mikey cries every night . I usually sit on the end of his bed and listen. He has been going to a “special doctor” to talk about what happened. But he won’t talk to her. My parent have stopped coming in during the night to comfort him from his nightmares. So often I have to just watch him trash about in his nightmare and listen to him scream my name. That’s my punishment. Every night I stay with him. Watch over him. God I wish I could talk to him. Tell him how sorry I am. He has my last note to him in the top drawer of his bedside locker. Sometimes after a nightmare he will take it out and look it it before crying himself to sleep again.

But one night that all changed. I wandered through the house after everyone had gone to bed. I had a tune in my head, it was a song that my and Mikey knew from a movie we loved “Treasure Planet”
I looked at the childhood pictures along the walls as I began singing,

“I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms”

I thought of all the times that I held Mikey in my arms during a storm, all the times he ran into my arms and hugged me tight. How I wanted to do that now. To take all his pain away.

“And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be”

I got angry thinking about all the times I fought with my mom and dad. I didn’t care about what they said I didn’t listen they wanted me to be someone I was not. They wanted me be a business man. Something I had no interest in what so ever. My mother even ripped up all my songs and said they were shit that I was a idiot that I would never make it.

“And what do you think you'd understand
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me and throw me away”

I was young and hopeful and they destroyed me. They disowned me, they never gave me a chance. But Mikey always supported me, he was always there telling me that my songs and singing was amazing.

“And how can you learn what's never shown
Yeah, You stand here on your own
They don't know me
'Cuz I'm not here”

I made my way upstairs I passed Mikey’s room and went back into my old room , still untouched. They didn’t know me, and they didn’t care, yet they were still sad, they still cried..

“And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on, and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
'Cuz I'm not here”

All I wanted was to able to hug my little brother, hold him and actually feel him hug me back. How can they want me to change who I am and what I want to do, but they will never get a chance now because I’m not there, only in spirit.

“And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I can be
Now you know me and I'm not afraid

And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am”

I wanted them to understand, get them to hear what I heard, the music in my heart. I had accepted it why couldn’t they? I was determined to prove to them that it wasn’t a waste, that I could make it! I walked into there room. I stood over by my mothers bedside. I could see fresh tear stains on her cheeks. She was turned toward her bedside locked. I looked over and saw I picture fame with pictures of me through the years. Some from when I was a baby, others when I was older and the one from my birthday a month ago. It was facing the bed, facing her…

“And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on, and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me bro,
But I'm still here”

I heard Mikey stir in his sleep. I entered the room to find his tiny twelve year old frame asleep on the bed. No blanket. I had gotten used to moving things around a small bit. Gently covered him. I smiled as he pulled the blanket closer around him. I sat down beside him brushing some stray hairs from his tired eyes. I pulled back when he shivered at the contact. God knows how much I miss him. Even though he is right here he is still so distant..

“They can't tell me who to be
'Cuz I'm not what they see
Yeah, The world is still sleeping while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe”

I sang to him hoping he could hear me. I sang as loud as I could .

“And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on, and feel I belong
And how can they say I never change
They're the ones that stay the same
I'm the one now
'Cuz I'm still here Mikey”

Mikey moved and turned around while still asleep. This gave me hope. “Gerard?” he mumbled sleepily

“I'm the one
'Cuz I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here”

“I’m still here Mikey.” I sang with all my heart rubbing his cheek. Slowly he woke up he looked in my direction. But he didn’t see me. I sighed he didn’t hear me. Then Mikey smiled…..

“I know you are Gerard..”

Okay thanks this is my first story on this website so please be nice! Also please read the lyrics near the end because I changed them a bit like it was Gerard singing directly to Mikey. But Gerard was singing all the lyrics! Sorry if it a bit depressing!

Please please review and let me know that you think!
Thank you!

Sign up to rate and review this story