Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > If we could pretend, We could be something else.
I sat in silent anger. How dare he let me open my heart to him for him to just walk away. I watched him walk until he was nothing but a black spec. I closed my eyes and leant my head back against the tree. I stayed in my frustrated, muddled thoughts until I heard the bell ring, breaking my silence. I sighed as I slowly walked towards the building, bracing myself for more awkward silence. I weaved my way through the sea of college students as the knots in my stomch grew tighter and tighter with every step closer I was to my classroom. When I reached the red door I knocked lightly and walked in.
I scanned around the classroom, there were about five students chatting away and painting. I looked to the back of the class. No Gerard ! I shuffled down to my desk after grabbing a canvas and som poster paint. I began work straight away, I didn't have a clue what I was painting - but knowing me it would be grim. Twenty minutes into my painting there was a light knock on the door.
"Come in." Welcomed out teacher loudly, the class was full and the amount of chatting was unbearably loud.
"Can yu please excuse myself and Ellie from this class - the prinicple wants to speak with us?"
I shot my head up to see Gerard stood casually at the door, I moved my gaze to my teacher - who simply nodded in approval. I grabbed my bag and placed my canvas away to dry, I walked out of the class in silence. Crap, What had I done to get in trouble on the second day of college.
We walked in silence next to eachother down the corridor, I decided to put my racing mind ou of misery.
"Why are we going ot th principle ?" I asked.
"We aren't." He replied casually.
Wait, What !? What the hell was going on !? Before I had chance to ask Gerard grabbed my arm, I winced when he touched my cut. He must of noticed because he moved further down my arm so he was holding my wrist.
"Come with me, We need to talk - I need to talk." He stated more than asked.
I weakly nodded as he pulled me out of the school, through the town and alley way, past the bus station and down a private path until we reached an old abandoned park. He guided me to a wooden play house about seven feet off the ground. The house itself was about 2.5 feet byt 2.5 feet and from its wooden floor to ceiling about a metre high. There was also a little wooden door to seal out the cold weather. I sat myself against the farthest away wall from the door. I had my legs next to eachother slightly beant. Gerard was in the same seating posistion as me but with the tips of his shoes against mine.
"So, what did you want to talk about ?" I asked quietly.
"Why you did that to yourself." He replied barely above a whisper.
"I don't know, It made me feel better - I'm not going to do it again, it was an accident . I used to do shit like that when I was younger but I never thought I would do it again."
"What would have happened if you had done it a bit nearer to you wrist, a bit deeper ?"
I looked at my hands on my lap shamefully.
"I could have lost you El'" He added sadly.
"And so what if you had !? You have done nothing but treat me like crap Gerard ! I tell you my biggest most heartfelt confessions and all you do is walk off, twice !? But if you really want to know it's the fact You ignored me for nearly two days and told whoever you were on the phone to that our conversation wasn't important - you weren't 'busy'. I opened up to you and all you did was make me feel worse." I paused as tears streamed down my face, I wiped them angrily.
"Go on, I told you my feelings, you can run off now."
"I'm not leaving." He said sadly.
We sat in silence, the only noise was me trying to keep my tears in. I wiped the final few before looking up at him.
"Tell me Gerard, Why'd you walk away both times ?" I asked him quietly. I watched him clear his throat and his hands squirm.
"Because I didn't want to face the truth." He said sadly, I could see tears forming in his eyes.
"What truth ?"
"That I love you but I'm hurting you." He cried out as tears poured down his face. I sat in silence and stared at my hands. Shiiiiit. I was glad that Gerard said he loved me but I didn't want to find out like this. I kept my head bowed as I snivelled and wiped my eyes. I felt Gerard move, I looked up to see him climbing out of the play house and down the ladders.
"There you go," I mumbled through my tears ,"Leaving me to cry." I turned my head away as he looked at me. I heard him snivel and carry on climbing down.
I waited half an hour before I felt the coast was clear, I climbed down the ladders, out of the park and down the street to my home. I wiped the leaking tears and kept my head bent down so no one could see me. I trudged into my house, locked myself in and ran into my room. I wiped away all my messy makeup and put on a super man tee and black cotton jogging pants. I sat at my window ledge and cried my eyes out. I cried for everything, my parents, being alone, an orphan, but mostly for Gerard.
I glanced over at his window to see him sat at his window ledge, sobbing quietly. He raised his head and caught my gaze. He turned his head quickly and wiped his tears. I sighed and walked out downstairs and into the garden.
I sat on the back wall looking out into the fields with a box of tissues next to me. I sobbed quietly to myself and wiped a few stray tears. I could hear footsteps behind me, I turned to see a woman in her late forties / early fifties stood in Gerard's back garden.
"Are you okay hun ?" She asked with a warm look in her eyes.
I wiped my eyes quickly, "Sorry if I disturbed you or anything."
She smiled and shook her head. "No, not at all, I saw you outside by yourself. I wanted to apologise about your loss." I turned myself around on the wall.
"Thankyou." I smiled and wiped the last of my tears and hopped down from the wall.
"Come inside with me hun, I was just about to put dinner out - I'm not going to take no for an aswer."
I smiled and nodded, I hopped over the fence and walked into her house with her. As soon as I stepped in a feeling of homeliness and warmth surrounded me. She put down a place mat for me as I sat on a stool against the breakfast bar.
"Now, I have two sons and their friend that practically lives with us eating as well, since my husband is at work you can fill in for him."
I smiled and paced her the empty plates to set the table. I suddenly stopped when I heard a familiar voice. Shit it was Gerard.
"Are you sure you want me here Mrs.Way ?" My mum and Mrs Way had been very close, but I had never gotten to know her family.
"Nonsense Ellie ! Your Mum woould have wanted me to look after you!" I smiled weakly and carried on setting the table.
"Mommaaaaaaa!" Gerard called again from upstairs.
"Get Mikey and Frankie down ! Dinner is ready - oh and we have a family friend joining us !"
I caught my reflection and quickly straightened my hair, my face wasn't blotchy and the makeup that had survived my tears looked fine. I tidied my hair and placed the last plate down. I heard several sets of footsteps towards the dining room, I quickly went into the kitchen to help donna.
"Hey Donna, is our guest cute ?" Asked a hyper voice.
"I think she is personally Frankie." Said Mrs Way as she cocked her head to the side to study me.
I giggled and blushed, I hid my face behind my plate.
"Mrs Way your too kind !"
"Nonsense Ellie !" She laughed as she snatched my plate from me and placed a slice of lasagne on it.
I turned to see a boy around the same age as me covered in tattoos with big hazel eyes and a cheeky grin on his face.
"Your right Donna she is cute." I blushed and smiled at him, I was guessing this was Frankie.
"Hey I'm Ellie." I smiled.
"I'm Frank, but you can call me Frankie." I smiled and passed him a plate with a slice of vegetable lasagne on.
I looked to see the door open and Gerard walk through. Shiiiiit. I caught his glaze as I tried to look away. He seemed shock to see me.
"Hey El'." He mumbled.
"Hey Gerard." I replied quietly as I hurried into the dining room.
"Ooooooh Mikey ! Check out the tension between these two." Called Frank from the kitchen. I looked to see a tall boy with glasses on sitting at the table. He smiled at me shyly.
"Hey I'm Mikey." He said quietly. He seemed so innocent and sweet, by his looks I'm guessing he's Gerard's brother.
"I'm Ellie." I smiled.
"Oh I know." He said grinning.
I looked at him, filled with confusion.
"What d'you mean ?"
"Oh Er N-nothing." He stuttered as Gerard gave him a glare.
I shrugged and sat opposite Mikey.
Gerard sat down next to Mikey and Frank sat next to me. Mrs Way sat inbetween Me and Mikey and the head of the table.
After the meal I helped Mrs Way wash up. I glanced at the the clock, it read 20:00PM.
"I better go now Mrs.Way - Thankyou so much for having me, I haven't had a meal like that in ages !"
She smiled and wrapped me into a hug.
"I want you to come round as much as possible missy, we have ALOT of catching up to do ! And please call me Donna!"
I chuckled lightly and hugged her back.
"I will do Donna and thanks again !"
"Seeya guys!" I said to the three teenage lads as I walked past the living room.
"Bye Ellie, come back soon!" Called out Mikey.
"See you soon beautiful !" Shouted Frank.
I giggled and opened the door.
"See you soon handsome !" I laughed and closed the door behind me. The night was calm as I made the minute walk into my house. I walked into my room and lay on my bed. Now the homeliness feeling was gone, my troubles with Gerard came rushing back. He didn't speak a word to me, he didn't even say goodbye. I turned onto my side and slowly cried myself to sleep.
[*Enjoy Child'r xxxxx Love and hugs xxx Ellie Frank xxx
I scanned around the classroom, there were about five students chatting away and painting. I looked to the back of the class. No Gerard ! I shuffled down to my desk after grabbing a canvas and som poster paint. I began work straight away, I didn't have a clue what I was painting - but knowing me it would be grim. Twenty minutes into my painting there was a light knock on the door.
"Come in." Welcomed out teacher loudly, the class was full and the amount of chatting was unbearably loud.
"Can yu please excuse myself and Ellie from this class - the prinicple wants to speak with us?"
I shot my head up to see Gerard stood casually at the door, I moved my gaze to my teacher - who simply nodded in approval. I grabbed my bag and placed my canvas away to dry, I walked out of the class in silence. Crap, What had I done to get in trouble on the second day of college.
We walked in silence next to eachother down the corridor, I decided to put my racing mind ou of misery.
"Why are we going ot th principle ?" I asked.
"We aren't." He replied casually.
Wait, What !? What the hell was going on !? Before I had chance to ask Gerard grabbed my arm, I winced when he touched my cut. He must of noticed because he moved further down my arm so he was holding my wrist.
"Come with me, We need to talk - I need to talk." He stated more than asked.
I weakly nodded as he pulled me out of the school, through the town and alley way, past the bus station and down a private path until we reached an old abandoned park. He guided me to a wooden play house about seven feet off the ground. The house itself was about 2.5 feet byt 2.5 feet and from its wooden floor to ceiling about a metre high. There was also a little wooden door to seal out the cold weather. I sat myself against the farthest away wall from the door. I had my legs next to eachother slightly beant. Gerard was in the same seating posistion as me but with the tips of his shoes against mine.
"So, what did you want to talk about ?" I asked quietly.
"Why you did that to yourself." He replied barely above a whisper.
"I don't know, It made me feel better - I'm not going to do it again, it was an accident . I used to do shit like that when I was younger but I never thought I would do it again."
"What would have happened if you had done it a bit nearer to you wrist, a bit deeper ?"
I looked at my hands on my lap shamefully.
"I could have lost you El'" He added sadly.
"And so what if you had !? You have done nothing but treat me like crap Gerard ! I tell you my biggest most heartfelt confessions and all you do is walk off, twice !? But if you really want to know it's the fact You ignored me for nearly two days and told whoever you were on the phone to that our conversation wasn't important - you weren't 'busy'. I opened up to you and all you did was make me feel worse." I paused as tears streamed down my face, I wiped them angrily.
"Go on, I told you my feelings, you can run off now."
"I'm not leaving." He said sadly.
We sat in silence, the only noise was me trying to keep my tears in. I wiped the final few before looking up at him.
"Tell me Gerard, Why'd you walk away both times ?" I asked him quietly. I watched him clear his throat and his hands squirm.
"Because I didn't want to face the truth." He said sadly, I could see tears forming in his eyes.
"What truth ?"
"That I love you but I'm hurting you." He cried out as tears poured down his face. I sat in silence and stared at my hands. Shiiiiit. I was glad that Gerard said he loved me but I didn't want to find out like this. I kept my head bowed as I snivelled and wiped my eyes. I felt Gerard move, I looked up to see him climbing out of the play house and down the ladders.
"There you go," I mumbled through my tears ,"Leaving me to cry." I turned my head away as he looked at me. I heard him snivel and carry on climbing down.
I waited half an hour before I felt the coast was clear, I climbed down the ladders, out of the park and down the street to my home. I wiped the leaking tears and kept my head bent down so no one could see me. I trudged into my house, locked myself in and ran into my room. I wiped away all my messy makeup and put on a super man tee and black cotton jogging pants. I sat at my window ledge and cried my eyes out. I cried for everything, my parents, being alone, an orphan, but mostly for Gerard.
I glanced over at his window to see him sat at his window ledge, sobbing quietly. He raised his head and caught my gaze. He turned his head quickly and wiped his tears. I sighed and walked out downstairs and into the garden.
I sat on the back wall looking out into the fields with a box of tissues next to me. I sobbed quietly to myself and wiped a few stray tears. I could hear footsteps behind me, I turned to see a woman in her late forties / early fifties stood in Gerard's back garden.
"Are you okay hun ?" She asked with a warm look in her eyes.
I wiped my eyes quickly, "Sorry if I disturbed you or anything."
She smiled and shook her head. "No, not at all, I saw you outside by yourself. I wanted to apologise about your loss." I turned myself around on the wall.
"Thankyou." I smiled and wiped the last of my tears and hopped down from the wall.
"Come inside with me hun, I was just about to put dinner out - I'm not going to take no for an aswer."
I smiled and nodded, I hopped over the fence and walked into her house with her. As soon as I stepped in a feeling of homeliness and warmth surrounded me. She put down a place mat for me as I sat on a stool against the breakfast bar.
"Now, I have two sons and their friend that practically lives with us eating as well, since my husband is at work you can fill in for him."
I smiled and paced her the empty plates to set the table. I suddenly stopped when I heard a familiar voice. Shit it was Gerard.
"Are you sure you want me here Mrs.Way ?" My mum and Mrs Way had been very close, but I had never gotten to know her family.
"Nonsense Ellie ! Your Mum woould have wanted me to look after you!" I smiled weakly and carried on setting the table.
"Mommaaaaaaa!" Gerard called again from upstairs.
"Get Mikey and Frankie down ! Dinner is ready - oh and we have a family friend joining us !"
I caught my reflection and quickly straightened my hair, my face wasn't blotchy and the makeup that had survived my tears looked fine. I tidied my hair and placed the last plate down. I heard several sets of footsteps towards the dining room, I quickly went into the kitchen to help donna.
"Hey Donna, is our guest cute ?" Asked a hyper voice.
"I think she is personally Frankie." Said Mrs Way as she cocked her head to the side to study me.
I giggled and blushed, I hid my face behind my plate.
"Mrs Way your too kind !"
"Nonsense Ellie !" She laughed as she snatched my plate from me and placed a slice of lasagne on it.
I turned to see a boy around the same age as me covered in tattoos with big hazel eyes and a cheeky grin on his face.
"Your right Donna she is cute." I blushed and smiled at him, I was guessing this was Frankie.
"Hey I'm Ellie." I smiled.
"I'm Frank, but you can call me Frankie." I smiled and passed him a plate with a slice of vegetable lasagne on.
I looked to see the door open and Gerard walk through. Shiiiiit. I caught his glaze as I tried to look away. He seemed shock to see me.
"Hey El'." He mumbled.
"Hey Gerard." I replied quietly as I hurried into the dining room.
"Ooooooh Mikey ! Check out the tension between these two." Called Frank from the kitchen. I looked to see a tall boy with glasses on sitting at the table. He smiled at me shyly.
"Hey I'm Mikey." He said quietly. He seemed so innocent and sweet, by his looks I'm guessing he's Gerard's brother.
"I'm Ellie." I smiled.
"Oh I know." He said grinning.
I looked at him, filled with confusion.
"What d'you mean ?"
"Oh Er N-nothing." He stuttered as Gerard gave him a glare.
I shrugged and sat opposite Mikey.
Gerard sat down next to Mikey and Frank sat next to me. Mrs Way sat inbetween Me and Mikey and the head of the table.
After the meal I helped Mrs Way wash up. I glanced at the the clock, it read 20:00PM.
"I better go now Mrs.Way - Thankyou so much for having me, I haven't had a meal like that in ages !"
She smiled and wrapped me into a hug.
"I want you to come round as much as possible missy, we have ALOT of catching up to do ! And please call me Donna!"
I chuckled lightly and hugged her back.
"I will do Donna and thanks again !"
"Seeya guys!" I said to the three teenage lads as I walked past the living room.
"Bye Ellie, come back soon!" Called out Mikey.
"See you soon beautiful !" Shouted Frank.
I giggled and opened the door.
"See you soon handsome !" I laughed and closed the door behind me. The night was calm as I made the minute walk into my house. I walked into my room and lay on my bed. Now the homeliness feeling was gone, my troubles with Gerard came rushing back. He didn't speak a word to me, he didn't even say goodbye. I turned onto my side and slowly cried myself to sleep.
[*Enjoy Child'r xxxxx Love and hugs xxx Ellie Frank xxx
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