FicWad

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Seed
The song The Cry of Silence belongs to Draconian

Chapter I: The unwanted and the Junkie

I am truly left alone, but somehow... just somehow, it feels like my loneliness is a victory, over the self-delusion of joy... and happiness

In the salty streets of the Islands of Orb, the sun did hide behind the clouds, its pusillanimous repugnance casting sheets of disdain upon the lowly creatures that swarmed below. Behavior akin to a coward, that loathsome ball of light refused to show its detestable face.

There were some people in this world who loved the day; warm, bright, yellow, fun.

Young children especially enjoyed to marvel in the suns abhorrent, murderous radiation. They would run and tumble and play in the sun. The night-time was scary but day-light was fun. They’d frolic like lambs on a farm that grows meat, ignorance sheltering them from the truth of their mortality.

With glee-etched masks they relished in games, deriving an innocent yet orgasmic pleasure from pure simplicity.

Children were so innocent. Children were so ignorant. They knew naught of the world and its cruel ways but they would learn. In time the cruel lessons would be learned. Their stupidity would be cured, their void of knowledge filled with misery.

For some, the sunny cue of a new day would bring nothing of divine meaning. Whereas some lived for the day and others the night, there were a select few who lived only to die, their curse to survive. They allowed the days to pass them by.

Birthdays and holidays went unmarked on their calendar. Their lives had run out of distractions. Each neatly outlined box on the calendar’s grid marked another day gone and one more closer to death.

On a street in orb, a junkie lay waiting to die. He’d given up on life. He no longer had reason to exist. He was simply waiting for death to show him the mercy that life had thus far deprived.

-S-K-I-P-

As the morning dragged on, another unwanted lay curled up in a building not so far away.

As her tranquil slumber snuck away with an unjust determination to abandon her; her sore, dry throat responded to the late-morning atmosphere with a low groan.

Sleepy eyelids began to separate, drawing further apart and allowing the light to shine through. She raised an arm to shield her fair-skinned face from daylight’s burning intensity as the brutal sun ravaged all, sending out it’s despicable rays across the land, looming over the sky, looking down on all, flying high with its power unchecked and unchallenged.

She ran a tired hand through long tresses of pink and brought a handful before her eyes – A handful of loose hair.

Her eyes suddenly snapped open to full width at this horrific marvel. Sleep’s seductive embrace held her no more.

She held in her hand, a clump of her hair. On the sofa of which she lay, were countless strands of her hair – a bed of hair.

With bated breath she began frantically rummaging her hands through the cherry fibers that covered her sofa.

As the free strands eluded her frantic fingertips, the girl could feel the air about her grow thin. Her respiratory system lunged into overdrive and anxiety plunged her heart rate into dangerous new speeds, painfully hammering on the insides of her body, yet still unable to feed her brain, depriving it of the precious oxygen required to comprehend these abominable circumstances.

Her horror-struck body convulsed and jerked from the shallow breathing that left her feeling light-headed and faint.

She rushed to a standing position and hurried to the nearest mirror at a pace faster than her legs could carry her. This, combined with the blood that had rushed from her head from the rapid pace of her ascent, made her success in not taking a sudden trip to the ground seem like the greatest achievement in history.

Once she had caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, the look of horror set itself firmly into the young woman’s eyes. As if it would have made any difference in the darkened room, the pinkette’s usually anemic, undernourished face grew significantly paler.

“Wha…?” she stated, her lips quivering, her tongue barely moving, her mouth refusing to form the words. The girl’s verbal horror was expressed by an unintelligible noise. Her voice was unsteady and broken. It cracked uncontrollably, wavering in octave, like that of a young musician who had just discovered vibrato.

She clasped at what remained of her hair and a silent scream caught in her throat, threatening to asphyxiate her, depriving her tired, worn brain of what little oxygen it had to call its own.

She might have cried in self-pity, had she any tears left to shed.

“What…” she asked herself in horror and disbelief, barely able to choke out the words. “What have I done?”

-S-K-I-P-

Out on the streets, a groan could be heard. A young man in the gutter, the people rushed by, lest they be asked to help. They cared not for this lad and so rushed on with their lives, passing him by, to lay there and die.

A junkie no more, no less but exact. A druggie alone to die addict’s death.

The people who passed him spared only one glance.

A look of disdain, disgust, and of shame.

They judged him, despised him, and showered him in hate but not pity.

He lay as the homeless, the hopeless, the broken, the dead.

The sun looked down on him. It’s golden rays flew down like fallen perversions of archangels to molest the fair skin of his face, as much of it that could be seen, as much of it that insolently refused to remain obscured by his thick mess of green.

“Shani?” a voice called out as a young blond man hurried over to the incapacitated youth. “Damn it, Shani. There you are!” he bellowed. “Just what the hell have you been doing all this time?”

When he received no response, he knelt down before the green haired young man.

“Shani?” he asked, unsure. “Come on, get your lazy ass up and come home. I’m not having that guy punish me because of you!”

-S-K-I-P-

The pinkette sighed into the mirror. Once she’d had time to breathe, take it all in, and look at it from all angles, she’d been able to calm herself.

“I guess… It’s not… so… bad?” she uttered. It was true. Her hair had been getting difficult and unmanageable lately, but did that mean it deserved to be sliced off, to die? Perhaps it was simply time for a change. She’d been thinking about it, discussing it, debating the idea with herself.

She’d been more than a little drowsy, both from life, and from pharmacy shelf sedatives. She’d always been known to do rather silly things when drowsy, such as the disclosing of secrets, talking about things best left unsaid, the revelations of certain inalienable truths, and most embarrassingly, the admittance of certain feelings towards certain people; people who, to put it lightly, did not feel the same way.

Even if she’d been aware and completely sober, so to speak, of what she was doing, she was far from a professional stylist. Her self-induced haircut was thus, a fair way short of expertly done. Some strands were out of place and uneven. It would have to be tidied up by a professional later on.

Despite that, she’d managed to layer it, or as close as an armature without proper hairdressing equipment could get to it. It wasn’t good but it was good enough.

The right corner of her lip pulled into the twisted shadow of a smile. She’d worn her hair long for most of her life. It was time for a change. It was time she moved on. It was merely unfortunate that no one was around to see it.

With a sigh, she decided it was time to clean up. She’d made quite a mess, last night. There was no one here to do it for her so she’d have to do it herself. She went into the kitchen and pulled out a plastic bag, an old one she’d gotten from the supermarket months ago. The dull logo of the shop still shone like a shabby lighthouse in the sea of wrinkled white plastic.

She dragged the bag into the living room and wearily knelt down before the soiled couch as though she were praying at a shrine. She began quickly working her fingers through the thickness of hair on the couch, sifting through it, picking it up and dragging it toward her, placing it gently in the plastic bag.

Such a waste, she thought morosely to herself. She wondered if anything could be done with it. There was a lot of hair going into that little bag. She’d rather it serve a purpose than simply be thrown out to rot in some landfill far away.

To bury hair was a waste, as was to burn it, unless for heat or to fuel a fire for reasons other than to burn. Perhaps it could be sold to a wig shop or some such place. Surely someone in this forsaken city would be able to find a use for a large amount of pink hair.

There had to be someone who’d want it. Surely someone had a use for these unwanted strands of pink that had once embraced her with warmth. It was hair. It held no intelligence of its own but sometimes she felt as though it were a living being, sentient in its own right. As though it were her friend, as though it cared for her, as though it wanted her, and in return, she had killed it. She had returned its affections with an old pair of household shears.

“This pair, to be exact,” she said, picking up the household object. The long, slender blades still carried a small degree of sheen, which carried all the way up to the grey, plastic handle.

Sometimes she imagined that scissors were like a beautiful woman’s legs, long and gleaming in the sadistic summer sun.

The girl narrowed her eyes at the absurd and foolish notion.

“This is all your fault,” she accused the shears angrily, throwing them across the room.

She stood and her anger subsided. “I’m sorry,” she replied to the inanimate object. “I guess I just… I still need time to grow accustomed to the new me.

With a lament-filled sigh, she walked toward the thrown object, scooping up the hair bag as she went.

When she had picked up the object, she placed it delicately on the low table in the living room along with the bag containing her hair. That was when she remembered the thing from last night.

That bottle, I… emptied it.

She’d need to get more of those pills to help her sleep tonight. She didn’t care to lay awake all night and then stay in bed all day after that. That part of her was gone. Sure, she may not have come very far from the feeble wretch that lay curled up in bed, crying, waiting to die, hoping to sleep life away; but she was a little more alive, at least, if only a little.

She had begun to move on.

“I’m going to need more of those pills,” she said.

She walked over to the window, and after taking one hesitant glance out the window at the sweltering sun riding the sky, she made her way outside.

She closed the unlocked door behind her and took her first few steps outward, into the sunlight that pleasured itself by branding its own mark on the unprotected skin of all who were unsuspecting and vulnerable.

That was when she saw that unforgettable sight; a young man, no older than she, laying in a disgraceful heap in the gutter. She wanted to leave the wretch alone. She should have left him alone. He was not her business. He was not her problem. He was not her concern. She convinced herself that no-one else would have bothered to help out the hopeless bum.

Still…

This place has really gone downhill… Lacus tried to give a bitter smile at the country that was once perceived to be so great. It had once been a haven for Coordinators to live side by side with Naturals. After all, they had originally spawned from the planet as well. Some Coordinators would naturally prefer life on the planet’s surface, sandwiched between the sea and the sky, would they not?

Now Orb was a festering dung heap. The very government was verging on the brink of collapse. She tried to give a bitterly amused sneer, yet all she could muster was a painfully forced grimace.

This country, it was a disgraceful sight to behold, just like that young man, just like Lacus.

Worthless, pathetic, on the brink of extinction, yet that was why.

She couldn’t help but feel sympathy. Perhaps she saw some of herself in this poor soul. Perhaps her subconscious had noble reasons in mind, or perhaps she was just curious. In any case, her legs were carrying her over in that direction. She had to at least ask what was wrong.

Even though it was a courtesy shown by none of the modern masses, Lacus felt as though it were her duty as a fellow sufferer, as another unit of Filth infesting the Islands of Orb.

She slowly made her way over and her heart seemed to lighten somewhat when she saw the blond man standing over the greenet. No matter how hopeless he looked, it was good to see that at least someone was still around to care for him. He wasn’t completely alone – not yet.

“Um, is there anything I can do to help?” the pinkette asked.

“Goddamn it,” the blond muttered, turning around to face her. “What do you want,” he asked crudely.

“Um, I just saw this person on the ground so I wanted to try and help out, that is, if there’s anything I can do. I just want to help.”

“Yeah, and why is that?”

“Uhm, well… I just…”

“You want to know if there’s anything you can do?”

“Yes.”

“There’s not.” Lacus could literally feel the blood draining from her face at the harsh rejection. Whoever this person was, he certainly didn’t have any reservations about sparing her feelings. “There’s nothing you can do, so just fuck off, Pinky.”

“But I…”

“Why are you so damned interested, anyway?”

“This person, he… just lying there, completely helpless, he kind of reminds me of someone I thought I knew.”

“I don’t need some good Samaritan snooping around.”

“I’m not… I guess I just don’t get out much. This is the first time I’ve been outside in a while.” She looked away, feeling dejected, her spirit crushed. What was she even thinking? How was she to help anyone? She couldn’t even help herself. Why did she approach these two in the first place? Somehow, the reasoning seemed lost on her. “I’m sorry for intruding,” she apologized. “I guess the fresh air just went to my head.” The blond sneered at her.

“So the bum needs to occupy herself. You want to play nurse? Fine, take him. The useless bum’s all yours.”

“Excuse me,” Lacus asked, bewildered. Just what was going on?

“He’s your problem now.” With that being said, the blond began to walk away.

“Hey, wait,” Lacus called out, causing the Blond to sigh.”

“What is it now!?”

“What am I supposed to…?”

“You have two options. You can play the hero try nursing this hopeless loser back to health, or you can leave him in a dumpster to rot.”

“How can you say that about him, why would you even suggest that?”

“You don’t know him, Pinky. Trust me, take my advice. Do yourself a big favor and just leave this filth to die in an alley somewhere. It’s what he deserves.”

“You’re right. I don’t know him. That’s why I think I should hear his side of things before making a judgment like that.”

“Fine.” The blond looked Lacus up and down, and then turned his attention to Shani. “I shouldn’t do this, but I’ll carry him to your home. After that, you’re on your own, got it?”

“Uh, sure,” Lacus agreed, feeling convinced that her life was beginning to take a new leap in an interesting direction. First a haircut, and now this.

-S-K-I-P-

“So, is he your brother or something,” Lacus asked her blond houseguest. After letting him into her home, the young man had hesitated none about taking a seat on her sofa. While she’d had little practice in the matter as of late, Lacus still remembered a thing or two and decided it would be inhospitable of her to not make him something to eat or drink. She wanted to be a good hostess and fix him a hot drink, but her supply of tea had run out completely, her coffee was running low and her milk had since soured. She had to settle for a weak, black coffee without sweetening. She prepared it in two mugs and walked over to her guest, one mug in each hand, and handed one to the blond.

“No. He’s not my brother, and he’s not my friend.”

“So then, who is he to you?”

“We were in the same orphanage together. We were there for nearly eighteen years.”

“No one would adopt you?”

“No, it’s not that,” the young man replied dryly, “it’s just that I loved it there so much, I wanted to stay. Anyway, we were almost old enough to be kicked out into the street when this Bastard comes and takes us home.”

“You speak with such hatred. “

“I’ll bet you think that being rejected is the worst thing in the world, right? You’re wrong. There are worse things. One such thing is the place I now call home.”

“Why, this guy you talk about, what did he do?”

“He’s an asshole. Among other things, he got us hooked on some of the worst shit to ever be concocted.”

“So… him too, what is it?”

“You don’t wanna know, but for its effects, just look at this loser,” the blonde said, pointing out the incapacitated greenet.

“Is it really that bad?” The blond snorted contemptuously.

“This bastard will tell you himself when he wakes up. Here,” he said, producing a vial of yellow liquid. “I shouldn’t do this, but take it.”

“What is it,” Lacus asked, looking at the vial but making no move to take it.

“Gamma Glipheptin.”

“Uh, what’s that?”

“It’s an extremely powerful performance enhancing drug. I strongly suggest you don’t try it. You’ll be addicted after a single dose.”

“It’s that bad?”

“No shit. The withdrawal is the worst, and the more you grow to rely on this shit, the shorter the duration; the more you take, the less it lasts. The more you take, the more you need.”

“Then, this person who adopted you, why would he do that, how could he do that to anyone?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He was one of the people developing it for some secret project or other. That bastard just wanted a couple of guinea pigs to test it on. That’s all we are to him. Fucking test subjects!” He placed the vial on the table, along with a syringe. The needle was already in place and had clearly been used at least once before. To ask whether it was sterile would be but a wasted question. “This is for when he wakes up, but there’s only enough for a single dose.”

“All of that,” Lacus asked incredulously.

“Yeah, inject it straight into his bloodstream. It’s the fastest and most effective way. Believe me. He’ll beg you for this. When he finds out you have even this amount, he’ll do anything to get his grimy hands on it.”

“Would it not be a better idea to wean him off it?”

“That would be impossible. This isn’t the kind of drug you can just stop taking.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll find out… I’ll give you this, as well.” He produced another vial, this on filled with a clear liquid.

“What’s in this one?”

“It’s a harsh industrial-strength sedative. I don’t know if he’ll be able to sleep through all of it, but promise you’ll give him the chance to be out for the worst of it.”

“I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I don’t, but what he’s gonna have to go through now… I wouldn’t wish it on the lowest filth in the deepest trench.”

“It’s really that bad, isn’t it,” Lacus concluded.

“Wow, and I thought you were a ditzy airhead. Look, I’ve got to go before that asshole comes looking for me,” the blond said, standing and heading towards the door. “I’ll leave you to deal with this guy’s charming personality when he wakes.” He gave a sneer as he opened the door, looking back at her one last time. “This is goodbye, Pinky. Oh, and don’t ever let me see either of you two again, got it? I don’t need any more trouble. As far as we’re concerned on my end, this guy is no longer among the living.”

Lacus was slightly stunned by his sudden departure. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. He wasn’t really here to talk to me anyway. She looked to the vials, and then to the discarded mugs. “I didn’t even ask him his name.”

-S-K-I-P-

Lacus crossed the accursed city with her purchase in hand, feeling weightless. She had fully expected all eyes to be on her as she traversed the salty streets. She had thought her journey would be an arduous one, her path filled with holes – courtesy of the many eyes casting acidic rays as they absorbed all light, trapping it; the road collapsing around her, the sky cracking above her, the earth’s crust splitting beneath her.

It was all too easy. What had she been so afraid of? Why had her irrational fear kept her penned up for so long? There once was a time when she loved the outdoors. The wind, the rain, the clouds, the trees and the grass, she loved them all, the blue sky, the snowy mountains, the shapely pillows above, even the sun, that bright orange sphere often personified as a smiley face with dark sunglasses.

Exactly when had she become so self conscious? Was it because of him? Had he truly rejected her so? Had one single reaction really shattered her entire life? Had she really allowed him to ruin her so effortlessly, to break her, make her feel so… unwanted?

“Need I ask,” the short haired Lacus murmured out loud, yet not loud enough so that anyone might overhear her. “My fruitless existence thus far serves as a shockingly clear answer…”

She gave a sigh, and reached out to open her door, clutching to her pharmaceutical narcotic as she crossed the threshold, her one reliable comfort, her ticket to the world of sleep.

Looking at the formal, white cuboid package, Lacus couldn’t help but think. Was it truly healthy to rely on a drug for something that was once natural?

She normally wouldn’t have questioned something she had come to rely on so dependently, but the inquisition at the pharmacy had gotten her to thinking. It had been such a hassle just to get her hands on the drugs she needed to rest. So many questions. Suspicious eyes, accusing eyes. Acidic looks and dulcet tones.

They were nice to her throughout the entire ordeal. But perhaps they knew too much. They seemed kind, but their eyes spoke the truth their voices tried so hard to hide, the resentment they tried in vain to keep hidden. It was as though they were patronising her, but perhaps she deserved it. After all, dependence was a weakness no matter how one looked at it.

The greenet resting on her sofa would have to fight an addiction now. There was no hope of weaning him off or helping with his deadly cravings, and with only one dose left, he’d have to go ‘cold turkey,’ as it were.

Perhaps I should join him, if nothing more than as an act of good faith, so to speak. It may even serve to help his cause, like a running buddy. Maybe we could encourage one another. She looked over to the sleeping adolescent and approached him with a sympathetic expression pervading her recently unused features. “How could he have done that to you,” she asked solemnly. “Whoever this guy is, he must be the lowest form of trash there is.”

Lacus froze as the young man began to stir.

Is he waking up?

His tired form could be seen to struggle and tremor as his muscles all began to tense.

Lines could be witnessed to form along his face as it contorted and tensed along with the rest of his body, when suddenly –

His eyes snapped open and his breathing heightened from calm, sleeping speed, to those gasping breaths of a sprinter.

He instantly began taking in his surroundings. His eye – the only one visible, the only one not concealed by tresses of lime green hair – began twitching and snapping from one direction to the next, as if confused and lost, as someone who has just realised they are not located in the same place where they fell into sleep.

“It’s about time you woke up, sleepy head,” Lacus stated to the greenet, making an attempt at humour. They had once come so freely, jokes, although that last one had seemed so forced. Her delivery was probably messed up too, although she was far from a stand up comedian.

“Is that why you brought me here,” the young man uttered, “did you kidnap me to tell me corny jokes?”

“No... But I guess you win. You’re funnier than I am, but it’s a wasted talent on someone not in the mood to laugh.”

“Then it must be a good thing that I’m not trying to be funny, and I’m not joking.”

“I see.”

“You fail at first impressions, Pinky. Just tell me why I’m here.”

“You were brought here by someone, I don’t know his name.”

“That’s helpful,” the young man stated dryly, “anything else?”

“He had blond hair, looked about your age... he said he was at an orphanage with you.”

“Oh... why am I here?”

“It looks like you’ve been disowned, or perhaps liberated, depending on how one looks at it.”

“Okay, I get it.” He stood and walked over to Lacus, their proximity closer than it should have been. She couldn’t help but feel the tingle of her nerves playing in her stomach. “Do you mind standing aside,” the greenet asked her.

“What?”

“Move, I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going to go?”

“That doesn’t concern you.”

“You can’t go back,” Lacus said hurriedly.

“It’s not like I have a choice.”

“No, really. You can’t go back. That guy, he said he never wants to see you again.” Shani glared at the girl.

“What’s your angle?”

“I’m telling the truth. He said if you ever show up, it’ll cause trouble for him, something about you being dead.” Shani gave an exasperated sigh.

“Great,” he uttered angrily, speaking aloud to himself, “Now what?”

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here,” Lacus suggested.

The young man merely looked at her for a moment, not speaking, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

“Why,” he asked.

“Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if your options are either here, or a park bench or a gutter somewhere, wouldn’t shelter be a more preferable option?”

“Why would you offer? You don’t even know me, I’m a complete stranger.”

“I know, you could be dangerous, right?” Shani snorted and backed away from the pink haired girl. “Just remember, my offer still stands, and it always will. I know it’s none of my business...” she waited for the young man to cut her off, but he never did. “But it sounds to me like you’re homeless. Why don’t you just stay here, at least for now?”

The boy conceded and returned to the couch, where he sat, allowing himself to relax into the furniture’s fabric covering, the pink-haired girl standing before him, a low table standing between the two bodies.

“Um, I’m Lacus,” the pink haired girl said, walking around the table to introduce herself, “Lacus Clyne.”

“Shani Andras,” the greenet replied.

“Well now, that wasn’t so bad,” Lacus stated, but Shani wasn’t listening to her. His focus was on the table.

“Is that...”

“Yeah,” Lacus answered his unfinished question. “That guy dropped it off, but there’s only enough for one dose, so I suggest you ration it.”

“You just said there was only one dose,” Shani criticised. “How is a single dose supposed to be rationed?”

“I mean, you should save it for when you need it, because once it’s gone, you won’t be able to get any more.”

“What’s in that other vial?”

“It’s some kind of powerful sedative. I guess you could use it to sleep through some of the withdrawal. It was kind of him to leave it...” and kind of me not to steal it.

“That’s not kindness... it’s mercy.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you knew anything about the withdrawal, you’d know. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced... blinding pain... never ending.”

“That bad huh?” Shani rolled his eyes.

“You have no idea.”

“Well, I also have an addiction. I know it’s not as bad as yours, but I should get off it, get natural, you know? Chemicals poisoning the body aren’t healthy no matter what they are.”

“I don’t care about that. I’m only facing this because I have no other choice. I think it goes without saying... I’m really not looking forward to this.”

“Maybe we could help each other out,” Lacus offered, sitting down to join the greenet on the sofa.

“So what’s your poison?” Shani asked, managing to keep the curiosity from his voice.

In response, Lacus passed him the square package she had received from the pharmacy. He opened it and looked at her with a sceptical eye.

“Sleeping pills,” he scorned contemptuously.

“Yes, without them I can’t sleep at all.”

“You’re addicted to sleeping pills?”

“Yes, I just said that.”

“That’s not an addiction. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Pinky.”

“What do you mean?”

“You may as well be addicted to cigarettes or alcohol if you’re calling this a problem.”

“Actually, both of those are highly addictive, as well as dangerous. Cigarettes kill. In fact, if either of them were introduced today, chances are they would never become legalised. The only reason they seem to be a part of life is because they’ve been around for so long.”

“Touché...” Shani replied, “I guess you’re right. Alcohol has been around a lot longer than other drugs.”

“It’s been around long since before Coordinators, so do we have a deal? I’ll help you out and you can help me.” Again, Shani snorted. “Or, not...” Lacus replied, feeling somewhat hurt.

“I’m not going to be able to help once the pain starts.”

“Then you can make up for it once it stops.” Shani shook his head.

“It won’t stop, don’t you get it? Glipheptin isn’t the kind of drug one can stop taking. If you don’t kick me out while you can, you’ll be stuck with me until this thing kills me.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll help you however I can, even if I can only give you the slightest bit of comfort.”

“Why?” Lacus shrugged.

“I just... really want to help you out. I need to get my mind off... things.” Shani slowly nodded and looked away.

“So...”

“Yes?”

“... ...never mind.”

“What is it,” Lacus curiously asked.

“I... how, no... Why did you start taking those pills in the first place?”

“It’s a... long story.”

“Oh,” Shani added, concluding that the girl beside him did not want to talk about it.

“Let’s just say that something bad happened and I fell into... well, a depression. I’m sure that sounds pretty pathetic to you.”

“Not really.” Lacus turned to face the greenet, who promptly looked away.

“Well, before they gave up on me, some of my friends got me a prescription so that I could sleep at night.”

“And you grew too dependent on it.”

“Yeah, I can’t sleep a single wink without them. I’ll just lay awake for hours on end, just trying to sleep.”

“Insomnia,” Shani muttered.

“How did you guess that, anyway?”

“It’s a pretty standard story.” Lacus gave a self-depreciating sigh.

“I guess it is,” she lamented.

Just then, she saw an arm reach out from the corner of her eye. She blushed slightly when she realised what Shani was reaching for. He picked up the bag and reached inside. To an outsider, it would seem as though he were reaching a bag of candy floss, or some such fluffy pink treat.

“This is... a shitload of hair,” Shani stated.

“Yeah, it’s mine.”

“I guessed that from the colour,” the greenet replied, placing back the bag. “So why are you collecting hair?”

“I don’t know, it seems a waste to throw it out. I thought maybe I could sell it to a wigmaker or something. That probably sounds stupid to you, right?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” Shani stated bluntly. “So why did you cut your hair? There seems to be a lot here.”

“I don’t know, I can’t really remember, but when I woke up, it was a big shock. It may just be the second biggest mistake of my life.”

“Second biggest?”

“Yes, the first was... telling someone about my feelings.” Shani raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “My feelings about him,” Lacus clarified.

“Oh.”

“I should have left things alone. I shouldn’t have risked his friendship. Now look at me, I’m a wreck.”

“It’s probably better that it turned out this way.” This time, it was Lacus’ turn to look perplexed.

“How so?”

“At least now you know it was doomed from the start. You won’t be living in a dream world, torturing yourself with what-if’s.”

“I guess, but what about my hair? I know I don’t have to ask ‘what if’ anymore, but I’m sure I’ll miss it before long. What do you think?”

“I’ve never seen you with your hair long, but it’s probably better that you cut it. It’ll be like making a fresh start.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“There’s always a first time,” Shani smirked.

“First time?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Lacus conceded, not wanting to press the matter further than necessary, lest she risk angering the greenet beside her.

“So, will you stay,” Lacus wondered.

“What...?”

“We never reached a decision on that.”

“I thought we did.”

“No...” Lacus said, thinking back. “I said you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want, but you never technically accepted.”

“I sat down, didn’t I?”

“So is that a yes?” Shani sighed. Was this the kind of thing he’d have to put up with?

“Yes.”

-S-K-I-P-

It wasn’t long until Shani had slipped back into sleep. Lacus had to wonder how exhausted he must have been to fall asleep so easily. Perhaps it was a sign of her own fleeting sanity, but at that moment, for Shani to give himself into slumber so easily and carelessly, the girl couldn’t help but envy him. Despite everything that she’d been through, despite everything that he must have endured, just a small part of her was willing to switch places.

To sleep was to escape. Dreams were a distraction but without them, one was as the dead. While she was asleep, she didn’t have to think. She no longer had to feel. She no longer had to worry. Her mind was happily inept, idle, unthinking, unfeeling, kind – unlike the harshness of reality.

Lacus hated to remember, yet at the same time she longed to relive those days.

Why couldn’t she be happy again?

She had taken it all for granted. She had been a fool.

Lacus couldn’t help but gaze upon the youth’s thick lime hair as he slept. He seemed so peaceful, perfectly peaceful, enough that he could equal the dead.

If it were true, if Shani really were facing something this terrible, this atrocious, what right did Lacus have to depend on self-induced sedation for something as simple, natural and necessary as sleep?

Everyone was making such a huge deal out of Shani’s affliction. In comparison, it all made Lacus seem like such a child. So worthless, so helpless, so vulnerable. Was she truly a hopeless victim of circumstance, incapable of recovery? Incapable of life?

The young woman at that moment, felt no older than a mere toddler waddling about the room unsupervised, neglected.

She picked up her purchase and held it up before her eyes.

Such a bother, for so small a thing. What’s the big deal anyway, so what If I need a little help to sleep. What’s wrong with that? She turned an eye to the greenet’s sleeping form. “He is an addict. His drug may be class A, and yet he can still sleep.” Her eye drifted to the sedative that blond had given her. Why should I give it to him? He is sleeping contently and securely like a baby in his mother’s arms. I’m the one who cannot sleep. I’m the one suffering from sleep deprivation. I need it more than he does!”

Lacus reached out with her left hand for the vial, when suddenly, Shani caught her attention once more. He stirred in his sleep and Lacus’ fingers seemed to recoil, as though in fear.

She was so close, she had almost touched the clear class of the vial, had her fingers not curled back at the last possible second. She looked up and met Shani’s cool gaze.

“What were you doing,” he asked her, almost indifferently.

“No... Nothing,” Lacus replied, showing him the packet of pills she had bought from the pharmacy. “I’ve made a decision,” she explained. She turned her back on her houseguest and walked to the other side of the room, placing the pills in a cupboard and locking it shut with a thin silver key. “You helped me decide. Thank you.”

“What did you decide?”

“I’m giving up those pills I’ve become so reliant on.”

“I see... So, you’re going cold turkey?”

“Yeah. I want to thank you.”

“Save your thanks until afterwards. I’m sure you’ll want them back before the day is through.”

“Want them back... the pills or my thanks?”

“Both. One cannot simply give something up. It’s not as easy as you seem to think, Pinky.”

“I may not be the strongest person around, but I believe I can do it.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I... I have no choice. You’ve already helped me to decide.”

“Have I?”

Actually, it was my fear of getting caught that made me decide. With no one else was here, it didn’t matter what I did. I... turned into a sloth. I became so weak and flimsy. With someone here, I need to act the part of hostess. I need my body to be clean.

Lacus looked over to Shani, a solemn expression fixed upon her pale features.

“Even if I am forced to stay awake for an indefinite period. That is not important.”

“An indefinite period,” Shani condescendingly asked, “you sound like a dying patient determined to kick their addiction to morphine in their final days.” Lacus forced a smile.

“Don’t let it concern you, Andras-san. I can’t help you if I’m comatose.”

“I can’t talk you out of this, can I?”

“I agreed to help you. What kind of person would I be if I went back on that?”

“I never asked for your help,” Shani drawled, “nor did I agree to accept it.”

“You agreed to stay here though, did you not?”

“I did,” Shani sighed.

“Then it’s the same thing.” Lacus smiled sweetly at the young man. “Just try to relax. If there’s anything you need, just ask.”

“Don’t concern yourself. I’m not an invalid and you’re not wearing a nurse outfit.”

“No, but I do have one.” Shani stared at the girl as though she had just revealed a forked tongue, like that of a serpent or snake.

“I’m not even going to ask,” Shani quietly stated.

“What, I cosplayed as a nurse once. What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t want to see, or even think about the sight of you dressed as a nurse.”

“Oh? I thought you were just complaining that I don’t look the part,” the pinkette asked, revelling in the liberty of a small laugh.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, it’s okay... but seriously, if there’s anything you want, just ask, okay?” Shani was about to decline once more, when he was interrupted by a low groaning sound. “Was that your stomach,” Lacus asked.

“No, I think your house is subsiding,” Shani dryly responded.

“Nice try,” Lacus laughed. “I don’t have much... but I can make you a sandwich or something, if you want.”

“Alright... do whatever you want. I won’t stop you.”

“I guess that’s a yes,” Lacus stated, heading off in the direction of the kitchen.

Shani gave a sigh and lay back against the couch, resting his eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder what it was that had happened to this girl. She didn’t seem like the type that would shut themselves up inside all day. She seemed...

Shani violently shifted his position and shook the girl from his mind. She had no place there, like he had no place here. Whatever she said to him, she had no idea who he was or what he was about to go through. If she had, she wouldn’t be inviting him to stay.

He allowed his eyes to close and emptied his mind.

It wasn’t long before Shani was once again mocking the pink haired girl by doing that which she could not, in a hallowed land which she dared not trespass; the land of clouds, a world of dreams, in a state of slumber.

That may not be the most ideal place to leave off, but it had to end somewhere, even if I don’t want to. If I didn’t cut off there, I might have wound up with a one-shot well over the twenty thousand word length – not an idea that I’m entirely opposed to, but since I was contemplating a follow-up/sequel anyway, why not split it into chapters? I will be coming back to this, trust me on that. I have much more to tell. Inspiration of a short haired Lacus came from messing around with a desktop wallpaper I downloaded, oh and the nurse cosplay outfit may seem a little random I’ll admit. Inspiration for that arised via a PM from Tori101.

I’ll be honest. I’m not expecting much of a response from this story, but that’s fine. It’s not exactly the most popular pairing out there. In fact, I’ll be pleasantly surprised if I get a single review...

Come on, prove me wrong... don’t make me beg = {