Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Lights You Make
Subconscious Projections
0 reviewsGerard learns more about the inbetween and his mysterious guide.
1Moving
“I’m sorry, what?” Gerard asked with a laugh of disbelief. “What is this? Should I expect three ghosts to visit me tonight or something? This has got to be some kind of joke.”
“I assure you, this is quite serious. Follow me, if you will.” She said before turning gracefully and walking slowly into the white nothingness. He stood for a moment in indecision before finally jogging after her. Once he reached her side the whiteness began to fade around them and cloudy shapes began to take form, sharpening with each step they took. He could do nothing but look around, his mouth agape in a mixture of astonishment and distrust for what he was witnessing. How was any of this possible? The laws of physics were being challenged all around him as walls began to emerge from the floor and stretch up ten or twelve feet. The new wall was met by a ceiling that slide silently into place. She lead him into the room that was now newly comprised of actual ceilings, walls, and doors. It was large and open. A giant screen stood at the far end of the room with an instrument panel laid out on a large desk several feet in front of it.
“What is this?” He asked, still in a state of bewilderment from the mysterious materialization of this room out of the white nothingness that previously surrounded them. She looked at him and then gestured with her eyes back to the screen. On her cue Gerard walked slowly and cautiously toward it. As he got closer to the screen images began to flicker into life in sporadic spots on the enormous screen. The once single screen was being broken up into several smaller screens. He stared, puzzled, as he realized that the screen was showing moments from his life. Moments from both his childhood and adulthood. Moments that were happy, sad, tragic, magnificent. All of his private moments and moments of shame and embarrassment were there, rolling on a reel of film that came from nowhere. He stared at the screen for several minutes, laughing at some moments that existed in happier times. Times before the fame. Times before the fake people looking for a thrill or a free meal.
He paused momentarily on a happy scene from his childhood. He and his brother, Mikey, were in the garage of their family home in New Jersey. Their father was showing them how to change the oil in their old station wagon. He must have been twelve or thirteen at the time but he couldn’t clearly the remember this day. The three of them were smiling widely, laughing at a joke that Mikey had made, it appeared. He felt a smile creep onto his face, but it was soon followed by sadness as awareness washed over him. Ever since the band started taking off and he had changed into the alcoholic, junkie, ego-maniac that he currently is, he hadn’t had many happy moments with his family, or anyone for that matter. He barely spoke to his father anymore, he couldn’t handle hearing the palpable disappointment in his voice, let alone seeing it in his eyes. His father’s pure joy and pride withered away as quickly as Gerard’s health and mental well being once he turned to booze, pills, and blow.
“Your whole life is here, Gerard. Every moment.” She said, walking up behind him silently and speaking gently into his ear, breaking him from his trance. He turned to her with wide eyes.
“I don’t understand.” He stated simply.
“This is the opportunity, Gerard. Your whole life is here for you to go over, revisit, and reevaluate.” She said, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. As she touched him, he flashed back to previous night. The women that was on the gurney, trying to revive him, was the woman standing in front of him currently.
“You...” He said glancing back at the screen in time to see his entrance into the hospital on the screen. “You were with me at the hospital. You were trying to save me.” He said returning his eyes to her in amazement and wonder.
“Her name is Jemma Mathison. Dr. Jemma Mathison. She is the one that saved you. You saw her and she made you feel at ease. I am simply your projection of her. You may certainly call me Jemma if it makes you comfortable. This can often be a difficult process, it is important that you feel as secure as possible.” She smiled.
“What do you mean that you’re my projection?” He questioned.
“I was with you when you were on the brink. I felt every emotion that you felt. When people are brought here, it is important that they feel as relaxed as possible. We try to choose a person that you feel a connection with to guide you through the process. It is often difficult for us to make the choice for you as we would not want to chose someone that would alter your decisions or cloud your judgement. So we tap into your emotions right at the moment you begin to fade away so that we can see clearly who you feel the strongest connection with at that point. You felt a strong sense of relief and safety when you opened your eyes and saw this woman, even though you do not realize you had those feelings, they were there and I felt them through you.” She smiled warmly.
“So you’re not really Jemma Mathison, you’re just my projection of her. Okay, who are you really?” He asked.
“Think of me as simply a messenger or guide. I would not be able to properly explain to you who I am here, there are far too many preconceived notions in you’re world for you to be able to grasp the intricacies of this one. What we must focus on, is you, your journey.” She said.
“So I’d be too stupid to understand what’s really happening here is what you’re saying?” He asked sharply.
“It is not a question of intelligence, Gerard. You are simply not prepared to grasp the meaning of this world yet. I did not mean to condescend.” She said politely. He could tell that her words were genuine.
“I still don’t understand any of this I’m afraid.” Gerard said with discontentment.
“Be patient, Gerard. There is much to explain and many things to go over before we begin the process. We have time, but precious little.” She said tenderly. “I understand that this is confusing and frustrating for you, but it will all make sense with time.”
“No! Dammit! I don’t have time!” He said bringing his fist down onto the large desk with great force. He didn’t take the time to realize that he didn’t even feel the impact.
“I promise you that this journey will be much more troubling without the proper preparations and instruction.” She frowned slightly.
“I’m sorry. Can I just have a minute, please? I need to get my head together.” He said, exasperated.
“Of course, take you’re time.” She said. Gerard turned to sit at the desk, he knew she was gone because he had felt her leave. He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.
“I assure you, this is quite serious. Follow me, if you will.” She said before turning gracefully and walking slowly into the white nothingness. He stood for a moment in indecision before finally jogging after her. Once he reached her side the whiteness began to fade around them and cloudy shapes began to take form, sharpening with each step they took. He could do nothing but look around, his mouth agape in a mixture of astonishment and distrust for what he was witnessing. How was any of this possible? The laws of physics were being challenged all around him as walls began to emerge from the floor and stretch up ten or twelve feet. The new wall was met by a ceiling that slide silently into place. She lead him into the room that was now newly comprised of actual ceilings, walls, and doors. It was large and open. A giant screen stood at the far end of the room with an instrument panel laid out on a large desk several feet in front of it.
“What is this?” He asked, still in a state of bewilderment from the mysterious materialization of this room out of the white nothingness that previously surrounded them. She looked at him and then gestured with her eyes back to the screen. On her cue Gerard walked slowly and cautiously toward it. As he got closer to the screen images began to flicker into life in sporadic spots on the enormous screen. The once single screen was being broken up into several smaller screens. He stared, puzzled, as he realized that the screen was showing moments from his life. Moments from both his childhood and adulthood. Moments that were happy, sad, tragic, magnificent. All of his private moments and moments of shame and embarrassment were there, rolling on a reel of film that came from nowhere. He stared at the screen for several minutes, laughing at some moments that existed in happier times. Times before the fame. Times before the fake people looking for a thrill or a free meal.
He paused momentarily on a happy scene from his childhood. He and his brother, Mikey, were in the garage of their family home in New Jersey. Their father was showing them how to change the oil in their old station wagon. He must have been twelve or thirteen at the time but he couldn’t clearly the remember this day. The three of them were smiling widely, laughing at a joke that Mikey had made, it appeared. He felt a smile creep onto his face, but it was soon followed by sadness as awareness washed over him. Ever since the band started taking off and he had changed into the alcoholic, junkie, ego-maniac that he currently is, he hadn’t had many happy moments with his family, or anyone for that matter. He barely spoke to his father anymore, he couldn’t handle hearing the palpable disappointment in his voice, let alone seeing it in his eyes. His father’s pure joy and pride withered away as quickly as Gerard’s health and mental well being once he turned to booze, pills, and blow.
“Your whole life is here, Gerard. Every moment.” She said, walking up behind him silently and speaking gently into his ear, breaking him from his trance. He turned to her with wide eyes.
“I don’t understand.” He stated simply.
“This is the opportunity, Gerard. Your whole life is here for you to go over, revisit, and reevaluate.” She said, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. As she touched him, he flashed back to previous night. The women that was on the gurney, trying to revive him, was the woman standing in front of him currently.
“You...” He said glancing back at the screen in time to see his entrance into the hospital on the screen. “You were with me at the hospital. You were trying to save me.” He said returning his eyes to her in amazement and wonder.
“Her name is Jemma Mathison. Dr. Jemma Mathison. She is the one that saved you. You saw her and she made you feel at ease. I am simply your projection of her. You may certainly call me Jemma if it makes you comfortable. This can often be a difficult process, it is important that you feel as secure as possible.” She smiled.
“What do you mean that you’re my projection?” He questioned.
“I was with you when you were on the brink. I felt every emotion that you felt. When people are brought here, it is important that they feel as relaxed as possible. We try to choose a person that you feel a connection with to guide you through the process. It is often difficult for us to make the choice for you as we would not want to chose someone that would alter your decisions or cloud your judgement. So we tap into your emotions right at the moment you begin to fade away so that we can see clearly who you feel the strongest connection with at that point. You felt a strong sense of relief and safety when you opened your eyes and saw this woman, even though you do not realize you had those feelings, they were there and I felt them through you.” She smiled warmly.
“So you’re not really Jemma Mathison, you’re just my projection of her. Okay, who are you really?” He asked.
“Think of me as simply a messenger or guide. I would not be able to properly explain to you who I am here, there are far too many preconceived notions in you’re world for you to be able to grasp the intricacies of this one. What we must focus on, is you, your journey.” She said.
“So I’d be too stupid to understand what’s really happening here is what you’re saying?” He asked sharply.
“It is not a question of intelligence, Gerard. You are simply not prepared to grasp the meaning of this world yet. I did not mean to condescend.” She said politely. He could tell that her words were genuine.
“I still don’t understand any of this I’m afraid.” Gerard said with discontentment.
“Be patient, Gerard. There is much to explain and many things to go over before we begin the process. We have time, but precious little.” She said tenderly. “I understand that this is confusing and frustrating for you, but it will all make sense with time.”
“No! Dammit! I don’t have time!” He said bringing his fist down onto the large desk with great force. He didn’t take the time to realize that he didn’t even feel the impact.
“I promise you that this journey will be much more troubling without the proper preparations and instruction.” She frowned slightly.
“I’m sorry. Can I just have a minute, please? I need to get my head together.” He said, exasperated.
“Of course, take you’re time.” She said. Gerard turned to sit at the desk, he knew she was gone because he had felt her leave. He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.
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