Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > It's Not That Complicated
yay! it's an update! I've been writing, but not uploading, so I'm sorry... anyways, it was my freakin' birthday on the 20th! It was EPIC!! I hope ya likey this
xoxo
Nikki
Shadow’s POV
I cut my arms once again, letting the blood fall onto the pages of my notebook, staining the white pages with a crimson red. I had been sitting on my bed writing some more fanfiction, but I was to upset and angry and decided to take it out on myself. I didn’t deserve Daeo or Cat or Toni. I didn’t even deserve Alex.
“I’m worthless. I’m stupid. I don’t deserve to live” I told myself, slicing my arms again. I had really fucked up this time. And trust me, I knew it. I stared around the dark, empty room. The others were visiting Daeo. He was better, apparently, but I couldn’t bear to face him. He’d almost died because of me and my selfish attitude. I shouldn’t have stormed out. I knew that. I couldn’t understand why he wanted me. I wanted him to break up with me. I just wanted an excuse. An excuse to pull the plug on my hell. My living hell. I didn’t even want to be alive.
“Shade?” Toni asked, walking into the room. I hadn’t heard her come back home, which led me to the conclusion that she had never actually left. I wasn’t entirely sure, but that was the least of my problems…
“Don’t!” I cried out as I watched her hand move towards the light switch. I could see in the dark. It wasn’t at all surprising really, though. I mean, I did spend all day locked in a dark room with the curtains shut.
“Shade! You’ll fucking bleed to death!” she screamed, snatching the knife out of my hands, throwing it across the room and then hugging me. I winced in pain as my arms were crushed between us.
“Fuck!” I cried.
“Oh… shit… sorry… hon… you need to go to the hospital… they’re really bad…” She told me, examining my arm.
“No. And they’re not. They’re not very deep”
“Yes. You’ll die and stuff otherwise”
“That’s the point” I muttered.
“What?” She said, surprised.
“I want to die. I have done for a while. No one has really noticed how out of control I am…” I sobbed.
“We have, but you ignore us. You’re violent, you swear and well… it’s impossible for us to help you… unless of course you help yourself too” she sighed.
“I’m sorry…” I sighed.
“Brendon will be here soon to make sure you’re okay”
“BRENDON?!” I screamed.
“Hey, Shade” he smiled, walking into my room.
“Fine” I sighed. I couldn’t fight them. I was tired of fighting them. I wanted to get better. I was just scared that it would be too hard. I was scared of the consequences of my own actions. And yet again, I was to blame for something.
-2 hours later-
“Miss Urie, your visits here are alarmingly frequent…” The doctor told me.
“I know. I’m going to get better though, I mean it…” I told him, smiling as Daeo places a kiss to my forehead. I could tell he was fragile and I knew I’d have to be there for him. I had a reason. I reason to get better. And I was determined to, no matter what.
“Okay. This is your last chance. We will ask your family you check for cuts twice a day. Any cuts and you’ll be back in here” the doctor warned me. I shrugged. I didn’t mind. I felt bad about leaving the hospital. I felt bad about going home and leaving Daeo alone. But I knew it wasn’t forever.
“You fucking cunt” Cat told me when we got home, grabbing Lauri and placing him in the middle of her bed. She dragged his crib out of the room we shared. She dragged it next to the couch in the living room. Toni was staying for a while and was MEANT to be sleeping on the couch… so why was Cat on the couch?
“I thought I had the couch…” She muttered
“So did I…” I sighed. Ryan and Brendon were probably already asleep.
“I’ll just sleep here…” she sighed.
“Okay…. Does Cat hate me?” I asked.
“I don’t know” Toni sighed, hugging me. I hugged her back.
“Be my new best friend?” I asked.
“You’ll regret that tomorrow” she giggled.
“We’re not drunk… so no, I won’t… WAIT… WHAT?!” I asked, totally confused.
“Dude, I was joking!” she laughed. I smiled.
“Cat never laughs… she just bitches about things and reads. She used to be fun… maybe it was me… maybe I was boring…” I sighed. Cat really was the most boring creature ever, and Lauri had only made her worse. I mean sure, having a kid is a huge responsibility and all, but when everyone else is home AND willing to babysit, curling up on the couch with a book is not fun. Well, it probably wouldn’t be for someone with a short attention span like me. Boring Cat…
“Shadow, you used to be the most hyper kid on earth. As soon as you’re over this depression shit, you’ll go back t being everyone’s favorite kid and there won’t be any issues. And of course, we’ll still be best friends, if that’s what you want” she smiled. I hugged her again.
“Let’s make tonight like a sleepover! We should rub it in Cat’s face!” I giggled.
“Hell yeah!” she laughed. We left the room to go raid the fridge. And for the first time in a long time I was truly happy.
xoxo
Nikki
Shadow’s POV
I cut my arms once again, letting the blood fall onto the pages of my notebook, staining the white pages with a crimson red. I had been sitting on my bed writing some more fanfiction, but I was to upset and angry and decided to take it out on myself. I didn’t deserve Daeo or Cat or Toni. I didn’t even deserve Alex.
“I’m worthless. I’m stupid. I don’t deserve to live” I told myself, slicing my arms again. I had really fucked up this time. And trust me, I knew it. I stared around the dark, empty room. The others were visiting Daeo. He was better, apparently, but I couldn’t bear to face him. He’d almost died because of me and my selfish attitude. I shouldn’t have stormed out. I knew that. I couldn’t understand why he wanted me. I wanted him to break up with me. I just wanted an excuse. An excuse to pull the plug on my hell. My living hell. I didn’t even want to be alive.
“Shade?” Toni asked, walking into the room. I hadn’t heard her come back home, which led me to the conclusion that she had never actually left. I wasn’t entirely sure, but that was the least of my problems…
“Don’t!” I cried out as I watched her hand move towards the light switch. I could see in the dark. It wasn’t at all surprising really, though. I mean, I did spend all day locked in a dark room with the curtains shut.
“Shade! You’ll fucking bleed to death!” she screamed, snatching the knife out of my hands, throwing it across the room and then hugging me. I winced in pain as my arms were crushed between us.
“Fuck!” I cried.
“Oh… shit… sorry… hon… you need to go to the hospital… they’re really bad…” She told me, examining my arm.
“No. And they’re not. They’re not very deep”
“Yes. You’ll die and stuff otherwise”
“That’s the point” I muttered.
“What?” She said, surprised.
“I want to die. I have done for a while. No one has really noticed how out of control I am…” I sobbed.
“We have, but you ignore us. You’re violent, you swear and well… it’s impossible for us to help you… unless of course you help yourself too” she sighed.
“I’m sorry…” I sighed.
“Brendon will be here soon to make sure you’re okay”
“BRENDON?!” I screamed.
“Hey, Shade” he smiled, walking into my room.
“Fine” I sighed. I couldn’t fight them. I was tired of fighting them. I wanted to get better. I was just scared that it would be too hard. I was scared of the consequences of my own actions. And yet again, I was to blame for something.
-2 hours later-
“Miss Urie, your visits here are alarmingly frequent…” The doctor told me.
“I know. I’m going to get better though, I mean it…” I told him, smiling as Daeo places a kiss to my forehead. I could tell he was fragile and I knew I’d have to be there for him. I had a reason. I reason to get better. And I was determined to, no matter what.
“Okay. This is your last chance. We will ask your family you check for cuts twice a day. Any cuts and you’ll be back in here” the doctor warned me. I shrugged. I didn’t mind. I felt bad about leaving the hospital. I felt bad about going home and leaving Daeo alone. But I knew it wasn’t forever.
“You fucking cunt” Cat told me when we got home, grabbing Lauri and placing him in the middle of her bed. She dragged his crib out of the room we shared. She dragged it next to the couch in the living room. Toni was staying for a while and was MEANT to be sleeping on the couch… so why was Cat on the couch?
“I thought I had the couch…” She muttered
“So did I…” I sighed. Ryan and Brendon were probably already asleep.
“I’ll just sleep here…” she sighed.
“Okay…. Does Cat hate me?” I asked.
“I don’t know” Toni sighed, hugging me. I hugged her back.
“Be my new best friend?” I asked.
“You’ll regret that tomorrow” she giggled.
“We’re not drunk… so no, I won’t… WAIT… WHAT?!” I asked, totally confused.
“Dude, I was joking!” she laughed. I smiled.
“Cat never laughs… she just bitches about things and reads. She used to be fun… maybe it was me… maybe I was boring…” I sighed. Cat really was the most boring creature ever, and Lauri had only made her worse. I mean sure, having a kid is a huge responsibility and all, but when everyone else is home AND willing to babysit, curling up on the couch with a book is not fun. Well, it probably wouldn’t be for someone with a short attention span like me. Boring Cat…
“Shadow, you used to be the most hyper kid on earth. As soon as you’re over this depression shit, you’ll go back t being everyone’s favorite kid and there won’t be any issues. And of course, we’ll still be best friends, if that’s what you want” she smiled. I hugged her again.
“Let’s make tonight like a sleepover! We should rub it in Cat’s face!” I giggled.
“Hell yeah!” she laughed. We left the room to go raid the fridge. And for the first time in a long time I was truly happy.
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