FicWad

That night, I tossed restlessly. My bunk felt uncomfortable. I was anxious, worried, scared, and many, many other things. My mind raced, and I stared up at the ceiling nervously. Even my blankets felt scratchy and uncomfortable against my skin.
I couldn't fathom what the Captain General wanted to speak to me for. Or what he had to say to me, for that matter. I didn't know if I was in trouble, or if he was going to give me some kind of reward, which was rare. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was in trouble, though.
I had jumped on Gin without assessing the situation. Yumichika had been wounded, and Renji, Hisagi, Iba, and Ikkaku endangered. Along with that entire section of Karakura town. Thankfully, nothing but the vegetable market was destroyed.
Dealing with Gin also wasn't my order. I was there to deal with Arrancars, and nothing else. And lowly Arrancars at that.
So what had I done right?
I'd killed off Wonderweiss, for one. I had sort of defended the Assistant Captains, and I'd killed a ton of other creatures with my bankai. I had at the very least scathed Ichimaru. Probably made him mad.
Suddenly, I noticed someone's presence. It was subdued. Relaxed, even. My door rattled gently and slid back.
"Michiru?"
I froze. The voice shocked me, sent my mind reeling. I clutched at my sheets wildly, trying to cover myself, flying into panic mode.
"Can I come in?" he asked quietly, peering around my door.
"Y-yes," I stuttered. I realized that the only thing I had on was my white robe. I wrapped my blanket around my torso, sitting up quickly.
Renji stepped into my room rather boldly, obviously not concerned with modesty. He wasn't dressed, either, but he didn't seem to care. His robe was the familiar grey and floral printed one he'd worn in the hospital that night.
He shut the door behind him quietly. "So..." he murmured. "I can't sleep."
"Neither can I," I told him. I struggled to keep my mind on track. What in the world was he doing in my room?
"Can I sit down with you?"
He motioned toward the end of my bed. I nodded nervously, scooting my feet up to make room for him. His hair was down, I noticed, and it was absolutely gorgeous. It fell slightly over his shoulders and down his back like red silk. I was slightly jealous.
After a moment, he situated himself so that he sat cross-legged in front of me, our knees touching, and he tugged the end of my blanket into his lap and around his hips. "Talk to me," he said, twisting his hands into the blanket. Was he cold?
"About what, Renji?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I don't know. Tell me about something you did today."
I looked around my room. I knew I had done something important, got some sort of item, but my mind couldn't find the right word. There, in the corner of my room, it was on a hanger. What was that thing...? I knew the word. I struggled for it for a moment until I blurted it out.
"I got a new...uniform," I said, nodding to the corner. "Yumichika got it for me, actually. To wear tomorrow."
I glanced at him for approval, to see if this interested him, but he only stared at me. He wasn't disinterested, but I couldn't tell what exactly he was trying to do. His eyes were focused intently on mine.
"And Yumi cut my hair. I'm not really sure what to think of it though. It's awfully short," I continued. He reached up to me, brushing the hair back from my eyes gently. "I guess I just have to get used to it."
I could feel the blush creeping across my face slowly, but he only smirked. "It's perfect," he said. He tugged at the blanket gently, pulling a bit of it from my hands.
"I didn't really do much today, other than that," I said, watching his hands. He pulled at the blanket again. "Are you cold?"
He shook his head. "Not at all."
"Then what are you...?"
He pulled it out of my hands, finally, sliding the end of the blanket behind his back and into his other hand. "Tell me something, Michiru," he started, rising to his knees. He leaned forward, wrapping one arm around my torso carefully. I wasn't sure what to do--I went with his movements, unfolding my legs as he pressed us back into my bed.
"Yes?" I whispered. I couldn't breathe. I could feel his hair fall over his shoulders and against my cheek, just as soft as his satin robe.
He reached back to pull my blanket up to our waists, propping himself up on his elbows as he settled against my body. I stared up at him wide-eyed. My heart thudded, loud enough that I was sure he could hear it, too.
"Tell me how you did it," he said lowly. His hand slid under my arm, gently tugging it up and around his neck.
"Did what?"
"Tell me how you made me fall in love with you."
But he didn't let me answer. His lips brushed mine timidly, and he looked back down at me, questioning my reaction. I was stunned.
"I don't...I don't know w-what you mean," I choked. I knew he could feel me trembling beneath him. "I thought-"
His eyes narrowed, and I silenced. I had said something wrong.
"I shouldn't be here," he said suddenly.
Again, my mind shut down. His mercurial mood was something I couldn't keep up with. "But you just got here--"
"I know this." He sat up, flinging my covers back angrily. "But I shouldn't have come here in the first place."
He started for the door. Everything in my body told me to stop him, to keep him from walking out on me, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I struggled to sit up, trying to put together a plan in my head before his hand reached the door.
"Renji, wait," I pleaded. He paused momentarily, maybe a foot from my door. "Just don't go. Not yet."
"Why?" he growled. "This isn't good. For either of us. Go back to bed, Michiru." He slid the door open.
For once, I managed to make my mind work with my body. I ran. I ran to his side, snagging his shoulder gently as he stepped out of my room. "Maybe it can be," I continued. He stopped to look down at me, taking my hand off his shoulder with a careful grip. He didn't let go.
"So tell me how."
I sighed. There was one ultimatum that I could think of, and I didn't like it. "Either you come back inside and we talk this out, or you go on and we end up like this for a long time. And personally, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be...wrapped up in someone that I can't have. And I don't want to be antagonized about it. Because if we let this go on like this...neither one of us are going to make it through the next fight. Not with all this dr-"
He placed his hand over my mouth. "I get what you're trying to say. But do you stop to think about what will happen if...if someone finds out about this?"
"What can they do to you, Renji? Absolutely nothing! Not one fucking thing!" I hissed. "Do you think they'll dethrone you or something? They can't touch you!"
"YOU, Michiru, are still a STUDENT. And it's HIGHLY discouraged for me to be fooling around with you!"
"For one more month! Maybe not even that long!"
We silenced. I could feel his grip tighten on my wrist angrily, but then he dropped it. Instead, he reached up to rub his eyes anxiously. "So what you're saying is, you want to hide this?"
"No! That's not what I'm trying to say at all... What I'm trying to get you to do is come back and just talk it out with me! Is it that hard?"
"Just to talk."
"Just talk. That's it."
He glared down at me. "I could end this right here, you know."
For a moment, I thought it was a death threat. I took a step back from him, my feet sinking into the wet morning grass.
"I could walk away right now, and order god-knows-who to keep you the hell away from me. For as long as I'm still breathing." He said it through gritted teeth, and I took another step back. I began to think he was going to kill me--right there, in the courtyard of the barracks. It would indeed solve all the problems, but I knew he didn't have it in him. What had we really, in all honesty, done wrong?
"But something tells me I need to come back inside with you," he finished, and his tense shoulders dropped. He sighed heavily. "I don't know what it is, but it won't let me leave you."
The relaxation in his body language was more expressive than his tone. He straightened his robe calmly, then reached out to nudge me toward the door. "So you're coming back?" I asked.
"For a bit."