FicWad

Chapter Three - As Snow Falls On The Desert Sky Until The End

I woke up hear Gerard sobbing. I crawled over Mikey, out of the bunk. I padded lightly down the pathway between the bunks, toward the back, where each of us had assigned alone time every day. I pushed the door open, and saw Gerard sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka. Tears were running down his face.

“Gerard?” I whispered, stepping in and closing the door.

“Frankie!” He hiccupped. He grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto the floor with him. “You’re such a good friend, Frankie.” He slurred, throwing his arms around me, burying his face and my neck. “And plus, you smell good…” He mumbled.

“Gerard, what’s wrong?” I demanded.

“You know, Frankie…” Gerard said, sitting up and looking at me through unfocused eyes with different sized pupils. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you, too, Gee.” I said awkwardly.

“Yeah… love…” Gerard’s eyes closed, and he fell backward, passed out.

“Shit!” I said. “Gerard!” I shook his shoulders, but there was no response, except for a light snore.

As quietly as I could, a pulled Gerard back out to the bunks. I managed to get him back into his bunk without waking anyone up, and then I crawled back in with Mikey.

*

Two weeks later, Gerard announced that he was going to get sober. He didn’t say why, and at first, none of us believed it. But sure enough, he got sober, and stayed that way. All of us, besides Mikey, were very surprised by how different Gerard was sober.

Matt was acting differently now, though, and me, Mikey, and Ray were all concerned. He was distant, and he kept offering Gerard drinks. Mikey was getting really tired of it, but he didn’t want to offend Matt.

The tour ended, and Gerard was still sober. We got signed to Reprise, and Gerard was still sober. We started working on the new album, and Gerard was still sober.

One day in the studio, Gerard was smoking a Marlboro Red, drinking Diet Coke, and humming an unfamiliar tune while writing the lyrics to a song he had yet to reveal. Matt stormed into the studio.

“I can’t fucking take this anymore!” He yelled, throwing his hands up in the air.

Gerard jumping, causing ash from his cigarette to scatter on the page of his notebook, and his diet coke to splash all over his hand.

“What?” Gerard asked.

Matt glared at him.

“I don’t fucking know you anymore, man!” He yelled.

Mikey, Ray and I were watching them, openmouthed.

“You didn’t know me before, Matt. This is who I really am.” Gerard said calmly, wiping his hand with a paper towel.

“Well, I liked you better drunk! Go back to the way you were, you were better that way!”

Gerard looked hurt, and his gaze lowered to the ground.

“I’m not sure that you fully understand what you’re asking me to do, Matt.” Gerard said evenly. He balanced his cigarette on the ashtray next to him, set his drink and notebook down, and stood up.

“It wasn’t just alcohol anymore, Matt. It was antidepressants, and cocaine. Fucking cocaine, man!” Gerard was yelling back now. Mikey looked shocked.

“Do you know why I actually fucking stopped?” Gerard yelled at Matt, who looked taken aback. “It wasn’t just some spur-of-the-moment, why-the-hell-not kind of thing! I nearly fucking killed myself!”

Mikey gasped. I grabbed his hand, and stroked the back of it with my thumb.

“Well, that was dumb.” Matt scoffed after a moment of silence.

“Mother--” Gerard threw himself at Matt, fist raised to strike.

“No!” All three of us yelled at the same time. I jumped up, and got between them.

“What the fuck!” I yelled. “Matt, sit your ass down!” I yelled, pointing at a chair. When he didn’t move, I yelled, “I mean fucking now, Matt!”

Matt stepped back, and sat in the chair, crossing his arms.

“Gerard…” I turned towards him. He was glaring at Matt, but when he looked at me, he looked like he was about to cry. “Calm down.” I whispered. I hugged him, and he held on to me tight, burying his face in my shoulder. I felt Mikey’s arms wrapping around both of us, and me and Gerard both moved one of our arms to wrap around Mikey.

I slowly withdrew from the hug, and stepped back. Toro and I looked at each other. Shrugging, we hugged, too.

After a moment of incoherent whispers, Gerard and Mikey let go of each other. Mikey sat back down, as did Ray.

“Okay…” I said, turning to Matt. “Obviously, Gerard had good reason for sobering up. If you have a problem with that, then I think I speak for all of us when I say get the fuck out.”

“Fine!” Matt got up, grabbed his jacket, and walked out.

“Wow.” Ray said. “Off all the endings to that conversation, I didn’t think it’d be that one.”

*

Brian found us a temporary drummer quicker than I would have thought possible. His name was Bob Bryar, and he was a sound technician. He’d played drums as a hobby since he was a teenager, so he was pretty good. Within three days, he was playing along with us with no problems.

At a show about 3 weeks after Matt’s blow-up, I was playing hard to Cubicles, when quite suddenly, Gerard made his way over to me and kissed me full on the mouth. After several whoops and cheers, Gerard broke away and walked back to his spot on center stage. I glanced at Mikey, who didn’t seem to have noticed anything, then resumed my playing.

To my surprise, after the show, no one said anything about Gerard kissing me on stage. When Mikey and I were alone that night, I was kind of scared to talk to him about it.

“Um, Mikey?” I said, twisting my fingers together and apart again repeatedly.

“Yeah, babe?” He asked, looking up at me, smiling.

“Um, earlier… during the show… did you see when…?”

“Gerard kissed you?” He asked. “Yeah.”

“And you’re okay with that?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“That’s Gerard.” He shrugged.

“For real?” I asked.

“Yeah, for real, babe. Why, do you want me to be pissed?” He asked.

“No, of course not… I’m just surprised, is all. I thought you’d at least want me to talk to Gerard about it.”

“Not really.” Mikey said. “Gerard is Gerard. I doubt that talking to him would change anything, except by making things a little awkward.”

“Oh.” I said, still really confused. “So… then you’re okay with it?”

“I supposed I am.” He said. “It’s not like it means anything to you, right?”

I was unnerved by the emphasis he put on ‘you’.

“Of course it doesn’t mean anything to me, baby. I’d be surprised if it meant anything to him, either.” I said.

He nodded, looking proud somehow, like I’d said the right thing.

“Is there something that I don’t know about?” I asked.

“Of course not, babe.” He said. He held his arms out, and I moved forward to hug him.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you, too, Frankie.” He whispered back.

I heard a cell phone ring at the back of the bus, and I looked up.

“Probably Brian.” Mikey said. I nodded, and set my head back against Mikey’s chest.

A moment later, we heard muffled talking, then Gerard’s voice saying, “Hey, Mama? Mama, what’s wrong?” Mikey swiftly untangled himself from me and stood up. Before he could move, however, Gerard burst into our living area, tears in his eyes, Brian’s cell phone still in his hand.

“Mikey.” He croaked.

“Gerard, what is it?” Mikey moved toward his brother, one arm extended. I jumped to my feet, not really sure why.

“Mikey, it’s Helena.” Gerard sobbed.

“What happened to Nana?” Mikey asked.

“She’s in the hospital. She was just in a really bad car wreck.”

A/N: Thanks for reading so far. This is the end of Part One. Part Two is called Helena. It'll be posted in this same story. I don't really know why I'm dividing it into parts, but whatevs. R&R!

xxAnna