Categories > Books > Harry Potter
if only
Albus's viewpoint
“it's tonight Albus, he's going to the Potters' tonight!” Severus said,
I could hear the air of panic in his voice, his usually cold black eyes were full of love for a married woman and full of remorse for a mistake he made when he was 16.
He had recently turned 25 and had more sense.
“You know what you have to do, don't you Severus?”
“Of course”
“Be careful” said Minerva,
She was curled up on the couch in human form reading a magazine
“I will”
Severus Snape was a strange fellow, he had loved Lily Evans but then he insulted her when she tried to help him and though she deserted him he still held a torch for her. His feelings were changing and confusing him...
Originally, he had decided to live out his dream and become a death eater... only, he didn't quite go through with it.
Severus risked everything to save Lily... even though it was years after the betrayal and even though she had a family.
He never stopped loving her and now he was putting his life on the line to protect her and her family even if that meant protecting his old enemy from school as well as his former best friend.
Severus's viewpoint
I got to the Potters at 5pm, I still had about three hours before The Dark Lord would show up to kill them... I had enough time to convince them to come with me and that I was following Albus's orders...
“Severus, what are you doing here?” Lily asked, she was holding her 15 month old son Harry in her arms... he looked very much like his father but he definitely had Lily's eyes as much as I hate children even I had to admit he was cute.
She took me inside and put Harry on the living room floor near his building blocks
“Lily... I... look I am very sorry for what I said all those years ago I was furious with the Marauders and I should not have taken it out on you, you were just trying to help” I looked into her eyes for a moment then I looked elsewhere and continued “I came to help you! He Who Must Not Be Named is on his way, he is going to kill you and James and Harry if he gets the opportunity... I am not about to give him that chance if I can help it”
“don't worry about what you said Severus, I forgave you a long time ago, I forgave you not long after it happened because I understood why you lashed out and called me it, does not make it right but I accepted it you were in a rotten position and you didn't know if you could trust me or not. I hate to disappoint you but we weren't meant to be together I thought you were one of them”
“so did I but I decided not to join I've been going to the meetings under my invisibility cloak for months and relaying the information back to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix”
“and He Who Must Not Be Named has no idea?”
“no... not at all but if he finds out I am dead... literally! he will kill all of us if he finds out about any of this”
Lily's viewpoint
James arrived home from work at that very moment... he came in through the living room door, scooped Harry up and came to greet me... as soon as he saw Severus however, he stopped in his tracks...
“what are you doing here Snivellus?” James asked snidely glaring at my former friend
“James don't be mean! Severus has risked everything to come and rescue us before He Who Must Not Be Named comes to kill us” I said reproachfully
“I find that difficult to believe”
“Unlike you Potter, I have grown up! you are still the petulant child you were at school!” Severus snapped his eyes flashing dangerously
“I believe Severus” I said Severus's eyes lit up at my words
“oh you would Lily...” barked James
“we don't have much time... The Dark Lord will be furious when he finds out I have been helping the Order of the Phoenix – no matter - I have my reasons and I don't need to explain them to you”
“if you're telling the truth then prove it” said James angrily
he and Severus had loathed each other at school and their hatred for each other was still plain on both their faces
“all right I will” said Severus “not for any other reason than I want to protect Lily and Harry... I couldn't care less if you come with us or not Potter!”
Severus stood up and approached James, he raised the sleeve of his right arm, there was no dark mark there... if he was a death eater there would have been
“you're wearing a glamor charm” James accused
“revealio!”
Severus's viewpoint
“like hell I am!” I replied indignantly “come on we have to go! we have precious little time to lose! We have to get out of here right now! pack some clothes and let's go!”
“how do I know that you're not going to take us straight to The Dark Lord?”
“I would never do that to Lily and anyone Lily values is valuable to me even you you conceited nasty little toe rag!”
“Thank you Severus! I believe you, James if you don't want to come with us you don't have to!”
Lily flushed at my compliment, her glowing cheeks made her beauty even more pronounced
“I'm coming with you! Snivellus isn't going to get the opportunity to steal you from me that easily!”
“stop it!” said Lily and I felt myself blushing
“James, if you can't get over the school-yard grudge you two had fair enough but hate each other privately O.K! don't do it in front of Harry I don't want him to grow up hating anyone except for The Dark Lord! I'll tell Sirius and Remus when I see them next”
Lily's viewpoint
“I'm sorry... let's go we haven't got time to hang around! if Severus is right then we should leave at once”
we packed some clothes for all three of us and toys for Harry and then we went outside
“how are we going to get to... where are we going exactly?” James asked
“we're going to Hogwarts... Albus's idea we'll all be safe there because you know Albus is the only wizard The Dark Lord was ever frightened of and since he knows you're muggle born Lily he would hunt you down if you went to your family. Sirius and Remus are going to Hogwarts too. The Dark Lord does not know I am teaching Potions there now... I never told him” replied Severus
“ok”
“it will be good to see the school again” I said
“yes it will” agreed James “I can't wait to show Harry the Quidditch pitch”
Severus's viewpoint
we disapparated, when we arrived Albus came straight down to greet us, Minerva was right behind him, she looked beautiful her silky dark brown hair was down for once and it reached all the way to her waist...
I felt my cheeks glowing red, was I forgetting about Lily at last? was I falling for Minerva McGonagall? I didn't know, yet. I was sure however, that even if I was crushing on Minerva she wouldn't want a greasy haired, hook nosed, slimy, child hating, potions teaching, foolish, evil, git for a boyfriend! especially not one who had almost become a Death Eater! she was well and truly out of my league...
“my goodness! Harry has grown so much since the last time I saw him!” she said tickling Harry
“he has been growing like a weed!” replied Lily and she handed Harry to Minerva who was delighted to accept him and propped him on her hip
“he's going to be a heart-breaker when he grows up!” she teased
At that moment Remus and Sirius showed up, Sirius slapped me hard on the back, surprising me making my eyes water
“alright Snivelly?”
“I was better before you showed up!” I spat
“Sirius don't start! he rescued Lily and James and Harry you should be thanking him!” said Remus
“exactly, well anyway I'll leave you to get settled, goodnight!”
“see you later Severus!”
I left... heading straight for the dungeons and the unwelcome inescapable agony of my solitude.
Minerva's viewpoint
“he's been acting weird lately”
“I'm not surprised, the first thing he did as soon as he turned up on our doorstep was apologize for what he said to me all those years ago! how could he think that I would be evil enough to hate him all these years?”
Lily was obviously still blissfully unaware of the situation – it was brutal honesty time
“he never got over you Lily... and I doubt he ever will!”
“well Minerva, when the war is over remind me to thank him... we owe him our lives... if he's right about The Dark Lord”
“i will and I think he is”
I showed The Potters to their suite and headed down to the dungeons to see Severus... he looked upset, his eyes were red and puffy.
“she rejected you didn't she?”
“yes without me even saying anything about it without me even suggesting anything and seeing Sirius was almost too much for me, I am glad Remus is around though, he was always the reasonable easy going and responsible one! Lily can still turn my knees to mush with one smile but it's not as bad as it used to be”
“oh dear”
“I know I know, she's married, she has a son... I'm going to be a good friend to her – it is the very least I can do!”
“Sev don't hate yourself because of the mistakes you made!”
“believe me Minerva I do hate myself because of the mistakes I made! if I could go back I would make sure those words never came out of my mouth and things would be different! It was a completely bloody stupid thing to say and I regret nothing more! Except for not killing Peter Pettigrew when I had the chance! I should have killed him the moment I laid eyes on him! how could he tell Voldemort where the Potters were? what kind of friend was he? Why do you think I rescued them in spite of James still hating me as much as I envy him? I don't hate him so much any more! I did it for Lily and for Harry, he's Potter's son but he is just an innocent child and he deserves to grow up with both of his parents I have to guarantee that, for his sake!”
“Severus... you need to listen to me... Lily is happily married and she has a child!”
“i know... I am not worthy of any woman! I'm an ugly hook nosed greasy haired poisonous tempered git who deserves to be lonely”
“don't say that! you've done something very honorable tonight putting your own life on the line in the process...” I said... the air in the room felt like it was glowing bright red suddenly... I leaned in towards Severus and... we kissed hard...
“I'm going to help you get over her!”
“I am starting to - I think I am developing feelings for...”
“me?”
“yes”
“in that case we must go right to Albus immediately because I have feelings for you too and if we're going to get through this war Albus needs to know about us!”
“yes I agree”
Severus's viewpoint
I woke up... I had been dreaming that I had saved Lily and James... if I could only have been that lucky! there was a weight on my chest but for once, it was not caused by guilt and remorse, it was caused by Minerva!
We were in bed, she was sound asleep. She was in cat form, curled up on my chest, snoring contented little cat snores, her head was between her front paws she was facing towards me, her claws retracted because she was happy... the end of her tail twitching every so often... she looked so blissful and sweet that I couldn't bear to wake her... even though it was Sunday morning and we should be at breakfast!
“whatever you do, don't blow it this time Snivellus! You didn't deserve Lily! You utterly worthless son of a bitch! You don't deserve Minerva either – you should have been the one to die at the hand of The Dark Lord and you know it! You are one lucky lucky lucky bastard and you better appreciate Minerva!”
I scolded myself and went back to sleep the memory of Lily's sacrifice still etched in my brain.
Minerva's viewpoint
I woke lying on Severus's chest, still in cat form, I stretched and yawned sleeping as a cat was not comfortable so with a meow and a faint pop I turned into myself again.
I was worried, I had heard Severus scolding himself and I did not like it one bit!
“you need to stop beating yourself up!” I said and kissed him gently
Severus opened a bleary eye and slipped his arms tightly around me, he kissed me and stroked my hair until I felt my eyes growing heavy again
“I don't deserve you!” he said sleepily
“oh yes you do!” I said firmly “you are one utterly brave, wonderful, incredible handsome sexy man who makes me shiver with pleasure and I love you so much that it is painful especially when we're apart!”
“I love you that much too Minerva!”
“I know”
“I'm glad we're together and I'm really glad that you know how much I love you! one thing though, I'm not one bit handsome or sexy!”
“to me you are”
we kissed and...
the end!
Albus's viewpoint
“it's tonight Albus, he's going to the Potters' tonight!” Severus said,
I could hear the air of panic in his voice, his usually cold black eyes were full of love for a married woman and full of remorse for a mistake he made when he was 16.
He had recently turned 25 and had more sense.
“You know what you have to do, don't you Severus?”
“Of course”
“Be careful” said Minerva,
She was curled up on the couch in human form reading a magazine
“I will”
Severus Snape was a strange fellow, he had loved Lily Evans but then he insulted her when she tried to help him and though she deserted him he still held a torch for her. His feelings were changing and confusing him...
Originally, he had decided to live out his dream and become a death eater... only, he didn't quite go through with it.
Severus risked everything to save Lily... even though it was years after the betrayal and even though she had a family.
He never stopped loving her and now he was putting his life on the line to protect her and her family even if that meant protecting his old enemy from school as well as his former best friend.
Severus's viewpoint
I got to the Potters at 5pm, I still had about three hours before The Dark Lord would show up to kill them... I had enough time to convince them to come with me and that I was following Albus's orders...
“Severus, what are you doing here?” Lily asked, she was holding her 15 month old son Harry in her arms... he looked very much like his father but he definitely had Lily's eyes as much as I hate children even I had to admit he was cute.
She took me inside and put Harry on the living room floor near his building blocks
“Lily... I... look I am very sorry for what I said all those years ago I was furious with the Marauders and I should not have taken it out on you, you were just trying to help” I looked into her eyes for a moment then I looked elsewhere and continued “I came to help you! He Who Must Not Be Named is on his way, he is going to kill you and James and Harry if he gets the opportunity... I am not about to give him that chance if I can help it”
“don't worry about what you said Severus, I forgave you a long time ago, I forgave you not long after it happened because I understood why you lashed out and called me it, does not make it right but I accepted it you were in a rotten position and you didn't know if you could trust me or not. I hate to disappoint you but we weren't meant to be together I thought you were one of them”
“so did I but I decided not to join I've been going to the meetings under my invisibility cloak for months and relaying the information back to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix”
“and He Who Must Not Be Named has no idea?”
“no... not at all but if he finds out I am dead... literally! he will kill all of us if he finds out about any of this”
Lily's viewpoint
James arrived home from work at that very moment... he came in through the living room door, scooped Harry up and came to greet me... as soon as he saw Severus however, he stopped in his tracks...
“what are you doing here Snivellus?” James asked snidely glaring at my former friend
“James don't be mean! Severus has risked everything to come and rescue us before He Who Must Not Be Named comes to kill us” I said reproachfully
“I find that difficult to believe”
“Unlike you Potter, I have grown up! you are still the petulant child you were at school!” Severus snapped his eyes flashing dangerously
“I believe Severus” I said Severus's eyes lit up at my words
“oh you would Lily...” barked James
“we don't have much time... The Dark Lord will be furious when he finds out I have been helping the Order of the Phoenix – no matter - I have my reasons and I don't need to explain them to you”
“if you're telling the truth then prove it” said James angrily
he and Severus had loathed each other at school and their hatred for each other was still plain on both their faces
“all right I will” said Severus “not for any other reason than I want to protect Lily and Harry... I couldn't care less if you come with us or not Potter!”
Severus stood up and approached James, he raised the sleeve of his right arm, there was no dark mark there... if he was a death eater there would have been
“you're wearing a glamor charm” James accused
“revealio!”
Severus's viewpoint
“like hell I am!” I replied indignantly “come on we have to go! we have precious little time to lose! We have to get out of here right now! pack some clothes and let's go!”
“how do I know that you're not going to take us straight to The Dark Lord?”
“I would never do that to Lily and anyone Lily values is valuable to me even you you conceited nasty little toe rag!”
“Thank you Severus! I believe you, James if you don't want to come with us you don't have to!”
Lily flushed at my compliment, her glowing cheeks made her beauty even more pronounced
“I'm coming with you! Snivellus isn't going to get the opportunity to steal you from me that easily!”
“stop it!” said Lily and I felt myself blushing
“James, if you can't get over the school-yard grudge you two had fair enough but hate each other privately O.K! don't do it in front of Harry I don't want him to grow up hating anyone except for The Dark Lord! I'll tell Sirius and Remus when I see them next”
Lily's viewpoint
“I'm sorry... let's go we haven't got time to hang around! if Severus is right then we should leave at once”
we packed some clothes for all three of us and toys for Harry and then we went outside
“how are we going to get to... where are we going exactly?” James asked
“we're going to Hogwarts... Albus's idea we'll all be safe there because you know Albus is the only wizard The Dark Lord was ever frightened of and since he knows you're muggle born Lily he would hunt you down if you went to your family. Sirius and Remus are going to Hogwarts too. The Dark Lord does not know I am teaching Potions there now... I never told him” replied Severus
“ok”
“it will be good to see the school again” I said
“yes it will” agreed James “I can't wait to show Harry the Quidditch pitch”
Severus's viewpoint
we disapparated, when we arrived Albus came straight down to greet us, Minerva was right behind him, she looked beautiful her silky dark brown hair was down for once and it reached all the way to her waist...
I felt my cheeks glowing red, was I forgetting about Lily at last? was I falling for Minerva McGonagall? I didn't know, yet. I was sure however, that even if I was crushing on Minerva she wouldn't want a greasy haired, hook nosed, slimy, child hating, potions teaching, foolish, evil, git for a boyfriend! especially not one who had almost become a Death Eater! she was well and truly out of my league...
“my goodness! Harry has grown so much since the last time I saw him!” she said tickling Harry
“he has been growing like a weed!” replied Lily and she handed Harry to Minerva who was delighted to accept him and propped him on her hip
“he's going to be a heart-breaker when he grows up!” she teased
At that moment Remus and Sirius showed up, Sirius slapped me hard on the back, surprising me making my eyes water
“alright Snivelly?”
“I was better before you showed up!” I spat
“Sirius don't start! he rescued Lily and James and Harry you should be thanking him!” said Remus
“exactly, well anyway I'll leave you to get settled, goodnight!”
“see you later Severus!”
I left... heading straight for the dungeons and the unwelcome inescapable agony of my solitude.
Minerva's viewpoint
“he's been acting weird lately”
“I'm not surprised, the first thing he did as soon as he turned up on our doorstep was apologize for what he said to me all those years ago! how could he think that I would be evil enough to hate him all these years?”
Lily was obviously still blissfully unaware of the situation – it was brutal honesty time
“he never got over you Lily... and I doubt he ever will!”
“well Minerva, when the war is over remind me to thank him... we owe him our lives... if he's right about The Dark Lord”
“i will and I think he is”
I showed The Potters to their suite and headed down to the dungeons to see Severus... he looked upset, his eyes were red and puffy.
“she rejected you didn't she?”
“yes without me even saying anything about it without me even suggesting anything and seeing Sirius was almost too much for me, I am glad Remus is around though, he was always the reasonable easy going and responsible one! Lily can still turn my knees to mush with one smile but it's not as bad as it used to be”
“oh dear”
“I know I know, she's married, she has a son... I'm going to be a good friend to her – it is the very least I can do!”
“Sev don't hate yourself because of the mistakes you made!”
“believe me Minerva I do hate myself because of the mistakes I made! if I could go back I would make sure those words never came out of my mouth and things would be different! It was a completely bloody stupid thing to say and I regret nothing more! Except for not killing Peter Pettigrew when I had the chance! I should have killed him the moment I laid eyes on him! how could he tell Voldemort where the Potters were? what kind of friend was he? Why do you think I rescued them in spite of James still hating me as much as I envy him? I don't hate him so much any more! I did it for Lily and for Harry, he's Potter's son but he is just an innocent child and he deserves to grow up with both of his parents I have to guarantee that, for his sake!”
“Severus... you need to listen to me... Lily is happily married and she has a child!”
“i know... I am not worthy of any woman! I'm an ugly hook nosed greasy haired poisonous tempered git who deserves to be lonely”
“don't say that! you've done something very honorable tonight putting your own life on the line in the process...” I said... the air in the room felt like it was glowing bright red suddenly... I leaned in towards Severus and... we kissed hard...
“I'm going to help you get over her!”
“I am starting to - I think I am developing feelings for...”
“me?”
“yes”
“in that case we must go right to Albus immediately because I have feelings for you too and if we're going to get through this war Albus needs to know about us!”
“yes I agree”
Severus's viewpoint
I woke up... I had been dreaming that I had saved Lily and James... if I could only have been that lucky! there was a weight on my chest but for once, it was not caused by guilt and remorse, it was caused by Minerva!
We were in bed, she was sound asleep. She was in cat form, curled up on my chest, snoring contented little cat snores, her head was between her front paws she was facing towards me, her claws retracted because she was happy... the end of her tail twitching every so often... she looked so blissful and sweet that I couldn't bear to wake her... even though it was Sunday morning and we should be at breakfast!
“whatever you do, don't blow it this time Snivellus! You didn't deserve Lily! You utterly worthless son of a bitch! You don't deserve Minerva either – you should have been the one to die at the hand of The Dark Lord and you know it! You are one lucky lucky lucky bastard and you better appreciate Minerva!”
I scolded myself and went back to sleep the memory of Lily's sacrifice still etched in my brain.
Minerva's viewpoint
I woke lying on Severus's chest, still in cat form, I stretched and yawned sleeping as a cat was not comfortable so with a meow and a faint pop I turned into myself again.
I was worried, I had heard Severus scolding himself and I did not like it one bit!
“you need to stop beating yourself up!” I said and kissed him gently
Severus opened a bleary eye and slipped his arms tightly around me, he kissed me and stroked my hair until I felt my eyes growing heavy again
“I don't deserve you!” he said sleepily
“oh yes you do!” I said firmly “you are one utterly brave, wonderful, incredible handsome sexy man who makes me shiver with pleasure and I love you so much that it is painful especially when we're apart!”
“I love you that much too Minerva!”
“I know”
“I'm glad we're together and I'm really glad that you know how much I love you! one thing though, I'm not one bit handsome or sexy!”
“to me you are”
we kissed and...
the end!
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