FicWad

Agh God guys I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get this chapter out, things have just been crazy busy in my little world but hopefully I have plenty o’ time now to get this thing updated regularly :] If you’re still reading this story then thanks for sticking around, and I hope you continue to do so ^_^
Muchos love :D xoxoxox
PS – I don’t know if I need to warn you about this chapter or not, so just in case (without giving anything away of course) – WARNING: THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES THEMES THAT SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND UPSETTING.
Dun dun duuuun!

Frank and Gerard were late for meeting Bob, but considering how sexy Gerard looked in his tight jeans Frank supposed it was a miracle they had even made it at all. Frank supposed you could say they were in their “honeymoon phase”, that was usually the polite term for sex crazed right? And right now Frank felt like a complete nymphomaniac, he had never been exactly subtle when it came to sex, but he had never had it constantly on his mind before. It was kind of... thrilling.

“Hey Bobbert!” He called in a sing-song voice when he and Gerard approached him. Bob returned the greeting with a short nod, scowling lightly at Gerard who only grinned brightly back, waving a hand up.

Bob was stood outside the horseman’s lodge, an authentic eighteenth century style tavern that had been built in the centre of the town as a poor excuse for a tourist attraction. It had been mildly successful for about one year, when ‘the headless horseman’ movie came out, but people soon learnt that Salem was just another uninteresting town and hardly any tourists came by now. A few did, eager to explore the woods where the horsemen was supposed to reside but no one ever strayed from the path, and they always left disappointed, heads still firmly attached.

Even if the horseman’s lodge wasn’t the world greatest tourist attraction, it was popular amongst the people of Salem themselves. It was a large building, that sold great ale and good homemade food, and Frank had come by often with his father for an attempt at some ‘father/son time’ that often ended in Frank Sr. Getting drunk and Frank Jr. Dragging him home. Frank loved the place anyway, and he had figured Gerard would find it amusing to go there since it was him that had begun all the horsemen rumours in the first place.

“Sorry we’re late man, we had an erm... busy morning.” Frank chuckled sheepishly once he reached his blonde friend, Bob frowning and shrugging it off.

“It’s okay.” He said bluntly, his tone making it clear that it really wasn’t okay at all. Bob was used to Frank arriving late for everything so he never rushed to be on time, and admittedly he had only been waiting five minutes, but Frank used to be late because he was worse than a girl when it came to messing with his hair and eyeliner. This time though, Bob knew he was late because he had been “busy” with Gerard. Fucking no doubt.

“So err... Bob, this is my boyfriend Gerard.” Frank smiled, trying hard to make Bob happy but he knew there was little chance of that when he had already decided he hated the vampire even though he hadn’t really met him. “Gerard, this is my best friend Bob.” Frank smiled, Gerard smirking a little as he held out his hand for the blonde to shake.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you man.” He grinned, his tone friendly. Bob scowled and looked down at the hand offered to him, gingerly brushing his fingers against Gerard’s palm before pulling his hand away before Gerard could grasp it.

“You too.” He mumbled, standing back and looking at Frank again. He couldn’t help but notice how happy the short man looked and it irritated him. How could it be that this pale freak could make his friend look so thrilled? He was a weirdo, Bob could just sense it, and no amount of charm was going to make him change his mind.

“Shall we go inside?” Frank suggested softly, Gerard gazing steadily at Bob as he nodded. Bob ignored him though he was fully aware of his staring, pausing for a moment before reluctantly he agreed too and the three men walked into the tavern.

Inside the air was warm from the fires in the intricately carved fireplaces and there were people dotted about the bar and seating areas, nursing authentic tankards of ale and laughing at jokes and banter. Frank relaxed a little and smiled as he led the way to the bar, resting his hands down on the wooden top and waiting for the bar maid to serve him.

“Wow...” He heard Gerard breathe behind him and he turned to throw him a grin, Bob still staring at the taller man with a scowl. “This place is great.” Gerard beamed and Bob scoffed.

“Everyone who lives in Salem knows this place.” He said pointedly, Gerard meeting his hard gaze and chuckling a little. He liked Bob. The guy had a serious attitude problem, and when you had lived as long as Gerard had, the colder the person was, the more interesting you found them.

“Well, I don’t really get out much.” He shrugged in response, knowing Bob was trying to hint that he didn’t believe Gerard really lived in the town at all. “I mostly keep to myself.” He added and Bob scoffed, Frank throwing him an irritated look as the young barmaid walked over, wearing a dress and apron that matched the era of the tavern.

“Hey Frankie, what can I get you?” She smiled – just another example of how everyone knew everyone else in this town.

“Can I get three house ales?” Frank beamed, the girl nodding and grabbing three wooden tankards to fill from the large barrel behind her. Frank turned his back on her to chat with Gerard and Bob, though it was mostly a one sided conversation; Bob too busy scowling at his shoes, and Gerard too busy smirking at him.

“Here you go then Frank.” The barmaid smiled once she had filled each tankard, and whilst Frank handed over the money she took a second to flick her eyes up and down Gerard’s body. She had never seen him before, she was sure she would have remembered if she had, and he was certainly a sight to behold. He just seemed to emit a certain aura that was sucking her in.

“Mm... Who’s your friend?” She purred, gazing steadily at him as he turned his head to glance at her. His expression was bored and clearly uninterested but that didn’t stop her from batting her eyelashes at him. Frank looked over at Gerard and back at the girl, smirking a little.

“Oh, that’s Gerard. He’s my boyfriend.” He grinned, his stomach flipping as he said the words. The look of shock on her face was priceless and he positively beamed as he handed Bob and Gerard their tankards before grabbing his own. “Thanks Lyn.” He chuckled, his heart almost leaping right out of his chest when Gerard took his hand and laced their fingers, walking with him across the bar to sit down at a corner table beside one of the fires.

Frank was thrilled that he was able to tell people that he and Gerard were dating, the fact that it was in exchange for his blood meant nothing now whilst he was feeling so happy. Not even Bob’s sour face could ruin his day.

“So Bob, how long have you and Frankie been friends?” Gerard asked conversationally once they had all removed their jackets and were settled in their seats. Bob turned his gaze on Gerard with a quirked eyebrow, Gerard smiling sweetly back.

“Pretty much our entire lives.” He replied flatly, Frank still holding onto Gerard’s hand as he took a sip of the ale and licked his lips.

“Mm, our moms were friends and took us to the same playgroup, and things just kinda went from there.” He giggled, remembering all the times he and Bob had shared. They had grown up together, which was why Frank hated the fact he wouldn’t accept Gerard so much. Couldn’t he see he was happy?

“We’ve been through everything together.” Frank added with a smile, glancing hopefully at Bob whose cheeks flushed a light pink and he bowed his head, avoiding Frank’s gaze as he took a sip of his drink. He felt a surge of guilt at the fond way Frank spoke about him, knowing it wasn’t fair to be so cold towards the guy who was clearly making his best friend so happy. He was just so certain that Gerard wasn’t everything he claimed to be.

“Yeah we have...” He said quietly, lifting his face and smiling a little at Frank who grinned back at him, hoping that Bob would lighten up a little now. He just wanted him and Gerard to get along. He didn’t expect them to be good friends, after all, Bob would never be able to understand why Gerard had such irresistible charm and Gerard would always be aware of how much Bob disliked him. But if they could just be civil...

“So Gerard. Frank tells me you live in the woods?” Bob questioned loudly, gazing at Gerard over the rim of his tankard and Gerard smirked, giving a soft nod as he laid his chin on his joined hands, his elbows resting on the table top.

“That’s correct.” He smiled, Bob quirking an eyebrow, his face unconvinced.

“Strange place to choose to live.” He noted and Gerard fought back the urge to grin as he gazed at Bob, lowering his head a little so that he had to look up at the blonde man through his thick black eyelashes. His lips twitched a little with the desire to smirk when he heard Bob’s heart miss a beat.

“You think so?” He asked innocently, feeling Frank’s eyes on him as the shorter man watched him curiously. Frank didn’t know what Gerard was playing at, but it felt as if he was somehow predicting everything Bob was going to say. The blonde nothing more than a puppet with Gerard pulling the strings.

“You don’t think it’s weird that you live in a haunted wood?” Bob scoffed, raising his eyebrows sceptically at Gerard who allowed his smirk to show for a moment, his chin still resting on his hands. He looked like a man entirely at ease with the situation, his body relaxed and his tone open, and Bob was shocked to find that he felt as though he was being sucked into his charm.

“You don’t think it’s weird that you believe the wood is really haunted?” Gerard shot back, chuckling when Bob blushed and scowled, his eyes flicking to look at Frank who was biting back his own giggles as Gerard leant back in his chair and took a sip of the ale. The taste was foriegn on his tongue; it had been a long time since he had drank anything like this.

“You don’t believe in the tales?” Bob asked Gerard coldly, though he continued to gaze at Frank. Though he wouldn’t admit it he was frightened to look back at Gerard. Terrified of that split second when he had felt the strange urge to lean forward and get lost in a little world that was entirely his and the pale mans. Bob was not gay, and he was definitely not attracted to this freak. But there was something about him... something that both disgusted Bob and tempted him. Though what that was he didn’t know.

“The tales?” Gerard repeated sweetly, laughing softly and staring intently at Bob until the blonde had no choice but to meet his gaze again. Gerard knew exactly what Bob was feeling, he could taste his nerves and confusion in the air, could smell his fear and his rich, meaty blood. Frank was a vegetarian, but Gerard could tell Bob was very much a carnivore. He liked it. He liked the test of keeping away from him. He wasn’t exactly hungry, but that didn’t mean Bob’s blood didn’t smell delicious, especially with the way the fire warmed it up and made its scent mingle with that of Frankie’s. Gerard supposed for him blood was what cologne was to normal humans.

“I can assure you, I’ve lived in those woods for years and I haven’t seen any horseman. Or any other supernatural creature for that matter.” He chuckled, Bob frowning and shrinking back into his seat. There was something about the mock innocent way that Gerard was staring at him that was making him feel uneasy.

“Is that right? And how long have you lived in the woods exactly?” He snapped back, still unconvinced though he knew it was perfectly possible for Gerard to live in the woods like he claimed. After all, Frank had said himself he had been to the house. Bob just.. didn’t want to believe anything this man said.

Gerard was silent for a moment, thinking over Bob’s question and considering how to answer. He couldn’t exactly tell the truth, though he knew there was nothing wrong with saying a believable number. Five years. Ten even. He had been twenty six when Darius had changed him, but he could pass off as younger he supposed. Maybe even older, by a year or two. But in the end he simply settled for “long enough”.

“Long enough.” Bob repeated, scowling at the pale man and folding his arms across his chest. “That’s not very specific.” He snorted and Gerard smirked, Frank not-so-subtly smacking Bob’s arm beneath the table and frowning at him, silently warning him not to push his luck. Frank had been expecting this sort of reception off Bob, but that didn’t mean he was going to stand for it.

“I’m afraid we’re talking about me too much.” Gerard chuckled easily, Bob scowling at Frank and rubbing his arm with a wounded glare before slowly turning his unimpressed look on Gerard. “Tell me some more about you Bob.” The pale man invited, Bob’s eyes widening slightly and he took a long gulp on his ale.

“Like what?”

“Oh I don’t know. Anything.” Gerard shrugged, waiting patiently for Bob to think of something to say. Frank leant forward a little and laid his chin on his hand, his other hand laying flat on the table as he drummed his fingers on the wood, turning to smile at Gerard warmly for a moment.

Despite Bob’s cold attitude and Gerard’s slightly patronising behaviour, Frank was enjoying himself. He supposed it was just because this was the first time he and Gerard had come out in public as a couple, and part of him just wanted to tug him all around the town telling anyone and everyone that he was his boyfriend. But he knew Bob wouldn’t be exactly impressed with that, so Frank forced himself to sit still and listen politely as Bob began to talk.
Bob was a little confused as to why Gerard was making a clear attempt to be welcoming. The guy didn’t know him or what he felt about him before, and though Bob had been trying to make it obvious how much he disliked him Gerard just wasn’t rising to it. In fact, he was being stupidly nice.

“Well... I work in the coffee shop, as you know. And err... I play drums.” He said slowly, shrugging as he struggled to tell Gerard about himself. Frank beamed at him and stepped in, brightly telling Gerard how he and Bob often jammed together since he played guitar and the conversation soon began to flow as Gerard asked them about it.

Frank smiled and relaxed in the warmth of the fire as he chatted happily, Bob taking a while to get into it but eventually he began to join in too as if Gerard was just another friend. Gerard himself saying relatively little, giving the two men chance to just talk to him. He could tell that Bob was still wary, but he loosened up as Gerard continued to ask questions to keep the conversation flowing.

As Frank and Bob chatted away Gerard kept a warm smile on his face and sipped at his ale. He was not particularly interested in what either of them had to say, especially Bob. But he knew the importance of going through human motions. He couldn’t care less of what Bob thought of him, but he wanted to keep Frank sweet. The short man was gorgeous and Gerard much preferred taking blood from him when he was agreeing to it, rather than by force which would probably be the case if he didn’t make him happy. Not that it was too much of hardship, humans are easy to please.

“Mm, everyone finished?” Frank asked softly after draining his own tankard of ale, Gerard quickly gulping the rest down as Bob nodded. “Awesome, I’ll go get another round.” Frank smiled, getting to his feet and picking up the empty wooden mugs before he wandered down to the bar to get refills.

Gerard glanced at Bob and smiled, Bob biting his lip as he wondered whether to just keep the conversation going or to just go back to his coldness. Gerard saved him the decision though as he slid his chair out from beneath the table. “I’m just going to the loo.” He said softly, getting to his feet as Bob gave a jerky nod.

Bob watched as Gerard strolled across the room towards the toilets sign, stopping at the bar to slip his arms around Frank’s waist from behind and whisper something into his ear. Bob frowned at the way Gerard pressed his body tight to Franks, the shorter mans cheeks turning red as he gave a soft smirk in response to whatever Gerard had whispered and mewled something back. Gerard chuckled and Frank turned his head round to meet him in a passionate kiss, Bob’s stomach lurching and he sprung to his feet before he had even thought about it.

Gerard broke from Frank’s lips and continued on his way to the toilets, Frank turning to smile dreamily at Lyn as she giggled and chatted to him about his new man whilst she refilled the tankards. Frank didn’t even notice as Bob walked past and followed Gerard into the men’s restroom.

Gerard knew that Bob would follow him even before Bob did. It was obvious that if he made a clear display of how much power he had over Frank then Bob would rise to it, and sure enough the blonde hadn’t disappointed. Gerard sighed and wandered over to one of the urinals, slowly unbuckling his belt as he waited for Bob to enter, pausing when he appeared.

“Oh, hey.” He said in mock surprise, buckling his belt back up and turning to face Bob who was scowling at him. “Erm... are you okay?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow and Bob blushed a little. Now that he was here he wasn’t really sure what to say. He didn’t know what had made him feel the urge to follow Gerard in the first place. So he had kissed Frank – big deal. They were boyfriends now, that was just what they were supposed to do.

“Bob, can I ask you something?” Gerard asked softly as he turned to one of the sinks and washed his hands, Bobs tensing and folding his arms across his body as he nodded.

“I guess...”

“Do you have a problem with me? I get the feeling you don’t really like me, and I don’t think I’ve done anything to offend you.” Gerard sighed, giving Bob a wounded luck as he grabbed some paper towels to dry his hands, tossing them into a bin and leaning against the wall with his hands on his hips as Bob scowled at him.

“I hope you don’t think that act’s gonna work on me.” He snarled, not convinced by Gerard’s open, innocent eyes and shy smile.

Gerard’s eyebrows rose up high at Bob’s bold words, his lips tugging into a smirk. “Really? I don’t know what you mean.” He purred softly, Bob’s scowl intensifying.
“Oh I think you do.” He growled, stepping closer to Gerard where he relaxed against the wall. “I don’t what it is you’re trying to do, but this innocent act you’ve got going on isn’t fooling anybody.” He whispered lowly, knowing there was no way he was going to be able to intimidate this man, but he was going to give it a damn good try anyway. Gerard sighed and chuckled a little, shaking his head almost fondly.

“Bob. I honestly don’t know what you mean.” He replied softly, shrugging his shoulder and laughing loudly when Bob growled and gripped his shoulders, pulling his torso forward so that he could slam him hard against the wall.

“You’re fucking using him!” He shouted, Gerard’s smug grin only making him angrier and he growled loudly, yanking him forward by the collar so that their noses were almost touching. “I can just tell you’re bad news for him. I don’t know what it is your after but I swear to God you better leave him alone or I’ll –”

“You’ll what?” Gerard demanded, cutting across Bob as his eyes twinkled in amusement. His hands were still resting down by his sides, not reacting at all to Bob’s display of strength. For Gerard knew that was all it was. An attempt to make it seem like he was the stronger man, that he would be able to snap Gerard like a toothpick if he needed to. Gerard found it only all too amusing at how wrong Bob was.

“What is it you think I’m using him for Bob? Hm? Sex?” He questioned sweetly, Bob’s eye twitching as he clenched his teeth. “Because believe me Robert, even if that was all I wanted him for – which I can assure you, it’s not – then he would be fine with that. Because you’re precious friend fucking loves it when I’m fucking him so hard and fast.” He snarled, grinning evilly as Bob yelled in rage, throwing Gerard away from him as if he had been electrocuted.

“Don’t you say that! Don’t you fucking say that!” He snapped, Gerard laughing as Bob felt his stomach swirling with rage. “He isn’t like that! Frankie isn’t like that!” He cried desperately, clutching at his hair as Gerard hushed him softly and walked over to him, laying his hands down on his shoulders soothingly.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay Bob, I’m not going to hurt him.” He purred softly, Bob’s eyes wide with fear and confusion as he stared at Gerard, shoving him away with less force this time as he stumbled back.

“Don’t touch me!” He spat, his hands trembling. There was something about Gerard... the way he looked at him, the way his eyes swirled, that just wasn’t normal. “You keep away from my friend, I don’t want you seeing him anymore.”

“Oh come on Bob, you seriously think you’re able to keep us away from each other?” Gerard laughed, shaking his head in amusement as Bob bit his lip. As Gerard looked at him he could see the insecurities in his eyes, the desperate way he tried to threaten him making it all too clear what his problem really was. “You know as well as I do Bob that there is nothing I could take from Frank that he wouldn’t willingly give.” Gerard purred, shoving past Bob on his way to the door, the blonde man turning to watch him with parted lips.

“And just so you know, I came here today to try and be nice to you. I wanted us to get along.” Gerard sighed, glancing over his shoulder at Bob with a mock look of pity. “For your sake...” He sighed, Bob frowning in confusion.

“Wh –”

“Frankie told me just yesterday how irritated you make him, refusing to accept me even though you don’t know me.” Gerard continued before Bob could say a word. Bob’s eyes grew wider, panic beginning to swirl in them and Gerard knew he had planted the knife, all he had to do now was twist the blade. “He told me that at the moment... if he was forced to choose between me or you, he’d pick me.” He whispered, Bob releasing a strangled noise between a scream and a sob and Gerard shook his head, his face the picture of sorrow.

“It’s not too late for us to get along Bob. I’m just trying to help you. I know how much you care for him.” He whispered, his voice silky smooth and seductive, like the dangerous purr of a giant cat. Bob stared at him, dumbfounded and whimpered softly as Gerard turned and left the bathroom without another word.

>X<

Frank smiled softly to himself as he wandered into the kitchen, finding his father sat at the dinner table reading the paper and eating a microwave meal. Frank had been tempted to take Gerard up on his offer and stay at the manor another night, but he knew if he did they’d only end up having sex again and he didn’t want to get too involved in the whole sex thing in case they became addicted or something. That and the fact he knew he shouldn’t leave his dad alone for too long.

“Where have you been?” Frank sr. Demanded as Frank poured himself a glass of water and began to guzzle it down. His father didn’t look up from his paper when he spoke, but Frank knew he wasn’t really reading it.

“I’ve just been at Gerard’s house, and then today we went to the lodge with Bob.” He shrugged casually, answering his father’s question before he had time to ask it. “Gerard’s my boyfriend.”

Frank Sr. Tensed and laid down his paper, slowly turning in his seat to face his son who gave him a sheepish grin. Frank Sr. Was pretty certain that Frank hadn’t mentioned a Gerard before, and he didn’t know any guys in the town called Gerard, but then he wasn’t exactly paying much attention now a days.

“You’re boyfriend?” He repeated, grunting as he turned back to his food and pushed about the black carton with his fork. He knew that Frank was gay of course, it was something he had eventually come to terms with though he never particularly liked it. “When did you two get together then huh?” He scoffed, moodily spearing a pale looking carrot and chewing on it.

“Only a couple days ago.” Frank replied softly, knowing that his father was only being so amicable because he wasn’t drunk yet. “I’ll bring him round to meet you sometime if you like.” He offered but Frank Sr. Shook his head with a scowl.

“Maybe not until you’re sure you guys are serious.” He mumbled, shuddering at the thought of having to meet a man who was fucking his son in ways that the good Lord never intended. If this Gerard guy was going to become a long term boyfriend and really important to his son then of course he would meet him, but if not, then he’d rather not know.

Frank chuckled softly and nodded, putting his empty cup in the sink and kissing his father’s cheek on the way past. “Okay dad. I’ll be upstairs.” He smiled and Frank Sr. Nodded, going back to his paper with a small frown as Frank disappeared from the kitchen and up the stairs.

He was in an amazingly good mood and he was glad his father hadn’t ruined it. When Gerard and Bob had come back from the toilet things had gone by much smoother, so good in fact Frank was inclined to think that they must have had a talk in the restroom. Bob had been smiling and chatting freely, even joking with Gerard at some points. It had still felt a little contrived on Bob’s part, but Frank was just so relieved that he was trying. And then of course once Bob had gone home Gerard had completely taken Frank’s breathe away by the way he had kissed him goodbye, pretty much demanding that Frank come see him the next day since he wouldn’t stop the night and Frank had only been too happy to comply.

Things were looking pretty bright for Frank, and as he sat down on his bed and picked up pansy for some practice, he knew that things were just going to keep getting better and better. After all, with Gerard around, how could things possibly be bad?

>X<

Bob was trembling as he sat on the bathroom floor, trying his damndest not to cry because then he knew he would be truly weak. What Gerard had said to him in the lodge toilets had been echoing round his mind like a cd on repeat ever since he had said them. He knew it was possible that he was lying, but he didn’t really believe that.

He knew that Frank wasn’t exactly happy with Bob’s reaction to his new boyfriend, but he had never thought that would be enough to make him be prepared to forget all their years of friendship just for some sexy new guy he had met. He knew Frank loved sex, and he knew how badly he had wanted a boyfriend and yes, of course he could see why Frank was ecstatic about his new relationship, but that didn’t make this any easier.

Bob remembered when Frank had been with his last boyfriend. How quickly he had forgotten Bob then, even though he always asked Frank to meet up or at least talk on the phone. But Frank was the kind of guy who just got so caught up in his relationships that whenever he was in them Bob would be given a back seat. He had promised after the last guy that he would try harder to include Bob next time. But Bob knew now that that wasn’t the case. Frank was just going to end up forgetting him all over again.

Bob sighed and swallowed down the lump in his throat as he rooted through the medicine cabinet to find a disposable razor, his hands shaking as he cracked at the plastic to get to the blades inside. He had promised Frank he would never do this again. Would never even consider it again. That if the idea entered his mind even for a second he would call him and wait for him to try and talk him out of it. It had been such an easy promise to make at the time, but then... Frank was breaking his promise to him too.

Bob gasped as the plastic finally gave way and the four thin blades clattered onto the floor with little tinkles. They shone in the bathroom light and Bob carefully scooped three of them up, gingerly placing them onto one of the shelves in the cabinet and tossing the broken shaver into the bin beside the sink.

Frank didn’t understand, he just didn’t understand. He had no idea how much Bob needed him. He was his best friend – his only friend, he couldn’t lose him. Not this... this... asshole. But what could Bob too? He tried to convince Frank Gerard was no good for him and he hadn’t believed him, and with no proof to back up his argument it was only too clear who Frank would run too.

And it wouldn’t be Bob.

The blonde sighed and sat back down on the floor, carefully arranging some bandages beside him and making sure there was a new roll of toilet paper to hand. Sometimes the calm way he went about this frightened him. Every time he saw people self harming in movies or read about it in books it was always so frenzied, panicky almost. A desperate attempt to make their internal pain external so they could cope. Bob had never been frenzied, not even the first time.

He had promised Frank he wouldn’t do this... he had sworn he wouldn’t. But Frank didn’t care anyway, he had Gerard now. And what was Bob compared to a hot new boyfriend? He whimpered softly as he picked up the silver blade remaining on the floor and poised the corner over the flesh of his wrist. He hesitated a second, wondering if he really did what to go back on his promise. It took him only a second to decide that yes. Yes he did.

“Forgive me Frankie.” He whispered as he slid the corner over his wrist again and again, not piercing the skin, just making little white scratches that burned so nicely. Bob liked to take his time, he liked to savour it. He made little criss –cross patterns all the way up the underside of his arm until he reached the dip of skin of his elbow joint where he stopped and moved back to the beginning.

By now all up his arm was stinging and Bob felt better already. Now it wasn’t about Frank. It was about what he wanted. He made some more scratched with the corner, biting his lip as his arm tingled before he couldn’t take the anticipation any longer and he moved to hold the razor between his thumb and forefinger, resting the length of the blade against his skin.

Bob’s heart began to thud erratically as he slowly pressed down, watching with a slightly queasy stomach as the skin dipped against the pressure of the blade. The first cut was always the hardest, the one where your entire body would shake and you’d wonder how badly it was going to hurt. The way you’d feel so vulnerable and for a split second you’d realise the control you had over yourself was just an illusion, that cutting was not an element of control in an otherwise unpredictable life. It was the most uncontrollable thing about it. But the thought would barely pass Bob’s mind before that sweet warmth would take over his mind once again.

Once he decided he had the right amount of pressure he wanted he slowly drew the blade across, gasping a little as his skin split beneath the sharp metal and a line of blood followed the direction of the razor before it would overflow and dribble down his arm. Bob never cut too deep, he wasn’t trying to die. He just wanted to feel some relief, and the scars would be barely noticeable a few months after he stopped.

The first line looked so beautiful as it bled freely down his arm, solitary and magnificent at its place on the top of his wrist, just below his palm. Bob gave a shaky smile, not really sure why he was crying at the same time and he moved the razor down just a little, making another neat line across his wrist, swiping some of the blood away so he could see better as he moved on.

Bob cut four lines and watched the blood for a moment before he put the razor down and got onto his knees. The amount of blood was not vast, only a few droplets getting onto the white tiled floor before he could push his arm beneath the cold tap of the bath and rinse it beneath the water.

The worst part was always the rinsing. The water was so cold compared to his blood and his arm would go pale and numb, goose bumps sprouting as he would shiver from it, but he took his time to watch the blood run red down the plug hole before he grabbed fistful after fistful over loo roll and clamped it down over the cuts.

Bob sighed and sank down to lean against the bath, waiting a while as he applied pressure to the cuts and closed his eyes, smiling softly as he felt them throbbing lightly. He didn’t care what he had promised anymore, he didn’t care if people didn’t want him to do this. He knew he could control it, he knew he was never going to serious hurt himself and so he saw no problem with it. It was just something he needed right now. He needed it to help him.

Once the blood had slowed down enough Bob gathered up the neatly laid out bandages and wound them delicately round his arm, pulling them tight and making sure he got them all perfectly straight and perfect before he taped them down with some medical tape. The throbbing in his arm had intensified a little but it was perfect that way, the throbbing helped Bob direct his thoughts away from Frank and Gerard.

Bob cleaned up the bathroom quickly, admiring his bandage as he did so. He knew Frank would be devastated if he knew what he had just done but Bob simply didn’t care. As far as he was concerned, Frank deserved it.