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Without a Heart

#01 - Speak:
He speaks not through his voice and words, but his actions.

#02 - Touch:
Byakuya hates touch, for the simple contact of skin against skin tears his many defenses away as easily as paper.

#03 - Memory:
He had memorized every single kanji required for daily living by the time he was five, not because he wanted to, but because it was what was required of him.

#04 - Vanilla:
Vanilla is never his favorite, but hers.

#05 - Chocolate:
The only chocolate he eats is dark chocolates, pure and bitter and untainted by white.

#06 - Ways and Means:
Byakuya had tried his best to find a way, any way, to save Rukia without breaking the rules, and failed; it was his first major failure, and one he refused to forgive himself for.

#07 - Belief:
He used to believe completely in Soul Society's laws, but after Aizen's betrayal, Byakuya suddenly wasn't very sure any more.

#08 - Linger:
He finds it ironic that the things he wants to forget most tend to linger, unwanted, in his thoughts.

#09 - Illuminance:
"Kuchiki-taichou's so uptight and has such a holier-than-thou attitude, it wouldn't be surprising if he lights up a damn room when he walks into it."

#10 - Ornament:
Byakuya kept an ornament, a worthless trinket of pink and blue, near his heart simply because she loved it once.

#11 - /Coup de foudre/:
The dash forward to save his sister was the only thing he had ever done that surprised himself.

#12 - Archway:
He knew that the Kurosaki boy was alive when he stepped through the door to Soul Society, and he felt Kisuke's spirit force nearby, but he didn't turn back.

#13 - Fate:
He knew that he was to be alone forever, even when he met her.

#14 - Pulse:
"Kuchiki-taichou's so damn cold all the time, wonder if he breathes or even have a pulse; even if he does, I don't think he has a /heart/."

#15 - Envelope:
He received his assignment to 'retrieve' Rukia in a white envelope.

#16 - Cold:
His room has been cold ever since she died; he has never bothered he heat it, for the warmth he needs was not what a fire can give.

#17 - Need:
He needed her as he needed the air to breathe: unknowing of her importance until she was taken from him.

#18 - Drunk:
Love is like alcohol, heady and addictive and kills.

#19 - Mask:
His scarf and kenseiken are his masks, and he hides himself behind the façade of a perfect aristocrat and captain.

#20 - Rose:
Once, when Rukia received a bouquet of roses, she suddenly thought of her brother, for the roses are beautiful and layered, folds of petals hiding within each other, protected by sharp thorns.

#21 - Two:
Byakuya only loves two women in his life: Hisana and his sister.

#22 - Fresh:
"I dare you to try to proposition Kuchiki-taichou, you're his vice-captain, there must be some chances of it, no?"; "What the fuck, Yumichika, if you want me to die you can just tell me that!"

#23 - Bribe:
Despite the rumors, Byakuya had never had to resort to bribes or his family name to gain his rank: he got it by pure ability.

#24 - Error:
The first mistake he had ever made was falling in love with her

#25 - Appetite:
He rarely has an appetite, but he eats because it is something that he needs to do.

#26 - Refrain:
Byakuya used to pride himself for never losing his temper enough to release Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, but even that pride was taken from him during his fight with Kurosaki Ichigo.

#27 - Family:
He had never loved anyone in his family, not even as a child.

#28 - Grieve:
The first time he grieved, truly /grieved/, was when she died.

#29 - Vapor:
Oaths and vows had clouded his eyes when he received the news of Rukia's execution.

#30 - Tea:
Oolong tea, brewed with half a cup of tea leaves and half a cup of boiling water, is a secret vice of his.

#31 - Medicine:
Byakuya hates the smell of medicine, for it reminds him of watching her grow weaker and the feeling of utter helplessness.

#32 - Moth:
He hates Hell Moths for, most of the time, they're the bearer of news he doesn't want to hear.

#33 - Perfect:
He isn't perfect, no matter how much he wants to be.

#34 - Rope:
He had tied a self-made noose around himself, made of oaths and promises twisted into rope.

#35 - Wind:
Sometimes, at night, when the winds glided through his windows, Byakuya would shiver with cold and wonder why he couldn't reach the warmth.

#36 - Crossroads:
Byakuya thinks that he's a stupid, stupid man to always choose the cold, dark and narrow paths in every crossroad of life he had come across.

#37 - Summer:
The summer air is hot and humid and the scents of flowers choking, but it was all worth it just to see her dance within the sakura blossoms, smiling and laughing like he never allows himself to.

#38 - Candy:
He had never really wondered where the packet of candy he threw out of the window for Yachiru had came from.

#39 - Photograph:
The photograph of her in the shrine was the only one he has; he had burnt the rest.

#40 - Spoon:
Kuchiki Byakuya was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a knife on his back.

#41 - Forest:
He practiced deep in the forest not to selfishly hoard his training techniques, but to hide his failures.

#42 - Mirror:
Byakuya knows for a fact that a mirror lies, for it shows a perfect visage without any flaws, without any faults.

#43 - Smoke:
'No smoke without fire' is one of the most ridiculous sayings Byakuya had ever heard of, for if everyone believes in rumors, who will believe in the truth?

#44 - Shine:
The fireflies, with their beautiful glowing light, have always fascinated him, for they shone for such a short time before dying, their light fading to be replaced by another firefly.

#45 - Balloon:
The first time he went into the human world, a little girl-spirit approached him with an overly-large grin and smiling eyes, handing him a red balloon and asking for a smile.

#46 - Vine:
The poison ivy is a truly admirable plant, Byakuya thinks, to be able to grow despite adversity and keep people away effortlessly.

#47 - Butterfly:
He once spent an hour trying to catch a butterfly on his finger, just to get a smile out of her.

#48 - Gloves:
The fingerless gloves he has is the only white he wears that does not choke him.

#49 - Venom:
Aizen's words poisoned the wound Ichimaru had made near his heart, infecting the wound and infecting his mind.

#50 - Remain:
/'Stay, please, stay...'/ she died when he was by her bedside.

/End/