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A/N: I don't own Gravitation

#4 our distance and that person


Betrayal



He rolled the empty shot glass between his fingers, watching the fluid movement intently. Thankfully the bar was virtually empty, leaving him to wallow in his misery without distraction.

"Another?"

Shuichi nodded without looking up, setting the glass on the bar and watching it magically fill with more of the amber liquid. Regarding it for a moment, he downed the shot, savoring the burn. Slowly he was feeling the jagged edges of his emotions smooth out to a dull ache.

Fucking prick.

He had left their room in a rage, leaving behind his stuff sure, but more importantly his passport. The hotel bar was about as far away as he was getting for the moment, but it was better than going back to the room. Yuki had spent years playing mind games with him - giving him just enough to keep him ever willing. But he never doubted that Yuki loved him - NEVER - until now.

Catching the eye of the bartender, Shuichi motioned towards his empty glass and waited for it to be refilled. He was going to stay down here and get pissed drunk. If he was lucky he would die of alcohol poisoning, if not maybe he'd still be drunk by the time they boarded the plane in the morning and he could sleep the entire flight away.

He clenched his hands into fists as he thought of what had transpired. Yuki had come back from his final meeting and they had planned on going to dinner and settling in early due to their morning flight. He should've known that this whole trip was too good to be true! Maybe Yuki was right - he was an idiot. Tipping his head back, he let the next shot slide down his throat. He was buzzing quite nicely now, but Yuki's words still rang in his ears. "I was with someone while you were gone."



"What?!" Shuichi immediately felt adrenaline dump into his bloodstream and his stomach drop to the floor. "What did you just say?"

"I've been wanting to tell you, but I wasn't quite sure how. I needed you to know because I realized how wrong it was."

"You just realized how fucking wrong it was?" Shuichi jumped off the bed where he had been lying post-coital with Yuki and grabbed for his jeans. "How could you do this to me? To us?"

"Will you shut up and sit down so I can tell you?" Yuki followed suit, pulling on his pants and glaring. "I didn't plan for it to happen! And when it did I - "

"Did you fuck someone else the entire six months, or did you save it for special occasions?" Shuichi spat, pulling his shirt over his head and trying not to cry. He was so angry that he almost couldn't stop the tears from coming; his resolve was weakening.

"It wasn't like that! Sit the fuck down and shut up so I can tell you." Yuki moved towards his lover and was amazed at his agility when he stepped aside quickly and moved around him. Turning to face Shuichi as he was slipping his shoes on, Yuki found himself almost pleading. "Could you at least hear me out? I've been trying to get up the nerve to tell you all week, and -"

"So this is why you brought me to New York? I get it now." Shuichi sneered. "Get me out of the country where I don't know anybody and then dump me!"

"I don't want to dump you!" Yuki almost screamed, forcing himself to lower his voice before he continued. "I brought you with me because I missed you, and I realized that I couldn't keep this a secret from you. You deserve to know, freak, that's why I'm trying to tell you!"

"I deserve/ to know? Is that what I /deserve? Fuck you, Yuki. I gave you everything and this is what I deserve in return?" Shuichi was yelling with his hands fisted at his sides. He was overwhelmed with the desire to bloody Yuki's nose, but refrained - he wouldn't lower himself.

Yuki raised his fist, but stopped himself before he could swing. "Are you going to listen to me or not, because I'm pretty much done wasting my breath on you."

"Fine, clear your conscience if that's what you need." Shuichi glared at Yuki as his lover started to pace.

Yuki took a deep breath. "It happened two months ago. I was lonely, and I ... missed you. I started going to this bar to get out of the house and I met this guy. At first we would just sit next to each other and drink - no pointless conversation, just company I guess. At one point he asked me what I did for a living and that got the ball rolling. We would meet at the bar, maybe talk, and always drink." He looked up and met Shuichi's eyes. "I told him about you. There were some nights when we spoke only of you."

Shuichi snorted. "What, on the nights you fucked him?"

"I never/ fucked him. Get that right now, we /never fucked." Yuki screamed, frustration quickly gaining control. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he didn't expect Shuichi to be so confrontational - maybe they had both changed during their six months apart. "For a few weeks we only saw each other at the bar, and one night he asked me to go to dinner. It seemed harmless, so I went. I enjoyed the guy's company okay; he was the only one I spoke with other than you ... so I went. I realized later that he had assumed that I understood what it was all about. We ate, and drank and then went back to his place."

"If you didn't fuck, then what did you do?" Shuichi sounded suddenly small; eyes shiny with unshed tears.

"He kissed me and it was nice, I can't deny it. I'd been without anything for months and the kiss was just..." Yuki shrugged. "Things started happening fast and I wasn't really thinking. He wanted us to go into the bedroom, but I refused. I don't know what I was thinking - part of my brain was screaming betrayal, and the rest was overwhelmed with this sudden onslaught of affection. Anyway he ended up giving me head. I left after that."

Shuichi just stared, feeling like he had been punched in the stomach. "Did you see him again?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, I wanted to, I really did. I was lonely, and I wanted to, but I couldn't do that to you - not again."

"Did you ever think that I was lonely too?" Shuichi felt the first tear run down his cheek and he ignored it.

"You had Hiro, who did I have?"

"I didn't have Hiro like I have you!" Another tear. The dam was dangerously close to breaking.

"Let's talk about Hiro, huh? I suppose you're going to tell me that there's nothing going on there?" Yuki spat, stepping closer and forcing Shuichi to sit on the bed. "He practically answered your phone every time I called."

"That's low." Shuichi's voice grew deceptively quiet. "Don't you dare try to suggest that anything has EVER gone on between Hiro and me. We're friends, not that I'd expect you to understand." He was silent for a moment, wanting to ask the question that was plaguing him the most, but afraid of the answer. "Did you care for him?" Shuichi held his breath.

"No." Yuki walked towards the window and looked out at the street below. "I didn't and don't. I stopped going to the bar and after a week or so I figured it had all blown over, but he showed up at the house. I told him it was a mistake and that I ... I loved my boyfriend."

Shuichi could see Yuki's face reflected in the window. Yuki wasn't one to gush emotions or declarations of love, so it was surprising to hear such things unprompted. "And that's it?"

Yuki nodded. "That's it. I never went back to the bar, and he never showed up again." He turned to face Shuichi, face filled with emotion. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean for it to happen. I never realized how doing something like this would make me feel."

Tears were flowing freely now, but he paid them no mind. Shuichi stood and shook his head. "And how is that Yuki? Do you feel guilty, is that it?! Did you ever think about how this would make me feel? I love you with all my heart, I always have. I've spent years being treated like shit by a cold hearted bastard who could barely stand me unless I was naked and underneath him!" He reached for the doorknob and turned it before looking over his shoulder. "I hope you don't want me to relieve you of your guilt, because I think you deserve it!"

Yuki grabbed Shuichi's arm and tried to pull him back into the room. "I don't care about the guilt! I care about you, and this whole thing made me realize how much I really do care."

"Mighty fucking noble of you, Yuki. Now get your fucking hands off me." Shuichi pulled away and stalked down the hall without looking back.



He'd been sitting at the bar for hours now, drinking himself steadily into oblivion. His anger was gone, replaced by a dull ache in his heart. He realized that it didn't bother him so much that Yuki had sex with the guy, well, almost had sex with the guy - he could live with that. It was the fact that Yuki had been lonely and searching for comfort. Damn him, he'd never even suggested that he could possibly need anything from him, let alone comfort. He'd gotten something from a stranger that he could've gotten from his lover if he had only cared enough to ask and that killed something inside of him.

"Last call." The bartender stood before him, his expression kind.

Shuichi smiled at him. "One more for the road I guess."

He downed the last shot and didn't even feel it going down. He was completely faced, but his mind was unusually clear. He had spent the last few hours working things over, and hadn't really come up with any concrete answers. Love wasn't an issue, his love for Yuki was strong as ever whether he wanted to admit it or not, but trust was a whole different matter. Shuichi shrugged as he stood, swaying momentarily on his feet before making his way towards the door. They needed to fix things, and it probably would be a torturous undertaking, but throwing away their life together just seemed too extreme.

Hoping he wasn't drawing too much attention to himself, he managed to make it back to his room. After a half dozen swipes with his keycard, he finally gained access and staggered in. Bed ... he didn't want to think about anything else, save sleep. The lights were still on, as was the television with the sound off. Yuki was sleeping on his back fully dressed, his arms crossed protectively across his chest. Shuichi stripped off his shirt and pants and made his way towards the bed. Many a night had been spent sleeping next to Yuki after heated arguments, and this was no different.

He grabbed the remote and turned off the television before reaching for the light switch. His gaze lingered over Yuki and he noticed the shine of tears drying on his lashes. He'd been crying - good - let him feel the pain he'd caused. The room was plunged into darkness when he flicked the switch and Shuichi was left with the slow, deep breathing of his lover. His emotions were spent, and he didn't look forward to the aftermath of tonight. They'd deal with it, they always did.

Just as he was drifting off he felt a weight on his hand. After a moment's hesitation he allowed Yuki to lace their fingers together. A heavy weight was lifted off his chest with such a simple gesture, and hope started to sneak into his heart. Yuki squeezed his hand gently and Shuichi knew that it would be tough, but they'd be all right in the end. They always were.



A/N: to be continued with the next kiss