FicWad

It's a cold, rainy December night. There's only one person walking down the abandoned streets of Belleville, New Jersey. His hands are deeply hidden in the pockets of his gray sweatshirt, the hood pulled over his head in a futile attempt to prevent the icy raindrops from gliding down his neck. Hot tears are pouring down his already tear-stained face as he thinks about his life.

They've abandoned him - everyone he's ever known. He's never really stuck in one place for too long. Ever since he was a young boy he's felt completely and utterly alone, whether on the playground, in school or even at home. Only one person could ever kill these pains of solitude. His brother was by his side everyday, hugging him when he needed a hug, listening when he needed to vent, never passing judgment for a second. Throughout Gerard's whole life, Mikey was the only person who he was able to trust, confide in, and genuinely love. They were each other's world entire, and even as a young child he knew his responsibility to protect his baby brother. But he failed. His sole job in this life was to care for his frail and vulnerable sibling, but he couldn't save him when the cancer spread to his lungs. He couldn't stop the pain that he knew Mikey endured day after day, though he would have traded places with his sick brother in a heartbeat.

He died exactly three years prior to this day, and the guilt and sorrow hasn't left Gerard's mind for a moment. Mikey was his rock, and really the only reason he had left to keep living. Gerard never could have imagined his life without his baby brother. He kept a smile on his face until the day he died, and that smile had kept him going, gave him hope. If he could smile through such pain, why couldn't Gerard? But that smile, his light, was now long gone. What did he have to live for? As the hot tears continue streaking down his pale, chubby face, he realizes that he's not an easily consolable young boy anymore. He's a grown man and knows he should act like it. Grown men don't sulk, they don't cry.

Coming out of his thoughts, he sees that he's wandered to the apartment building they used to share. He remembers the day he moved out as clear as if it were just yesterday. He was sleeping in the hospital waiting room as he'd done so many nights before when the news of Mikey's passing reached him. Without a word, he left the hospital and climbed in his old Chevy. No tears escaped his eyes as he reached their home, walked through the apartment door and started packing. Within five minutes he was on his way out again, not even bothering to lock the door behind him before pacing down the narrow hallway out into the cold and back to his truck. He hadn't returned since. He just couldn't. The memories were too painful.

After pausing for a moment to reminisce, he allows his feet to unconsciously carry him up each flight of stairs until reaching the top floor. Five more steps and a door. He's finally here. The cold night air whips furiously around him as he takes a few tentative steps toward the roof's ledge. A childish giggle escapes his frozen mouth as his foot sways carelessly and dangerously over the edge. The bottle he holds in his numb hands is near empty as he brings it to his lips, allowing the bitter liquid to slosh into his mouth. Dropping the bottle, he watches through blurred vision as it smashes into a million beautiful sparkles so many feet below. He looks up at the sky and softly begins mumbling a few lines of Mikey's favourite song under his breath.

I never said I'd lie and wait forever. If I died we'd be together.

At the end of the world, or the last thing I see. You are never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I?

A small, bitter smile graces his lips as the wind blows his damp raven hair into his eyes. Still looking up into nothingness, his mouth silently forms a sentence. "Mikey. My Mikey. I'm so sorry."

He stands at the very edge now, staring drunkenly down. One small step or wobble would send him tumbling down to the cold gray street. A sure death. Tears glisten in the moonlight as they cascade down his pale cheek.

Decision time.