FicWad

I stumble out of the classroom and am pushed side to side as I'm carried along a sea of bobbing heads walking to lesson; Giggling, screeching, gossiping, having fun...But that's all a blur.

Why is it so hard for me to act normal?! It's just so frustrating!

I bite my lip to hold back the stinging tears that are beginning to swell up behind my hazy eyes.

Tears... They're my weak point. I just can't help over reacting and getting all emotional and the kind of crap. It's not my fault I'm completely messed up in the head, honestly. It's just i'm.. insecure, ok?! There! I said it!

I slam my locker and jump as it bangs firmly shut. I can see him; In all his prefect glory. I swear he's like an angel! Imagine that, an angel in love with me...

My mind starts to trail off but I stop it before I actually start to believe the fantasies... Damn it! Why can't I just learn to, I don't know, not think?! It'd make life a hell of alot easier.

I realize I'm still looking at him and try and grasp a few more quick sneaky seconds... No! Oh god, no! This can't be happening! He's seen me...

Right, do I look ok? Eurgh, not now!

He's strides over, closing the distance...

"Hi," I say, feeling my pitch go a couple of octaves higher. He grins and says a simple "Hey," in a laid back, totally cool voice. But then again, of course he's relaxed, his feeling aren't mutual.

My mind is in over drive...

"Thanks again," I mange to burt out as he ducks his head and his lips once again lift up.
"No problem," he smiles and reaches up to move a stray strand of deep, brown hair away from my face.

Oh god. I think I'm going to faint... This must be what Heaven feels like...

My train of thought is broken by a shrill voice echoing down the halls.

"Oz! Ozzy!" The voice continues to sqwuak. A blonde is waving her hand, frantically trying to grab his attention.

No! Go away! Shoo!!!

"Oscuro? Can you hear me?!" She glances at me and I catch a 'move-now-or-I-will-stab-you' look. He gives me one last smile then strolls over to her. She puts her arm possessively around his waist, turns and gives me a smug smile, flips her hair and then shimmies away out of sight.

And out of reach to strangle...

Crack! What was that? Oh. it was just my heart shattering into millions of zillions of tiny pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle never to be solved.

I have to get out. Now.

I turn and run towards the exit door, ignoring the curious glances and the sniggering. I push against the doors and continue to race across the field. The cool air whips my face with it's harsh bite and I feel sweat gathering along my forehead. I come to a halt at the tail, rusty steel gate and without summing up my chances of breaking my neck, I scale up. I reach the top and swing my shaking legs over...

Wow. it's high up here.

I then begin my descent to the safe, safe ground. My toes brush along the pavement and I drop down. But noo time to celebrate. I continue my sprint until I'm at my door step.

Huh. All those years of been on the track team really helped me out there.

I steal glances to my side, then making sure the coast is clear, I fumble in my pocket for my key and jam it in the door.

Damn! It's. Not. Working!

I jiggle the key around a bit more as I bite my lip, praying the neighbors won't catch me. Giving one last hard shove I practically fall head first as the door buckles under the pressure. I scramble to my feet and slam the door. I lean against the chipped wood and close my eyes, focusing on catching my breath which seems to be locked in my throat. I clench my fists as I stride up the stairs two at a time and head for my room. My breathing starts to waver and I know what's to come...

I stand infront of my bedroom door and just pathetically crumple to the ground, tears already over flowing.

Thank god my mum is out of town for the next two weeks at some 'work convention'. She's really just gone out with her friends or whoever and left me to fend for myself. I've gotten used to it since my dad died. She thinks she can just wash away the pain with alcohol, but she can't.

I feel a fresh wave of tears come flowing out as I remember my dad. He got run over by a train. Some people speculated that he did it to get away from his wife, my mother; But I know it was an accident. I was his world and he never let me forget it. He woudn't leave me stranded like this.,,

I stayed there the rest of the night, wallowing in my own humiliation and self pity.