Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Faithfully I'm Still Yours


by LauraiSlaxl 0 reviews

Axl thinks about Laurie before a concert.

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama - Published: 2011-04-02 - Updated: 2011-04-03 - 1185 words - Complete

Axl Rose stood, leaned up against the stained concrete wall backstage, his eyes shut, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He was about to play a show, and sometimes cigarette smoke did things to his vocal chords that he didn't like, but tonight he needed this.

Earlier that evening, Duff McKagan had called the red-haired lead singer to announce that he'd seen Laurie working at the Whiskey, told her about the show, and that she'd agreed to come see them perform.

"She might be coming backstage after, man," Duff had said, ignoring the flash of anger in Axl's eyes at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. "So try not to yell at her too much, okay? She's the same way she always was."

Now it was nine-thirty, and Axl knew it was time to go onstage, but he didn't care. They could afford to wait. He needed to think.

He took another drag from his cigarette and thought about Laurie. In the three-and-a-half years since he'd seen her last, he'd thought about her rarely, if at all. After she'd left him in the Canadian hotel room, after he'd cried until his tear glands were empty, after he'd managed to fall asleep, after he'd called the guys in their rooms to tell them Laurie was out of their lives forever, he'd forced himself to forget her, or at least store her memory in a back corner of his mind until she could be thought of. But it hadn't been easy. Laurie Stevens had been a part of Axl's every day life for two and a half years by that time; waking up without her was like waking up missing an arm or a leg. It just wasn't conceivable. He had no one to turn to for help with his dreams, no one to rant to when he got one to love...Axl's life was empty and void without Laurie, and for a while he considered ending it.

Then one morning, Axl woke up in a hotel room in Chicago, Illinois, with an empty bindle on the dresser top by his head and a female he didn't recognize next to him, her hair splayed out on the pillow, and he realized he was wasting his life. He'd woken the woman up and kicked her out; then he'd tossed his cocaine and gone to sound check with the guys for the first time in nearly a month, since Laurie had left. After that he got better; not perfect, but better. And he was able to go for long stretches of time--hours--without thinking about Laurie. He found that if he didn't think about her, he was able to get more done. And so in this way he was able to finish Gn'R Lies and have it out on the shelves by November 29, 1988. It went platinum quickly and with relative ease; the tour was successful, and by summer of 1989, Lauren Elaine Stevens had all but slipped completely from W. Axl Rose's mind.

But now she was coming to his concert.

For the past three and a half years, he'd been purposefully avoiding Los Angeles, California, in the hopes that he'd never have to lay eyes on her again. The few times he allowed himself to think about her (usually late at night, when he could cry himself to sleep in his new house without anyone hearing) were so painful it wrenched at his heart. He was pretty sure seeing her again would kill him.

What better way to die than on stage, right? he thought cynically to himself, before dropping the cigarette on the ground and grinding it out with his foot. He walked up to Slash and said, "Hey, man, is it time?"

"Past it," said Slash, but if he was thinking anything else he didn't voice it. "C'mon, let's go before it gets any later." He called, "Duff, Izzy, Matt, come on, it's time," and the five men walked onstage to roars from the Californian crowd.

Axl stepped up to the microphone and stared down into its electronically black voidness. He curved his fingers around it and scanned the crowd surreptitiously for Laurie. When he didn't see her, he relaxed and yelled, "Hey, L.A.! It's great to be back home!" He paused, allowing the crowd to scream its approval, then roared:

"Do you know where the fuck you are?"


"Welcome to the jungle, Starwood!" As Slash launched into the repetitive, haunting rhythm that began the legendary song, Axl looked over the crowd again. No sign of her.

So Duff was wrong, Axl thought in self-satisfaction. He opened his mouth and let out his high-pitched wail, then began the song, dashing around the stage, shaking people's hands, relishing in his music.


The show ended at eleven-forty-five P.M. Axl thanked the crowd, wished them a good night (not like he meant it), and headed backstage. His vocal chords, as he'd expected, were raw and wasted now, and his throat hurt so bad it was practically on fire. He grabbed the first water bottle he saw and downed three-fourths of it in one gulp. Then he walked over to Duff, lighting a cigarette as he went.

"Hey, McKagan, you were wrong," he said as he approached the bassist.

Duff turned, looking surprised. "About what?"

"Laurie didn't show." Axl was smiling a little bit, clearly in a good mood, or the ghost of one anyway. He hadn't been truly happy since Laurie had been in his life, and now he was a shadow of what he had once been, but it didn't matter. The crowds had loved him tonight. His Use Your Illusion tour was going very successfully. There would be plenty of groupies to choose from later. If Axl was going to be depressed, now was definitely not the time.

"Laurie said she would show," said Duff. "I swear to God, man, she gave me whiskey and we talked and I invited her here free and she said she'd come."

"Did you see her come in?"

"Well, no..."

"Then she's not here." Axl took another drag from his cigarette and turned away, sneering a little bit. "Better go stand by the security guard; or else she won't get in free." He laughed sarcastically and walked off to sign the paper of an excited fan.

"Asshole," muttered Duff to himself, before walking off to find Slash. The guitarist was taking a picture with a girl who was so happy to be there she was in tears. Duff waited patiently until she'd gone, then said, "Slash, man, lemme talk to you for a second, okay?"

Slash turned and said, "Yeah, what's up?"

Duff quickly related everything that had gone down between himself and Laurie earlier. Slash looked interested, and the bassist said:

"Go stand by the guards. If she comes, tell them to let her in free. Okay?"

"Sure." Slash walked off, and Duff went back to Axl, who was having an intense conversation with the fan girl.

"Slash is gonna let her in," he said.

"Good luck with that," muttered Axl without turning around.

Laurie isn't coming. Right...?
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