FicWad

Laurie stared at she and Axl's intertwined hands, resting comfortably on the seat divider between them. His head was tilted back against the seat; his auburn hair contrasting sharply with the deep blue of the sky outside the plane's window. His golden eyelashes rested against his cheeks as he slept, his breathing coming evenly and regularly. Laurie wondered how he could sleep so soundly when his leg was in that condition.

Then again, she supposed she also had to wonder how he'd slept soundly for the three years they'd been separated.

Everything was moving so fast, now that they were back together. Laurie's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions: just last night they'd made out for the first time in forever, and this morning...that scene in the hotel, with him, that kind of thing hadn't happened since before they'd released Appetite for Destruction in July of '87.

Is this right? Am I leading him on? What is this about? Laurie asked herself these questions as the plane flew steadily on towards Los Angeles and was not really surprised to realize she did not know the answer. She looked over her shoulder at Slash, staring out the window; at Erin, who was utterly clueless when it came to Laurie and Axl's renewed relationship; at Izzy, whose happiness at Laurie's announcement had seemed almost forced, like he didn't want her back with the lead singer.

But, thought Laurie as she turned back to the front of the plane again, feeling Axl's fingers shift slightly in hers as he moved, which one of us doesn't Izzy want to see get hurt again?

~~~

When the plane touched down in California, Axl woke up slowly, emerging from his deep sleep like he'd been buried under thick layers of gauze. His turquoise eyes met Laurie's and he smiled, reaching out to touch her face.

"G'morning, beautiful," he murmured.

"Actually, it's the afternoon," said Laurie gently.

"S'all th' same to me," he said, taking his hand out of hers so that he could get his bags.

Erin wandered over then and hooked her arms around Axl's shoulders. "Hey," she said. "Miss me?"

The vocalist turned in his (ex?) girlfriend's arms and brushed his lips against her cheek. "Sure, Erin. Because I can miss someone when I'm asleep, yeah."

Laurie snorted and Erin giggled, that high-pitched, staccato, annoying sound they all hated.

"Axl," she said, "if I could find someone as funny as you, I'd be surprised!"

"Thanks," muttered Axl, pushing past both women so that he could be the first off the plane and onto the limo.

Erin turned to Laurie, her eyes flashing a little bit. "Look, bitch," she said. "I don't know why you're hanging around Axl so much, but you'd better stop now, because he's mine, got that?"

"Actually," said Laurie coolly, "last time I checked, you hadn't tattooed a bar code on Axl and sent him through the check out line at a grocery store, so he's not yours, okay?"

Duff, overhearing this, began to laugh so hard that he had to stop walking in the middle of the aisle so he could catch his breath. Erin's cheeks turned pink; for a few seconds Laurie thought the supermodel would slap her. But then she just walked out into the aisle and off the plane, leaving Laurie with a feeling of satisfaction...almost.

~~~

"Laur?" murmured Axl, twirling a strand of her hair in his fingers. It was later in the afternoon, and they were together in his Malibu mansion, away from the hectic rush of people.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking about...this." He made a sweeping gesture at their bodies, pressed so close together they could have produced heat enough to warm a small third world country, at their locked fingers. "I was thinking...that we're moving too fast."

Surprise flooded Laurie's veins as she realized that she and Axl had, once again, been thinking the exact same thing. But surprise quickly gave way to anger as he continued:

"And I thought you and I should break this off while we're still floating above water. Erin wants me, clearly; and you and I...we just...we--"

"We what, Axl?" snapped Laurie, jerking out of his arms so fast she almost knocked into his cast. "We weren't meant to be, is that what you're trying to say? We aren't really in love?"

He swallowed hard and shut his eyes, clearly going through some sort of inner emotional turmoil. "No, Laur, honey...that's not what I meant. I meant that--after all our history together, after everything I've done to you and that you've done to me...we shouldn't push our luck with this. We can't do this to ourselves; who're we kidding? I've been thinking about it all day, and it's not just that we're moving too fast, it's that we're moving, period. Maybe you and I were meant to be, I don't know, but we shouldn't try this out. We shouldn't risk this."

For reasons she couldn't quite sort out, Laurie felt tears of hot anger and rejection rise to her eyes.

"Maybe Erin does want you," she whispered, "but that doesn't mean you have to go to her. Maybe I want you too. Maybe...maybe I need you more."

Axl sat up and grabbed Laurie's hands in his. "Laurie, look...I don't know what's going on between you and I right now, but it's like I said earlier: it needs to stop before one of us gets hurt again--"

"The only person who got hurt the first time around was you, Axl Rose," spat Laurie angrily, before she could stop herself. "You always were the drama queen in our relationship, you always had to make things larger than life. Things didn't work out perfectly between us the first time, so you freaked out and called in a professional psychiatrist...like that's gonna help anything. You turned my old friends against me--"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Laurie? Duff, Slash, Izzy, they all still like you!"

"--and now that I'm willing to retry this, you want to back out of it before it gets any deeper. You want to run to that slut who claims to love you; you want to be with her because you know you can hit her and throw her around and she won't do shit because you're her god, and she looks up to you, and--"

"Fuck you, Laurie."

"Bite me, Axl. Don't go around trying to insult me like that when you know it's perfectly true. You're just afraid of getting hurt again, that's your problem. And don't think it'll work out, us just 'being friends', because you know perfectly well that you and I have always been more than friends. Always." Her brown eyes were clouded over with unshed tears. She bit down on her lower lip and looked up at the high ceiling, trying to hide her weakness from Axl.

When the lead vocalist spoke again, there was a far less harsh quality to his voice than Laurie had been expecting. "The truth, Laur, is that you and I will always end up hurting each other. I know we're perfect for each other: we compliment each other in every way; we're like twins, baby. But we can't keep doing this to each other, and you know that as well as I do. I know we...we feel a mutual attraction now, but it's all sex, honey, and the second we have to--no, Laurie, look at us now. Look how we're already arguing. Someone's gonna get hurt, badly. Better for you to just be my background singer, better for me to just date someone with no emotional depth whatsoever, than for both of us to go spiraling down the drain."

He locked his eyes onto hers. "I love you, Laurie Stevens, and I always have and I always will. Nothing can change that, ever. And that's why I'm pulling out of this 'relationship' before it can take a serious route. I don't want to have to hurt you, and I don't want you to hurt me, not again. Let this go, Laurie, and we can coexist peacefully, as if we'd never known each other."

"How can you say that?" Laurie whispered, the tears falling freely now. "How can you expect me to pretend that you and I--we--never existed?"

"Because," Axl whispered back, his voice hoarse and strained, "I've been doing it for the past three years, and look where I am now."

Laurie just stared at Axl for a few seconds, shocked beyond words. Then she tore her hands out of his (they'd never stopped holding hands, all through their argument), slapped him as hard as she could across the face, and ran out of his mansion, sobbing.

It occurred to her, as she climbed into a taxi five minutes later, that she hadn't cried so hard since the night she'd left him in Canada.

It occurred to her that she'd just done the exact same thing that she'd done that night. And she still felt the same way about it: hollowed out, empty inside, like a skeleton rotting away in a grave.