FicWad

Three weeks later...

Boston, Massachusetts
It took a week or so for Calyx to adjust to waking up to the rumble of the bus below and the sensation of movement. The baby usually started up around midnight, pushing on her internal organs, but also the new environment made her nights restless. What surprised her more than the clockwork of the boys’ lives overlapping on one tour bus was how accommodating they all were to her intrusion. If they felt any discomfort, they didn't show it. Even Mikey, Gerard's quiet younger brother, although shy was polite.
Calyx made an effort to be out of the way and her presence unnoticed. They converted the back studio into a private bunk, and when she was not there working on her computer or reading, she did her part to clean. Although it really was the only effort, the boys were eager to let her play tour mom, and never objected while she organized the immense clutter around them. Overall the situation was not as cramped and unbearable as she assumed. In fact, besides being pregnant, living on the road was her life's desire and probably the real reason she readily agreed.
Despite waking in a new city and time zone every day, there was a pretty set routine on the bus. Mikey and/or Gerard would wake up first, start the coffee and forage for breakfast with the rest of the tour group who were also awake. Ray and Bob got up soon after and took their time getting ready, but usually had instruments in hand by breakfast already practicing for that night. Frank, however, being a self confessed insomniac slept as late as he possibly could and even stole naps when his handlers were not looking. Calyx stayed secluded in the back of the bus occasionally making small talk, but today she and Gerard had an important appointment. For the first time in almost two weeks, the anxiety woke her first followed by the baby's acrobatics.
When Gerard woke, emerging from the bathroom stall fully combed and dressed he found her relaxing with a cup of tea doing her controlled breathing. His heart sank for her, he hated seeing the discomfort plastered on her face, but he couldn't do much. Today he wanted to show her his level of commitment, but honestly inside he was hysterical.
" He start up early today?" She didn't respond just nodded. "Want anything?"
“ Nope. Just for him to settle down, teas working- I think." Gerard slid in next to her at the table and took the tea away from her hands. He leaned low next to her firm belly, being her first she wasn't that big, but to the touch he felt the assailant inside.
“ Stop hurting Mommy, it's not nice." He demanded. She fingered the back of his messy hair and couldn't fight the smiling. She enjoyed him talking like this, weird as it was because it felt like a moment in which they were an actual family. Surprisingly, the nauseousness quieted.
“Huh, I think he's listening. Good practice, bossing around the unborn." Gerard kissed the top of the bulge sweetly, something he had only done twice before and settled back looking pleased with himself. The difficult thing, Calyx thought, wasn't Gerard's ability to comfort or be considerate towards her condition; it was everything else in between like having a normal conversation after such a display. They didn't talk much about each other if it didn't relate to the baby, and what surprised them most since the new arrangement was how easy filling the role of parent-to-be was, each reading the required books. Being themselves versus being in a form of a relationship was dangerously uncharted territory and they both didn't want to hurt the other whether or not they expressed as much.
Thankfully living with four souls, five including the driver Eddie, never left more than a minute uninterrupted, and Mikey emerged from the bathroom to wade through the waist high awkward silence filling the room.
“ Uh, morning?"
“ Morning, Mikey-" They greeted. "There's coffee, but I also made some tea if you want."
“ Thanks, I’ll have coffee."
“ Make me one will you? I’ll be outside." Gerard stood and took the cue to excuse himself for a cigarette, Calyx watched longingly after him.
"You okay?" Mikey refilled her cup with the aromatic tea.
“Yeah, quitting just sucks at times, especially when I can smell it on ya'll. I sure do miss morning coffee and a cig." Mikey cupped his mug and inhaled the steam lovingly, his long legs crossed and extended into the small aisle.
"Sorry, sounds shitty."
“ It's really just the smell. I pick up everything now, cigarettes, gas, the show the night before, I can even smell your conditioner from here."
“ This bus must be fucking hard on the nostrils. None of us really have any habits that include soap."
“ This bus isn't that bad, it’s actually pretty sick, there's a wash basin, electricity and everything. Your guys' clothes are another question! I had to fend off one of Frank's socks with a chair last time."
“ I know! I had to kill it with a frying pan!" Frank piped from the slot of his bunk, a mess of hair jutting from beneath the curtain. "Those socks are fuckin' vicious." Calyx blushed having been caught talking about another, but enjoyed the banter immensely. Frank never took offense to anything anyways.
“Oh, that's perfect coming from a vegetarian!"
"Says the man who's admitted having an affair with bacon."
“ In Mikey's defense, I totally agree. Bacon is pretty seductive." It was fun being included with the boys more often. Calyx was an only child and not only did she enjoy the idea of her child having a close uncle, ever since meeting them she had watched Gerard and Mikey' relationship adoringly, she liked him- or her- having a large makeshift family as well.
"Speaking of bacon," Gerard stepped back onto the bus and downed his coffee in two large gulps. He stood within a foot of Calyx, who shamefully closed her eyes in pleasure smelling the combination of his proximity, the worn scent of his clothes, and the smoke on his hands. "Let's go out for breakfast. Cal and I have a doctor's appointment today. Wake up Toro, so let's go!" Frank smiled deviously from his bunk.
“Ay-e-yai, Captain. Toro! Rise and shine mutherfucker!" They all cringed when Frank launched himself across the aisle into Ray's bunk. He immediately hollered in shock but no one was able to aid him from laughing fitfully. Mikey spat his coffee and Calyx's eyes filled with tears, thoroughly enjoying the sport of it all. She hadn't laughed like this in ages it felt, and found living with these five boys, because they definitely weren't men, to be the best time of her life.
After having a rowdy breakfast at the waffle house with every early bird from accompanying tour buses, a taxi arrived to take Gerard and Calyx to the local hospital. Gerard did his best to be useful filling out paperwork and answering questions, but his attitude changed after one of the nurses took Calyx away for measurements and assumed he was simply a friend for support.
Waiting patiently for the nurse to bring her back, he dejectedly flipped through the out of date magazines and observed the couples fluttering around him. A couple mothers sat alone, but a men who were either excruciatingly bored or dutifully engaged flanked mostly each one. His spotted a man no more than five years his senior cradling a newborn whose delicate limbs wore different colored hospital bands. The man handled his baby like it was about to dissolve in ash and a peculiar sadness seeped into Gerard's heart.
He became aware of mortality at a young age, and even now he heard the term 'death obsessed' often in reference to his music. His own mortality didn't concern him, he even accepted the loss of his Grandmother in stride but imagining Calyx and even worse his own child succumbing to the enviable filled him with undeniable anxiety. Subconsciously, he fished around in his coat pocket and found a small pillbox containing his savior. Without water, he tongued the pink diamond and forced himself to swallow, counting to ten for the effects.
“Mr. Way?" The nurse startled him, but she was alone. "Follow me please, she's in room nine."
Calyx sat waiting patiently on an examination table and noticeably brightened when Gerard entered.
“The technician will be you shortly." And with that, like sadistic irony, the nurse shut the door with them alone inside and only the sound of silence between them.
"How'd it go?"
"Fine, always pleasant to throw your legs up for a complete stranger." She caught a sudden impulse to apologize, caught another to laugh and gave up biting her lip sharply and hoping he didn't notice. "She checked it out and said everything looks good so far. They're gonna check it out with the ultrasound, and see if they're healthy or have any birth defects." Gerard glanced sleepily around the room.
“Are you bored shitless?"
"Uh, no, just got tired in the waiting room."
"You could fall asleep anywhere." The technician, a full faced girl of Italian decent, rushed into the room clicking her acrylic nails together and popping a piece of gum.
"Let's get started right and get you out'ta here." She had a distinct Bostonian accent which sounded alien to Calyx's Californian ears. "Okay, honey, lay back here and let's look at your baby." She was a little forceful, but Calyx also felt hesitant to expose herself with Gerard sitting so close. She complied but kept reminding her hands not to shield herself, the nurse pulled them away any time she did, popping obnoxiously with her gum.
"Alright, here we go." Calyx flinched when the chilled jelly hit her stomach and fought to contain the giggles when the technician worked it with her wand. On the screen vague flashes of static came to life, and the sound of an undersea voyage began to fill the room. Gerard watched the girls' interaction lazily, snared by the swift effects of the xanax, but felt a firm tug at his gut pull his attention to the images flashing on the screen.
He was unsure what he expected to see, and especially whether he or not he would feel anything. He told himself he would play along with whatever came on the screen, but his words evaporated instantly when he saw the perfect profile of a face emerge through the snow.
"There's your baby!"
"Wow, it's so much clearer than last time."
"How far along are you?"
"I think I'm about 30 weeks."
"Yep, that's 'bout when you're looking at the final product." She laughed shrilly at her joke. "What do you think, son? How long you been together?" They smiled awkwardly at each other and shrugged.
“It's complicated." He replied. The technician didn't seemed phased, in fact she laughed out loud making her gum visible.
"It always is. Well, your baby looks great, ten-to-ten and coming along nicely. Did you want to know the sex?"
"Gerard, it's up to you?" He was staring off again, but because the sound and screen together captivated him. The infinitesimal heartbeat fluttered vigorously and he was amazed to watch the delicate creature flex its hands and limbs. It was merely a shadow of what lived inside Calyx's belly, but also very concrete. He raked his fingers through his bangs roughly.
“No, I don’t want to know. Could we get a picture though?”
“Absolutely! Let me just get a clear one and you can get cleaned up dear.” The technician dismissed Calyx to an adjoining washroom, and printed several copies of a clear profile shot for Gerard. He squinted at the outline and fingered the nose bridge, the chin, and the small hands. He swelled with a peculiar sensation, one that even cut through the chemical veil of the Xanax. He didn’t notice when the noisy nurse left the room, but became keenly aware of Calyx watching him when she returned from the bathroom and stood closely.
“Can I see it again?” He leaned next to her so they could look together.
"I can't believe I'm looking at my kid, ours I mean. I don't know- fuck, it’s such a trip."
"Kind of feels like the night we met doesn't it?"
"What does?"
"Not knowing what the fuck to say, but like we should." He agreed, but suddenly looked at her seriously.
"Look, I've been thinking' a lot lately, and I really want us to figure out how we want to do this."
"What do you mean this?"
"I mean like us, and not just for the baby. I want you think about maybe really doing this with me. I don't want to half ass this shit I want to do it right." Calyx's heart felt like it had the wings of a hummingbird. She imagined as if they stopped her body would fail like clockwork beginning at her knees. Swallowing hard, she literally reached for his arms to stabilize her weak nerves.
"Gerard, be real. I don't want to force anything and have us resenting each other before he’s even here. I already care about you enough not to want to screw up what we have; at least we work well together." Inside the baby jerked impatiently and took the air from her lungs. Gerard saw the pain on her face and kindly placed a warm hand on her side, copying the same soothing motions he observed Calyx make dozens of times. "Thank you." She mouthed.
"Me and Mikey grew up without a lot of friends, and we're real close to our parents, and lucky for us, they're still together. I can hope as much, but it also takes effort and I want to try to make something out of this. But I need you to try with me, you know? I have a good feeling about this" She feared the hazel in his eyes, but when she finally looked his expression was comforting.
"Oh, Gerard-" She breathed, unable to keep her mind clear between his voice and the rumble from his chest, the warmth of his hands upon her, the personal scent of his body and each subsequent feature she focused on. He could tell she was struggling and tilted her chin up with his finger.
He sensed the foreign movement cease within her, but now seemed within him. Looking at her soft expression, her dark brown eyes lightly rimmed with tears, he saw an imperceptible flash of tongue lick the inside of her lips. Finally, he leaned in and kissed them openly feeling pleasant and complete in a way he could only describe through music. She was quickly receptive and gripped his jacket to press into his kiss again. She delighted in the release, and even went so far as to bite on his mouth gently, and suck playfully on his bottom lip. And where as she couldn’t feel the wave it caused in his gut, she felt him actually groan and knock his knees against hers, she made a mental note of the trick. Becoming hypnotized by the lust brewing within her, she overlooked how firmly she pressed herself against him until the baby awkwardly make its presence known and Gerard felt it against his abdomen.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Her breath was rushed and cheeks blushing with fever and embarrassment. Despite cravings that were unsatisfied over the last seven months, and especially after being kept in close quarters with five men, who became electrified with testosterone every night during shows, Calyx realized that this was her and Gerard’s, technical, first kiss. He thought of the same.
“Don’t say that.” He commanded softly while taking her face in his hands, and tasting her full lips again. “You’re beautiful, there’s nothing to apologize for.” Feeling brave and possessed by his sweet words, Calyx rested her hands on his waist and let her finger tips find their way beneath his shirt to touch an inch of bare skin. The small connection sent a current up his spine and made the hair on his scalp stand on end. He recalled, it was similar to the first time they met, or technically the morning after, because he felt the pull of the magnetism again throughout his entire body. He couldn’t help but kiss her.
The door to the hospital room opened in a broad sweeping gesture, and a black doctor wearing a crisp white coat walked in carrying Calyx’s medical file. Upon catching them in embrace, her face illuminated with a bright smile, showing off one gold canine.
“How sweet, what a beautiful little family!” She proclaimed.