FicWad

"You're shitting me."

I stared at the flyer in my hand. There was no way this was the tour I was aout to join. No fucking way.

Axl grabbed my shoulders reassuringly. "I know this isn't exactly what you expected, but think about it. You'llbe with us all the time. You wan't even see them."

I hardly heard my boyfriend. I was too busy staring at the large, bolded words, two of them in particular. Iron Maiden...

"There's no way I can go, Axl," I whispered, crumpling up the paper in my fist before tossing it to the carpeted ground.

Axl let go with a groan and stalked over to the couch. "I told Slash you'd react this way. I fucking told him!"

"You all knew about this, but no one bothered to tell me?" I snapped.

"Well if we had told you, you would have said no."

"I'm saying no now Axl! I just can't go!"

"Why not?" Axl retorted, letting heat enter into his tone. "Are you that afraid of seeing Bruce again?"

I snorted. "I'm not afraid." That's a fucking lie. "I just don't want to go."

"That's bullshit, and you know it."

I glared at Axl. Ever since the "Rocket Queen" incident things were rocky, even though that had been months ago. Yes, we had reconciled and things were going more or less well again, but it made us realize, though we would never admit it to each other, that we had some sick pleasure in pissing each other off. It never reached the same intensity as before, but little snide comments were all it took to cause a blow deep enough to sting a little.

"No it's not."

"Well it's too late anyway. You've got a ticket, you're all packed, you're going."

"Make me," I growled childishly, sticking my tongue out at Axl for good measure.

"If I have to pick you up and throw you over my shoulder I will. You are going on that fucking tour."

"No, I'm not."

Axl stood up powerfully, trying his best to make me feel intimidated. He walked over to me and stared me down. "Yes. You. Are."

"God dammit Axl, I don't-" I was interrupted by a loud crash of glass shattering. "Dammit Slash!" I cried. I followed the sound outside to the backyard. "Cut that shit out! You're going to get us fucking arrested!"

"Piss off Riley!" Slash shouted back at me, aiming another empty Jack Daniels bottle up with the wall.

I frowned. "Why are you all acting like little pricks!" I bellowed as I went back into the house.

"Riley will you chill the fuck out? We're all antsy. This fucking house has us all messed up," Axl said in an attempt to calm me down.

I looked around me at the new house the record compant had rented for the guys. To put it simply, I hated it. It wasn't home. It was some alien place with white walls and comfy furniture that covered up the cold feeling hidden underneath. At least that's all I saw in it.

On top of the stress of new surroundings, I missed Duff. He hadn't moved with the guys. He decided instead to live with his girlfriend, Mandy, which meant I didn't have my daily dose of laughter. At the moemnt, Duff was the only one I could think of that would make me feel better.

And that fucking kiss he had given me just before Axl and I made up didn't help shit. It made thing much worse actually, because now, not only was I fighting with Axl, I was fighting with myself. At times I caught myself thinking about Duff, picturing him showing up at the front door one day and sweeping me up into another, more passionate kiss. And then I'd snap out of it and go curl up with Axl to make me forget about Duff, or at least to force me to remember all the shit I had been through already with cheating.

And then, of course, there was the tour. Axl had told me weeks beforehand that Guns N' Roses was going to be opening for some band on tour and had asked me to go. Naturally, I said yes before even knowing who they were going to be opening for. And now... now I just knew I couldn't go. If I went, every time I looked at Bruce I'd see him with my seventeen year old eyes. I'd see him walking off, looking back repeatedly to get one last look at me before boarding the plane back to London. I'd constantly be replaying the last time I saw him and the feeling I had, the feeling of wanting to run after him and kiss him one more time. I'd grab my necklace, think of its meaning, and want to relive that night.

And then, once again, I'd have to run to Axl to keep myself sane.

I sighed and went to stand in front of Axl. I rested my forehead on his chest and closed my eyes. "Will you be totally heartbroken if I don't go?"

"Completely devastated," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

I was quiet for a moment. "Alright, I'll go without a fight."

He rested his chin on my head. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"You better love me."

He laughed and pulled back to look at me. "I do. God, how I do."

I smiled and grabbed the back of his head to push it down to my lips. And this is why we're still together, I thought to myself. We'd be lost without each other.