Categories > TV > Charmed > The Curse of Kalla Bong


by TheSwedishMystery 0 reviews

The Charmed Ones has a new enemy who has sworn to destroy them in the worst way possible. And he has called in some very unusual help to achieve this.

Category: Charmed - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama,Fantasy - Characters: Paige,Phoebe,Piper - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2010-06-30 - Updated: 2011-04-28 - 1012 words

Chapter 1. – Introduction

It was a cold and rainy day in October, around lunchtime, when Benny's team met their new client for the first time.

The sky was so dark that all the streetlights outside were already lit, when Benny and his three colleagues arrived at one of San Francisco's most expensive and over-designed hotels.

No one in the hotel lounge noticed them walking in – this was because all four in the team were invisible to the human eye. If the team had chosen to be seen by us ordinary mortals on that particular time, everyone in the hotel lobby probably would have panicked. Some would even have screamed and other would have fainted.


Well, because Benny and his team is Kalla Bong.

If any of you readers don't know what a Kalla Bong is - that is highly understandable. Very few know they exist. Very few non-demon-warlock-powerbroker-or-your ordinary-Underworld-citizen that is. This is because Kalla Bong belongs to the Underworld.


Benny's new client had of course chosen a room on the highest floor, the one with the best view. This meant a long and hard climb for Benny and his teamsters.

You see; the problem for Kalla Bong is that they have very low density. They are somewhat transparent - which means they can go through walls and doors. On the other hand they have very difficult to stay put on things that are moving, like an elevator for example. Unlike most of the Underworld's creatures they cannot shimmer. At all. No one knows this in the Underworld. It is a well-kept secret Kalla Bong wants to keep to themselves.

Therefore they have invented this very complicated technique that simulates shimmering. It requires extreme amounts of energy, seven potatoes and an approval from the Kalla Bong Ministry of Transportation. Unfortunately Benny didn't have a transportation approval for this particular assignment so he and three colleagues had to climb all seventeen stairs to meet their new client - Mr. Ledin.

While the poor Kalla Bong are climbing the stairs, let me describe them for you so you might understand why their appearances would have caused panic in the hotel lobby downstairs - if Benny and his team had chosen to be visible.

Kalla Bong are small, pear-shaped, slightly wrinkled beings. They have one or two eyes, a pair of arms and no legs. Kalla Bong glow a little bit in the dark and their colors can range from dark cobalt blue to greenish yellow. The Kalla Bong in California usually has pink or a deep lilac tone. Some say Kalla Bong look a little like the slimers in the movie "Ghostbusters"(I’m talking about the first film not the sequel) - you know the ghosts that Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray and their team catches on their first mission. There is a certain similarity… but don't say that to a Kalla Bong because they would get very offended. Most Kalla Bongs have very little patience with ghosts and poltergeists in general. They see them as creatures with no goal or purpose and if you knew a Kalla Bong you would know that there is no one more goal-oriented and serious as a Kalla Bong.

If you still are unsure whether it is a poltergeist or a Kalla Bong there is one little detail that can help you. All Kalla Bong bears a gun-belt. Instead of a gun they have a banana. No one knows why.


After the long climb Benny finally stood in front of his new client - a tall, attractive man with gray hair, intelligent eyes and expensive, tailored clothes of European cut. The man greeted them warmly, and with a politeness uncommon in the Underworld. He then opened a bottle of champagne and offered courteously the two women in Benny's team a glass each. He gave Agneta, the younger of the two female Kalla Bong, a flirty smile and she smiled seductively back and blushed at the same time, turning into a shade of deep purple.

Benny felt a headache arriving together with irritation. This was exactly why he opposed women working in the field; they were far too emotional, unfocused and easy manipulated. Working with demons was dangerous; you had to constantly be at your guard. The only reason Agneta was on his team was the fact that her father was First Bong of The Kalla Bong Council, a very high position in their society.

"I am so pleased that you are finally here! This is such a happy moment for my associates and me - I have so looked forward to this! Here, have some Cristal..." the man gave Benny and Björn, the other male Kalla Bong in his team, a glass of the bubbling liquid. "Let's make a toast! To an inspiring and successful partnership in this new adventure we will embark upon!! Skål!"

Benny and his teammates echoed the client and drank the champagne in one gulp. They couldn't help to feel a little bit overwhelmed at the man's enthusiasm. Usually their clients held them at arms length and treated them with ill concealed contempt. Kalla Bong was well respected in the Underworld but at the same time no one really could stand them.

"My name is Mr. Ledin. I am a high level demon who recently has returned home from my businesses in Europe to finally do something that I have been craving for centuries. I want to destroy The Charmed Ones! Not just kill them, I want to crush them, obliterate them... I want to make them feel the pain and emptiness they have caused me. Yes, it is time to bring those wretched bitches Halliwell to their knees, to bend them over and let them taste the bitter taste of defeat once and for all. I have long waited for my revenge on The Charmed Ones and with your help I will get what is rightfully mine. So my new friends; here's to the destruction of The Charmed Ones!!!"


To be continued in "Chapter 2. - Benny's First Report"...
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