Categories > Games > Sonic the Hedgehog > SBDRF: Sonic and Blaze Do Russia Future
“OK, Princess Blaze. Since you’re-“
“I’ll kill you, Hedgehog!” she cries at Sonic.
“Mister Sonic the Hedgehog, since you’re the most sane of the two, I’ll start with you. What is the back story behind all of this?” Mrs. Ezalb sighs with indifference.
Sonic stands up out of his chair and begins to say, “Well, it all began-“
“That sounds rivetting. Princess Blaze?” Blaze growls at Sonic, refusing to take her flame-lit, hate-filled eyes off of him. Mrs. Ezalb couldn’t be more uninterested.
“He’s the bane of my existence!” Blaze proclaims.
“I wish I (bleep) cared,” Mrs. Ezalb mutters under her breath.
“It all started just last night...”
Initiate flashback sequence.
“Oh God,” moans Mrs. Ezalb.
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
-In order to varnish my family’s tattered reputation for being cold and uncaring, unnecessarily opulent and extravagant, and out of touch with the people, I decided to spend a night with a pauper, just to show my people I’m still in touch with them. I thought nothing could go wrong.
As it turns out, fate was conspiring to doom it all.
Sonic the Hedgehog, my former friend, blasted through the door with Silver the Hedgehog and randomly threw a bottle of a magic purple liquid on me. Naturally, I blocked it, causing the bottle to fall on Silver, on whom it broke. The liquid spilled on him and, in a puff of purple smoke, transformed him into a child. He’s now a full ten years younger.
Sonic, while I was distracted, stole several personal books of mine.
The royal guard, MY royal guard at that, arrested Sonic, but my father said I should be to blame and said that unless I were to get legal paperwork stating otherwise, I am to raise Silver. I am to be the mother and Sonic, the father.
We were then instantly married without any ceremony or... actually, my father decreed that we were married. Out of nowhere, a pink hedgehog materialized and nearly ripped me inside out until I was able to explain it was all Sonic’s fault. Then we both attempted to murder him, but he was nowhere to be seen.
We found him this morning under his best friend’s bed .Since it’s intrinsical that I don’t marry until my position as guardian can be taken over by an heir, I tried to reason with him as peacefully and innocuously as possible.
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
(SFX: Needle scratches)
“You lia-“ Blaze strikes Sonic down with a death glare so satanically evil and filled with absolute malevolence, Sonic’s mouth, on its own, refuses to open and spout out any more words.
“Also, I’m to be flogged for losing my father’s secret journal.”
“I’ve read Ultimate Purity God Mode Sue Dragon Ball Z/Naruto/Twilight/Sonic the Hedgehog/Harry Potter/Superman/Star Trek/Star Wars fanfiction deus ex machinas that made more sense than that,” Mrs. Ezalb replies, slightly shocked at the utter ridiculousness of the story.
“But it gets worse!” Blaze pulls out a document titled ‘Restraining Order’ for nowhere and slams it on the desk.
Mrs. Ezalb abruptly picks up it and rips it into thousands of pieces as she whines, “No, no, no, nonononono, no, no! Just go away! Blaze, you’re guilty in all of this, so just take care of Silver!”
“No!” Sonic yells in horror.
“No!” Blaze screams in greater horror.
Sonic knows the out-of-court decision is about to set Blaze off like an atomic bomb. He was hoping Mrs. Ezalb would rule neither of them guilty and just let Silver go back to his own time and grow up one more time, as any sane, logical lawyer/judge combo would let them do.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, Prince Sonic the Hedgehog and Princess Blaze the Cat Hedgehog,” says a priest on the other side of the room. Sonic, Blaze, and Kid Silver turn around in shock, jumping a bit as they did not expect to hear the priest’s booming voice.
When Sonic smiles nervously at Blaze, he notices how empty Blaze’s eyes seem.
“B-Blaze? Wh-what happened to your eyes?! They’re all white!”
Mrs. Ezalb has her head on the desk, wishing the loons would all go away so she could go back to her four million rings a year job in peace.
“Yo, Mom,” Kid Silver rudely throws out. Blaze about faces to him, eyes both bloodshot and empty. A half dozen veins throb on her head.
“I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER!!” she screams at the top of her lungs.
“GUESS WHAT, YOU ARE!!” he screams back at an even high pitch. That took Blaze by surprise.
“What,” is Blaze’s eventual anger-filled response. The four year old hedgehog commands the winds, the flames, the seas, and the mountains to-
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
Lagniappe
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
“So, Blaze, how’ya do-“
“Shut up.” Blaze turns away and folds her arms.
“...Sooo, Silver! How’ya doin’ bud?”
“Just fine, my good, filial hedgehog.”
“Um, what?”
“These are the credits, right?”
“Huh-oh, oh, right. Yeah.”
“Does anyone else here even remember this fanfic?”
“No,” Sonic replies after a second or two. “Not really.”
“Yeah, I did some research and found that SBDR: Sonic and Blaze Do Russia was originally posted in March of 2008 by SonicBlast’08.”
“The guy who made that ‘Cream Kills Everybody’ crapfic?” Sonic ponders this for a moment, quietly stumped. Soon after, he looks up and says, “Makes sense.”
“I also learned that I was a baby in that story!” Blaze’s nerves have already been annihilated, and we have yet to even start the actual fanfic.
“Actually, I do remember some things, mainly that Blaze kept on getting screwed over and pummelled a lot by some fatalist stuff or something like that.”
“I hope Lord Kelvin abolishes the guy who made this story’s account,” Blaze growls.
“I hope somebody slaps you to sleep, butt cheese,” Kid Silver retorts.
W.
T.
H.
Moment.
SBDR: Sonic and Blaze Do Russia
“I’ll kill you, Hedgehog!” she cries at Sonic.
“Mister Sonic the Hedgehog, since you’re the most sane of the two, I’ll start with you. What is the back story behind all of this?” Mrs. Ezalb sighs with indifference.
Sonic stands up out of his chair and begins to say, “Well, it all began-“
“That sounds rivetting. Princess Blaze?” Blaze growls at Sonic, refusing to take her flame-lit, hate-filled eyes off of him. Mrs. Ezalb couldn’t be more uninterested.
“He’s the bane of my existence!” Blaze proclaims.
“I wish I (bleep) cared,” Mrs. Ezalb mutters under her breath.
“It all started just last night...”
Initiate flashback sequence.
“Oh God,” moans Mrs. Ezalb.
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
-In order to varnish my family’s tattered reputation for being cold and uncaring, unnecessarily opulent and extravagant, and out of touch with the people, I decided to spend a night with a pauper, just to show my people I’m still in touch with them. I thought nothing could go wrong.
As it turns out, fate was conspiring to doom it all.
Sonic the Hedgehog, my former friend, blasted through the door with Silver the Hedgehog and randomly threw a bottle of a magic purple liquid on me. Naturally, I blocked it, causing the bottle to fall on Silver, on whom it broke. The liquid spilled on him and, in a puff of purple smoke, transformed him into a child. He’s now a full ten years younger.
Sonic, while I was distracted, stole several personal books of mine.
The royal guard, MY royal guard at that, arrested Sonic, but my father said I should be to blame and said that unless I were to get legal paperwork stating otherwise, I am to raise Silver. I am to be the mother and Sonic, the father.
We were then instantly married without any ceremony or... actually, my father decreed that we were married. Out of nowhere, a pink hedgehog materialized and nearly ripped me inside out until I was able to explain it was all Sonic’s fault. Then we both attempted to murder him, but he was nowhere to be seen.
We found him this morning under his best friend’s bed .Since it’s intrinsical that I don’t marry until my position as guardian can be taken over by an heir, I tried to reason with him as peacefully and innocuously as possible.
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
(SFX: Needle scratches)
“You lia-“ Blaze strikes Sonic down with a death glare so satanically evil and filled with absolute malevolence, Sonic’s mouth, on its own, refuses to open and spout out any more words.
“Also, I’m to be flogged for losing my father’s secret journal.”
“I’ve read Ultimate Purity God Mode Sue Dragon Ball Z/Naruto/Twilight/Sonic the Hedgehog/Harry Potter/Superman/Star Trek/Star Wars fanfiction deus ex machinas that made more sense than that,” Mrs. Ezalb replies, slightly shocked at the utter ridiculousness of the story.
“But it gets worse!” Blaze pulls out a document titled ‘Restraining Order’ for nowhere and slams it on the desk.
Mrs. Ezalb abruptly picks up it and rips it into thousands of pieces as she whines, “No, no, no, nonononono, no, no! Just go away! Blaze, you’re guilty in all of this, so just take care of Silver!”
“No!” Sonic yells in horror.
“No!” Blaze screams in greater horror.
Sonic knows the out-of-court decision is about to set Blaze off like an atomic bomb. He was hoping Mrs. Ezalb would rule neither of them guilty and just let Silver go back to his own time and grow up one more time, as any sane, logical lawyer/judge combo would let them do.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, Prince Sonic the Hedgehog and Princess Blaze the Cat Hedgehog,” says a priest on the other side of the room. Sonic, Blaze, and Kid Silver turn around in shock, jumping a bit as they did not expect to hear the priest’s booming voice.
When Sonic smiles nervously at Blaze, he notices how empty Blaze’s eyes seem.
“B-Blaze? Wh-what happened to your eyes?! They’re all white!”
Mrs. Ezalb has her head on the desk, wishing the loons would all go away so she could go back to her four million rings a year job in peace.
“Yo, Mom,” Kid Silver rudely throws out. Blaze about faces to him, eyes both bloodshot and empty. A half dozen veins throb on her head.
“I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER!!” she screams at the top of her lungs.
“GUESS WHAT, YOU ARE!!” he screams back at an even high pitch. That took Blaze by surprise.
“What,” is Blaze’s eventual anger-filled response. The four year old hedgehog commands the winds, the flames, the seas, and the mountains to-
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
Lagniappe
OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo~OoOo~OoOoOo~OoOoOoOo~OoOo
“So, Blaze, how’ya do-“
“Shut up.” Blaze turns away and folds her arms.
“...Sooo, Silver! How’ya doin’ bud?”
“Just fine, my good, filial hedgehog.”
“Um, what?”
“These are the credits, right?”
“Huh-oh, oh, right. Yeah.”
“Does anyone else here even remember this fanfic?”
“No,” Sonic replies after a second or two. “Not really.”
“Yeah, I did some research and found that SBDR: Sonic and Blaze Do Russia was originally posted in March of 2008 by SonicBlast’08.”
“The guy who made that ‘Cream Kills Everybody’ crapfic?” Sonic ponders this for a moment, quietly stumped. Soon after, he looks up and says, “Makes sense.”
“I also learned that I was a baby in that story!” Blaze’s nerves have already been annihilated, and we have yet to even start the actual fanfic.
“Actually, I do remember some things, mainly that Blaze kept on getting screwed over and pummelled a lot by some fatalist stuff or something like that.”
“I hope Lord Kelvin abolishes the guy who made this story’s account,” Blaze growls.
“I hope somebody slaps you to sleep, butt cheese,” Kid Silver retorts.
W.
T.
H.
Moment.
SBDR: Sonic and Blaze Do Russia
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