FicWad

Comrades;
I wrote this when I was in a good mood,and I think it kinda shows,as opposed to the last chapter,which was very depressing.I really like poker,cause I don’t have a job,so it’s a good way to rob people.It’s in the format of Texas Hold ‘Em,made famous by the lines
I wanna hold em like they do in Texas please
Fold em let em hit me raise it baby stay with me
Anyway,that’s a line from Poker Face by Lady Gaga.The title is from a character in Snatch-which ye NEED to see,it is so damn good-the guy’s name is Frankie Four Fingers,because he likes to gamble,and when he couldn’t pay,they cut off his finger-holy fucking Aretha Franklin I ramble.
Anyway,hope you guys enjoy.Oh,and I’m keeping the previous chapter up.
I WAS BORN THIS WAAAAAAAAAY,
Xo Lauren.
Btw,to Shannon;so sorry about LOTMS not showing up!sometimes Amazon is such a godfuck bitch(thanks FlyingSmoke/Rachel!)
Btw,to Maria;your return is drawing closer!:D
Lauren’s Current Inspirations:”Poker Face”,Lady Gaga-The Hangover 2 COMING OUT SOON HOLY SHIT!!! and of course the royal wedding tomorrow...;)
PS:Sorry I didn’t update on Wednesday or Thursday like I promised,but my internet was down.:( I was like complaining to the computer guy and he was like “what,can’t last a day without facebook,can you?” and I was like “wtf no facebook suuuuuuucks I NEED FICWAD!!!!” and he was like “what the feck is dickwad?” and then I was like
what the fucking Jesus in a plastic bubble,man.


“Shit Frank,we don’t have any Doritos!”
“No worries,Lea and Ray said they’d supply ‘em,”I call back,laying out the food on the table.”Do you know where the poker chips are?”
“I think Robo ate them,Frank.”
“The cat ate the poker chips?”Fucking Christ,even the Way household feline is mentally unstable.
“Yeah.We didn’t buy any food for a while and then I guess he just got too hungry.”
Yep,we’re so poor we can’t even afford food.”Party like a rock star” my ass.
“Yeah sure,but poker chips?What the fuck?”
The doorbell screams.
“What is that infernal racket?!”Comes the holler from downstairs.
“Nothing,Mrs. Johnson,”I shout back.And then,under my breath:”You crazy old Nazi.”
“YOU YOUNG HOOLIGANS AND YOUR DRUGS!”
“Will you shut-“
“Frank,just answer the door.I’m pretty sure it’s Mikey and Shannon.”
“What?!”I stare incredulously.”Gerard,since when is Shannon coming?”
“Um...since she’s Mikey’s girlfriend?Which is,like,five years?”
I sigh at his misunderstanding.”Not like that...but remember last time we played with her?”
He pulls a face.”Shit,yeah.She ended up owning my car.”
“Exactly.”The doorbell goes again,and so commences Mrs. Johnson’s roars.”Right,I’ll get the door and then shoot that old bitch in the face.”
I leave Gerard chuckling,and sprint to the front door.
“Finally,”huffs Mikey,”the old bat started yelling out the window at us.”
“I see you’ve met Mrs. Johnson.She’s like a normal old lady,except she’s completely out of her mind and possibly on very strong medication.”
“I dunno,”says Shannon,”I think she seems interesting.”
“Okay,Shannon.By the way,you’re not playing this evening.”
“What?!Why?!I brought my gambling gloves and everything!”
“You have gambling gloves?”
“Yeah,doesn’t everybody?”
“Never mind.”I lead them up into our apartment,where they say hello to Gerard.
“Can I have some Doritos?”Asks Mikey,who is already propping his feet on our coffee table.
“One;no,you can’t,because we don’t have any,and two;get your fucking feet off our table.”
“Jesus,Gerard,what the hell-“
“Just get ‘em off,Mikey,”I nudge him over,”and Ray is bringing the Doritos.”
“Hey,”Shannon points to the table,”where are the poker chips?Can’t play poker without poker chips.”
“Cat ate ‘em.”
To be honest,I kinda expected a “what the fuck” or a “are you serious?” or even a “dear god is the cat alright?” but Shannon just shrugged and muttered “fair enough.”
The bell goes again.
“Mikey,”Gerard sighs,sitting down next to me,”since you put your feet on our table,you can get that.”
“No way,man.No freaking way.”
Gerard slings his arm around my neck in a dangerous manner.”I’ll kiss Frank in front of you.”
Mikey freezes in horror.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?”He leans towards me,trying not to laugh.
“With tongue?”
“With tongue.”
“You don’t have the balls.”
“Oh yeah?”He kisses me full force,twisting his fingers in my hair.
“AAAAAAARRRRRRGH!”He jumps from the sofa,like his ass was on his fire.”I JUST SAW MY BROTHER MAKEOUT WITH HIS BOYFRIEND!”
“Technically,I’m his fiancée!”I yell at Mikey’s back.
The assuring sounds of Mikey running down the stairs to the door tell Gerard he has been successful.
He laughs into my mouth.”I hope to fuck Mrs. Johnson didn’t hear that.”
“Most likely yes.”
Mikey thumps up the stairs,followed by Lea,Ray,Bob and Gia.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey.”
“Mikey,you alright?”Gerard enquires,obviously amused.”You’re looking a bit pale there.”
“Seriously,that was so fucking disturbing Gerard,I will have that image with me until I die.”
“What?You make out with Shannon all the time.”
“Not in front of you!”
“I wouldn’t care.”
“You’re a pervert.”
“That’s what your mom said.”
“WE’RE BROTHERS!WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER!”
“Whatever.Shall we get started,everyone?”
“Fuck!”Ray explodes.Then he looks rather ashamed.”Sorry,didn’t mean to swear.Slip of the tongue.”
Mikey physically flinches at the word “tongue.”
“I forgot the Doritos.”
“No worries,guys,”Gia offers,digging in a bag,”I always keep a bag with me.”
Everyone turns to Gia.(Except Mikey,who,by now,has slipped into a catatonic state.)
“Well,Gia,”Shannon says,”that ‘s kinda weird and a bit disturbing,but mostly it’s convienent!”
We all take our places.
“Who’ll deal?”
“I will,”Gerard reaches for the deck.
“Gerard,”Mikey whines,”I wanted to deal.”
Gerard leans towards me.
“Okay,okay,you deal!”
He does,and we progress through the game.Mikey folds;Gerard folds;Gia folds;Lea folds;Ray folds;Bob folds;Shannon and I are left.I can see the other punters stare at me incredulously,unbelieving;I’m absolute dogshit at poker,and Shannon is like the Godfather at it.
Seriously,it’s actually kinda scary how good at it she is;it’s one of the few things Shannon must take seriously.Her eyes dart stealthily to and fro,just thinking all the time.Normal,hyper,active Shannon departs the scene and James Bondish Shannon takes control.
“Right,”she says,curving her hand around her cards slowly,”this is a five card game.”Her eyes-like cat eyes-flicker to mine.(Speaking of cats,Robo-the chip-eater-is watching me,along with everyone else in the room.)”That alright with you,Frank?”
I nod.
“I’ll deal.”
I nod.
She envelopes the deck into her hand,letting the cards fall into her other hand.She stretches them out like an accordion,eyes on me all the while,a smile on her lips.
“Quit fucking around and deal,”I hiss.I know I’m gonna lose;I want it to be quick.
“Alright,alright,”she says,distributing them to herself and me.Two,two,and one.Then she grins.
“Would you like to open,Frank?”
“Nah.I’ll leave it up to you,Shannon.”
I glance at my cards.Shit.A two,three,seven,nine and ten.What a pile of cow wank.
She looks at her cards.Then at me.Then back to the cards.Then to me.Then,randomly,grabs a Dorito.
“Hit me,”she growls at me.
I slap a card down on the table.
“Want two more?”
“Did I say stop?”
Wow,chicks get ratty when they play Texas.
I slam them down and return to my cards.
“I bet,”Shannon stammers,sweat running down her forehead,”I bet nine hundred dollars.”
Next to me,Gerard lets out a low whistle.Mikey’s eyes widen as his fiancée pushes the money into the centre of the table.Gia continues to eat Doritos.
She’s bluffing,my brain insists.She’s bluffing.
What do I do?!What the fuck do I do?!
Meet her bluff,you retard.
I look at her.My dignity rests on this.
“Wanna raise?”She asks,her eyes pleading please,please say yes.She’s not stealthy or semi-James Bond anymore;she’s scared shitless,just like me.
“No.”I boom defiantly.
“Well then,”she says irritably,”what’s your bet?”
I dig in my pocket and throw my wallet into the pool.
“There’s at least four hundred dollars in there,”I say breathlessly,”as well as credit cards and my bank account.I’d say there’s about four grand in the bank.”
“And?Why are you telling me this?I ain’t your fuckin’ accountant.”
Go on,Frank.Say it.
“And that’s the bet.”
Shannon lets out a little yelp;everyone else is speechless.Ray’s mouth has dropped open and Gerard’s expression simply screams holy fuck Frank you better win this.
Shannon looks perplexed,her face a Molotov cocktail of emotions.
“Iero;you’re bluffing.”
I meet her eye,trying to remain as grave and grim as possible.
“You know I can’t meet that bet.I’m not as retarded as you-I’m not gonna blow my money on some fucking poker game.”
I raise an eyebrow.”Is that fancy talk for folding?”
She sighs.
“Yeah.”
OH MY GOD.
“Throw down your cards.”
She does so,looking like she might cry in the process.
Two kings and three tens.
Holy fuck.A full fucking house.
“Well,show me yours.”
“What?!”
“Yours,Frank,as in your cards...”
“Oh.”I try to speak with casual coolness.”No.”
“C’mon.What did you have?Pairs?”
“No...”
“Straight flush?!”
“Not...exactly...”
“You didn’t...”she puts a hand to her face,”...get a royal?”
I blink.
“What’s a royal?”
“Fuck it,he’s a card retard,”Ray snaps,grabbing my cards.I try to clutch at him,clawing at my cards.
“Watch the fucking ‘fro,will you-holy fucking God.”
Every neck in the room cranes over Ray’s broad shoulders.
“What is it?”Shannon asks.”Is it a royal flush?”
“No.”Ray pushes the cards towards her.”It’s-“
“-garbage,”finishes Gia.
Shannon stares unbelievingly at the hand.I think I can actually hear the rage boiling from inside her head.Her eyes scan across fleetingly them,shock and horror mirroring in them.
“You...said you weren’t bluffing.”
“Yeah...”I say in a quiet voice,”...and I was bluffing when I said it.”
The room is silent.Until Bob starts clapping,that is.
“Oh My God,”he says,shaking with laughter,”that was possibly the best five minutes of my life.”
Everyone starts laughing then,even Shannon.People are even crying-Shannon-although that could be the fact she just lost nine hundred dollars to a two,three,seven,nine and ten.
Of clubs.
Of clubs,yeah.
“Frankie,”Shannon chortles,”I think I’m gonna kill you in your sleep tonight.”
X X X X X X X X
“Honey,I actually pissed myself laughing today,”Gerard chuckles,wrapping his arms around me from behind,”Shannon’s face when you said placed the bet...it was priceless.”
“Thank you,”I reply,feeling content.In the last two hours,I won nine hundred dollars,defeated the Jesus of poker,watched Mission Impossible-Tom Cruise always makes me laugh,the little prick-and am now being hugged by a person who hasn’t hugged me in weeks-despite us being engaged.
I flop down on the bed,landing on my back.Gerard follows me,placing me between his legs.
He leans forward and kisses me.A soft,gentle kiss that I have craving for all these fucking insane weeks.Just one fucking kiss.
When he finishes,I sling my arms around his neck,pressing my cheek to his.He lies awkwardly on top of me.
“I’ve missed this,Gerard.”
“I know.I’m sorry,baby.”
“It’s okay.You’re back now.”
“That’s right,”he replies,nuzzling into my neck,”who knew two little pills every day would make such a difference?”
I wince slightly at the leering sarcasm in his voice.
“Relax,Frankie.I’m not gonna skive ‘em.”
I breathe a sigh of relief,while he still brushes his lips against my collarbone.
“Gee?”
“I’m liking the renewed presence of my nickname.Yes?”
“About the thing you wrote...in the red notebook?”
“Oh.”He stops,but doesn’t look at me.”Yeah?”
“I love it.I think it’s awesome.I even showed it to the guys.They dig it too.”
He smiles,a beautiful crevasse in his angelic features.
“Thanks.Do you think it’d make a good song?”
“Fuck a song.What about an album?”
His eyes sparkle.”That’d be awesome...but we better ask the guys first.”
I nod.We lie in silence for a few minutes,until there’s a knock on the door.The general weakness of the knock tells us it’s Mikey.
“Come in.”
When Mikey puts his foot in the door,Gerard smashes his lips against mine,moaning.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH MY EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYESSSSSSSSSSS!!!”
Gerard starts giggling ferociously,his lips still glued to mine.
“I JUST FUCKING CAME TO TELL YOU WE’RE WATCHING SEX AND THE CITY NOW IF YOU WANT TO COME WATCH IT WITH US BUT YOU CAN FORGET IT NOW YOU SICK FUCK GERARD WAY!”
With that,he slams the door.
“Gerard,that was amazing,”I cackle.
“He calls me a sick fuck,”he tuts,”he’s the one who watches Sex and the City.”
“I know!I mean,I know I’m gay,but am I the only one who thinks Sarah Jessica Parker is the ugliest woman alive?”
“Tell me about it.She looks like a foot.”
“A deformed,anorexic foot.With bad hair.”
We remain quiet.I’m drifting asleep when Gerard starts humming.I know he’s changed the lyrics,but it seeps in through my mind like a knife through cake.His beautiful,low voice rings in the room.Him thinking I’m not listening makes the whole thing a lot more moving.
“Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
It’s not warm when he’s away
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
And he’s always gone too long
Anytime he goes away
Wonder this time where he’s gone
Wonder if he’s gone to Spain
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
And this house just ain’t no home
Anytime he goes away
I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
And leave the young thing alone
But ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
Only darkness every day
Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone
And this house just ain’t a home
Any time he goes away
Anytime he goes away
Anytime he goes away
Anytime he goes away....”
“STOP THAT HUMMING,YOU HOOLIGAN!”
Gerard laughs.He rubs my thigh lightly.
“Frankie Four Fingers?”
“Say what?”
“It’s from a film.”(!!!!!!!!!)”You should see it.It’s awesome.”
“Okay.”I yawn.”Ugh,I’m so fucking tired.”
“Just sleep,honey.”He kisses me on the forehead quickly.”I’m gonna go tell those losers outside to fuck off outta our house.I’ll be back in a minute.”
I hear him leave and chase Mikey out of the apartment.I drift in and out of conscienceness,hearing snippets of conversations.
“But we were watching that...”
“I really don’t care,Mikey.”
“See you later!”
“Alright,bye!”
“Will you give me that dough back?!He practically stole it!”
“Uh,yeah,sure-bye!”
He flicks off all the lights,the flat dimming as he goes.The bedroom light is switched off and I feel Gerard’s weight on the bed.I hear the familiar rattle-and-shake of the pill box as Gerard swallows it.He coughs once and settles down.
I snuggle against him,his shoulder warm and comfortable.
“I love you.”
There is silence;I wonder if he’s asleep.
“I love you too,Frank,but man,you really suck at poker.”
I drift off about five minutes later.I’m awoken sharply by my phone vibrating on the table.
“Unnng,”comes the response from Gerard’s side,”what the funggg?”
“I’ll get it.”
“Damn right you will,”he mumbles.”Who the fuck calls at two o’ clock in the fucking morning?”
“Relax,babe,”I grab the phone and jab a button with my finger.
“Frank?”
“Uh,yeah,speaking.Who’s this?”
“Maria,”comes the reply.”I’m home.”