FicWad

Several Days Later...that morning

The atmosphere of the room was oddly foggy and stagnant. Gerard had trouble determining the features of the room, in fact besides knowing there were four walls around him he couldn't discern anything beyond Franks face inches from his. Although his initial impulse was simply surprise, the instant he noticed Frank was sleeping, mouth slightly agape and snoring gently, he caught himself and just watched.

He didn't care how he got here, laying delightfully close to his warmth, which Gerard wasn't sure he felt but pretended anyways. He was grateful Frank slept heavily and began tracing his jawline and the scorpion tattooed on his neck. Although his arm was usually heavy, he fingered Franks black bangs off his pale forehead which aroused him a little. Gerard froze fearfully but all he did was scrunch his face, lick his lips and settle again into the dream realm where his eyelids reacted fitfully.

Gerard licked his own lips, focusing on those pouting inches from his. The alluring pull in his gut was uncomfortably undeniable, and a peculiar sense of lucidity eased any fear. He leaned forward and sweetly kissed Frank while he slept, keeping his eyes open to watch for sudden changes in his face.

His stomach swooned like he just swan dived off a cliff. Funny, he thought, how the sensation of falling felt like flying. Unable to help closing his eyes, he kissed him again, and the cells of his body scattered through osmosis when he felt Frank accept him. Gerard lifted the sheet and slid closer, holding their mouths open persistently a minute so their tongues could mingle.

He felt his lips curl in a smile as he laughed, but it sounded higher pitched than normal.

"Frisky tonight aren't you, Punky?" Shocked, Gerards eyes snap open.

"Lux?" He coughed, floored by the sensation of lead dropping into his stomach as he looked into her peralescent heart-shaped face.

*

Suddenly, sweating profusely along his brow and neck, Gerard blinked rapidly to empty space, looking around his darkened bedroom. He felt his clammy forehead and breathed several times deeply.

Once calm, he noticed how his body ached. Reaching down, his member was painfully sensitive to touch. Even the sensation of his pajamas against raw throbbing skin was unbearable. He gingerly swung his legs over the edge of his mattress and made his way to the bathroom.
Leaving the lights off, he turned on the steaming shower and peeled his damp clothes off. Once in the basin, he leaned his head under the torrent and grasped himself as it bobbed under the pressure of water. He gasped just at the sensation of the firm contact of his hand around his cock after such a dream.

He instinctually thought of Lux and her creamy legs, how he loved the way she would arch her back to buck her hips against him when they were together, but it wasnt satisfying enough. His mind was getting in the way and he couldn't get to the brink even by manually pumping against the rough pour of the water. He gritted his teeth and leaned on his free hand, pulling the entire length but holding of at the head.

He allowed himself to drift back to wanting Frank the way his imagination teased. He concentrated in the dark and heat and remembered their first kiss, the way how adrenaline and lust infected his veins, and he took Frank in the dark and kissed him feverishly. He brought back the first night they were ever with each other, satisfying their curiosity and lust for one another in Franks dorm room at college.

Gerards knees began to shake as he strained to awkwardly support his weight while fluidly keeping up rythem. The muscles in his upper arm burned but he leaned into the coo. gl tile and summoned the taste of Frank on ahis tongue bitter, salty but somewhat of a sweet aftertaste. Gerard released into his hand and fell against the wall on his knees. He breathed heavily, spitting mouthful of water, and rinsed his hand, thighs and the tile. He sighed again this time remorsefully.

The desire coursing through Gerards veins was a unique hybrid of memories and unrequited lust. He cursed himself beneath his breath, because Frank was being the good one for once, not pushing or pulling and the truth was he wanted him to, so when he gave in he could still blame it on Frank. That realization sat uncomfortably in his stomach, and the aching guilt returned.


That Night...


Mikey pulled Frank, and their other guitarist, Ray, into a sweaty celebratory embrace, touching their three foreheads together. His usually stoic face was illuminated by a kilowatt smile. Frank felt especially electric having drained all his pent up energy and frustration to become a one-man cathartic performance. He was also happy making his bandmates and friends happy.

"That was fucking solid guys! I mean, gah!" They all laughed, at a loss of words.

"So it worked out? I know we didnt rehearse a lot of the stuff, but it felt good. Did you like it, you're the ears of the group." Mikey with the same exuberant grin, looked like he wanted to either slap him upside the head or kiss him.

"Frankie tonight it was all you, baby! Did I like it? It was the crowd man, the were fucking- gah!" Frank couldn't help but beam, it took the attention away from the fact all of the songs everyone loved were about anger and heart break because of Mikeys brother.

After the show, the venue returned to a nightclub, and typically the performers hung around getting free drinks all night and sweet talked. Frank, however, didn't feel like getting drunk because he knew his heart was dangling from his sleeve at the moment. So after packing up his instrument and gear, he stole out the back door before anyone could put him in a deadlock and insist on drinks.

Hands stuffed into his front pockets and with his head down, definitely not looking like the rockstar he exuded on stage, Frank strolled around the parking lot. The venue shared a large concrete ocean with a popular restaurant, Black Angus, and Frank silently observed well-dressed couples on dates getting in and out of their sleek vehicles.

He observed men escorting their ladies all dressed to the tens on their arm, opening the car door and running around to the drivers side just as their silky legs pulled inside. Frank had never been on a date like that, with a girl or Gerard. He usually just stole all the bases when he liked someone, there never was any need for courtship.

His heart sunk when he thought such things because he hoped that wouldn't be the reason you take someone out to a fancy restaurant. He thought of going to such a place with an unsaid individual because he enjoyed their company, and wanted to treat them, make them feel special for an evening, and even show them off. That was something no one ever did for him, but also he never did for anyone else.

Frank took a seat between both locations on a flower planter and light a cigarette to calm his nerves. His thoughts of course wandered to Gerard, and forgave him for never taking him out on a date. They were never a couple afterall. What they had couldn't be confined to a name, they were. probably just a pair of souls from another life crossing paths in this world. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as he heard gravel crunching from behind as someone approached.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Gerard said softly. Franks eyes calmed and then looked him up and down absently, dragging on his cigarette again. The aching sensation struck Gerards stomach again when he was unable to help observe Frank put the filter between his lips, how they puckered and blew the smoke in a sultry stream from the side of his mouth so he could speak clearly.

"It's fine I was just thinking. Did you catch the show?" He reached for his pack and offered one to Gerard which he took. He lipped it so he could speak while lighting the cherry.

"Of course I did." He exhaled less gracefully than Frank, but was unaware it had the same effect. "You were intense tonight." Frank blushed furiously, but the sallow light of the streetlamp above hid it well. "Magnanimous, that's a good word." Frank couldn't help giggling at the flamboyant way Gerard gestured while smoking his cigarette, always with an open hand and sometimes his fingers over-extended.

"What?" Gerard laughed too, pleased that he made Frank happy. It was one of those things; it was easy, Frank laughed at just about anything, but recently Gerard felt a painful silence between them and hearing Franks lovable laugh lightened the air.

"Nothing, its just your jazz hands." Gerard glanced at how he was holding his cigarette and remembered their inside joke.

"Oh, right." He lipped the stick and rippled both jazz hands again just to hear that distinct laugh.

"Doesn't he have the cutest fucking laugh you've ever heard?" A voice asked as if reading Gerards mind. He glowered jealously as Frank face illuminated while embracing the strange girl.

"I'm so glad you came! Did you-"

"Don't ask if I liked the show" she interrupted still hugging Frank around the waist, he didn't seem to notice, but Gerard was well aware. "because that was fucking amazing, love! You are incredible, a fucking natural at everything!" They hugged again. Finally, Frank turned and with his arm still around her waist, made introductions.

"Gerard this is Shani, Shani this is my best friend, Gerard." He held out his hand, but she brushed past it and gave him a warm hug.

"Nice to meet you!" She wasn't your typical scene girl with golden blonde hair, an athletic build, and friendly attitude but she looked like the proverbial girl-next-door in doc martins, and Gerard caught himself peeking out from behind his wall.

However, when Frank leaned in to light her cigarette and the two exchanged a quick word secretly he felt the ache subside to anger. He suddenly wanted this strange girl to go away because she was usurping Franks attention. He just saw a glimmer of the Frank he loved, and within seconds someone else stole him. Gerards blood boiled.

"Frankie, I'm going to head home alright? You were amazing tonight, best show ever." Frank surged with misdirected happiness. Was this jealousy? He took a timed drag of his cigarette and then dashed it on the concrete, then stepping on it with his sneakers like he saw in the movies when the heartbreaker wanted to feign confidence.

"Alright man, well, thanks for coming out. You know I always appreciate it. Give Mikey my love, 'kay?" Going in for the hug was potentially dangerous, but with Shani by his side he kept a strong demenor. Looking into Gerards crestfallen eyes was the validation Frank desperately craved.

"I will. Have a good night then. Shani, it was good meeting you. Have a good night." Gerard blended into the night heading back towards the concert hall with his head down and both hands in his pockets, if he had a tail it would also be between his legs. Frank watched his back retreating a few seconds before remembering Shani was standing beside him. Surprisingly, she looked intrigued. She smiled mischievously after finishing her cigarette and watched Franks face for a reaction.

"What? What does that face mean?" He laughed nervously which only felt worse after she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all." She rolled her shoulders back and slid her leather jacket off, revealing a simple grey halter top that accentuated her shapely figure. Although his mind swam with thoughts of Gerard, briefly a curiosity concerning Shani surfaced, but he quickly sank it.

"Ah, come on what's that look? Me and Gerard sort of have history." She played with the buckles and pockets of the jacket, coyly ignoring his anxiety.

"That's apparent, a sordid history." She teased.

"Pfft, you don't even know, honey."

"It's alright, baby, no ones judging you. We all got our own hit list. Poor kid never stood a chance." Frank was nodding along until he heard that and then balked.

"What? Fuck that, he ain't no poor anything!" He shouted indignantly. Laughing at his outburst, Shani tsked her tongue.

"Exactly, you broke his poor heart." Frank prepared to shower her with defenses, but suddenly caught himself. Thinking back again to his surge of happiness, he realized she was right.

"Ah, fuck-" Shani slid her jacket on, humming a tune quietly to herself, and patted Frank on the shoulder.

"It's okay, honey, we all have lovers, even gay ones. It's like Nancy Sinatra says, my baby shot me down." Frank stifled a laugh but took a serious tone.

"I'm not gay, but its just, I dont know. I really do love him. I didn't mean to hurt him just now." Playfulness over, she looked back where Gerard disappeared into the night and felt his words.

"Really? How do you know? What happened with ya'll?" Frank sighed deeply, pulling out another pair if cigarettes from his pack, lighting them both and then handed one to Shani.

"No, Im sure, but that only complicates whats between me and G. He just got back home from school, and said he met someone up in Vancouver, but we never worked out what was between us." Being supportive but also taken by the sensitivity in his voice, Shani ran her nails over Franks back encouragingly with her free hand.

"Why would being gay uncomplicate how you feel about him? Even if the both of you felt the same, it never makes love easier. We always like to point at one thing or another for being the reason we can't get it to work, when usually its ourselves." Frank stepped closer to Shani so she could trace over his back, and leaned his head on her shoulder, feeling calmed by the sensation. He mind worked over her words, and sifted through the heartache, trying to find his mistakes.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked after he was silent a while.

"How to untangled the fuck out of this situation. But its no good, one of us gonna get hurt no matter what, right? Fuck-" Shani was quiet for a moment. She ceased rubbing his back while she thought.

"My dad told me once that one person always loves more than the other in a relationship, it sucks but that's how it is. Think about a wave pushing and pulling, that's what moves life around. Your love is real, so don't hide from it. I'm not gonna use that 'if its meant to happen, it'll happen' horse shit, but if you hold that flag down something always comes of it." Frank looked up at her hopefully.

"Really?

"Frank, you're too cute for someone not to love you, stop stressing about it." She playfully squeezed his cheek which he batted away. Keeping his cigarette high away from them, he tried to pinch back but she deftly averted his hand.

They both jumped and ran around the planter trying to pinch the other. Shani was more successful than Frank, or he was simply more ticklish because his characteristic laugh could be heard throughout the parking lot. Most everyone had gone home and only a few lingering cars remained.

Back by the concert hall, the last few amplifiers were being loaded into the back of Mikeys station wagon while Gerard sat on the hood smoking his last cigarette and watching them from across the lot. The car hood popped beneath his weight as he shifted, but couldn't stop watching although it made his stomach churn with envy.

"Are you gonna help or just sit up there doing the creepy guy thing all night." Gerard finally broke away when Mikey approached.

"Shut up, I'm just waiting for you." Mikey nodded doubtfully.

"Right, well, were ready." The car bounced roughly on its rusted shocks as Gerard clamored off the hood. He drained the cigarette and tossed it to the ground angrily.

"Let's get the fuck out of here. Come on!" He snapped at Ray who was lagging behind. As the pulled out of the parking lot, Gerard tried to search for them in his rearveiw but they were gone. His heart suddenly sank heavily, but the minute Mikey glanced over at him, he gripped the steering wheel and focused ahead.