FicWad

Hey! This is STORY/POEM thing I don't really know. Thank you.

Feeling up
Feeling down
Feeling, Looking, All around
Looking for a thing to please,
This raging craving in my arm,
Wishing to bleed out until I'm
Clean...
Goodness Gee, Can you not see,
What these pills have done to me?
They make me think these crazy things.
I know you're sick of helping me,
And I don't want to be a burden, Ever weighing on your back.
So now as I slit my wrists I think about
How happy you'll be when I'm gone,
You'll be happy with your wife, Loving her
With all your heart.
To tell you the truth, I have always loved you.
I know that you don't feel the same, You'll always
See me as a friend, I can no longer live
Through this pain of loving you in secret.
Once I finish writing this, I'll shoot myself
In the head. I just needed you to know
That I'll love you even when I'm dead.
So I want to say, Good-Bye my friend.
Forever love, Frankie XØ

As I finished the letter, I made sure it was completely clean without a speck of blood. I then folded it and put it in an envelope. I can't believe I was going through with this, it is so very different when it's not a dream, but a reality. There's more fear and cautiousness, fear of how the pain will be and cautiousness hoping that someone finds you before you can finish the job.

I had thought about doing this for a few months now, because you had recently announced that you were going to have another baby. It had hurt, because I confessed my feelings the week before and you stopped talking to me, and if you did talk to me it was only about something to do with the band. Also in interviews, you would talk to me and look happy, but I know it's all an act, you really think that I'm a weird faggot. I had thought about the good, bad, and rewards. It was good on my behalf 'cause I no longer had to suffer. Bad, because everyone would frown on my decision and Jamia would suffer. Rewards, because you no longer had to see my face and you didn't have to help me anymore.

With swift movements, I quickly licked the envelope and closed it shut. I had done a lot of thinking in how I would do it.
I decided on a
.
.
.
bullet
in
my
head.

I knew it was now or never because my head was starting to get dizzy and I knew it was because my blood was basically pouring out of my wrists. So I picked up the .45 and put it underneath my chin, gasping slightly as the cold metal made contact with my skin.

I'm sorry
Ray
Mikey
Jamia
Lily
Cherry
and everyone else I care about.

Lastly, I am so very sorry my love. I'll tell you I'm sorry even though I know you don't care about me.

I'm sorry Gerard.

I took one last deep breathe.

Then I slowly added pressure to the trigger.

Then the loud bang of gun.

Pain.

Silence.
.
.
.
.
.
____________________________________________________________________________

Okay... so I was thinking about rewriting this one for a while and now I have so I hope it's better. Please comment! NOTE- This used to be 321 words so I'm happy now that it's longer! :)