FicWad

Dear diary,

It was the middle of November and I had probably the worst head cold ever. Staring out of the now misty window I saw nothing which was a surprise because usually I saw the guys playing about or just hanging out. In that group of guys was Tomo; he had only just recently moved here from Austria but he started to fit in almost instantly like he had always been there. Shannon; the ditzy one who always had a quick come back in any fight. He might be acting blonde and seem like a weak one but he was the one you turned to in an argument because he would win it with out even properly thinking about it after all he had taken his teacher to court and had won. Shadow; the tall but mysterious kind of guy who would make anyone shut up just by a glare but when around friends he was like an animal which always made it fun at parties. Last but not least was Jared; he was the dreamer who always had a song or some sort of rhythm going through his head. Most of the time I would lean out of my window and talk to them I was almost one of them, this summer they invited me along to their barbeque, and this is what surprises me. I would rate myself as a quiet and reserved person who can't find the right person to connect with. At school I would hang out with Shadow and Shannon the twins and we would go to the old music room where no one went and we would talk about the latest songs and do our secret passion of poetry.

I lay my head back on my window chair and wished I could see them. Jared would cheer me up with his cheeky smile and laugh that was low and soft. Shannon would fall over almost nothing but get up and blush and look around to see if anyone saw and admit that it wasn't him who fell. Tomo and Shadow would do their funny hand shake and act all macho until a baby spider crawls on the floor and they would scream and Shadow would end up holding Tomo. Just reminiscing on the good old days of summer made me smile and shed a tear. Why do these good days have to end? Why do I need to be alone when they have each other?

I heard a bleep from my computer and looked over and I saw that it was from my msn but no-one I knew was on but I had a message left on it. It read "so why inside? Why alone? What's wrong?" I was confused but was not in the mood so I sent back a reply saying "I'm always here, I'm never properly alone and I'm not feeling too good I'm pretty much dead!" I looked at the name of the sender it was 'guardian angels' I remembered the day that I added it, I had just come in from being with the guys on the day that I was at theirs for the barbeque. I added them because it was interesting and I was intrigued by the name but they were never on.

After what had probably been 2 hours I got awoken by the sound of a stone hitting the window pane. I made my way over and opened it to find it was the guys down there they all cheered singing the Macarena out of tune and out of time which put the biggest of grins on my face. This had really opened my eyes to the world and what was going on. They all smiled at me and said want to come out in their way of all getting on the floor on one knee except for Jared who had managed to disappear from the group. I was looking down and I could feel heat radiating off of my face as I blushed.

My door swung open and in strolled Jared in his hands a new dress and some red leggings. He passed them to me saying that he would open the door in 10 minutes and he wants me dressed and ready to go out for a day to remember. I didn't know what to say so I jokily kicked him out of the door saying you cant look it is wrong. I was so chocked up I could hardly stand anymore.
I went out and did a swirl like they do on cat walks which made Shannon and Shadow wolf whistle. For the first time in my life they all hugged me and I finally felt like one of their group. We spent the full day in London being like tourists in our own city. We went on the London eye and we took so many photos of us all as a group.

As it rolled on midnight we had Tomo's mum come and pick us up in a hired black stretched hummer. This was definitely my best day ever. We went back and had a big party which we had the full street involved in to celebrate me. We partied to all of our favourite songs and stayed up till the sun shone in the morning.

The guys then came back to mine and they all sat by my bed where I went to sleep for the last and only time. No-one could have a better way to go but have your favourite friends all around you and have a party with all the people who loved you.

At my funeral they read out my favourite poem which I wrote when I was first diagnosed with extreme insomnia. I couldn't help it the medication was slowly making me worse so I stopped it but that didn't help.

At least I knew who the 'guardian angels' where. They were the most important guys in my life and probably the only guys I would ever need because they helped me through it all and kept my mind off of it for long enough and when I got some sleep they were the ones that I was thinking about when I went to sleep and only woke up at the thought of them being hurt.

Love and best wishes,
The little sheep by your side

p.s I found the rest of your thoughts in the rest of your diary and I knew it would be heart breaking not to finish your diary so we completed it for you. Love your Guardian angels enclosed please find a picture of us all together. To make sure we sent it with all of our wishes into the fire at your church hope it reaches you.

p.s.s just remember you are always here , you were never properly alone and you might not have been feeling to good and feeling pretty much dead but you are always very much alive to us.