Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > he knew each tear before it came.
Chapter 2 - I'm So Afraid Of Life
3 reviewsI was afraid of who I was, who i was becoming & who i've been. Nothing could take away the pain, except there was always one solution. Suicide.
1Original
I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages... I have been extremly busy. Lots of things have happened and I found it hard to concentrate on simple things like writing at times, so i didn't get much done... Again, i'm sorry if this chapters shitty and im sorry it took so long, and thanks for all the reviews and people who want to be in the story, unfortunatly, the person I chose isn't in this chapter, but they will be in the next! (I thought they were going to be in this chapter...) Anyway, i HOPE its good enough for you guys:/
I looked out across the gloomy, drizzly "playground" in search of a small red car. I had no luck. School finished half hour ago, and everybody had left. Except me. I flipped my mobile out my pocket, no missed calls. No new messages. Great, i'm going to have to walk home, and I don't even know which direction i'm supposed to be going.'GERARD? IS THAT YOU?' A familiar voice called through the mist and fog,
'yeah,' I muttered, walking towards the sound of my mothers voice,
'QUICK! GET IN THE CAR! IT'S POURING WITH RAIN!' I heard her call. I glanced up at the dark blue sky, thick puffy grey clouds were forming above my head and tiny droplets of rain were soundlessly falling to the ground,
'It's hardly pouring,' I scoffed, shaking the wet out of my hair and climbing into the car.
'So, how was your first day?'
'shit.'
'Gerard, don't use that language please.'
'I'm just saying it how it is mum,'
'Gerard,' She sighed, 'Why can't you just-'
'Be more like Mikey!? I'm sick of hearing the same lecture over and over again. Sorry i'm not a fucking perfect child, mum!' I raged, practically spitting in her face.
'...That's not what I meant,' she said quietly.
The minutes seemed like hours as we drove in unbearable silence.
It's not my fault I don't have perfect grades, or top of the class.
It's not my fault I swear, I was brought up that way. Her and dad were always swearing!
It's not my fault I listen to supposdly heavier music than Mikey.
It's not my fault I dress differently to everyone else.
It's not my fault I'm me.
I was born like this.
'We're home, at last,' Mum breathed a sigh of relief, before exiting the car and walked up the steps and into the house, I followed closely behind. 'Why don't you give your brother a call?'
'Mhmm.' I mumbled, getting my phone out again.
RING RING..... RING RING.... RING-
'hello?'
'Mikey?'
'Gee, is that you?' I swear I could hear him smiling,
'Yep. Man, it's good to hear your voice!'
'Same. How was your first day?'
'Shit. And there was this jerk called Frank who I helped and we was an asshole!'
'What a dick. Don't worry, Gerard! .....You could always come back,'
'No I can't! Mum would never move back,'
'I mean... You could move in with dad...'
'NO.'
'Why not? I miss you!'
'I don't care, i'm NOT moving back.'
'Please, Gerard!' He begged,
'NO!!'
'You never think of anyone but yourself Gerard. Mum and dad divorce was their descision, so you should never have got involved! You ended up hurting mum, dad and even me. Mum wanted to be alone, remember? She didn't want us, she didnt want you. So, why are you with her, Gerard? Answer me that, do you want to hurt her more by your outrages grades, always getting into trouble, smoking, drinking... Taking dru-' I slammed the phone down. I didn't want to listen to him anymore. I can't believe he brang that up... I only ever took drugs ONCE. I was braking, wait, i was broken. I was turning to alcohol, afraid I was going to become an alcoholic, i decided to turn to drugs. Not the best of choices. I was afraid of who I was, who i was becoming & who i've been. Nothing could take away the pain, except there was always one solution. Suicide. I lived to die. That's what I always told myself. I hurt myself on purpose, wrecked my body, my wrist, my stomach, my legs. I told myself I deserved it. I liked the contrast of the deep crimson liquid against my ghostly pale skin. It turned into a habit, I was TERRIFIED Mikey would find out, I didn't care about my parents. I only cared about Mikey. I thought of different ways to 'calm' myself, alcohol & drugs. I drank way too much alcohol, so I decided to turn to drugs... Mikey caught me. He came into my room while I was doing it, and I hurt him. I got violent and smashed him up against the wall, i'll NEVER forgive myself for what I did. I never took drugs again. And I never will.
The Next Day
Die, die darling by the misfits blared in my ears as I walkd alone to school, in the rain. My mum offered to drive me but I refused, I hadn't spoken to her at all since yesterday. Maybe Mikey was right? I was just an inconvenience for mum. 'Hello, dork,' I looked up and found myself gazing into round light brown eyes that spirelled into a dark green with little golden cirlces lining the edge of each pupil,
'Fuck off,' I grumbled, I wasn't in the mood.
'Hey, hey! No need for that,' Frank smirked,
'No, seriously. Leave me alone.'
'Your so rude!'
'And your such an asshole!'
'Hey, I was joking!'
'Well I wasn't. I can see why you get picked on now.' I growled. That wiped the grin off his pretty little face. In fact, his face filled with pure anger, he then turned around and stalked off. Wow. What crawled up his ass? Oh well, at least he has left me alone now. 'Hey, Gerard!' Oh It's that dude Rob, is he the guy that put that thing on my back? No, he's nice.
'Hello Rob!' I smiled,
'Are you okay? You look a bit shaken up,' He edged closer to me, resting a hand on my shoulder.
'Yep, i'm fine, why wouldn't I be?'
'I don't know... I... well, nevermind!' He started to walk off, but I grabbed hold of his arm,
'Tell me rob...'
'I'm worried about you.'
'You don't even know me...'
'I'm still worried,'
'Why?'
'It's complicated.'
'Please explain.'
'Well... I see you staring at guys a lot, are you... Confused?'
'What? NO! I'm very much straight,' What was he talking about? I don't stare at guys.... Do I?
'Well, maybe you've convinced yourself your straight when really your gay?'
'Um, no. I'm straight.' Actually, I have a feeling I'm bi-sexual. Wait, did I just think that? No Gerard. You are straight.
'Aha, first sign of being gay, denial!'
'fuck off,'
'Just say 'I'm gay' please? Maybe you might feel different once you say it?' He pleaded. I didn't see the big deal.
'Fine... I... I'm gay.'
'Did it feel right?' It sounded like he was tryng to hold in laughter... I must be delusional.
'Nope. It felt wrong.' I lied. Truth is, i had no idea how it felt... It felt different. Not good nor bad. It was weird...
'Oh, maybe I was wrong then! Anyway i got to go, seeya later!' He winked before running off down the hall. Rob seemed really nice, maybe i'll actually have a friend here! Well, I had one friend back home, but we weren't really close. We just hung out together at school. It was better than being alone. His name was Bob and he was from Chicago, I miss having someone around. Oh well. I stumbled into biolofy, 'um, hi. My names Gerard Way, i'm new here,' I said quietly to the teacher. 'ANOTHER new person? That's 3 this week!'
'er.. sorry??'
'nevermind. Go sit next to... Mr.Iero over there.' Franks head popped up at the sound of his name, he moaned when he realized that I would be stuck with him for the rest of the year. Trust me, i'd much rather sit next to sombody else. 'Right. As there are so many new students and we have a new seating plan, we are going to use this lesson to "get to know" your neighbour.' Great. I turned round to face Frank, 'I'm Gerard Way.'
'I know.'
'I'm 16.'
'I know.'
'I have browny coloured ey-'
'I KNOW.' Hmmf. I was only trying to be friendly. I sighed loudly and over-dramatically,
'Okay look, you hate me and I don't particually like you much either, but i'm going to be sitting here for the rest of the year, so can we atleast try to get along?'
'I don't hate you.'
'Good.'
'Okay.'
'Hmm.'
'What?'
'Tell me something,'
'You talk too much.'
'I meant about yourself, dumbass.'
'I'm short.'
'I can see that,'
'Your turn.'
'I have a brother,'
'Does he go to this school?'
'...Er, no.'
'why not?'
'HEY! Stop asking questions, my turn!'
'I have no siblings,'
'Oh, um, i want a pet hamster,'
'I have four dogs. And I want more.'
'My birthdays april 9th.'
'My birthdays halloween,' He smirked,
'I know that already,'
'what!? how?'
'Because your the work of the devil,' I joked,
'oh, haha!' He replied sarcastically
'The principal hates me,'
'he hates me too,' Frank then gestured at his jeans and shoes. They were the same as me, except his converse were red.
'Ha! um... I know! Lets ask questions about eachother,'
'Hm. Okay - Name?'
'...You already know my name, dipshit.'
'I dont care, name?'
I sighed, 'Gerard Arthur Way.'
'Birthday?'
'April 9th.'
'top three bands?'
'um, 1. The misfits.... 2. Iron maiden... 3. Smashing pumpkins,' I blushed. 'Don't ask why i'm blushing,'
'Why are you blushing?'
'I said dont ask!' I snapped,
'I;m curious,'
'Hmmf.'
'Your annoying.'
'Your more annoying.'
'HA!'
'Your self-centered,'
'are you still doing this?' he asked, raising his eyebrows,
'You use your good looks against me,'
'what?'
'what?'
'good looks?' he smirked,
'huh?'
'you said I was good looking!'
'No i never!'
'yes you did!'
'shut up you jerk!'
'How the fuck am I a jerk?'
'you just are!'
'your the one who said I was good looking,'
'shut the fuck up!'
'make me.'
'Gerard Way and Frank Iero! Stop argueing and get on with your work!' We boith looked up at the same time, our teacher was standing directly above us. Fuck. Had he heard? I looke daway and met eyes with Rob, who looked hurt, he gave me the 'we need to talk' look. What had I done now?
There was more to this chapter but i'm being kicked off the computer :/ i'll write the rest as soon as i can... hope you liked it... R&R please??
XO
I looked out across the gloomy, drizzly "playground" in search of a small red car. I had no luck. School finished half hour ago, and everybody had left. Except me. I flipped my mobile out my pocket, no missed calls. No new messages. Great, i'm going to have to walk home, and I don't even know which direction i'm supposed to be going.'GERARD? IS THAT YOU?' A familiar voice called through the mist and fog,
'yeah,' I muttered, walking towards the sound of my mothers voice,
'QUICK! GET IN THE CAR! IT'S POURING WITH RAIN!' I heard her call. I glanced up at the dark blue sky, thick puffy grey clouds were forming above my head and tiny droplets of rain were soundlessly falling to the ground,
'It's hardly pouring,' I scoffed, shaking the wet out of my hair and climbing into the car.
'So, how was your first day?'
'shit.'
'Gerard, don't use that language please.'
'I'm just saying it how it is mum,'
'Gerard,' She sighed, 'Why can't you just-'
'Be more like Mikey!? I'm sick of hearing the same lecture over and over again. Sorry i'm not a fucking perfect child, mum!' I raged, practically spitting in her face.
'...That's not what I meant,' she said quietly.
The minutes seemed like hours as we drove in unbearable silence.
It's not my fault I don't have perfect grades, or top of the class.
It's not my fault I swear, I was brought up that way. Her and dad were always swearing!
It's not my fault I listen to supposdly heavier music than Mikey.
It's not my fault I dress differently to everyone else.
It's not my fault I'm me.
I was born like this.
'We're home, at last,' Mum breathed a sigh of relief, before exiting the car and walked up the steps and into the house, I followed closely behind. 'Why don't you give your brother a call?'
'Mhmm.' I mumbled, getting my phone out again.
RING RING..... RING RING.... RING-
'hello?'
'Mikey?'
'Gee, is that you?' I swear I could hear him smiling,
'Yep. Man, it's good to hear your voice!'
'Same. How was your first day?'
'Shit. And there was this jerk called Frank who I helped and we was an asshole!'
'What a dick. Don't worry, Gerard! .....You could always come back,'
'No I can't! Mum would never move back,'
'I mean... You could move in with dad...'
'NO.'
'Why not? I miss you!'
'I don't care, i'm NOT moving back.'
'Please, Gerard!' He begged,
'NO!!'
'You never think of anyone but yourself Gerard. Mum and dad divorce was their descision, so you should never have got involved! You ended up hurting mum, dad and even me. Mum wanted to be alone, remember? She didn't want us, she didnt want you. So, why are you with her, Gerard? Answer me that, do you want to hurt her more by your outrages grades, always getting into trouble, smoking, drinking... Taking dru-' I slammed the phone down. I didn't want to listen to him anymore. I can't believe he brang that up... I only ever took drugs ONCE. I was braking, wait, i was broken. I was turning to alcohol, afraid I was going to become an alcoholic, i decided to turn to drugs. Not the best of choices. I was afraid of who I was, who i was becoming & who i've been. Nothing could take away the pain, except there was always one solution. Suicide. I lived to die. That's what I always told myself. I hurt myself on purpose, wrecked my body, my wrist, my stomach, my legs. I told myself I deserved it. I liked the contrast of the deep crimson liquid against my ghostly pale skin. It turned into a habit, I was TERRIFIED Mikey would find out, I didn't care about my parents. I only cared about Mikey. I thought of different ways to 'calm' myself, alcohol & drugs. I drank way too much alcohol, so I decided to turn to drugs... Mikey caught me. He came into my room while I was doing it, and I hurt him. I got violent and smashed him up against the wall, i'll NEVER forgive myself for what I did. I never took drugs again. And I never will.
The Next Day
Die, die darling by the misfits blared in my ears as I walkd alone to school, in the rain. My mum offered to drive me but I refused, I hadn't spoken to her at all since yesterday. Maybe Mikey was right? I was just an inconvenience for mum. 'Hello, dork,' I looked up and found myself gazing into round light brown eyes that spirelled into a dark green with little golden cirlces lining the edge of each pupil,
'Fuck off,' I grumbled, I wasn't in the mood.
'Hey, hey! No need for that,' Frank smirked,
'No, seriously. Leave me alone.'
'Your so rude!'
'And your such an asshole!'
'Hey, I was joking!'
'Well I wasn't. I can see why you get picked on now.' I growled. That wiped the grin off his pretty little face. In fact, his face filled with pure anger, he then turned around and stalked off. Wow. What crawled up his ass? Oh well, at least he has left me alone now. 'Hey, Gerard!' Oh It's that dude Rob, is he the guy that put that thing on my back? No, he's nice.
'Hello Rob!' I smiled,
'Are you okay? You look a bit shaken up,' He edged closer to me, resting a hand on my shoulder.
'Yep, i'm fine, why wouldn't I be?'
'I don't know... I... well, nevermind!' He started to walk off, but I grabbed hold of his arm,
'Tell me rob...'
'I'm worried about you.'
'You don't even know me...'
'I'm still worried,'
'Why?'
'It's complicated.'
'Please explain.'
'Well... I see you staring at guys a lot, are you... Confused?'
'What? NO! I'm very much straight,' What was he talking about? I don't stare at guys.... Do I?
'Well, maybe you've convinced yourself your straight when really your gay?'
'Um, no. I'm straight.' Actually, I have a feeling I'm bi-sexual. Wait, did I just think that? No Gerard. You are straight.
'Aha, first sign of being gay, denial!'
'fuck off,'
'Just say 'I'm gay' please? Maybe you might feel different once you say it?' He pleaded. I didn't see the big deal.
'Fine... I... I'm gay.'
'Did it feel right?' It sounded like he was tryng to hold in laughter... I must be delusional.
'Nope. It felt wrong.' I lied. Truth is, i had no idea how it felt... It felt different. Not good nor bad. It was weird...
'Oh, maybe I was wrong then! Anyway i got to go, seeya later!' He winked before running off down the hall. Rob seemed really nice, maybe i'll actually have a friend here! Well, I had one friend back home, but we weren't really close. We just hung out together at school. It was better than being alone. His name was Bob and he was from Chicago, I miss having someone around. Oh well. I stumbled into biolofy, 'um, hi. My names Gerard Way, i'm new here,' I said quietly to the teacher. 'ANOTHER new person? That's 3 this week!'
'er.. sorry??'
'nevermind. Go sit next to... Mr.Iero over there.' Franks head popped up at the sound of his name, he moaned when he realized that I would be stuck with him for the rest of the year. Trust me, i'd much rather sit next to sombody else. 'Right. As there are so many new students and we have a new seating plan, we are going to use this lesson to "get to know" your neighbour.' Great. I turned round to face Frank, 'I'm Gerard Way.'
'I know.'
'I'm 16.'
'I know.'
'I have browny coloured ey-'
'I KNOW.' Hmmf. I was only trying to be friendly. I sighed loudly and over-dramatically,
'Okay look, you hate me and I don't particually like you much either, but i'm going to be sitting here for the rest of the year, so can we atleast try to get along?'
'I don't hate you.'
'Good.'
'Okay.'
'Hmm.'
'What?'
'Tell me something,'
'You talk too much.'
'I meant about yourself, dumbass.'
'I'm short.'
'I can see that,'
'Your turn.'
'I have a brother,'
'Does he go to this school?'
'...Er, no.'
'why not?'
'HEY! Stop asking questions, my turn!'
'I have no siblings,'
'Oh, um, i want a pet hamster,'
'I have four dogs. And I want more.'
'My birthdays april 9th.'
'My birthdays halloween,' He smirked,
'I know that already,'
'what!? how?'
'Because your the work of the devil,' I joked,
'oh, haha!' He replied sarcastically
'The principal hates me,'
'he hates me too,' Frank then gestured at his jeans and shoes. They were the same as me, except his converse were red.
'Ha! um... I know! Lets ask questions about eachother,'
'Hm. Okay - Name?'
'...You already know my name, dipshit.'
'I dont care, name?'
I sighed, 'Gerard Arthur Way.'
'Birthday?'
'April 9th.'
'top three bands?'
'um, 1. The misfits.... 2. Iron maiden... 3. Smashing pumpkins,' I blushed. 'Don't ask why i'm blushing,'
'Why are you blushing?'
'I said dont ask!' I snapped,
'I;m curious,'
'Hmmf.'
'Your annoying.'
'Your more annoying.'
'HA!'
'Your self-centered,'
'are you still doing this?' he asked, raising his eyebrows,
'You use your good looks against me,'
'what?'
'what?'
'good looks?' he smirked,
'huh?'
'you said I was good looking!'
'No i never!'
'yes you did!'
'shut up you jerk!'
'How the fuck am I a jerk?'
'you just are!'
'your the one who said I was good looking,'
'shut the fuck up!'
'make me.'
'Gerard Way and Frank Iero! Stop argueing and get on with your work!' We boith looked up at the same time, our teacher was standing directly above us. Fuck. Had he heard? I looke daway and met eyes with Rob, who looked hurt, he gave me the 'we need to talk' look. What had I done now?
There was more to this chapter but i'm being kicked off the computer :/ i'll write the rest as soon as i can... hope you liked it... R&R please??
XO
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