Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Life in an Old Perspective
Emily curled into me just a little closer. She was boney. Angular. She reminded me of....
She said something but I had no intention of listening to her. So I continued to imagine. Imagine that we were together again. In love. Happy. Like we used to be. Before you changed and I didn't grow up and all sorts. That was what I really wanted. I didn't want to be with Emily. I loved her, but not like I loved you. I don't want anyone else. I want you. But...
We're over now. And there is no possibility of a makeup, considering I don't even know if you're still in this country, nevermind if you're in love with me. Well, you obviously don't love me anymore. I don't understand why...but it's probably my fault. It usually is. All of a sudden she shifted from beside me and stood up. "What's wrong with me then? Why don't you want me?" I tried to reassure her but she was tearing up. "Why don't you love me Bden, what am I doing wrong I, I..."
"Don't call me Bden."
"Oh my god Brendon! Please I...". She burst into tears.
I sighed and put my head in my hands. I couldn't deal with this. This was the...fifth night in a row this had happened. I don't want to have sex with her. It's gross. I don't like it. Not the fact that it's her, just the fact that she's a woman. That sounds weird but I don't care anymore. It's true and anybody that doesn't like it can get lost and have nothing to do with it. She left the door open when she ran out. And I, in return, smashed one of the lamps of the bedside stand out of fury. I threw on some clothes and marched out the house, ignoring my girlfriend's cries of enquiry.
I awoke in the very early hours of Saturday morning with a pain in my head and an empty bottle in my hand.Despite being underage at seventeen years old, I drunk rather heavily. Bars often didn't actually care what age you were as long as they were getting payed. What was worse was I was in the middle of an alleyway, in the middle of nowhere. "Great.." I muttered to myself.
I slowly picked myself up from the concrete, cursing myself and the rest of the world whilst doing so. I laughed and my own disgust. I must look like a fucking hobo. "If only you could see me now!" I yelled sarcastically at the air before smashing the bottle I was still holding against the wall, and then throwing the remains of it at the ground. I turned back to watch the small shards of glass trickle down the back of the alley I was in. I looked up, expecting to see a dull, rainy alleyway, which of course I did, but, for just a moment I thought I saw the face of a young man I once knew. But it was dark, and I had a bad hangover. But..I could almost swear that the man by the back of the stairway was...was it? I shook my head and watched as he accepted a package from another, much bigger man and turned to walk out my way. As he looked up he saw me too. And he stopped in his path. It was him. He was older..and he looked different...but it was definetally him. He suddenly became aware that he was staring, as did I, and not so casually, he ran straight past me. I stood for a moment, utterly stunned.
Did I imagine that?
Have I finally gone insane?
I wouldn't doubt it.
I sighed once more and began to make my way in the vague direction that I beleived my home was. But before I had barely stepped twice out of the alleyway I was greeted again by that face. That face.
"Hi-lo..uh I mean hello, hi I ugh"
He spluttered out meaningless words of greeting trying to re-arrange them into an appropriate sentence...and failing. But I honestly wouldn't have paid more attention if he had said "My cat's on fire and I think I might secretely be a librarian-duck cross"
I was too busy falling in love all over again.
His eyes were still golden brown. I mean, they weren't going to change...but I hadn't seen them in so long. It was almost as if they weren't real anymore. But they were. His face was worn out and tired, even for whatever time it was right now, but it always had been. He was always busy, always moving. His hair was a scruffy mess, more like when he was a teenager than it was when I saw him last. Suddenly I was transported back to when we were kids. Just stupid kids. Messing around. Not giving a shit.
The first time I saw you...
The last.
I blinked and was back in the present. And he was still spilling words, and strange noises that made it sound almost like he was choking. He was looking around desperately now.
"Uhm..hey".
I blurted out. Confused. Shocked.
He stopped and took a breath before laughing at himself, I joined in his laughter and for a moment it felt almost as if we were still together.
"Yeah.." he muttered. "Hi."
We exchanged smiles.
It was incredibly awkward...but I didn't mind. I took the pauses in what was barely a conversation as an oppertunity to examine your person.
"It's been a long time.." I spoke in a breath.
"Yeah...too long". He replied.
He spoke quietly, although his words were hurting him when they escaped his mouth.
"Soo...what exactly are you doing out and about at this time of night?" He checked his phone. "It's like...3 in the morning".
"Is it?". I shook my head. "I had an arguement with Chrissa and I just.."
He nodded in understanding.
"Yeah. I get it".
"You still with Chrissa?" He said, almost as if he were shocked.
"Yeah..well, barely".
"Oh.." He jerked like I was going to slap him in the face for asking. "I...I'm really sorry..."
"It's cool". I shrugged.
He looked lost again..like he was going explode if someone didn't say something.
"Uhm..well, what're you doing out here anyway?" I asked.
"Oh". The word 'oh' was starting to sound like it wasn't a real word anymore due to his overuse of it. "I..uh, same as you I guess..just out..yeah.."
I figured there wasn't much point in digging any further, and to be honest as long as he was safe, I didn't particularily care.
"Do you.." He looked up at me for the first time since we started talking. "Do you still talk to..like, Spencer..and Pete n'all that?".
I thought about it. I didn't really...but..I kinda did. Like, he wasn't exactly my best friend anymore, Spencer, but I saw him. Same with Pete. I nodded.
"Yeah, yeah I guess so".
He outturned his bottom lip and nodded along with me.
"Oh". He tripped out once more.
I smiled weakly.
"Well, it was nice seeing ya" I said.
Wait. No. What was I doing? I can't end this. I don't want to end this. I don't want to go back home to Chrissa. I don't want to stop talking to him.
Ryan, reading my thoughts through my expression, which was something he did an awful lot, and awful well, stated. "Well..I know we haven't seen each other for.."
"Three years"
He smiled and nodded in my general direction.
"Yeah...but, you know if you're not getting on with Chris..then you're always welcome back to my place?" He looked up at me again. It seemed like it was a rare occurance to have have look at me now.
I grinned.
"I would like that". I nodded happily at him.
He grinned back at me.
I could hardly contain my happiness right now, but I had too. For the sake of keeping the spark of lost friendship alive.
He looked genuinely excited. Which made me even happier.
"Great!" He locked eyes with me and I nearly melted. "Let's go".
And with that he turned right at the crossroads I didn't even know existed and I followed behind him, taking the chance I had to silently cheer while his back was turned.
Writer's Note-
Chrissa Todd is based on a real human being, whom can be found here-
http://brendonurielove123.tumblr.com/
And Cassie Jones, fake name, is based on a real human being, whom cane be found here-
http://fuckingatthedisco.tumblr.com/
And thanks to Chrissa for being such a good sport x
yaaay~
Hope you liked it guys
She said something but I had no intention of listening to her. So I continued to imagine. Imagine that we were together again. In love. Happy. Like we used to be. Before you changed and I didn't grow up and all sorts. That was what I really wanted. I didn't want to be with Emily. I loved her, but not like I loved you. I don't want anyone else. I want you. But...
We're over now. And there is no possibility of a makeup, considering I don't even know if you're still in this country, nevermind if you're in love with me. Well, you obviously don't love me anymore. I don't understand why...but it's probably my fault. It usually is. All of a sudden she shifted from beside me and stood up. "What's wrong with me then? Why don't you want me?" I tried to reassure her but she was tearing up. "Why don't you love me Bden, what am I doing wrong I, I..."
"Don't call me Bden."
"Oh my god Brendon! Please I...". She burst into tears.
I sighed and put my head in my hands. I couldn't deal with this. This was the...fifth night in a row this had happened. I don't want to have sex with her. It's gross. I don't like it. Not the fact that it's her, just the fact that she's a woman. That sounds weird but I don't care anymore. It's true and anybody that doesn't like it can get lost and have nothing to do with it. She left the door open when she ran out. And I, in return, smashed one of the lamps of the bedside stand out of fury. I threw on some clothes and marched out the house, ignoring my girlfriend's cries of enquiry.
I awoke in the very early hours of Saturday morning with a pain in my head and an empty bottle in my hand.Despite being underage at seventeen years old, I drunk rather heavily. Bars often didn't actually care what age you were as long as they were getting payed. What was worse was I was in the middle of an alleyway, in the middle of nowhere. "Great.." I muttered to myself.
I slowly picked myself up from the concrete, cursing myself and the rest of the world whilst doing so. I laughed and my own disgust. I must look like a fucking hobo. "If only you could see me now!" I yelled sarcastically at the air before smashing the bottle I was still holding against the wall, and then throwing the remains of it at the ground. I turned back to watch the small shards of glass trickle down the back of the alley I was in. I looked up, expecting to see a dull, rainy alleyway, which of course I did, but, for just a moment I thought I saw the face of a young man I once knew. But it was dark, and I had a bad hangover. But..I could almost swear that the man by the back of the stairway was...was it? I shook my head and watched as he accepted a package from another, much bigger man and turned to walk out my way. As he looked up he saw me too. And he stopped in his path. It was him. He was older..and he looked different...but it was definetally him. He suddenly became aware that he was staring, as did I, and not so casually, he ran straight past me. I stood for a moment, utterly stunned.
Did I imagine that?
Have I finally gone insane?
I wouldn't doubt it.
I sighed once more and began to make my way in the vague direction that I beleived my home was. But before I had barely stepped twice out of the alleyway I was greeted again by that face. That face.
"Hi-lo..uh I mean hello, hi I ugh"
He spluttered out meaningless words of greeting trying to re-arrange them into an appropriate sentence...and failing. But I honestly wouldn't have paid more attention if he had said "My cat's on fire and I think I might secretely be a librarian-duck cross"
I was too busy falling in love all over again.
His eyes were still golden brown. I mean, they weren't going to change...but I hadn't seen them in so long. It was almost as if they weren't real anymore. But they were. His face was worn out and tired, even for whatever time it was right now, but it always had been. He was always busy, always moving. His hair was a scruffy mess, more like when he was a teenager than it was when I saw him last. Suddenly I was transported back to when we were kids. Just stupid kids. Messing around. Not giving a shit.
The first time I saw you...
The last.
I blinked and was back in the present. And he was still spilling words, and strange noises that made it sound almost like he was choking. He was looking around desperately now.
"Uhm..hey".
I blurted out. Confused. Shocked.
He stopped and took a breath before laughing at himself, I joined in his laughter and for a moment it felt almost as if we were still together.
"Yeah.." he muttered. "Hi."
We exchanged smiles.
It was incredibly awkward...but I didn't mind. I took the pauses in what was barely a conversation as an oppertunity to examine your person.
"It's been a long time.." I spoke in a breath.
"Yeah...too long". He replied.
He spoke quietly, although his words were hurting him when they escaped his mouth.
"Soo...what exactly are you doing out and about at this time of night?" He checked his phone. "It's like...3 in the morning".
"Is it?". I shook my head. "I had an arguement with Chrissa and I just.."
He nodded in understanding.
"Yeah. I get it".
"You still with Chrissa?" He said, almost as if he were shocked.
"Yeah..well, barely".
"Oh.." He jerked like I was going to slap him in the face for asking. "I...I'm really sorry..."
"It's cool". I shrugged.
He looked lost again..like he was going explode if someone didn't say something.
"Uhm..well, what're you doing out here anyway?" I asked.
"Oh". The word 'oh' was starting to sound like it wasn't a real word anymore due to his overuse of it. "I..uh, same as you I guess..just out..yeah.."
I figured there wasn't much point in digging any further, and to be honest as long as he was safe, I didn't particularily care.
"Do you.." He looked up at me for the first time since we started talking. "Do you still talk to..like, Spencer..and Pete n'all that?".
I thought about it. I didn't really...but..I kinda did. Like, he wasn't exactly my best friend anymore, Spencer, but I saw him. Same with Pete. I nodded.
"Yeah, yeah I guess so".
He outturned his bottom lip and nodded along with me.
"Oh". He tripped out once more.
I smiled weakly.
"Well, it was nice seeing ya" I said.
Wait. No. What was I doing? I can't end this. I don't want to end this. I don't want to go back home to Chrissa. I don't want to stop talking to him.
Ryan, reading my thoughts through my expression, which was something he did an awful lot, and awful well, stated. "Well..I know we haven't seen each other for.."
"Three years"
He smiled and nodded in my general direction.
"Yeah...but, you know if you're not getting on with Chris..then you're always welcome back to my place?" He looked up at me again. It seemed like it was a rare occurance to have have look at me now.
I grinned.
"I would like that". I nodded happily at him.
He grinned back at me.
I could hardly contain my happiness right now, but I had too. For the sake of keeping the spark of lost friendship alive.
He looked genuinely excited. Which made me even happier.
"Great!" He locked eyes with me and I nearly melted. "Let's go".
And with that he turned right at the crossroads I didn't even know existed and I followed behind him, taking the chance I had to silently cheer while his back was turned.
Writer's Note-
Chrissa Todd is based on a real human being, whom can be found here-
http://brendonurielove123.tumblr.com/
And Cassie Jones, fake name, is based on a real human being, whom cane be found here-
http://fuckingatthedisco.tumblr.com/
And thanks to Chrissa for being such a good sport x
yaaay~
Hope you liked it guys
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