Categories > TV > Queer As Folk

Nightmarish Memories

by Nuada 1 review

What if Justin had died?

Category: Queer As Folk - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst - Published: 2011-05-13 - Updated: 2011-05-13 - 1698 words - Complete

Michael boarded the plane and scanned the seats for David. He saw that David was staring out the window; his eyes seemed to scan the surroundings with the mournful eyes of someone who has lost a loved one. "David!" David looked up; the surprise that he was feeling clearly showed on his face.

"Michael. I. . .ah, I thought that you weren't coming."

Michael sat down, smiled and grabbed David's hand. "I wasn't going to. Then I realized how much I love you and that the thought of not having you near me and being with you was almost unbearable. So here I am."

David smiled at Michael. They held hands through the duration of the flight.

Brian sat in the hallway of the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. His collar was stained, his lips were stained, tears stained his face and in his hand he held the blood stained silk scarf. He picked up his cell phone and stared at it. He was going to call Michael and then decided not to. Michael was off to start his glorious new life with David. If Brian called him back now then he would never be on his own and Debbie would continue to blame him for Michael's unhappiness.

Instead he called Debbie. As soon as he heard her voice he started to fall apart. He took a shuddery breath and tried to control himself. "Debbie?"

"Brian? What's wrong?"

Brian had to hold the phone with his other hand because tears were running down his face. "Justin got h-hurt." Another shuddery breath. "I'm at the h-h-hospital." He hung up before she could ask him anything and before he lost control of himself.

A few minutes later Debbie was walking down the ICU hallway and towards the chair that Brian was sitting in. She took one look at the condition that Brian was in and knew that whatever happened, it had to be bad. "Brian?" He tried to stand but his knees were shaky and he fell back into his chair. "Brian, have you called Jen?" Brian only shook his head. He knew that Jen would blame him, when she really should be blaming Michael. If Michael had left him alone he would be dead and Justin wouldn't be at the hospital clinging to life by a thread.

Brian looked up and saw Ted walking their way. "Christ. W-what the fuck is he doing here?"

"He drove me here." She turned so that she was facing Ted. "Call Jennifer Taylor. Tell her that her son was hurt and he's at the hospital. We're staying here until she gets here." Debbie sat beside Brian and held his hand. He had stopped crying but hadn't bothered to wipe the remaining tears away.

For Brian, as they waited for Jen to get to the hospital, the minutes seemed to trickle by. His heart skipped a beat when Jen rounded the corner. Brian was staring at the ground; for once he couldn't force himself to make eye contact. Not after what happened; he knew that she blamed him but he blamed him too. She walked right past him without looking at him.

That night they sat in the waiting room. Debbie knew that Brian hadn't called Michael and that he didn't intend to. She knew that if he did call Michael he would just want to come back. That was pointless there was nothing that he could do. Debbie was holding Jen's hand while Brian had his head in Ted's lap. Ted was smoothing his hair; Brian wasn't his favourite person but nobody deserved what he was going through.

The three of them had been there for almost three hours when the doctor came into view. "Mrs. Taylor?" Jen stood, her eyes red and puffy. "I'm sorry. There was very little that we could do the damage was too extensive. He's coherent but his brain's shutting down. It's a good idea to go and talk to him; you know, say your good byes while he's coherent enough to know that you're there. There's no telling how long his brain will hold out.

Jen felt numb as she went into the room. To everyone's surprise when she walked out of the room she stood in front of Brian. "You should go in. He's been asking for you."

When Brian stood up Jen hugged him. She held him tightly for a few seconds. Even though she wasn't very fond of Brian this was the guy that her son claimed to love, man that had made her son happy. That and he had had the unfortunate experience of watching her son get bashed in the head with a bat and now he was watching him slip away. This had to be hard for him too.

He walked into the room. Only one of Justin's eyes moved as he glanced at Brian. His head had the wrong shape on the pillow. Brian fought back the tears that stung his eyes; he was determined not to break in front of Justin. At the prom Justin had been so happy, so full of life, so beautiful. That was how Brian wanted to remember him. He was shocked that every few minutes Justin's eyes would roll and his body would convulse.

"Justin its Brian. I should have told you sooner but I love you. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me and for being such an asshole. I'm so sorry."

Justin tried to speak. "I… thought…" Blood started to ooze out of his mouth and he flat lined. The doctor and a nurse came in the room. The nurse gently guided Brian towards the door. Brian stumbled back into the waiting room and hugged Jen. When she finally let him go he faced Debbie.

"He's gone." Brian walked dazed out of the room. Debbie followed him.

"Where are you going?"

Brian faced her and shrugged. "Home." He left before she could argue. He placed the silk scarf into the trash basket on his way out.

Three days later was Justin's funeral. In the morning before Brian left he decided to call Michael. The reason why he waited so long was that now Michael couldn't go even if he wanted to. He knew that Michael hadn't been called. Debbie had offered but Brian had told her that this was a matter that he'd like tot take care of personally.


"Hi." Brian was glad to hear Michael's voice.

"Miss me already?" David knew just by looking at Michael that it was Brian. If his grin got any wider you would be able to see all of his teeth.

"Yeah. I don't have very long to talk so I'll make this short. Justin died."

"Oh my god. When?"

"He got his head smashed in the night of his prom."

Michael was shocked. "Brian that was three days ago. Why the fuck didn't you tell me the night that it happened?"

Brian was doing his best to sound bored. "What would that have accomplished? You're off to start a life with David. If I had told you that night you would have wanted to come home. That wouldn't have saved his life. There was no point."

"I'm coming to Pittsburgh."

"No you're not. You didn't even like Justin so don't waste your time." Brian hung up the phone.

Michael knew that Brian needed him but he also knew that Brian was right. If he went home then he could kiss his future with David goodbye. In the end he decided to send a sympathy card and a bouquet of flowers.

The funeral was lovely. Justin's head had the wrong shape on the satin pillow; it was even worse than it had been at the hospital. Jen Taylor said the eulogy. Craig Taylor had managed to keep his anger at bay until they were at the cemetery. Just after Justin's casket was lowered into the ground Craig punched Brian right in the face, splitting his lip.

"You fucking child murderer."

Brian was silent. He spit blood on the ground, making a patch of red grass. He left the cemetery and drove home. He figured that Craig was right. He had murdered Justin he was the one that should be dead. If he had had enough sense to stay away from the kid then everything would have been all right.

When Brian arrived home, the first thing that he did was lock the door. Then he opened the wooden box that he kept all of his drugs in. He grabbed out the small round containers of cocaine. Each had enough for two hits. By themselves you were fine, taken all at once the dose could be lethal. He took one hit after another until all the containers were empty. By the time that he was done he was so high that he was seeing giant white dots.

The room started to spin and his stomach clenched. He felt as though his insides were being squished and exploding at the same time. He screamed and curled into the fetal position. There was intense pain for about a minute and then he felt nothing. It was almost like being gently rocked to sleep.

Lindsay walked into the loft. The cleaning lady had called and said that she found Brian dead in his bedroom. The ambulance was on the way. She knew that there would be no hurry because they already knew that they were going to get a dead body. She sat on his couch and wondered what was going to happen next. She concluded that she had no idea.

Brian awoke in a cold sweat. He could hear the sounds of even breathing beside him. He let out a quivering breath. He looked beside him and was relieved to see Justin asleep next to him. He blamed the nightmare on the fear that he had of Justin getting hurt again and the fact that they had argued at Babylon that night. The argument was solved and they had had make-up sex. He drew himself closer to Justin, inhaling his scent. He wrapped his arms around him and fell into a dreamless sleep.
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