(#) Saafiyyah79 2015-01-25I think this story is very much lacking in concept, execution and style. Clearly, this is your idea and you are entitled to that. But the reader also needs justification for why the characters in the story act the way they do. I didn't get any of that here.
The idea that Brian would sleep with Michael when he has never ever had feelings for him in that way didn't make sense to me. If you wanted to do something with this pair, wouldn't it have been a better idea to build up their romance to this moment? Also, it doesn't make sense that Brian would be so distraught at Justin's condition, but ruin his friendship with Michael in such a callous way. The ending left me cold; Michael barely caring about Justin's condition, but carrying the secret knowledge that when Justin is gone, he and Brian will be together. I thought that was questionable, borderline cruel.
The style was repetitive, with regards to sentence structure, and I felt no connection with any of the characters at all. This could have been avoided had you stuck to say, Brian's view point and really developed that section, which would have helped us see why he sought Michael's comfort in this way.
Unfortunately, this story left much to be desired.
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