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Story Title: Fowl Play
Chapter 1: Homecoming
I’m pretty annoyed right now. I really hate it when people hold back information that just might change the way my life is going and the barmy, old codger is pretty much doing so. I mean seriously, I save the blasted Stone and the first question I ask, he won’t even answer. And why in the world does he look so disappointed when he heard that I got Sorted in Slytherin? Okay, maybe that house churns out Dark Wizards like rabbits but does Dark really mean evil? Look at Arty, criminal mastermind but he wouldn’t hurt a fly… Maybe he would, but he wouldn’t hurt another person!
Arty, as in Artemis Fowl Junior, is my brother. You see, I ran away from my abusive relatives (and that’s putting it lightly. I can’t say that I miss my cupboard) when I was four and as luck would have it, I tried to pick the pocket of one of the most notorious criminals in existence, Artemis Fowl Senior. Apparently, he saw a lot of potential in me, seeing that I was already stealing when I was five, and took me home. After a bunch of illegal paperwork (As Domovoi always says, illegal is faster.), I officially became Harry Potter-Fowl. Mother, Angeline Fowl, was the one who always kept father in check and she really loved fussing over me. I was a malnourished and abused kid after all. And that leads us to little Arty.
Yes, he’s my brother, yes, he’s younger than me, yes, he’s a genius and yes, I love him like an older brother should. And then he would whine something about ‘It’s only a month!’ Truth be told, I am extremely proud of the fact that I am one of the few people who could make Arty whine like a petulant child. Insert evil laugh here. To anyone else, he’s just going to stare you down with that creepy, vampire glare of his. Speaking of that little bugger, I wonder what he’s doing. He’s been a tad overzealous ever since dad disappeared. Our dad who is most definitely alive! I refuse to believe that he’s dead! I digress, back to little Arty. Hopefully, Domovoi would be keeping him in line. Domovoi is to Arty as mother is to father.
Domovoi is Arty’s bodyguard and he has been with my brother ever since Arty was born. Even I wouldn’t dare stand in the guy’s way. Ninety kilos is too much for me to handle. As for me, I got paired with Juliet. Domovoi and I keep Arty in check, but as for the Juliet/Harry pair, it would be me who keeps us away from trouble. Juliet is excellent, trained by Dom himself, but she gets a bit excitable. Probably the reason that father didn’t pair her and Arty together. Every bank in the world would be sucked dry. Speaking of Juliet, my bodyguard made going to Hogwarts difficult. After all, a bodyguard must not leave the principal’s side, as she always says.
She’s going to kill me when she hears about my adventures. A bucking broomstick, a massive, three-headed dog, a plant that strangles people, giant chess set with live pieces, two trolls and a Dark Lord sticking out of a professor’s head. Yep, she’s going to kill me while ranting something about missing all the action.
Oh and look, there she is. I should have known that she’s going to be waiting for me at King’s Cross. Too bad, I was really looking forward to getting some shuteye but I have to fly the Lear all the way home. I just wish that the manor didn’t get torn to shreds by a troll, all because Arty kidnapped some leprechaun or something. Mother may be too depressed to kill us but I wouldn’t hesitate to kill Arty myself, Domovoi or no Domovoi. Okay, maybe only if Dom isn’t there.
The trip home was pretty much the usual. Juliet kept blabbering about this wrestler named Hogman. Really, what kind of name was Hogman? If I was going to be a pig themed wrestler, which I’m not, I’m going to give myself a name like the Wild Boar or something.
Alarm bells kept ringing in my head when we got home. The manor was empty because Arty was in boarding school, but the silence still got to me. I saw Juliet tense up too, and she is a trained bodyguard even if she may not look like it. I shoved my hand in my pocket and tightened it on my wand. Arty is the genius of the family in scientific stuff so I strived to become a genius in my own field: Magic.
I looked around and…there, a slight shimmer in the air. It’s not an invisibility cloak because that’s complete invisibility, so it’s probably a disillusionment charm. My concentration was broken when Juliet shoved sunglasses in my face. Luckily, I don’t wear glasses anymore. Father got my eyesight fixed when he found out.
A red light that reminded me of the guns in Star Wars erupted from the shimmer, but thanks to my practice in dodging Squirrel’s spells, I managed to roll out of the way. Arty may not like exercising but I find it worthwhile.
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” I said, pointing my wand at the shimmer. The shimmer, er, shimmered and a figure appeared.
The thing was about one meter tall and had greenish skin. Now, normal people might freak out but I am a wizard and I have seen stranger things. The small gun in the figure’s hand unnerved me though. The thing laughed.
“A stick? What are you going to do with a stick?” it said. It was definitely female, unless this species had that voice whether they’re male or female, but I doubt it. I sighed. This has Arty’s signature all over it.
“What did Arty do now?” I asked. The figure cocked its head to the side and removed the helmet. Yep, definitely female and she’s pretty cute too. And look, pointy ears!
“Who are you?” she said. Juliet stepped forward.
“You don’t need to know that, Captain Short.” She said. The figure named Captain Short looked at her.
“And why not?”
Before Juliet could answer, I butted in.
“Ummm, Captain Short, if that is your name, why are you here? I have a bad feeling that Artemis is somehow involved.”
She glared at me,
“Yes, he’s involved. He kidnapped me for ransom and now, he’s trading illegal goods with goblins!” she spat. I was feeling pretty shocked by then. Arty would never hurt a sentient being.
“Ten months! I was gone for ten measly months and he’s already reduced to kidnapping! When I get my hands on that idiot, I’m gonna strangle him, big bodyguard or not…” I kept ranting for a few minutes so I didn’t really hear what my female companions were saying. Juliet snapped me out of it though.
“So, who are you?” Captain Short asked me.
“My name is Harry Fowl, former Potter and I formally apologize for the idiotic actions of my brother.” I said in the voice that father always used whenever he’s in a formal meeting. Then, the Fowl Bentley arrived.
A glaring Domovoi is a scary Domovoi. And right now, Dom is glaring daggers at Captain Short. Still, I can’t just use his name. Only Juliet and I know about it. He didn’t even tell Arty!
“Butler!” I shouted. Everyone looked at me. Arty stared at Captain Short.
“Captain Short, what are you doing here?” he asked nonchalantly. Before Captain Short could answer, I tore into Arty.
“Why is she here? You are out of line Arty! You kidnapped a sentient being, and a pretty one too, but I digress. You kidnapped a sentient being! I help you rob banks and the like because that’s how father raised us but harming another sentient being is beneath the Fowl code!” I yelled. Arty looked sheepish.
“I didn’t know, okay? I didn’t know they were so…intelligent!” he whined back. Yep, I could still make him whine even without seeing him for ten months. Captain Short looked amused, surprised and a bunch of other expressions.
“Wait, kidnapping sentient beings is beneath you? You’re brothers? Fowl whined?” she said. She was also blushing at being called pretty. Fowl whined? I am a Fowl and proud of it but I do not whine. Of all the…
“I don’t whine.” I stated. Arty looked pretty funny though. He was currently straightening that suit of his. I always preferred the casual look but not too casual. That’s why Juliet and I get along so well.
“Yes, well, I apologize for that, Captain Short, but as you very well know, I have the gold, you lost and game over.” I raised an eyebrow. Arty is using the term ‘game over’? That’s new.
“I don’t know what that’s about but you also seem to be smuggling goods for goblins.” I drawled. Arty stared at me, his eyes narrower than usual. Ah, so he didn’t do it.
“What?” he asked. Captain Short huffed.
“I don’t have time for this. I’m going to bring all of you back to Haven. You have some explaining to do, Fowl.” She said. I rolled my eyes.
“Hello? Another Fowl here, and innocent too.”
Dom drived the car, following Captain Short’s directions. I also learned that her first name was Holly. Hey, my wand is made of holly! Hey, that was a random thought!
Holly stared at Arty’s eyes and told him to sleep. Surprisingly, he did. Maybe that’s why Juliet slammed those sunglasses in my face. Anyways, I guess this would be a good test for that Occlumency thing I practiced when I broke in the Restricted Section of Hogwarts Library. Holly did the same thing to Juliet and then she turned to me.
“You seem to be civil.” She said. I grinned at her.
“It’s like yin and yang. Arty is the one who thinks up devilish plots while I’m the one who makes sure that no innocents got hurt.” I replied. I liked Assassin’s Creed and the first tenet was a pretty good moral code. Stay your blade from the flesh of the innocent.
“And when the yang part disappeared for a while, the balance was broken, huh?” she said cheekily. I nodded.
“Yes. You know, while I was flying the plane, I kept thinking that I would find that a troll smashed its way through the manor because of something Arty did.” I replied. Holly’s eyes widened and I got a really bad feeling about that.
“Please tell me that a troll didn’t smash through the manor.” I pleaded. Holly looked guilty at that and I groaned.
“Mother is going to kill me when she gets better.” I said.
“She’s better. I cured her.” Holly said. She was probably trying to reassure me for that troll thingy. I looked up. Mother is well? Mother is well! I could kiss her right there but I held back and settled for a hug. She looked surprised.
“Thank you.” I said. Hey, I may be a Slytherin but when it comes to my family, I can get pretty emotional. She patted me on the back.
“You know, you’re not as bad as your brother. Now, I’m sorry about this but I have rules to follow so sleep.” She said the sleep part with a musical voice and I could feel something trying to make its way past the Occlumency shield I put up. It wasn’t like Snape or Dumbledore reading my mind. It was like how the books described the Imperious Curse. Whoa, am I being Imperiused?
“Please stop, I have a massive headache already and I wouldn’t hesitate to use magic to defend myself.” I said. The Imperius-like feeling stopped and I looked up to see her looking at me warily.
“Magic?” she asked dubiously, and I don’t blame her. She looked like an elf so magic would be natural for her and I’m just a human.
“Yes, magic.” For some reason, I really wanted to impress her and since I could do a few things wandlessly, I decided to show her. After all, she was bringing us to some secret elf place.
I raised my hand and said, “Accio gun.”
The platinum colored pistol flew out of her grip and into my waiting hand. Her eyes looked like saucers and I found it amusing.
“Cool gun though.” I said and tossed it back to her. She caught it expertly. That must mean that she’s a soldier kind of person, er, elf. I smacked myself mentally. Of course, she’s a soldier! Her rank is Captain!
She was still looking at me like I had two heads.
“That, that’s not possible!” she cried. I looked at her. What’s not possible? I voiced this out loud and she explained.
“Magic is limited to healing, shielding, mesmerizing and the speaking in tongues! What you did was impossible!” she exclaimed. It seems that their magic is different from ours.
“That’s a bummer. I can turn completely invisible (which wasn’t a lie, I have an invisibility cloak), disarm people, make things float, summon things, turn a match into a needle and create fire or light using magic.” I drawled. The look on her face was both funny and cute at the same time. Who knew that that was possible?
Then, it was my turn to look around in awe as we reached a port where a shuttle (yes, an honest to goodness shuttle) was waiting for us. Holly and I lugged Arty, Juliet and Dom on before squeezing in. Needless to say, it was pretty uncomfortable. Dom sure has a huge butt.
The next place we reached was also pretty amusing. There was a centaur, but a lot smaller than the centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. There was also another elf, but this one seemed to be more red than green.
Red guy yelled at Holly in some strange language while horse guy looked at me curiously. Horse guy handed me an earpiece. Now, I may not be a genius but you don’t grow up as Arty’s brother without picking up a few things.
“Translator?” I asked. Horse guy looked delighted and nodded. I put on the translator.
“-AWAKE?” red guy yelled. Holly flinched.
“He was unaffected by the Mesmer!” Holly answered. Before red guy could scold her some more, I decided to rescue her. I had grown fond of Holly while we were talking in the car.
“Sir? It wasn’t her fault. It was mine. You see, I got paranoid that people were reading my mind so I sort of created a mental shield in my head.” I said. Red guy turned to me.
“Mental shield? Foaly, is that possible?” he yelled. Does this guy know how to do anything but yell?
“Um, no. That’s why I have a tin foil hat.” Horse guy said. Foaly, huh? Suitable name.
Red guy turned to me again.
“Stop lying Mud boy and tell me how you avoided the Mesmer!” he yelled. Mud Boy? Was that supposed to be an insult? Mudblood was way more insulting than that and it was Malfoy who uses it!
“I’m not. Believe what you will.” I drawled. Red guy turned redder.
“Who are you anyway?” he yelled.
“Harry James Potter Fowl, at your service, mister?” I replied. He snorted.
“Quit the act. We both know that Mud men are never polite.” He yelled. Foaly nodded.
“Sir, Harry is different…” she started but Red guy yelled at her again.
“Different? You’re defending a Mud Boy?” He yelled again. Holly raised her hands.
“Maybe you shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” She said. Red guy looked like he was about to yell some more when Foaly spoke up.
“Julius, maybe we should listen to the Mud Boy, for a change.” He suggested. Red guy, Julius, looked like he was going to argue but he just turned to me.
“Well?”
“As I said, I am Harry James Potter-Fowl, Head of the House of Potter, and I formally apologize for the actions of my dear brother. I also apologize for failing to keep him in check but that was due to my absence for ten months.” I stated. Holly and Foaly looked impressed.
“I accept your apology.” Holly said. Julius looked at her.
“What?”
“Commander, with all due respect, the offense was done against me and it is my right whether to accept the apology or not.” She said. Julius just fumed.
“Fine! Wake the Mud Men and get the interrogation going.” He yelled. Now, I was seriously confused.
“Interrogation?”
“Yes. Apparently, during your absence, that brother of yours decided to aid goblins in smuggling illegal technology.” Julius grunted. I frowned. I know Artemis and his look earlier clearly said that he did no such thing. But I really doubt that this Julius guy was going to listen to anything I say.
“Very well. Interrogate away.” I said. While Julius and Holly were reviving my fellow humans, Foaly looked at me.
“Mental shields?”