FicWad

A/N: Trying to get this out. Had meant to get it out and updated quite some time ago.

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"

"Harry James Potter! Honestly! I can't leave you alone for half an hour without you destroying my hard work or causing problems, can I!" yelled Hermione, surveying the damage. Harry smirked at her. "It was Fleur's fault!" pointing at the sputtering, indignant Veela.

Harry laughed, encircling Hermione, and pulling her close before
kissing her soundly. "You look adorable with that marker smudge on
your nose by the way." he whispered in her ear, laughing at her squeak
of protest as she rubbed furiously at her nose with the sleeve of her
robe.

He turned towards the witches, smiling as he figured things couldn't
get crazier than the last episode. As he dusted off his costume, he
was rather pleased to see it had returned to it's original state.

Although, he would miss that snazzy hat.

Surveying the witches, he smirked. "Next?"

He looked around the room, somewhat disappointed that the large
cluster of witches seemed a little hesitant to come forward. One
little out of control boulder nearly crushes someone, and suddenly
nobody wants to play anymore.

Sad, really.

Just as he was about to make an arbitrary choice, he noticed a tall
witch wearing a dark red hooded robe with fur trim gracefully come
forward, parting the crowd. She came to the front of the group before
curtsying, and extending her gloved hand. "I'm willing to try Mr.
Potter." purred the mysterious witch. Harry looked closely, being
somewhat gun shy after the experience with Pansy earlier. He couldn't
really make out the witches' face, but the voice and curves under the
robe seemed appealing enough. He had a sneaking suspicion who it was,
and was more than willing to go along for the ride. Or to be ridden
for that matter. Whatever was in that bracelet of Daph's was acting
like an overdose of magical Viagra. He felt like he could shag for
hours, and it seemed to be taking up most of his thought processes.
It almost reminded him of the time Hermione had experimented with the
Polyjuice potion again. Hermione in heat was quite enjoyable, but the
scratches made sleeping on his back difficult for a while.

Harry shook his head, trying to focus on the witch in front of him. He
gently took her outstretched hand, and turned it, kissing her knuckles
through the velvet material of the glove. "After you Milady." grinned
Harry, all to happy to watch the witch spin, and follow yet another
delicious arse through the nearest doorway.

Harry wondered idly if there was some sort of Wizarding Wireless
infomercial gadget that all of these witches used to keep so fit and
toned, a potion, or something in the pumpkin juice. Whatever it was,
he thanked Merlin for the miracle of a tight, pert witches' arse.

He stepped forward quickly, before they entered the room putting his
hands on the swaying hips in front of him, and pulling the witch back
to grind against his straining erection. He felt the witch wiggle her
hips, and let out a low moan. He leaned forward, whispering into the
witch's ear. "Mmm, I can't wait to unwrap you my dear."

The witch in red giggled, "Oh, I think we'll both enjoy that Mr.
Potter. I fully plan on getting my stockings filled tonight." She
reached back firmly grabbing Harry by the arse, and began pulling him
through the doorway as he started to laugh.

"Ha, ha, haoo,ho! ho! ho!" laughed Harry, pausing as he felt more than
just his eyes widen at the magic of the costume and the room. He had
lost his grip on the witch, as almost everything seemed to suddenly
swell. He looked down to just see his feet encased in shiny black
boots, barely poking out past his suddenly large belly, that was still
jiggling slightly at his laughter. He felt his stomach, that had
suddenly taken on the consistency of a bowl of firm Jello. He traced
his broad black belt, feeling the red velvet suit that was trimmed in
white fur, before reaching up to feel a fluffy, soft white beard that
would have had both Dumbledore and Hagrid green with envy. He reached
up to his head, feeling a plush Santa's cap sat upon his head.

He groaned, pinching his red nose, as he shook his head. "Merlin, but
you witches' are a kinky bunch. Saint Nick? Really Millie?" asked
Harry as he felt his eyes begin to twinkle.

The witch in question, spun to face Harry, with her face red enough to
match both of their costumes. "What can I say Harry? I love a man in
uniform? Seriously though, remember how I told you and Hermione about
how my family was famous for breeding magical animals?" asked the
blushing witch.

Harry paused, thinking back to some of the conversations the three had
shared, amongst other things. "I suppose, you said that the breeding
ability was part of the Bulstrode Family grimmoire, and where you got
the family name from. But what does that have to do with? No.
You're bloody well having me on, Millie. Are you telling me that your
family is responsible for?" asked a now dumbfounded Harry.

"Spot on, Mr. Potter. I didn't even realize it until I got older.
It's definitely a well held secret, and it certainly explains my
attraction to, well, larger blokes I suppose. Here now, take a look
out the window, there is our pride and joy now." cooed Millie.

Drawn over to the window by Millie's leading hand, he felt his jaw
drop at the sight of several reindeer meandering about the snowy
landscape. His jaw dropped as a small herd of reindeer came flying in
over the snow covered trees for a landing. The fact that the lead
reindeer had a glowing red nose caused Harry's knees to buckle, as he
nearly fell to the floor. "R-R-Rud" stammered Harry, as he pointed at
the lead reindeer.

"Yup, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, although he prefers just Rudy.
Something about not wanting to be known as 'The-Reindeer-Who-Glowed'
supposedly. Gets him all pissy and emo. Don't really know what his
problem is, as all the other reindeer girls want to shag him
senseless. Something about breeding the strongest lines I suppose. At
any rate, come this way, I have something else I want to show you. And
Harry? It's rude to point." said Millie, grabbing him by the crotch,
and once more leading him about.

Harry merely raised an eyebrow, wondering if the whole Rudy thing was
just a not so subtle jab at him. He was just about to comment on the
issue, when Millie opened the door to a cacophony of noise and
flashing lights.

Harry was literally standing in the middle of Santa's Workshop. More
disturbingly, he was surrounded by what appeared to be more floppy
eared, bulging eyed house elves than he had ever seen, even in his
days at Hogwart's. Worse, was the fact that every elf in the room was
looking at him in a way that made Dobby at his most neurotically leg
humping worst, look positively laid back. Harry moved closer to
Millie, and whispered nervously, "I've got a bad feeling about this,
Millie. All those little buggers look like they are about to pounce
on me."

"Don't worry Harry, the only thing that will be doing any pouncing
around here is me. C'mon, back here." cajoled Millie, dragging him
through the room.

"You aren't wanting to do stuff in front of the elves are you?
Because, I am up for pretty much anything, but I think all those
googly eyes watching me might make me a little, floppy, as it were."
said Harry rubbing the back of his head somewhat nervously.

Millie merely laughed, and opened the door labeled Santa's Office
before pulling him in with a purred comment. "Care to find out if I am
naughty or nice, Mr. Potter?"

Harry merely smiled, once more deciding to merely go along with
whatever his witches had in mind for him. As he watched Millie pull
the hood of her cloak back, he realized that fate had definitely
realized just how poorly it had treated him as a young man, and was
now actively trying to make up for it.

Millicent Bulstrode was the textbook example of a late bloomer. She
had sprouted up early, towering over her peers at an early age. Being
in Slytherin, she had been drawn in by the likes of Draco and Pansy,
who while still cruel to her, at least acted enough like something
resembling friends to fool her. She fell for the lines Draco fed her,
and protected Pansy from well earned retribution. Pansy would
instigate and stir the cauldron, and then retreat behind Millie to
avoid the ramifications of her actions. This had lasted up until 5th
year, when she saw first hand just how twisted the pair of Junior
Death Eaters truly were. The excesses they had gotten up to as the
unspoken heads of the Toad's Inquisition Squad turned her stomach. She
had essentially defected, joining Hermiones' study group, and finding
true friendship and acceptance there.

The fact that the other girls in the group saw her as a diamond in the
rough, and a huge potential makeover project was yet another perk.

Once Millie had actual female friends who saw her as a true friend,
rather than a brutish bodyguard in bloomers, she truly blossomed.
Merely having friends gave her a light in her eyes, and an appealing
smile. Combined with a magical makeover, a healthy diet, and a little
support, and her outside began to match the inner beauty she had
hidden. Hermione had gone to great lengths to redeem her new friend,
and they had become close enough for her to bring Millie into her and
Harry's sex
life. Millie was quite the energetic and passionate lover once she
was in a safe environment.

Throw in the fact she looked like a toned amazon, and Harry was more
than happy to help the girls experiment and discover. Right now
though, Harry was ready to do some exploring of his own, and find out
just what was under that cloak.

Harry stepped forward, sliding his hands between the closed wrap at
Millie's waist, before sliding them up to her shoulders and exposing
Millie to his lusty gaze.

He drew in a deep breath, sighing in pleasure. While the view was
definitely nice it appeared Ms. Bulstrode was planning on being
delightfully naughty this year.

Harry let his eyes wander, while his hands roamed over her body.

Millie had continued the Mrs. Claus theme with her costume, but with
decidedly less fabric than he remembered from stories and books as a
child. Black high heels adorned her feet, with delicate silver
buckles. The black fishnet thigh high stockings she wore had been
arranged with the greatest of care, with the seams tracing the back of
her long legs. He had to laugh, as he noticed the garter belt she
wore, had a sprig of mistletoe dangling down to rest on her mound.
The skimpy white fur trimmed, red velvet bustier was struggling
mightily to hold in Millies' voluminous DD's.

Harry wiggled his jaw to loosen it, knowing just how much Millie liked
to "ride" his tongue. The tiny red thong with small silver bells on
the ties at her hips was another nice touch. He especially liked the
white fur trimmed red bustier she wore, that
was straining to hold in Millie's large breasts. The white fur choker
with another silver bell, made for the perfect final touch. Millie's
dark brown hair was drawn up into a bun held in place with one more
silver bell.

Harry finally understood why Santa only left the North Pole for one
night a year, if this was what awaited him on his return.

Harry undid the silver clasp holding Millie's cloak, allowing it to
glide down over her body and pool at her feet. He ran his hands over
her shoulders, tracing her collarbones. As she shivered, Harry raised
his hands to her neck, before gently pulling her close and kissing
her. They both smiled as the bells jingled softly. Harry let one hand
trail down Millie's back to firmly grab an exposed arse cheek. "Well,
that's one kiss, suppose I shouldn't ignore the mistletoe now, should
I?" asked Harry.

"Mmm, better not. Bad luck and all. Not to mention I might get a
nasty Nargle infection. I've been feeling all sorts of odd sensations
ever since I put this outfit on earlier." purred Millie.

Harry frowned, before replying, "Heavens! I can only imagine. Why, I
believe I might be feeling those tingles myself. As Luna has often
told me, an intensive oral exam is a must!"

With that Harry dropped to his knees, and began nuzzling Millie's
knickers. She gave a low moan, slumping back against the desk, resting
on her elbows.

Harry inhaled deeply, smelling Millie's unique fragrance. He had
always detected a hint of mint from her, but now it seemed to be
almost an overpowering combination of peppermint and gingerbread. He
wondered if it was a charm or some sort of potion, or simply a
byproduct of the inherent magic that gave each magical some sort of
signature scent and flavor.

Harry was quickly brought back to reality by the insistent crotch
grinding at his nose. He could feel the thin material already
beginning to moisten. Judging by the growls coming from Millie, his
hair was rapidly in danger of a severe and sudden onset of More
Pussylicking NOW! Baldness. Not that magic couldn't fix that, but it
still hurt like blazes!

Feeling Millies' fingers thread through his hair, he pushed the
material to the side and began his official taste testing.

Harry relaxed, hearing the growls soften to contented purrs and coos.
Millie had softened around the edges, but there was still a horny
amazon at her core, and she was not one for teasing.

Harry put his fingertips to her feet, jingling the small silver bells
at her ankles before stroking slowly up her long legs. He enjoyed the
firmness of her calves, and ran his fingernails from the back of her
knees to her strong thighs. He started to focus on her clit with the
tip of his tongue, enjoying the sudden change from a coo to a moan as
he slid his hands under her arse and grasped firmly. He flicked the
silver bells at her hips before untying one side of her knickers to
pull them away from her glistening sex.

The moans quickly turned to a whine as he pulled back before standing.
He ground his covered crotch against her bare one, keeping contact as
he began unbuckling the large black belt at his waist.

As he undid the buckle, Millie's eyes opened, full of lust and raw desire.

"Mmm, trade places with me Harry. There's something I want to try,"
said Millie, before grabbing him by the front of his shirt with her
right hand, and pulling them together. She wrapped her left arm around
Harry, tangling her fingers in his hair as she deeply kissed him. She
seemed to enjoy the taste of herself even more than Harry from the way
she was attacking him.

Harry pulled her arse to the very edge of the desk, grinding against
her. He then freed her breasts from the bustier, pulling back in
surprise at the jingling noise. He looked down, shaking his head at
the sight of two silver bell nipple rings that jingled merrily as
Millie giggled.

Harry merely arched his eyebrow, before directing a little magic to
his fingertips. He reached up, tapping each bell, and smiling
mischievously as delicate frost spread from where he touched. The
chill was quickly transferred through the delicate metal, as Millies'
nipples hardened even more, as she hissed in pleasure.

Frankly, as hot as Millie was running, he was surprised steam didn't
come from the contact of the frost to her nipples.

"Well, these are new Millie. I imagine there's a story behind this,
Hmmm?" asked Harry. He bent forward, slowly drawing large lazy circles
around Millie's chilled nipples and areolae with his hot tongue.
Smiling at the sound of Millie's hisses, he pulled back, looking the
witch in eyes.

"Why, Millie! What kind of wizard do you think I am! I still speak and
understand Parseltongue quite well, and that was possibly indecent!"
laughed Harry, still grinding his crotch against hers.

Millie purred, "Oh, trust me Harry. I plan on getting a big lump of
something in my stockings tonight. I am going to be a very, very
Naughty witch tonight. Besides, it's all part of the tradition!" With
that, she quickly turned the tables on Harry, switching positions, so
that she was straddling him, and his back was on the table.

She made short work of his belt, and trousers, pushing them down and
around his ankles. She was grinding her wet mound on his leg, as she
stroked his manhood firmly. Harry merely relaxed, knowing he was in
excellent, if somewhat demanding hands. He groaned in pleasure,
feeling her engulf his manhood in her mouth, swirling her tongue
around the tip several times before sucking lustily.

There seemed to be something odd though, as her mouth seemed hotter
than normal, and actually getting hotter.

"Mmm...Meppmerment!" mumbled Millie, before suddenly popping her mouth
off of Harry's manhood.

Harry blinked for a moment, wondering just what the hell Millie was
talking about.

Just as he was gathering the mental faculties to ask, he noticed
Millie leaning forward, puckering her lips again. 'No sense bothering
the lady while she is busy after all, wouldn't want to distraCHRIST ON
A BLOODY CRACKER!' thought Harry, as he arched forward violently. The
roiling heat on his penis suddenly replaced with arctic cold
discombobulating Harry quite thoroughly.

"Merlin Millie! You are just full of new experiences tonight, aren't
you?" moaned Harry.

"Oh, you know me Harry, Thoroughly Modern Millie, and all that Jazz!
Besides, turnabout is fair play, Mr. Potter. But let me find somewhere
nice and warm to keep my favorite candy cane nice and safe." Laughed
Millie. She climbed on top of the desk, and gave Harry a peck on the
lips, before pushing him firmly down on his back.
She twisted around, and Harry began to loosen his jaw once more, as
she stroked him. Harry was looking forward to a nice rousing 69,
before shagging Millie senseless.

Imagine his surprise when she rose up and angled his manhood between
her spread thighs, and slowly sank her steaming pussy down on it.

Harry smiled, noticing the small runic tattoo over her delectable arse
cheeks, bracketed by mistletoe and candy cane.

As Millie began to rise and fall, Harry could hear the various bells
adorning Millie began to ring and chime. As the rhythm sped up, he
realized there was actually a rhyme to her reasoning, and he thought
he actually recognized some familiar carols.

By this point, Millie was rising and falling so rapidly the room
sounded like a handbell chorus was taking place in the office.

Harry thought he recognized one of the songs, and getting in the
spirit of things, smacked Millie firmly on the arse, before letting
out a quite merry "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Millie let out a loud, guttural moan, almost keening before it sounded
like she started singing along to the music in some language he did
not know.

'Merlin, but he brought out the kinky,if lovably odd witches!' thought
Harry, stuffing a knuckle in his mouth, trying to keep from bursting
into laughter.

He felt Millie spasm once more around him, drawing him even closer to
the edge, when suddenly she stopped, digging her nails into his thighs
as she leaned forward.

'Crap, maybe the smacking her arse was a bit much? Maybe he should
have called out "On Millie, you Nympho!" instead?' thought Harry,
wincing slightly at the nails in his thighs.

"Do I have your total attention and focus, Mr Potter?" Asked Millie,
as she turned to look over her shoulder.

Harry was taken aback momentarily, as he could literally see the magic
swirling in Millie's hazel eyes. 'Was this what he looked like when he
was all worked up? No wonder Hermione and the girls got so worked up,
Millie looked HOT like this!' Thought Harry.

"Focus now Harry! For the magic to work for all of those little boys
and girls, you have to believe in it! Do you believe Harry? Truly and
wholly believe in the magic?" Asked Millie, in quite the serious tone.

Aside from the look in Millie's eyes, something in Harry's very soul,
core, magic whatever, seemed to respond, surging through his entire
being. "Aye, I believe in the magic and in you, Millie!" Said Harry.
He felt a charge run through him, and saw a flash, as Millie smiled,
quite satisfied, before turning back around, and riding him like there
was no tomorrow. She was howling at this point, and the bells were
syncopated, but Harry had no idea as to what she was caterwauling
about. He was merely holding on to her hips for dear life, and
enjoying the ride. He felt Millie cum, her velvet walls milking him,
before he saw her back arch and her fall bonelessly back against him.
Even though her external body stopped moving, her insides were
continuing to throb, and drove Harry over the edge. He reached up,
grabbing Millie's breasts, emptying himself into her, and finally
collapsed panting heavily.

"Bit late at the end there, eh Harry?" Laughed Millie.

Harry merely chuckled, before tweaking Millie's nipple and laughing at
the jingle, "I don't know, we could say you were a bit early, just as
easily now couldn't we Millie?"

"Oh Harry, a shag like is always right in the Nick of time!" Giggled Millie.

"Nice. And I just thought you were strictly a Naughty witch Ms
Bulstrode. It appears I may need to change your ranking?" Laughed
Harry, as he idly caressed Millie's sweaty body with his fingertips.

"Oh, no Harry, I think I got exactly what I wanted tonight. Now stop
that it tickles!" Laughed Millie, swatting at his hands.
The jingling this set off, set Harry off into another gale of
laughter, which led to more jingling as well. "Well, I hope you got
what you deserved then Millie. Care for a second go?" Asked Harry,
trying to control his laughter.

"Mmm, I'd love to Harry. You'll need to watch me though, not sure if
I'll be naughty or nice though. But the other girls would kill me if I
was too greedy, and not a nice little death either!" Grumbled Millie.

"Well, I can't promise we won't pop in while you are sleeping, so be
ready for anything. I'll keep my eye on you!" Laughed Harry.

As they slowly rose from the desk, Harry felt his costume reassemble
itself around him, and marveled once more at the wonder of magic. He
did wonder a bit that Millie dressed much more slowly, and that she
buckled her costume back up by hand. 'Probably just a charm Hermione
came up with for his costume,' thought Harry, putting it aside for
later cogitation.

Walking out through the horde of worker elves, he wasn't sure whether
to be relieved at the way they seemed to be ignoring him, or disturbed
at the chipmunk like chattering, smiling and nodding they were rapidly
communicating to each other with. He paused for a moment, did he just
see a high five out of the corner of his eye?

Shaking his head, he escorted Millie out of the room. Just as he
crossed the threshold, he smacked his forehead, turning towards
Millie.

"I had the cookies, but forgot the milk!" He laughed.

"Well, that just gives you something to look forward to for next time
doesn't it Harry!" said Millie with a bright smile.

Harry smiled himself, looking forward to his next encounter with
Millie already.

Millie was promptly grabbed by Luna, and dragged over to the smoking and sparking
Weasley Wizarding Whiteboard, where there were several other witches
clustered.

He laughed once more, wondering why some of the witches names were lit
and flashing, while others were not. Leave it to Hermione and her
study club to make a party into a research session.

Harry suddenly paused, speak of his sexy bookworm, and he hears her
voice. Except that sounded...

Like her screams!

Harry bolted towards the room where he thought he heard her scream,
banging his head slightly on the door frame as his costume reacted
around him. He slipped on a wet spot cracking his head as the door
closed behind him, and the room went dark.

A/N: Things are starting to come together now, and hopefully, I can actually make some damn progress on this fic.