FicWad

A/N: Um. Sorry for the insanely long delay here. Here are 10 pages to try and make up for it some. :) More at the end.

In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"

Previously:

Millie was promptly grabbed by a smiling Luna, and dragged over to the smoking and sparking Weasley Wizarding Whiteboard, where there were several other witches clustered.

He laughed once more, wondering why some of the witches names were lit and flashing, while others were not. Leave it to Hermione and her study club to make a party into a research session. Oddly enough, smoke, fire, and general panic were pretty consistent themes with either parties, or research when Harry was involved. Hermione had done a study back during their 7th year, trying to come up with a disaster response checklist to distribute to the other students and faculty in Hogwarts.

Frankly, Harry thought she just wanted to prevent another incident where the faculty tore down the wards of the Head Suite. Dumbledore and the faculty had thought that either Harry had gone dark and was sacrificing Hermione, or that a level 9 Apocalyptic event was occurring, thanks to the bloodcurdling screams, pleas to assorted deities, unearthly moans, explosions, and shaking of the tower.

After that, Hermione had made sure to schedule "study sessions" with McGonagall and the rest of the Heads well in advance.

With a shower of sparks, Harry noticed that Pansy Parkinson's name literally exploded off the board and went screaming out of the room, leaving greenish flaming... letterprints? punctuations? behind it. Harry noticed that Luna looked particularly pleased with this, and was doing the happy Snoopy dance.

Apparently, without a bra as well.

He decided he should offer some help, and pulled his wand, stepping forward, and casting "Aguamenti!" at the now engulfed in flames whiteboard.

Odd. Harry didn't remember the Aquamenti charm being so...stringy? Or foamy for that matter? Had he been shaking his wand too much?

Of course, the irate screams of several witches led him to believe he had been slightly overzealous in the volume and direction of his firefighting efforts.

When Hermione stomped over and grabbed him by the wand he began to get slightly nervous. Perhaps an apology was in order? As she started dragging him away from the cluster of witches around the now merely smoking whiteboard, he tried to collect his thoughts, and formulate an apology. Should he go with the standard, "Whoops!" with a lopsided grin, or perhaps merely play ignorant? Judging by the death grip she had on his holly wand, he did not want to try shagging it out.

"Honestly Harry! What do you think you were doing shooting off without even checking with us first! I thought we had broken you of that habit back in school! It's not like you to go running off half cocked like that and just firing off all willy-nilly!" hissed a visibly frustrated Hermione.

"Well, excuse me, I see a hot situation and it looks ready to explode, so I did something about it. Excuse me for trying to protect you, you silly witch! I just wish I knew what the bloody hell was going on with my spells. I have never seen a water spell like that before, maybe I should just call it a night, my magic has been acting more and more odd all night long. Do you think I am OK, Hermione?" asked a somewhat nervous looking Harry.

Harry was looking back at the whiteboard, and rubbing the back of his head, thus totally missing the atomic blush and nervous glances Hermione was giving the other witches. She looked towards Daphne and Luna, who shrugged and appeared to be tasting the foamy coating the whiteboard respectively. She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting off the headache she could feel building. Hermione mentally groaned, 'Both of the daft bints, I had to involve the two of them, you would think I would know better by now, but Daphne starts rubbing my shoulders, and Luna starts..."

"ne, Her-MY-OWN-knee! Potter to Granger, come in Granger! Are you ok?" asked Harry, recognizing the look of Hermione in deepening thought. If he didn't snap her out of it quickly, he may as well go home anyways.

With a start, Hermione shook herself, grabbing Harry by the other wand, and leading them both away from the frustrating duo. Harry was smiling, as obviously, whatever she had been thinking about was much more pleasant, and had greatly improved her mood. At least judging by the fact her grip, while still firm, was of the stroking variety, and not the snapping motion that it had been dangerously close to on his Holly wand mere moments earlier.

Harry made his wand jerk a bit in her hand, just to remind her that this wand was the favorite of both, and to reinforce that it was always willing to choose Hermione. He noticed a quirk at the corner of her mouth, and smiled back at her.

"Planning on cutting in line, Granger?" came a cultured voice from behind the pair.

Hermione turned around quickly enough that Harry was glad he had taken Tango lessons, and was able to shift directions so smoothly. While Hermione had a hold of his wand, he felt rather helpless, and was just nervous enough, that he managed to control his reaction.

In front of him was Cho Chang, in a scandalously inappropriate Hogwarts uniform that would have landed her in detention back in her fourth year for the amount of skin it exposed. Now that she was an adult it would classify as an unforgivable. Judging by the look Hermione was giving Cho, it might just be the cause for a few to be flung if things were not quickly calmed down. Hermione released Harry's wand, huffing and putting her balled fists on her hips, before glaring at Cho. The two stepped closer and started whispering furiously at each other.

Now that Hermione had released him, he could enjoy the view for a moment. Hermione hadn't changed into her costume yet, and while her simple white blouse and black skirt were nothing fancy, she wore them very well.

Even more so, thanks to the fact her top was soaked thanks to Harry's earlier spell, and her miniscule lacy white bra was basically see through.

Not an unlined white bikini by any stretch, mind you. But still, quite the nice view.

Cho's outfit was unbelievable- tight, short, and miniscule. The twin pigtails on her head, combined with the lolly she was sinfully fellating made Harry think all sorts of naughty thoughts. Like, 'giddyup!'', 'ride 'em Potter', and 'reach for her thighs'. It really was a criminal outfit, and he reaffirmed his earlier thought that it could easily classify as an unforgivable.

Harry of course, thought it would be unforgivable to not see that outfit hastily discarded on the floor of the nearest bedroom he could get her in.

Harry noticed the whispering was rapidly progressing to more of a hissed "shoutper", and the two witches were getting more and more upset with each other. Cho reached up and poked Hermione in the chest, and Harry suddenly felt the need to leave. The last time these two had gotten in an argument, they had wrecked his bedroom, and it had led to a massive obliviation, as well as repairs to the Goblin wards on Grimmauld Place. But Merlin, had it been hot.

Maybe he could see if there was some pudding or oil around to, "cool things off" as tit were.

It.

It not Tit, you bloody pervert.

Although, judging by Hermiones nipples, it was already plenty cold enough in the room as it wass.

Was! Damnation! What the hell was wrong with him? Of course the fact the two were now circling each other like two jungle cats just give him all the more reason to admire the splendid view.

'Bugger! There went Hermione, stomping her foot. Hands on the hips, wait for it...Shit! Why was she looking at him? He hadn't done anything wrong, it's not his fault!' thought Harry, suddenly feeling the desperate need to apparate to, Oh, I don't know Antarctica sounded nice right about now. He had heard really good things about it from a bloke doing research down there. Something about a nice place to take a vacation.

"Honestly Harry, just get over here. Take Ms. Lame, Unoriginal, Slutty Schoolgirl here, and shag her rotten. I need to go fix the whiteboard, and figure out what exactly the hell is going on." hissed Hermione, glaring at Cho in a way that reminded him suddenly she knew exactly what a Basilisk glare looked like. And seemed intent on reproducing it.

"The classics are always the best, Hermione. As a matter of fact, I think there's a library desk in the near future for us. I think Harry needs to see just what a true scholar can show him. Hopefully, I won't have to do too much remedial work to get him up to Outstanding. Tata now!" smirked Cho, grabbing Harry and dragging him towards the nearest door.

Harry frowned at Cho, looking momentarily at her swaying arse, and then back towards Hermione. Who appeared to have "that smile" on her face. Along with what appeared to be sparks of static electricity on her rapidly bushying hair. The last time she looked like that was...

Bugger.

"Go on in Cho, Harry will be in momentarily. I just need to speak to him for a moment." purred Hermione. Cho huffed, threw her hands in the air, and stomped into the room, mumbling something about "don't take up all my time, I am sure I'll have to work extra hard to get him ready as it is."

Harry winced. He looked to Hermione and saw her narrow her eyes at the oriental witches backside as it entered the door. She gave her wand an odd wiggle wobble motion he didn't quite recognize, and watched an oddly colored spell (that had a bit too much green in it for his liking) fly into the room, just as Cho was closing the door. He heard a muffled "eeptth!" and a thump. Looking towards Hermione with his eyes wide, he started to ask her what the bloody hell was going on.

"Honestly Harry! Trust me! It's just a little change of outfit and plans for Ms. Chang. She seems to think she can teach you something important, but honestly, I think it's just as spotty as divination. Now come here and give me a good snog, while I try to mitigate the damage from earlier." said Hermione, still smiling rather scarily. Why those two had such a rivalry, he would never understand. After a heated snog, they extracted their hands, straightened their clothes with a minimum of fondling, and headed in opposite directions. Just as he was about to walk in the room Cho was in, Luna came rushing up with a cart that was covered in a tablecloth. Why she was bent over at an odd angle, dragging her foot, and seemed to be squinting one eye was strangely familiar, he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Oh Harry! Hermione said you would be needing these. Something about some field testing, and she wanted you to really put her arse to it!" said Luna with a smile eerily reminiscent of the one Hermione had been wearing.

"Don't you mean put your back into it Luna?" asked a bemused Harry.

"Well I suppose you could, but I thought you didn't like that kind of thing after your time with the zoo?" responded Luna, tilting her head to look at Harry. "I suppose that might mean I need to change my plans for our encounter then, pity. Suit yourself, I'm easy."

"Uh, how about I try this on Cho, and we discuss it afterwards?" said a somewhat worried Harry, as he tried to peek under the tablecloth.

Luna laughed merrily, swatting Harry's hand gently before pinching his bum fondly. "No peeking Harry! You have to unwrap your present first before you can peek at these. Off you go!" she said, smacking him rather firmly on the bum.

Harry shook his head once more, and pushed the cart into the darkened room in front of him.

He noticed his costume had changed into a pair of scrubs, with a thick apron and rubber gloves and boots.

Merlin, he hoped the cart wasn't full of acid, bleach and a shovel. He knew the witches tended to get feisty at times but...

"MRpphy moohid mruthing moothwormph!" (1) came from the shadowed form on the floor in front of him.

Harry sighed in relief at hearing what sounded like the voice of Cho. Of course, knowing Hermione, she had transfigured the pretty girl into a boar, or bird or something. He fumbled around for a moment, looking for the light switch on the surprisingly soft wall. Flicking it on he had to bite his knuckle to keep from laughing out loud. Luna's comment about unwrapping his present made much more sense now. He looked around the room, noticing several details, and wondered at just how much work his witches had put into this whole event.

Cho was laying on the floor face down with a green ball gag in her mouth, wearing a rather racy straight jacket. As he walked around the writhing girl, he admired the way her arse was waving back and forth. Upon closer inspection, he realized she was justwearing the straight jacket. Harry had to admit the padded walls were a nice touch, and knowing how energetic the sex between the two tended to be, probably a good idea all things considered.

Harry ran his hands through his hair, wondering if he should flip Cho over, or see what was in the cart first. Hearing more of Cho's muffled curses, he decided to flip her over before she got worked up enough to start throwing off accidental magic. Plus, he really didn't want to upset Luna. She came up with very...creative ways of punishing people who disappointed her.

People who upset her tended to just disappear.

Which was why everyone had been so worried when Ron disappeared after a fight with both Hermione and Luna. The wanker-formerly-known-as-best-mate had whispered something in Luna's ear, which had led to her laughing merrily, and then telling Hermione. Who found it none too amusing. Harry snickered, looking back fondly on that night. Angry witches proving a point were phenomenal, as long as you were the beneficiary, not the target. Sadly, Ron still woke up screaming like a terrified little girl every morning when the birds would start chirping at the Burrow.

Harry had woken up with a smile for the next month once Hermione and Luna found out that he had charmed tweeting birdsong to follow Ron where ever he went and wake him up at an ungodly hour.

Harry shook his head once more, marveling at just how far the Weasley family as a whole had fallen since the end of the war.

Meh. Ginger troglodytes brought it down on themselves for the most part. On to the prescribed treatment for the patient. Must follow the Doctor's orders after all.

Hermione had been insufferable when she finally got her Doctorate. Although, her in the Doctors outfit, and Luna and Daphne as naughty nurses had made for many a happy encounter.

He idly wondered how they had managed to get his old bed from the Infirmary of Hogwarts and away from Pomfreys' shrine to him though.

"MRPHER MRPHING MOOPHY MEPH MEH MOUPH MUFF MERPH!" (2) came from the floor below him.

Harry looked down, it appeared Ms. Chang had managed to roll herself over with out any outside assistance. Harry had to admit, Hermione's transfigurations were impressive. Cho was in what appeared to be a standard issue straight jacket from the back. Once she had flipped over though, he realized Hermione had definitely gone with a more risque version. The bottom came to mere millimeters below Cho's crotch, which was covered by a thick leather belt. The belt ran up over her crossed arms, which were just below her breasts. Which were nearly spilling out of the large heart shaped cut out over them, thanks to the aforementioned arms pushing them together and up.

Harry merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged, deciding to go with it. As usual, he suspected following Hermione's lead would lead to good things.

Or in this case, sweaty, happy fun time!

With that Patronus worthy thought in mind, he walked over to the cart, and pulled the sheet off with a flourish.

Once more, he realized just how important it was not to anger the witches in his life. Because it appeared that Hermione and Luna had been on a steampunk kick yet again. He quickly pulled the welding goggles down over his eyes, having learned his lesson in the past with the two's rather explosive creative tendencies. There was a strong scent of burnt two-stroke oil, alongside the sharp aftertaste of WD-40 penetrating oil rising in the fumes from the small briefcase sized contraption. Examining the apparatus more closely, he saw a large toggle marked "Flip me". He shrugged, and proceeded to do activate the marked toggle switch.

The contraption proceeded to shudder to life, and small puffs of smoke came from several exhaust ports on it. A dial began to indicate that the system was slowly charging. Since it looked like he had time to kill, he made his way over to Cho. Her eyes had widened, and she had scooted herself back towards the furthest padded wall. She was shaking her head frantically, mumbling over the ball gag. Harry arched an eyebrow, wondering what Cho seemed to be so panicked by.

He kneeled down beside her, removing the ballgag, and tossing it over her shoulder.

Cho shook her head, focusing on Harry intently.

"Not 'im, Not ime, No time, Not im!" mumbled the girl shaking her head.

Harry was rapidly growing more concerned, wondering what the hell the girls had been getting up to lately.

With a loud clank, suddenly the shrill sound of steam being released filled the room.

Cho shrieked, pushing off from the wall, knocking Harry down in the process. He was so shocked by her reaction, it took him a moment to realize that she was pulling his scrub pants down with her teeth, and was frantically lapping at his cock as it was freed. Harry wasn't sure what was going on, but he was definitely enjoying the skill of Cho. He knew Hermione and Cho had several steaming hot encounters over the past few months, with the older girl generally being the aggressor, and that it was something of a sore topic for Hermione just how much she seemed to end up as the sub in their play. Judging by the way Cho was trying to deep throat Harry, it seemed Hermione had found Cho's weak points and managed to not only unlock the girls submissive side, but destroy the door in the process.

Cho seemed quite happy now, while not calm, she was humming a song, and moaning loudly. Harry decided once more to simply relax, and go along with things. After all, it wasn't every day that he got to enjoy a fantastic blowjob, and enjoy the sight of an amazing arse wave back and forth in front of him.

Just most days.

Harry put his hands back behind his head and thanked his lucky stars once more for giving him a fabulously kinky bookworm for a girlfriend. Sure there were the occasional hazards, and the odd Dark Lord and manipulative geezer or two, but life was pretty damn good. Whatever was going on, Cho seemed to be into it. Every witch had their own particular scent of arousal, and Harry could pick up Cho's now. It seemed she liked whatever was going on quite a bit. Although for some reason, he could swear he smelt chips frying. Shaking his head, he wondered once more just what was going on. There was no way he would tell Cho that he could smell fish and chips when she was aroused. Harry was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the clicking and whirring noises getting louder and faster.

Cho? She definitely did. She frantically tried to increase her pace, realizing just what would happen if she didn't bring the Master to a satisfactory orgasm quickly enough. Forcing Harry's cock deeper into her throat, she tried to ignore the staccato rhythm she could feel through her swollen nipples touching the floor.

Harry didn't notice much of anything other than Cho trying to suddenly inhale his cock. He sat up somewhat, resting on his elbows as he looked down at Cho. "Cho, what the hell? I know there are quite a few other witches out there, but it's not like it's a timed competition is it now? Wait, it's not is it? I know Hermione likes to use me as a guinea pig in her sexperiments and all, but..."

Harry froze, looking behind Cho, at the device behind her. The mechanism had unfolded itself from the table, and taken the appearance of some sort of multi limbed techno organic monstrosity. It looked like something Hagrid would have loved if he was a gearhead. Some sort of cross between a Cthulu and a toaster. He could hear the whine of servos and machinery, and as it grew louder, he noticed Cho beginning to whine in nearly the same pitch.

The machine came up behind Cho, and placed some sort of pincer like grips on her hips. Something clanked and dropped from it's undercarriage, as it lurched forward, rising up over the whining witch. Cho suddenly bucked as her eyes grew impossibly large and her pupils fully dilated. Harry felt his eyes grow rather large as well, as suddenly Cho was driven forward, her throat opening fully, allowing her to reach the base of Harry's cock. Cho's entire body seemed to be vibrating, as she was now keening in harmony with the machine pistoning away atop her.

Harry was in shock, watching as more appendages unfolded from the device, and began whipping about. He watched astounded, seeing the arms as they grabbed Cho's arms, pulling her back and forth, as others sliced the strait jacket off of her. Still more arms wrapped around her legs, her torso, her throat. Harry watched in shock as two tube-like arms swirled around Cho's generous breasts. The tips opened revealing bright green suction cup like tips that affixed to her nipples. Cho bucked back against the machine, as the cups affixed to her nipples began sucking, letting loose small green sparks occasionally. The machine was moving so rapidly now, that Cho was actually vibrating in sync with the machines oscillations. Her body was flushed, sweaty, and Harry could only watch as the woman's eyes would flutter as she tried to bring air in through her nose, when she was not having the wind driven out of her by the machines thrusts.

While Harry was watching in a mix of shock and arousal, he noticed the machine seemed to be glowing bright green. Harry enjoyed a good blowjob and all, but this was just getting bizarre! The glow the machine cast was definitely something of an arousal killer. Green lights generally tended to have bad connotations in Harry's book. He narrowed his eyes looking at the machine, watching as a hatch irised open, with a long thin needle tipped cable feeding out of the port. He warily watched as it whipped about the room, searching for something. It seemed almost like some sort of cobra, swaying, searching for some form of prey.

Suddenly, it struck! The cable imbedded itself at the base of Cho's skull, and proceeded to run a strong current through the witch. Her moans reached a fever pitch, as she seemed to lose control, her entire body shaking furiously, her back arching. He saw her eyes mimic an old fashioned pair of 3D glasses growing blue and red, before merging into a glowing purple. The machine suddenly had several more arms all attaching or grabbing the witch all over her body. Harry could feel the energy building in the room, and the scent of ozone and frying chips was even stronger in the air now. The mechanical monstrosity let out a long shrill whistle, as it suddenly began discharging glowing pulses of emerald energy from ports on its carapace which arced across it's body.

Cho's eyes had rolled back, so that only the whites of her eyes could be seen, still giving off a bright purple light. Her magical aura seemed to be coming up into the visible spectrum now, purple tendrils of energy lashing out, leaving singed marks on the padded walls of the room. Harry watched as the energy was merging, almost caressing the green pulsating energies coursing about the contraption.

Cho's body seemed to go into an epileptic fit, convulsing and shaking, as if a demon itself had possessed her. Harry, feeling her throat pulsate in time with her body, proceeded to lose control, firing a strong blast of semen down Cho's throat, before his own magic reacted to Cho's aura, pushing him back and away from Cho to the other side of the room. Harry had a brief mental image of pages of numbers repeating over and over. He blinked and watched as his willy proceeded to coat Cho in his own personal lubricant, and he simply sat against the wall watching as Cho was pulled totally upright and made into a human starfish by the machine. Every orifice seemed to be filled, and her entire body was caressed, stroked, and occasionally spanked by the bizarre machine and it's numerous bizarre appendages. After a few more moments, the machine slowed, letting her upper body slump to the floor, with her arse still up in the air, being filled by the multiple probes of the machine. As one of the probes pulled out of her mouth with a sloppy pop, a combination of sperm, drool, and who knew what other fluids leaked from her now gaping mouth. Cho moaned, and turned her head to the side, resting her right cheek on the soft padded floor.

"Ohhhhhhh, TIM! I missed you sooo much!" cooed Cho, stroking whatever of the slowly waving appendages she could easily reach with a shaky hand.

"Hmmph, honestly! Silly witch can't even handle the training mode. She wonders why we say she's not ready." opined Hermione, clucking in disapproval at the puddle of witch on the floor.

Harry jerked in shock, looking to his left to see Hermione standing directly next to him, leaning casually against the wall.

"Just more proof that a weak mind is an easy target for nargles and nanotech Hermione." replied Luna sitting cross legged on his immediate right.

Harry put his hand to his heart, reminding himself that the two were like stealthy, sneaky little ninja librarians when they wanted to be. Always sneaking up on a bloke. Suddenly talking to him while he was trying to drain the snake in the morning, stealing his clothes to wear, whispering in his ear, surprise blowjobs in the shower...

Well, everyone has their peculiarities, that's what makes them unique after all.

Taking a calming and focusing breath, Harry asked the duo, "Either of you two mind telling me just what in the nine bloody circles of hell that was all about?" Harry looked back and forth between the two clothed witches, trying to ignore the coos of Cho about some Tim bloke.

Hermione blinked, hastily putting away her clipboard, before glaring at Luna, who appeared to be making some sort of origami with the paper from her clipboard.

"Well, it was meant as a lab assistant initially, but we found that when we crossed it with some of the runestones you created, it appeared to gain some form of sentience." explained Hermione.

"And just what kind of lab work are you two doing where you need something like that monstrosity around to shag you senseless?" hissed a rather perturbed Harry. "What would have happened if wouldn't have responded to your controls, and went on some sort of crazy rampage!"

"Oh, no worries Harry. We put in some overrides and safety controls to protect ourselves, and people in general. He just seems to like shagging bitches into submissive goo from what we have seen with Cho. Frankly, I think he's just being protective of Hermione. I think he views her as his mum." explained Luna, charming the small origami cephalopod to life, and clapping as it scurried over towards Cho and the machine.

Hermione huffed, before pinching her nose in frustration. "It's not like that, Luna. Besides, he should view Harry just as much as a parental figure, judging by the aura discharge and baseline evaluations."

"Wait, what? Are you trying to tell me that, that robotic refugee from a nightmare is somehow related to Hermione and I? What in the fuck have you two been getting up too in the lab? I thought we all agreed no more unholy abomination spawning or summoning unless everyone was fully briefed in advance?" growled Harry.

A low mournful whistle came from the corner of the room, where Cho appeared to be a human surge protector, judging from the amount of cables now plugged into her every orifice.

"Harry Potter, now you've gone and hurt TIM's feelings! You apologize right now, or no more swirly go round blowjobs in the shower for you!" threatened Luna.

"Tim, who the bloody hell is Tim? You've named the thing? Really now, what in the hell?" asked a severely confused and perturbed last of the Potter line. He was not keen on the idea that somehow he had spawned some sort of unholy terror unknowingly. Severus Snape and Trelawney had always said it would be a sign of the apocalypse if Harry procreated, but he had never taken it too seriously.

Hermione growled warningly at both Harry and Luna. "It's name isn't Tim, that's the acronym. Tamer of Insipid Minxes. I make one little joke during playtime after it pulled Cho off of me, and it sticks."

'Well, someone wouldn't let me name it 'Tantric Interrogative Mechanoid' like I wanted, so we compromised with your name. Besides, he's obviously male, and he makes such a cute techno organic tentacled abomination!" explained a pouting Luna.

"Well, I suppose it's better than SPEW. At least you didn't do something crazy like name it after Beardy McArsehat or Snotball." opined Harry, massaging his temples, and hoping the girls would not make him take the abomination to work during one of the take your children to work days.

Once more, he wondered just what the hell made his life so complex.

He looked over at the corner of the room, noticing that the machine, err... Tim, seemed to be at quite the fever pitch. He had to admit, it was horrifying to some degree, but being able to relax and watch Cho shagged senseless was rather enjoyable. Suddenly Tim froze and let out a long piercing shrieking howl, before literally pumping gallons of something all over and into Cho from its' numerous appendages. It shot back from the nearly catatonic witch, and somehow folded itself back into the small briefcase sized shape Harry had initially seen it in. He watched, suddenly surprised when a ding came from the box on the table.

Luna clapped and leapt to her feet, jumping about and shouting "Pudding's done!" as Hermione walked over and took the printout that came from the wobbling box. Hermione patted the box, and turned towards Harry and Luna with a beaming smile. "Hmmph. Teach that bitch to try and hold information out on me. TIM downloaded everything we needed, and now I can add it to our calculations Luna. Come on Harry, many more thighs to spread before you sleep tonight!" Just then, Tim let out a burst of rather noxious steam, and flipped over, all of it's lights, dials, and switches going to the off position. Hermione gave it a light swat, muttering "typical man" before heading over to the pair.

Harry looked back and forth between the witches. Hermione looked like the cat who had ate the canary, Luna looked like she still needed to put a bra on, and Cho.

Well, Cho was a sloppy mess of juices, lube, and limbs sprawling on the floor.

"Uh, shouldn't we do something with Cho?" asked Harry pointing over his shoulder to the pile o' witch still twitching spasmodically on the floor.

The two witches took one of Harry's arms each, laughing as they frogmarched him out of the room. Hermione snickered, casting a spell that caused the sheet previously covering Tim's cart to flutter itself over to Cho, covering her up nicely.

"No worries Harry, Cho will be fine tomorrow. A little sore, and definitely bowlegged, but happy enough. She always has to sleep off a good shag, you should know that by now." explained Luna as they left the room, and she turned off the light.

Harry shrugged, and watched as the two witches went back over to the whiteboard, and Hermione fed the strip of paper into a receptacle on the side of it. Once more names started changing color, lighting up, and numbers and runic symbols flipping over by their names rapidly. Something very odd was going on here, and Harry fully planned on getting to the bottom of it. There had to be some sort of relationship between all of the runes, the colors, and...

Just then Hannah Abbott came over and pressed her sizable bust into his right arm. "You look parched Harry, come on over to the bar for a minute."

Harry blinked. What the hell was going on that Neville's long term girlfriend was doing here, at what seemed to be a shag fest of epic proportions?

Ballgag translations
1 Bloody Stupid Fucking Bookworm!
2 Mother Fucking Bloody Get me Out of here!

A/N 2: I may add this note to ff dot net later. I am getting pretty roasted over there review wise. A few things to consider about this chapter. Cho, Hermione, and Luna have always had issues, even in Canon. Here in this AU, Cho and Hermione have been fighting for dominance, mentally, relationship wise, emotionally, physically, and it has progressed to sexually. Shockingly enough, Hermione is a bit of a sub, and generally she likes it, but with Cho, it has become as sore a topic as her bum after a match with Cho.

Did you really think that Hermione wouldn't come up with a way to even things out on her own? Toss in Luna and Daphne, and you get TIM. Think of TIM as a cross between Cthulu, R2D2, Tony Stark's robot in the Iron Man movies, a sex machine, and Tim the tentacle monster in Ror's fic where he was developed. I am trying to be a bit creative here, and not just go with the standard tab A in slot B. So hence some of the oddness. But it does all play a part in the story here, and hopefully you will all not roast me into cinders. I may rewrite this chapter later to try and explain some of this, but for now, I am just putting it in the Authors Notes, since I haven't updated this fic in a year. Obviously, I should take more time to work on the next chapter, since this one has been pretty poorly received.


Just to reassure everyone. I have this pretty much planned out till the ending, and I think it will be a fun happy, and sappy ending. Pretty sure I will destroy some cliches, and the costumes have been picked out for literally years now. I wouldn't mind a beta reader, as I always feel sort of guilty for posting my stuff over at CaerAzkaban and Seelvor's spot for feedback. Unfortunately, I have no idea how the beta system works. There are several nods to the greater HP Fanfiction authors in this chapter in particular, and I am curious how many people will catch them.