FicWad

The funeral was quick. Jason had so no surviving relatives so the visitors at his funeral were mostly the BAU team and some of the higher management. Strauss had asked Reid before the funeral if he would do the eulogy and he declined. Aaron knew that he would. That was why to spare him the embarrassment of an explanation he said the eulogy. During the funeral Reid was quiet, he just sat. He never even cried.
Each member knew that they should take time off but they also knew that wasn’t going to happen. Each of them had said their good-byes to Gideon and knew that it was time to move on. Reid was the only one that seemed to be having a hard time. Not that anyone was surprised, he was the one that Gideon wrote his suicide note to, and none of this was probably easy for the young doctor.
So, despite what Strauss thought they should do none of the BAU team took anytime off. The entire team were doing their reports the day after the funeral. Spencer sat at his desk, computer off, seemingly flipping through the stack of files on his desk. Everyone on the team knew better. He was reading through his finished reports. He didn’t even realize that both Hotch and Strauss were watching him from Hotch’s office.
“Are you sure that he’s alright?” She watched in semi-awe, as the pile on his desk got smaller.
Aaron watched Reid trying to see if anything had changed. Sure, he seemed a bit distracted but he wasn’t losing weight, drinking less coffee and he looked as thought he was getting enough sleep. “No. He found the dead body of his mentor. Would you be okay? Do you know anything about Dr. Reid?”
She looked at the unit chief, clearly irritated. “I’ve read his file.”
Aaron shook his head. He found it extremely sad that she thought Reid could be narrowed down to what was in his file. The doctor had been through a lot; some of which Hotch and Gideon had neglected to put in his file. They had made the unanimous decision that there were certain things that was no one’s business (his addiction to Delaudid was one example of that). “So, on other words you know nothing at all. He’s been through a lot in his short life but he’s managed to pull through and I’m going to guess that this particular situation will be no different. This one might just take a little more time.”
Strauss looked out onto the Bullpen, tapping her fingernails almost impatiently on the rail. “I could demand that he take a vacation. I’m sure he could use the time off to be with his family.”
Hotch shook his head. “With no disrespect but that’s laughable. He’s an only child, his father abandoned him and his mother when he was young and now his mother is in a mental hospital for being a paranoid schizophrenic. Do you still think that he needs to spend time with his family?”
She shook her head. It was her job to make sure that everyone was doing their jobs to the best of their abilities; this included the agents that she didn’t like or didn’t understand. “He may not have any biological family but weren’t you the one who told me that the BAU was a family?”
Hotch sighed; knowing that this was a battle that he wouldn’t/couldn’t win left a bitter taste in his mouth. He slumped his shoulders in admitted defeat.
“Good, then you can fix this.” She gestured towards the young man sitting in his chair, eyes closed, with his head resting on the back of his chair, tilted towards the ceiling. She gave Hotch one last fixed stare (just so that he knew that she was serious) and then she went back to her office, closing the door.
Reid put the last if the files onto the “done” pile. He looked at the clock and realized that it was almost time to go home. His eyes became moist when he realized that it was almost time to go back to his apartment, the emptiness, the guilt and the letter that had outlined all of it for him. Morgan noticed the slight shift in Reid’s demeanor and looked worriedly up at Hotch, for the time being, the best that Hotch can do is a small shake of his head.
Reid, seemingly unaware of the mute conversation that had gone on above his head, he grabbed his stack of completed reports and proofread files and headed towards Strauss’ office. After he deposited them in the right bin, he walked down the hallway and knocked on Hotch’s door.
“Come in.” He’s not all that surprised that Reid has come in to tell him that he’s finished; his reports are already in Strauss possession, he’s going home and he’ll be back in the morning. As he speaks Hotch watches him. He’s trying his best not to profile the doctor but with everything that has happened he is finding that increasingly hard to do.
And of course Reid notices this. “Aaron, I’m fine.” He smiled at Hotch; hoping that it came across as genuine and not creepy or fake.
“We’re worried about you.” He knew that Reid was always worried that people didn’t think that he could do his job because of how young he was, this included his team members. He wanted to let Reid know that he was concerned but also that he knew that he could do the task at hand.
For a minute Spencer’s smile falters. There’s a delicate crack in the mask that he’s wearing and for one brief and terrifying moment Hotch sees the scared and struggling young man that Reid really is. He seemed to catch it in time and carefully replace it. “There’s nothing to worry about.” The smile is back and Aaron doesn’t buy it for a second.
“I know how hard this must be for you. I know that you looked up to Jason and that in a lot of ways, for you he’d replaced your father. But he wasn’t well and probably hadn’t been for quite some time. I am sorry that it was you that found him.” Hotch shook his head, “If I had known…’
Reid adjusted the glasses on his nose. He knew that as long as he stood in Hotchner’s office he had to remain composed, even if the only thing that he wanted to do was scream and throw a fit. “This has nothing to do with my father. Maybe at one point it might have but Gideon was not my father. He was my friend and my mentor but that was it. If you are finished, I am exhausted and would like to go home.”
Hotch stood up from his desk and walked towards Reid. He knew that he had to make sure that Spencer was going to be okay before he left his office. He didn’t think that Reid would do anything drastic but you never knew. “I know that you are tired and I’m sure that you are full of questions and I’m not sure if I’ll have any answers for you. I just want to make sure that you know that you are not alone, we are all here for you, if and when you need to talk.”
Reid carefully considered what Hotch had said. He was fighting to keep his composure and he wasn’t sure if he was doing it well. He nodded his head and cleared his throat. “I know that. It’s just a lot to take in, process and figure out. I know that eventually it’ll make sense. Can I go now?” As he spoke his voice broke, as it did when he was extremely nervous. He hated that but he knew that there was nothing that he could do to stop it; it was a habit that he had ever since he was very small.
Hotch put his hand on Reid’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. The paternal side of him didn’t want to let him go until he was a hundred percent sure that Reid was as okay as he said he was but the Unit Chief side of him knew that that simply was not an option. “You may go.”
Reid exhaled (he hadn’t even been aware that he had been holding his breath) and walked out of Aaron’s office. He walked past his desk, grabbing his messenger bag as he walked. He left the building without saying good-bye to anyone. Everyone noticed but nobody spoke.