FicWad

Ever since Frank had returned home from the hospital, things have been strained. Frank spent the night sleeping in Gerard's bed...alone. Gerard, however did not go back to his apartment, he slept on the the floor of the basement. Regardless of how angry or how frustrated he was with Frank, he couldn't leave the man alone downstairs with the injuries that the younger man had sustained. He also felt like he needed to be there in case Frank did have another nightmare episode. Even if Frank wouldn't tell him about it, he still needed to be there for the man that he loved.

Frank did go the entire night without a nightmare. It was probably because of the pain medication, though.

The next day Frank and his mother went home. Frank had privately told his mother that he would much rather spend the days recovering in his own bed. Linda was slightly confused at her son's unwillingness to stay with his boyfriend but decided that it was just because of all of the commotion of the last few days.

Once they were home, Linda got Frank set up in his room with all the comic books, Stephen King novels, and movies he could ever ask for, Linda told her son that she'd be downstairs if he needed anything. Then she left the room, leaving her son to sit in silence keeping his memories to himself.

Soon Linda fell into a routine. Every morning she'd bring Frank in something for breakfast, which he would barely touch, give him his medicine and help him get ready for his day. Once he was dressed and ready, she would take him to his appointments for the day, if he had anything, then they'd immediately go back home. Frank didn't want to see anyone or anything. Then she would make sure he ate something for lunch, even if it was minimal, and then help him back into his room where he would spend the day until dinner, alone. Linda would then bring something up for her son for dinner, making sure he ate slightly more than he had for other meals, before helping him into the bathroom, assisting him for his shower and then getting him ready for bed, setting him back up in his room where the comic book, Stephen King novels, and movies all lay untouched on Frank's night table.

The routine that the Iero family found themselves in lasted about two weeks, Frank did eventually start eating a little bit more but that was the only change that occurred. At the end of two weeks though, Linda had to head back to work. She had taken her vacation time to dedicate to her son's well-being but unfortunately the time is up. There was one slight problem though, Frank still needed to go to his appointments and he couldn't drive yet, so Linda called the one person who she knew would help Frank. Gerard.

Gerard was slightly nervous to help Frank while his mother was working. Not that he didn't want to and not that he thought it was a burden by any means, he just wasn't sure how Frank would...react to him. Gerard had sent several text messages to Frank all going unanswered and unread. He had also stopped by the Iero house a few times, checking to see if he could talk to Frank, but every time that Linda told Frank that Gerard was there, he'd tell his mom that he was too tired from the medicine and that he was going to nap.

So today, would be the first time that Gerard would see Frank since his homecoming, two weeks ago, and Gerard was quite literally shaking in his boots. Things with Frank and Gerard had always been comfortable and normal. They never needed to be somebody special around the other person, they could just be themselves. But today, as Gerard drove to the younger man's house, he felt like he needed to be someone special. That he needed to prove something to Frank. And he guessed in a way he did. He needed to prove that he was sorry for shutting Frank out. He needed to tell him that it wasn't because he didn't love the other man, it was because he was hurt. But could Gerard really tell Frank all of that when the smaller man was healing? Fighting through his own battles, emotionally and physically? Surely not. Gerard needed to give Frank space to get better. Didn't he?

Pulling into Frank's driveway, next to the beat up Honda that hadn't been driven since before Frank shipped off, Gerard, turned off the car and slid out. Using the key that was hidden under the mat, he let himself inside, calling out to Frank letting him know he's here. When he doesn't get a response, he shut the door behind him, and made his way into the house, shoving the key into his pocket. Walking further inside, he found the stairs and took them up to the second floor of the house, walking down the hall to Frank's bedroom. Knocking on the closed door, before pushing it open slightly, he peered inside. Gerard is greeted by Frank sitting up right in the bed, staring out against the wall. The sight in front of him broke his heart. His poor baby. He looked so broken and so sad.

Stepping into the bedroom, Gerard smiled softly at Frank, “Hey, Frankie.” He spoke quietly. When he doesn't get a response, he made his way to the bed, and sat carefully down on the end of it, facing Frank.

“How are you?” He tried again, watching his boyfriend's face as he looked at the posters of various bands on the wall. Again not receiving a response, he sighed, swallowing his pride, preparing to bare his soul.

“Frankie, I don't want you to be mad at me anymore. Please, baby, talk to me.” He pleaded, looking desperately at the younger man. He couldn't stand this. It was was almost worse that having Frank fighting overseas. Almost.

Frank took a deep breath and shut his eyes. He didn't have anything to say to Gerard. He didn't have anything to say to anyone. He just wanted to be alone. But deciding that he would try, he turned his head and opened his eyes looking at the man that he loved. The man that had abandoned him.

Gerard's heart broke when he looked Frank in the eyes. The once lively, happy, shining eyes were now dull and sad. “Talk to me, baby. I’m right here.” Gerard spoke softly, tears forming behind his eyes.

“I don't know what you want me to say.” He whispered, his eyes casting down, finding a stain on the comforter, staring at it.

“Tell me anything. Just talk to me. I miss you. I miss us.” Gerard pleaded again, scooting closet on the bed to Frank, letting his hand find Frank's. Once grasping the non-broken hand, the older man looked at the face of his lover, willing him to talk.

“Why?” Was the only word that Frank could mutter.

“Why, what, baby?” Gerard asked gently, stroking the back of Frank's hand.

“Why did you stop writing? Why were never on web cam? Why did you stop caring? What did I do?” He asked, his voice breaking with sadness. Frank tried with everything he had, not to let his tears fall. Tears meant weakness and weakness meant death.

Gerard was stunned. Did Frank really think that he stopped caring? Ever? He always worried about Frank. He always cared about Frank. Every single second he was away.

“I never stopped caring, baby. Never. I just...” Gerard paused. Was this really the best time to bring all of this up? He doubted it, but it was going to happen anyway. “I was hurt, Frankie. Really hurt. You were lying to me about your dreams. And I was just trying to help you. You wouldn't even tell me. It hurt me.” He explained, slightly ashamed he didn't have a better reason for ignoring his boyfriend.

Frank furrowed his brows. That was the reason Gerard stopped talking to him? That was the reason that Gerard had abandoned him when he needed him the most? Because of a dream? A dream that Frank was trying to protect Gerard from.

Frank just shook his head and took his hand from Gerard's grasp. He couldn't believe this.

“I was trying to save you, Gerard.” Frank spoke softly, pain dripping from his words.

“Protect me? From what?” He asked, pulling his hand back into his lap, shoving them in between his legs.

“The nightmares.” Frank whispered. “They were things that nobody should know about. I didn't want you to picture them; to dream about them yourself.” He continued, trying and failing at keeping his emotions under control.

“But I wanted to help you, Frankie. I wanted to comfort you. I couldn't do that unless I knew what was wrong.” Gerard explained, his eyes watching Frank's downcast ones.

“But you didn't help me. You left me. Alone. And you lied to me. You made your family lie to me. Why? What did I do to deserve that?” Frank questioned, he eyes turning hard. He didn't deserve it.

“I...I wasn't thinking, baby. I’m sorry.” He responded quietly, letting his hand slide out from beneath his leg, to gently rest on Frank's. “I'm so sorry.”

Frank just shook his head as tears started to fall. He looked down at his lap, ashamed. These were the first tears that have fallen from the hazel eyes since before he was captured. “You would have hated me.” He muttered, finally letting his mind free.

“Why would I have hated you, baby?” Gerard asked carefully, afraid of the answer he would get.

“The things I've seen. The things I've done. They all haunt my dreams. They haunt me.” He looked up at Gerard, his eyebrows denting inward as the tears flowed freely from his eyes. “I didn't want to kill them, Gee, I swear. I needed to. They had guns and they were going to get me. I needed to get home. I needed to get home to you.” He sobbed as the words flew from his mouth. “But then you didn't write and you didn't care and I let my dreams overpower me and I let my guard down. And now they're dead. They're all dead and it's all my fault. I didn't see the men coming in from behind. It was my job. My responsibility. But I didn't see them. I let my men die. It's all my fault.” Frank let go, shaking and crying as he crumbled forward, burying his head in his good hand, ashamed.

Gerard let the information sink into his head. His boyfriend had killed people. The blood of men were on Frank's hands. Pushing the information to the back of his head he let the other confession play in his head... 'But then you didn't write and you didn't care'. Frank was captured because of him. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have not seen that his childish and selfish actions would contribute to his boyfriend's disappearance.

Taking a deep breath, Gerard moved closer to Frank on the bed, wrapping the smaller man in his arms, “It's okay, baby. It's not your fault. You did want you needed to. I know you did, Frankie. It's okay. I’m here now.”

Frank just shook his head, “I need to finish, Gee. I need to tell you everything? Then if after I’m done, you don't want to be with me anymore, that's fine, I just need you to know everything. Okay?” Frank asked quietly, trying to control the sobs that were making their way through his small, injured frame.

“I'm never leaving you, Frank. I’m here forever.” Gerard reassured Frank.

Nodding, slightly, unconvinced, Frank sat up, a bit more, using his good arm to help push him. “Okay, well I guess I'll start with the nightmares?” Frank asked quietly, scared of the reaction he'd get when he was done baring his soul.

Gerard nodded, so Frank began, “When I first got there, we were shoved into fighting. They pretty much just gave us guns and let us run wild. We only had our Lieutenant telling us what to do and where to shoot. It was terrifying. I swear the first time I shot the gun, in the field, I got pushed back ten feet.” Frank laughed humorlessly.

“Soon though, we all fell into a routine. We took shifts going out and searching out the enemy, our job, just to kill them.” he paused looking up at Gerard to make sure he was still okay. And he was. He was a little shocked, but okay. “Then there was this one day when we needed to raid a building. There were...at least twenty of us, we had all the exits covered and we made our way in.” He took a deep breath and looked down at his broken arm, he was so ashamed.

“Once we were inside, we realized that there were women and child, along with men, in there. Now, if the men showed no resistance it would have been fine, we would have left and no one would have died.” He sighed, biting the inside of his lip. “Unfortunately, the men had guns and they were ready to attack. My Lieutenant had told us that the minute one shot was fired, we fight back, regardless of the situation. So when one of the men fired, we all began pulling the trigger. The women and children getting caught in the cross-fire.” He stopped and sucked in a breath, trying to hold back the tears that were going to fall again.

“When we entered the building there were at least five children.” He paused once more and looked down at his hands, his voice shaking from sadness, “When we left, there were two on the ground injured and the rest had escaped to the outside. I had hoped that they were all okay, but...I don't think so. We had men at every exit, Gee” Frank looked up at Gerard his face broken with guilt.

Gerard just nodded, reaching forward to take one of Frank's hand. He wanted to comfort Frank regardless of how disgusted he was. He was disgusted, but not with Frank, with war.

“That's what my dreams are, Gee. Those kids and those women running away from me like I was a monster. Seeing those women, sobbing while they held their injured children. Seeing the men fight hard to the protection of their families. I shouldn't have been in there fighting them. They were families, Gerard. Families like you and your mom and Mikey. Like me and my mom.” He looked down at his hand and whispered softly. “Like I had hoped that you and me would be one day. Before all this.”

“We can still have that, Frank. We will still have that.” Gerard spoke quickly before the thought of the two of them not being together even settled in Franks mind. This did not change anything for Gerard. He still loved Frank with all his heart. He always would.

Frank shook his head and looked up at Gerard, “There's more.” Gerard nodded him to go on. “Well time went on and things were fine. We had a few more incidents like that, but nothing major. But then they day came where it was just my troop doing a raid. There was ten of us, including my lieutenant, and we needed to get into the building and kill everyone. We had been told that they were going to attack us, so we needed to do it to them before they did it to us.” He paused looking down at Gerard's hand in his.

“The days leading up to the raid were...restless. We made plans and we made assignments, everybody had a job, everybody had a place. So the night before the raid, we all slept like the entire day. Well my troop slept, I couldn't I had these nightmares attacking my mind. They wouldn't let me shut my eyes without the images of those kids running behind my eyelids. So when the time came the next day for the raid, I was exhausted. More so that I had been before.

“We left our station early that morning, ready to get in, kill and get out. We walked miles, just so we could get to where we needed to be. Once we hit our target we all got in position. I was at the back, pretty much the look out for more men. As the line of my troop made their way into the building I stood just inside the door...waiting.” He took a deep breath and continued, “The next thing I know there were men charging at me, taking my gun and tying my hands. They had been following us the whole time, I just didn't know. I was too...distracted.” Frank stopped, recalling the events of that night.

“And that's how they got us, because I couldn't concentrate and do my job.” He finished.

Frank waited a few minutes before looking up at Gerard, “So, do you still want this? You still want me?” Frank asked.

“Of course.” Gerard let go of Frank's hand but only to move closer to the younger man, cupping Frank's face in his hand. “Listen to me, Frank. I love you. I have always loved you. And I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't care what you had to do while you were fighting. You didn't ask to do that. You didn't sign up for it. You were forced into. I will never, ever make you responsible for those things, Frankie.” Gerard stroked Frank's cheek bone beneath his thumb and he smiled softly. “I'm going to love you forever and we're going to move in together and we're going to get married and we're going to maybe have a family and it'll be amazing. I promise, Frankie.”

Frank's eyes darted back and forth between Gerard's as the older man spoke. He took in the words, thinking about the truth in Gerard's words. Gerard was right, he was still ashamed and upset about what he'd done, and it would take a while for him to get over that, but his boyfriend was right. He didn't ask for this.

As this all sunk in, Frank just nodded, letting the thoughts circle in his mind. It was what he needed to hear.

“Kiss me, Gee.” He whispered, needing to feel the normalcy of kiss.

Gerard smiled warmly and leaned in, letting his nose brush against Franks, “With pleasure.” And with that, Gerard pressed his lips against Frank's. Frank whimpered at the feeling, immediately moving to deepen the kiss. To make it last. To make him feel. Gerard happily obliged, kissing his boyfriend, separating his lips when the younger man brought his tongue to them, sliding his own tongue out to meet Frank's.

After a few moments of letting their mouths move rhythmically against each other, Gerard pulled back, letting his forehead rest against Franks. “Welcome home, Frankie.” He whispered, because for the first time in months, Frank was actually home, body and mind.



This is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue and then a sequel. So don't worry! :D
Thank you to everyone who have been commenting and sharing their stories. They're simply amazing. Every single one of you are amazing. I love you all.