FicWad

I’d been walking around with a sickening feeling in my stomach for days now. There was no one I could talk to, not even my parents because they loved Lucy and would hate to think of me hurting her. I knew why she was so upset but Gerard had said they’d talked that she’d accepted and even admitted herself that me and him suited so why was she still so angry? I hadn’t seen Gerard since he’d dropped me off at home in a pair of his pyjamas, after Lucy had spotted us and I’d started crying it had sort of killed the romance. He’d been so gentle with me telling me everything would be ok but I hadn’t believed him. How could everything be ok when your best friend hated you? I stumbled into art feeling a mess and pretty sure I look like one too but I didn’t care; they’d look like this too if they’d spent the last couple of days crying. Gerard walked over to my desk and sat in the seat next to me, I didn’t even raise my head from my work I could just tell it was him. After a couple of minutes he seemed to get the message I didn’t want to talk and started scribbling down his own work, I slowly glanced up to see what he was doing and he passed me a small folded up piece of paper. I frowned slowly and opened it, carefully because note passing was strictly forbidden along with everything else in this classroom.
Where’ve you been? I’ve been worried about you I smiled slowly at the small piece of paper which was obviously ripped out of the back of his notebook. For a boy he had surprisingly neat handwriting. I slowly looked around checking that no one was watching and quickly wrote down my reply.
I thought it would be best if I kept my head down for a couple of days. You didn’t have to worry, you should be worrying about your girlfriend. (I still need to return you pyjamas) I slid the piece of paper back to his side of the desk and smiled a little and he wrote his reply. It would be easier just to talk but talking wasn’t aloud because it disturbed our concentration. Before I’d even had time to blink the note was back on top of my work, I unfolded it quickly to see three small words underneath my last message.
We broke up. My heart started pounding so fast and so hard I thought it was going to smash out of my chest. I was suddenly finding it hard to breath, it felt as though the room was spinning. All this over three little words. I jumped out of my seat and ran into the security of the store cupboard, it was so dark and cool in here. Just so easy to collect my thoughts. But I didn’t get the chance to because Gerard quickly joined me. “I thought you’d be pleased”
“I am pleased .. I just .. I just needed to process what this means” I could hear his hand groping around the door. “The light switch is outside” I could just see his face from the little ray of light that seeped through the crack in the door. There was a slight smile playing on his lips as he looked down at the door handle. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing” I heard a slight click of the lock “just thought we should be alone while we talk” he walked over to me slowly I could hear my breathing getting shorter and faster as he moved closer. “I told her I wanted you” he mumbled running his hand down my side sending tingles throughout my entire body. “I told her that me and her just wasn’t the same. That we didn’t have the same passion .. I don’t long to see or be near her like I do with you” my mind was only just keeping up with what he was saying, I wanted to reach down and pinch myself but I was scared this really was a dream. “I know she likes Frank, she mentions him all the time .. I just think she felt guilty because she started seeing me first but all she had to do was say .. And he’s been hanging around her all the time so it’s obvious the feeling is mutual”. I slowly lifted my head wanting him to carry on but he didn’t, he just stood very quietly thinking about what to say next.
“Would she be ok with this?” I whispered, only just managing to get the words out I felt so frozen. I only just managed to see his shoulders slide up into a shrug a slight smile still on his lips.
“She will have to be, I’ve accepted her and Frank so she should do the same for me.” I nodded slowly not sure what to say, this was just so surreal. “Anyway, you’ve come back to school for you work not me .. You need to sort things with Lucy I understand that so I’m not going to rush you. But .. There’s a beach party this Friday, a sort of party for us leaving soon.”
“Oh, I’d not heard about it”
“Well .. Now you have, you fancy going with me? Or even just meeting me there?” I smiled slowly loving the glow that was growing in his cheeks.
“I’ll see you there” I smiled and so did he.

It was Friday and I pulled up in the car park at the beach, preparing myself to see Lucy properly for the first time since our fight. I took a couple of deep breaths and climbed out of the car pulling my bag behind me. The weather wasn’t that spectacular but it was still quite warm hopefully we could go in the ocean or play a beach game or something if mine and Lucy’s chat went well. I climbed over the sand dunes and made my way down to the beach seeing a small group of people collecting firewood for the bonfire later. It was still early so there wasn’t many people here yet, I placed my towel down and lay there waiting for Lucy to turn up. It was a little while longer when I heard her voice over the chatter and music that surrounded me. “You have got to be kidding me!? What’s she doing here? She wasn’t invited Frank!” I turned round quickly to see Lucy and Frank stood staring at me, I climbed to my feet and quickly walked over but before I reached her Lucy had set off back over the sand dunes; Frank was about to follow but I grabbed his arm quickly.
“Just let me sort this. We have to talk, we can’t keep fighting like this it’s not fair on anybody” I quickly scrambled over the dune and scanned the nearest hills looking for her. “Lucy come back!” I shouted running after her, she was walking as quickly as possible fighting the urge to look back. “Look Lucy there are only so many times I can say I’m sorry!” I shouted following her over another sand dune; we were slowly disappearing out of sigh of the party but I still followed. I was fed up of feeling like shit because of her. We were finally going to sort this out. “Oh well I’m so sorry! Your stealing my boyfriend and I’m supposed to feel bad now am I!?” She’d span round to face me, shaking with anger, fists clenched at her side and feet firmly dug in the sand. The wind was picking up here, sending our hair and summer dressed chasing after it. I pushed my hair back out of my face to see her turning round and storming off again.
“No! But you could hear me out! I like him a lot! I have since we started this school! I never set out to hurt you, I’m sorry. I thought you liked Frank, I didn’t realise you were that serious about Gerard otherwise I would have never dreamt of going anywhere near him”
“No. No it’s not that B. It’s the fact I had something and you didn’t, you didn’t like it did you? You’ve always been the one to have everything, to lead every conversation and for once I had something that wasn’t yours and you just had to put a stop to that!”
“No Lucy! It wasn’t like that at all and you know that! Your just angry!” I stared deep into her bright blue eyes which were welling with tears. I sighed, hating myself for hurting her so badly. “Lucy, honestly, If it hurts you so much I don’t want him. I’ll leave you both alone I promise. I just want my best friend back” I continued to stare at her hoping that she’d hear me out but she just directed her gaze to the floor.
“He likes you” she mumbled “he’s always liked a girl in his art. Frank was telling me. When we first started dating he didn’t want anyone to know and I think it’s because he was scared of you finding out .. I think he’s always secretly hoped that this would get him closer to you and oh look it worked out perfectly. Your perfect for each other, you just get what you want and don’t care who you hurt in the process”
“Lucy please, you know it’s not like that. You know that I could never do something like that to you. This is stupid. He’s just a boy we shouldn’t be letting him get” but before I could finish my sentence she cut across me.
“I needed him B, he wasn’t just a boy to me he was my safety net. I needed someone to support me but you wouldn’t even let me have that. He makes me feel safe and that’s what I need right now but no you had to have that too.”
“You have me to lean on”
“You don’t even know what’s wrong!”
“Tell me then! You don’t need a guy to support you, I’m your best friend I’m here for you. I know that you love Frank and I know that you liked being with Gerard but trust me if you were only with him to lean on then you don’t need that. You can lean on me.” I stared at her and she stared back. Her face filled with fear. “Lucy .. What’s going on?”
“I have cancer.”