Categories > Original > Humor

The Haunted Masion

by Brideofbillie 0 reviews

The Cats, Lizard and feret go to the Haunted Mansion. Kinda based on the attraction at Disneyland/ Walt Disney World

Category: Humor - Rating: R - Genres: Horror, Humor, Parody - Published: 2006-05-29 - Updated: 2006-05-30 - 1116 words - Complete

It was a cold and dark October night. Coco, Mercy, Mickey, Billy, Lydia, Veruca and Killaconey were standing outside an creepy old mansion.

Killaconey: See this mansion? It's haunted by spirits! But not just any spirits, chicken spirits!

Mercy: Chicken spirits?

Killaconey: Yup! And there are 999 clucking chickens in there, or says the lengend.

Lydia: Lengends aren't always real!

Killaconey: Well, prove me wrong!

Lydia: How?

Killaconey: Go in there!

Lydia: Noo!

Killaconey: I'll pay anyone who goes in there!

Coco: Did you say pay?

Killaconey: Yup, but you need two more peeps to go with ya!

Coco: Mick, Merc! Come with!

Mickey: Don't ever call me MICK again! Preppy lil' bastard!

Mercy: And what makes you think we'd even want to go in?

Coco: I'll get you both a jock for the up coming dance!

Mercy: Jocks are assholes.

Mickey: I don't go to school!

Coco: I can get one to go out with yas!

Mickey: I'm married!!!

Killaconey: Chickens!!! Hahaha!

Mickey: I'm no chicken! It's just that it'd be boring to go in there!

Billy: C'mon babe, let's go home, put the kids to bed and let's do it!

Mickey: Do what?

Billy: Make love to Nightmare Before Christmas!


Lydia: I did not need to know that!

Mickey: I'll be going in with Coco!

Killaconey: Good! Mercy?

Mercy: Fine, whatever.

Killaconey: Good luck!

Billy: Bye babe.

Mickey and Billy kiss

Mercy: Break it up!

Lydia: Bye mummy...

Veruca: Mummy, get me a chicken!

inside Mansion

They get into an elevator. They begen to go down.

Voice: Welcome foolish assholes to the Haunted Mansion! I am your host, for 6 days and 5 romantic night! You have stepped into my elevator of nightmareish chicken happenings and!

Mercy: Who are you?

Voice: Diana Gravey! I am the owner of this goddamn mansion and I was once a chicken farmer! Then....I saw the beast!

Mickey: The devil?

Diana: No, McKenna and now I'm a ghost! So why y'all here?

Coco: Cause we were dared!

Diana: Ok lets see if you can make it out of here....ALIVE!

The elevator stops

Diana: This chamber has NO windows and NO doors!

Coco: It's got to have a door! It's an elevator!

Diana: You REALLY shouldn't mumble!

Coco: Fook you!

Diana: Don't you mean Fuck?

Coco: That's a bad word!



Diana: Anyway, you must find a way out!

Diana's voice fades away

Coco: You two! Quit breathing!

Mickey: Why?

Coco: You two are wastin' MY air!

Mercy: How can it be your air?

Coco: It has my name on it!

Mickey: Sorry, I can't read whatever writing you put your name in.

Coco: Then, since you TWO aren't following MY instructions, do you have any idea how to get out?

Mickey takes out a chainsaw.

Coco: You wanna know sumthun, Mrs. Martin? You get scarier every waking second.

Mickey saws down one of the walls, which leads into a hall.

Mercy: Hey look! An opening! I'm just THAT good!

They began to walk down the hall.

They see a coffin. On it was a see through chicken. Then, the lid jerked!


???: Get me out!!!!!!

Diana: Don't even try to get her out!

Mercy: Why not?

Diana: She's a bitch with a whistle!

Mickey: Sounds annoying!

Diana's voice fades away again.

Mickey: Look! Another room!

Mickey turns to walk to the next room but slips and falls in a puddle.

Mickey: The fuck did I--AW GROSS!

Coco: Sorry! Just be glad it's not shit!

Mercy: Didn't you go before we came in?

Coco: YEAH! But the person in the coffin scared me!

Mercy: You scare me!

They go into the next room. In it is a crystal ball. A face appears within the ball.

???- Hello, I'm Madam Mittens. I will look into your future and see what will happen to you...within in the next week!

Coco: ME! Do me first!

Mercy: Do you know how wrong that sounded?

Coco sits down.

Mittens: You will be asked to play a part in an upcoming movie.


Mittens: Mickey, come.

Mickey sits down.

Mittens: May I ask YOU a question?

Mickey: Shoot

Mittens: Why do you smell of urine?

Mickey: Why don't you ask HER! points to coco

Coco: Just tell her what's gonna happen in the next week.

Mittens: You will be expecting another kitten.

Mickey: DAMN!

Mittens: Mercy!

Mercy sits down.

Mittens: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You don't wanna know.

Mercy: Yes I do.

Mittens: OMG! I didn't know someone could be soo damn violent!

Mercy: It's a good vision then.

They go into the next room. It's a ball room. They see Smo tied to a chair.

Mercy: So THAT'S where he's been!

A chicken appears on his chest and begens to peck him to death. Once Smo is dead, Mercy hugs the chicken.

Mercy: I love you.


They turn to see a kitten in a bride's dress.

Mercy: Who the hell are you?

???: Tilly! The chicken princess!

Mercy: Could you please guide us to the nearest exit?

Mickey: Why? I kinda like it here! It kinda grows on you!

Mercy: I wanna get out before Miss. Prissy shits herself! And plus don't you wanna make love to Bil-

Mickey bitch slaps Mercy!

Mercy: Ass!

Mickey: Asshole!

Mercy: Mother of asses!

Mickey: Bee-otch!

Mercy: Bitch!

Mickey: Bitch ass!

Mercy: Bastard!

Mickey: Bastard Fuck!

Tilly: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mickey: Yeah?

Tilly: See the green sign that says exit? That's the exit.

So they get out.

Killaconey: So how was it?

Mickey and Mercy: A complete waste of our time.

Veruca: Hey, Coco, wasn't that a white skirt? Why is it yellow?

Billy: And babe, why do you smell of urine?

Mickey and Coco: We'll tell you on the the ride home!

~Next Week~

Mercy, Mickey and Coco were AIMing each other.

KillerLizard9: Remember what that head said.

Frenchie3: That rhymed! ^__^

KSGURL97: Shut up!! ><

KillerLizard9: Ne-way, did any of that shit she said came true?

Frenchie3: Yup :(

KSGURL97: Yup 8D

KillerLizard9: Mine did too! ^__^

Frenchie3: Did you just put a face!? 0___________0;;;;;;; Mine came true

KillerLizard9: Yup! Mine was good! ^^ I slaughtered McKenna!

KSGURL97: Congrats! ^^

KillerLizard9: What happened to you Coco?

Frenchie3: I got stared in a movie! But my parents aren't happy about it!!!

KSGURL97: Why not? 0.o

Frenchie3: I dunno!

KSGURL97: What's the title?

Frenchie3: Hot, Steamy, Sexy XXX

KSGURL97: Do you know what those X's stand for?

Frenchie3: Nope!

KillerLizard9: It's a porno!

Frenchie3: NO IT"S NOT!

KSGURL97: Yes it is!

Frenchie3: You are just jealous that I get to be in a movie! -_____-

KillerLizard9: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

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