FicWad

“If I ever leave I could learn to miss you” Brendon sang peacefully, we were both drifting to sleep. He certainly had my attention now, and he knew that. “Let me save you, hold this rope” Brendon turned over so we were facing each other. He looked me straight in the eye and spoke the next line, “I may never sleep tonight. As long as your still burning bright.”

I felt tears surfacing from my eyes. Had he wrote that for me? “Because you are my anchor.”

Brendon took a piece of my hair and twirled it around in his fingertips. His other hand found its way to my cheek, wiping away the tears. He sung beautifully in my ear to me, “Because I am an anchor.” He smiled at me before pulling me into a warm embrace. He stared into the open space around us, focusing on anything but me. “I haven't let myself feel anything but lust for a girl since Sarah broke my heart. That was about 2 or 3 years ago. She used me to get her wanted fame. Once she was done with me, she moved onto another musician. I hated women once we were over. I thought that they were all evil bitches after her. I didn't think that I could ever love another girl, I had actually wanted to become gay. I figured it would have to be easier then women. But I was so wrong. It didn't feel right. I lasted nearly 3 years of not falling in love, just using girls for my own pleasure. I'd entice them with a beer. I'd let them tell me all there secrets, acting as if I were actually listening. I'd take just long enough to get them in bed. If I liked them or thought they were fiesty I'd keep them for a while; or until they finally caught on. Usually they were all one night stands. Casual sex with strangers, something that meant nothing to me sentimentally. I could have cared less about the girl.”

His gaze turned to me. “Then I met you and it all changed. When I saw you it scared me to living hell. When we started talking, I knew you were different from all the other girls. I knew you weren't stupid. But I didn't want to fall in love with you. It didn't matter how hard I tried to just think of you as a friend, it wouldn't work. Every time you would smile, your face would brighten. Every time you would laugh, you would send chills down my spine. I knew then that I was in love with you and I was finished trying to deny it. I wanted you so badly; I hated Gerard for having you. And I hated him
even more for shoving it in my face. He would make it so obvious that you were his. You were his property. I'd see him kiss you and I wanted to rip his tongue out of his mouth. The day that I saw him kissing you at the party, the day that he left bruises on your shoulders, I wanted to kill him. I would have if you hadn't of stopped me. And now that I see him hurting you I hate him even more.”

I opened my mouth to say something, anything at all, but he silenced me by placing his finger over my lips. “Don't speak, darling. You don't have to justify yourself for loving him, because I know you're already going to try to.”

“Sarah really hurt you didn't she?” I was willing to take this conversation anywhere he wanted it to go, especially if it did not involve Gerard. I wanted to know more about this “Sarah”. I wondered why he had fell for her so hard. What was so special about her? She must have been crazy if she was only using Brendon. I couldn't understand why anyone couldn't love Brendon. Hell, for the longest time I tried not to and I found it impossible.

“Yeah, she really did. She was my first real love, first true love. She chewed me up and spit me right back out. I trusted her with everything I had. But she did nothing but harm.” He sighed at the memory.

“Did you love her more than me?” I worried about his answer, and I soon regretted asking the question in general.

“Not at all, I loved her. I'm in love with you though. You're special; she was just a girl. A girl from my past that I will never see again, someone I hope to never have to associate with. You're now, she was then.” He lifted the palm of his hand to cup my cheek, his fingertips rubbing each contour of my skin. It felt so good, such a simple intimate gesture.

I inched closer to Brendon's body and let him rest his arm naturally around my waist. “I love you, Brendon.” I brought my lips inches away from his own. His lips clashed into mine and our bodies reacted in a new way. The kiss was much more than usual, it was deep and rough, sensual and romantic. The kiss was wooing me off of cloud nine. His hands squeezed tightly into my waist. Our tongues intertwined with each other, making a vine of grapes. I felt that if we had a cherry stem we could have easily tied it in a tight knot. Brendon shifted himself on top of me, one leg on each side of my hips. I felt a bulge in his pants growing. I chuckled and cocked my eyebrow, “Got something you wanna show me?”

“You have no idea,” he growled. His hands began to roam over my body, touching places I would have never imagined myself letting Brendon touch. I was blown-away by the feelings that Brendon was making me experience. I was used to Gerard, he only focused on himself. He lifted my shirt over my head and glided his hands over my chest, causing a muffled groan from my throat. I then discovered my jeans being unzipped. And I was shocked back into reality. I wanted to make love to Brendon. Not just sex.

I smirked at Brendon, “Good night, babe.”

He simply stared at me, baffled and bewildered. “You can't just leave me like this.”

“Leave you like what?” I feigned innocence. This was so amusing to me, I loved toying with his mind. I now hoped to do it quite often. I turned to my other side, facing the wall instead of Brendon.

The room was now silent and I had started to believe that Brendon had fallen asleep, but he hadn't. “I love you too, Rosie.”



“I love you, you love me. We're a happy family.” A huge purple dinosaur was attacking me with marshmallow knives. What was up with me and marshmallows? Barney smiled at me, revealing a mouth full of blood. What the hell?

He touched my stomach, rubbing it a little. I looked down, to see my own large purple belly. Then I gave birth to dozens of little purple dinosaur babies, also with blood in their mouths. They gave me a sick and demented smile, their teeth were razor sharp.

“You're mine!” Barney screamed.

“NO!!!!” I wailed. Then my little purple dinosaur babies began eating me, my flesh was being digested by my own children. I was torn piece by piece by these monsters.

I awoke, terrified and wide-eyed from my crazy dream. I grabbed my phone from underneath my pillow, illuminating the room and made sure that there were no dinosaurs. It was 6 A.M. Too early to wake up, but not early enough to easily go back to sleep. I sighed and wrapped my arms around a sleeping Brendon. I loved the smell of him, it was so comforting. After catching a whiff of his pillow, I tried to pull it closer to me. Still asleep, he curled into me, wrapping his arms around me also.

“Rose,” He mumbled in his sleep. I smiled and nuzzled my face into Brendon's chest. He trusted me. Gerard may have not trusted me or believed me, but Brendon did. I could finally see that maybe Gerard and I weren't meant to be together. Gerard had someone else waiting to find him. That person would be very lucky when they found Gerard. Gerard was a good man, just not good for me. It seemed like I had found my “perfect match” and he made me very happy. That person was Brendon, everyone had knew it but me. No wonder Gerard hated him so much, he knew that Brendon loved me. Brendon loved me more than Gerard ever had, and Gee knew that. I belonged with Brendon, Gerard knew that also. But he had tried to deny it.

When I woke up again Brendon wasn't there. Tying my hair in a sloppy ponytail, I went to the kitchen. Brendon was no where in sight but I did spot a note on the counter, it was Brendon's large and drawn out handwriting.

Went to see Spencer, Jon, and Ryan. Seems like there's been some drama with them. Not sure how quick we'll get this sorted out. If you need me all you've got to do is call me. Cereal is on the top of the fridge. When I get back I'll make us some lunch, or breakfast if it's early enough. Love you, Rosie.

-Brendon

I plopped myself down on the couch and grabbed my cell phone. I speed-dialed Hayley and waited for her to pick up. She finally answered, “Hey Rose. How are you doing?”

“I'm doing much better. Umm, I've got a favor to ask you. Do you think you could come by Brendon's? I really need some girl time. And if I have any of my clothes or things at your house, please bring them with you.”

“You sure you want to hang out?” Hayley sounded shocked, but happy.

“I'm positive. I really need to vent to someone right now,” I sighed. She had no clue how much had changed in just these few days.

“Okay, sweetie. I'll be there in 5 minutes. I'm right around the corner. I don't have any of your things though. I gave everything of yours to Brendon the other day.” Hayley's voice sounded like she was unsure of my request. The last time she had seen me and Gerard together, we had begun to become sociable again. But now we weren't again.

“I'll see you in 5 then. Bye, Hales.”

“Bye, Rose.” I shut my phone closed and sat in silence. I didn't feel like turning on the TV so I sat in silence, listening to the turning blades of the ceiling fan. Was I ready to tell Hayley everything? I needed someone to know what was happening. I needed someone who I could ask opinions from. Hayley would find out sooner or later, why not make sure that I'm the one to tell her?

The doorbell rang and I looked through the peephole. Flaming red hair was blowing in the wind, the December chill biting the air. I flung the door open and wrapped my best friend in a hug. Hayley gave me a once-over and rolled her eyes. “Spill it,” she ordered.

“Hayley, have you ever been so confused that you feel like you're being suffocated?” I felt like it would be easier to start off with a question. Maybe I wouldn't feel alone then.

“Yes, Rose. Everyone has.” Hayley led me to the couch where she sat close beside me. When I started to bite my nails, she shoved my hand away from my mouth.

“How do you know what to do then?”

Hayley sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “You don't always know for sure, honey. Have you ever thought that maybe Gerard and you aren't suppose to be together? That maybe you met Gerard so you could meet Brendon. Do you want to know the truth, do you want to know what I honestly think?” When I nodded she continued, “I think that you and Gerard should come to a speaking level for the sake of Eliza, but nothing more than that. If it weren't for y'all being together, I would hate Gerard. I don't like his type. He walks around with you on his side, to an outsider you look like nothing more than his trophy. He treats you in subtle ways like shit. He doesn't deserve you. Brendon and you are perfect together. Y'all were friends before you even found out that he had fallen for you. Even after you told Brendon you didn't love him, he kept on loving you. He was there for you when you were dating his rival. He was there for you when you got pregnant with his enemy's kid. He was there for you when you left Gerard. He was there for you when Gerard made you feel like crap. Brendon never once let you down. You love Brendon don't you?”

“I do,” I mumbled. I twisted the ring on my index finger, finding a new interest in it.

“Do you love Gerard?”

That was the question that I had asked myself so many other times. In the end, I found myself answering the same exact way. “I'm not sure.”

“Then there's your answer, you've made up your mind. You're just scared of hurting Gerard. I know that's what's wrong. He'll be fine, please trust me. Give him a couple of weeks and he'll be over it, he'll be over you. If you want Brendon, then be with Brendon. Absolutely no one is stopping you, except for yourself.”

“You're right. You're so right, it's just really scary. I hate being the bad person. I don't want to hurt him because I do still care about him, but I feel like the “love” I feel for him is really just me wanting us to work for Eliza. I want her to have a family.”

“She will have a family. She'll have two families. She'll have you and Brendon. And she'll have Gee and whoever he ends up with. You need to think of yourself. My parents stayed together until I graduated high school. They were so miserable together; it was so easy to see. I hated it so much. I would of rather them be happy separated with new loves then together and hating each other. I felt like I was at fault for all of their troubles. I thought I was the reason they hated each other. Eliza doesn’t need to feel that guilt. This would be the best thing you could do for both you and Eliza.”

“I’m just tired of not feeling alive. I don’t want to be with Gerard anymore. I love Brendon. I’m not afraid to tell myself the truth anymore.” I was finished living a lie. I was ready to live again. And I was trading all of my mistakes for a life worth living.