Categories > Original > Humor

Pest Control

by trollopfop 3 reviews

Lovecraftian horrors vs. the awesome power of sheer mundanity.

Category: Humor - Rating: PG - Genres: Horror,Parody - Published: 2005-05-22 - Updated: 2007-11-10 - 302 words - Complete

Alice wanted to believe, in her simple and smallminded way, that the world made sense, and that things in dreams stayed in dreams.

So you can imagine her surprise when, at a time she was quite certain she was awake, a very dark crack opened in her clean and shining kitchen floor. She thought she heard whispering coming from the crack, but that was nonsense, of course.

She'd have to call someone. She wasn't sure who exactly one called when confronted with whispering cracks -- It is not whispering, she reminded herself -- in the kitchen floor. But that was what you did in these situations. You called someone.

Maybe the nice men who had installed the linoleum? She started to reach for the phone, but stopped abruptly. The whispering was getting louder. And... were those tentacles?

Maybe an exterminator, then.

It was at that point that one of the tentacles reached out and yanked the phone cord out of the wall.

Well, I never! Alice thought. These household pests were certainly getting troublesome.

The whispers were starting to resolve themselves into an obscene chant, one which had shredded the minds of the strongest of men, leaving them gibbering helplessly.

Alice was annoyed. Bad enough she had pests in her house, but they were noisy, too!

Well, there was an answer for that. She pulled an aerosol can out of a cabinet, and advanced on the writhing horror that was slowly emerging from the crack in her floor.

It oozed at her and whispered vile things into her mind.

She sprayed.

It paused.

She sprayed again, her mouth a thin, tight line.

It began to retreat.

Within moments, Alice was alone in her kitchen, bottle of Acme Household Pest Repellent in hand.

She really would have to call someone about that crack.
Sign up to rate and review this story