FicWad

.................................mine........................




So many Masks





So many masks litter this room
This room inside my mind
Each one is for a different person...

But I can't find the original anymore...
It's buried beneath so many layers of falsehood...
Where has the real me gone?

I sit alone in the darkness...
My candles burnt out long ago...
This room is mine alone...
No electricity like the other rooms...
I prefer the candle light.

The door is locked as I sit there
Looking through the many masks,
I've lost count of them all.

I sigh sadly,
Why do I bother to search for something...
That was lost so long ago?

Because I hope to someday wear only the original,
As flawed as others may see it...
But I fear that I may never find it.

After days of searching....
I finally burst into tears....
I'll never find it.

I storm out of the room,
Making my anger out do my sadness
I'm sick of crying....
The only appropriate thing to do right now is kill something...

I pull on one mask that I like....
One that was created deep within me,
The one that loves blood...
And death...
To torment others to ease my pain.

This is one mask...
That I do not mind wearing....
I stalk into the common room and turn on the compuer...
Who am I mad at enough to kill?

I grin viciously as I see my prey for the night...
Standing there in the star light....
One that I had to create the most difficult of masks...
"I think....you shall satisfy my thirst for blood this night..."

I walk to the front of my mind...
And become myself once again....
It's been a while since I have been 'out'
You're just looking up at the stars...
Talking about how everything about your life sucks
O.k. if I wasn't already set on killing you...
After listening to you whine...I am now....

I pull a small blade with a heavy handly out of my trench coat pocket,
And as you turn around I bring it down hard on your head....
You fall as you faint....

You're heavier than I thought as I lift you over my shoulder,
Oh well, that isn't going to change my mind...
And you still aren't too heavy.

I take you to my secret spot in my forest
Two other's have been here before...
But not for the same reasons....
No each was different.

I chain you to the stone slab,
Making sure that the chains are tight....
And cutting into your skin painfully.

I sit and wait for you to awaken as I get my blades and whips ready for you,
My inner rage that I keep bottled boils up,
But I push it down,
Waiting for you to awaken,
I will not hurt you while you're sleeping...
That's just too low.
Even for the mood I am in.

You awake and look at me...
I can't decide it I really want to kill you slowly.
You've brought me the most pain....
But more joy than others have ever managed.

I think....for you....a quick death is in order...
But the pain must be greater....
I smirk darkly as you open your eyes to look at me,
Why so shocked?

You weren't expecting me to do this to you, were you?

I shrug oh well not my problem now, is it?

I pull out my dulles blade and begin forcing cuts into your skin,
Not even wincing or drawing pleasure from your painfilled screams.

Tears fall down my face as I begin screaming and cutting into you more violently,
The pain has broken through my rage,
I hate everything,
Who I was,
What I've become.

I pull away as you lay bleeding,
I feel no remorse for what I've done,
Only the pain of the years catching up to me.

I huddle in the darkness,
Your blood cooling on me,
But this time...
There is no pleasure in the blood.

My bottle of emotions had exploded....
I hurt everywhere,
In everyway.

Even as you huff out your last puff of air,
I feel no release,
I scream my pain into the night,
Sending creatures scurrying away from me.

I bring a blade down on myself and cut,
It does nothing...
I feel nothing of the small physical pain....
Yet I'm dying inside....
My one salvation is a mask,
That I cannot find....
Buried deep inside my mind....

Tears stream down my face as I stand....
And slowly walk into the night,
Away from your body,
Your blood...
But everything else burns deeply.

I reach my hide away....
And look up into the night sky....
The view that is normally so calming does nothing for me....
As myown blood and tears fall to the earth....

Why won't it stop.....
My actual pain cannot be stopped by that of another,
Even as I feel your blood cooling on my skin....

I look down from this cliff and the answer becomes clear....
I know how to make it stop...
My dreams of flying free...
With a last wipe of my eyes...
I take the dive....
And I am free of pain
Free of sorrow,
And now I have no worries for tomorrow....


And I know no more.......