FicWad

That text was pretty much the only thing that got Spencer through the next three weeks. Ryan had decided that he needed to take a road trip to find his 'artist's inspiration' as he called it, and had left Jon in Spencer's care as he searched Nevada for a muse.
Without Ryan to keep him from having a mental breakdown, Spencer was pretty worried for his sanity at first. He was glad to at least have Jon as a warm body to snuggle against at night, because even though Spencer loved being the little spoon, Jon was soft and warm and furry, so Spencer didn't really mind it when Jon curled up into his chest in the middle of the night.
School was... alright. All of his classes were incredibly boring without Brendon there to pass notes to. Spencer spent most of his free time, including lunch, trying to stay away from the jocks who seemed to have a radar on him at all times. He was relatively successful, although sometimes he arrived home with cuts and bruises that Jon would lick frantically until he deemed Spencer to be 'all better'.
All in all, Spencer's life wasn't fantastic at the moment, but it could be worse. He was content knowing that Brendon would be coming home soon so that they could snuggle and kiss and watch movies and snuggle some more. Secretly, of course.
Spencer counted down the days until Brendon returned.
On the Sunday Brendon was supposed to return, he saw Brendon's parent's car pull into their driveway while he was playing with Jon outside. Spencer was thankful that they couldn't see him staring at their house like a creeper as the Urie's garage door opened and the purple minivan pulled inside. Spencer unintentionally continued to stare after the garage door closed again, thinking about what he should do. Would Brendon be expecting Spencer to climb through his bedroom window late at night, or would he rather have a day to relax, collect his thoughts, and enjoy being home?
Spencer decided on the latter, and reasoned that he'd see his Brennybear at school tomorrow anyways.
It was extremely hard for Spencer to sleep that night, despite Jon's comforting warmth where he was curled in the hollow of Spencer's throat. He sighed, and Jon sleepily pawed at his neck, mewing in an annoyed 'I was trying to sleep and you just woke me up' way. Spencer patted Jon's little head and whispered, "Sorry. I'm just nervous. What am I supposed to do? Should I have gotten him a present? Should I give him his scarf back? I don't know."
Jon licked at the spot beneath his ear, something that he always did when Spencer was upset or anxious. Oddly enough, it helped calm Spencer down enough for him to fall asleep, one hand resting on Jon's back, and the other tangled in the blue fabric of Brendon's scarf that lay on his bed.

The next morning, Spencer frantically searched through his closet for something decent to wear. Deep down, he knew it was a little ridiculous for him to wear something special today, but he didn't care. His boyfriend was coming home and he was excited okay?
Eventually he decided on electric blue skinny jeans and a black My Chemical Romance shirt, because Brendon thought Gerard Way was fucking dreamy and it was so cute watching Brendon swoon. He carefully applied his black eyeliner, which was pretty hard to do since Jon was sitting on top of his head, sniffing through his his hair, and set off for school.
Once on campus, he peeked around a corner to see if Brendon was at his locker. Sure enough, there stood the littlest Urie, putting his books back into his locker, dressed in loose-fitting black jeans and a white button down shirt, which was hardly his usual attire, but all the same Spencer happily bounced up to Brendon, rocking back and forth on his heels.
Brendon looked up at Spencer with a tired, guarded look in his eyes. The bell rang to go to class just then, but the boys didn't mind if they were late to class, as long as they got to talk to each other.
"Hey Spence."
"Hi!" Spencer squeaked ecstatically. He was giddy with joy, until Brendon said...
"Spencer, we need to talk."
Spencer stopped bouncing abruptly and looked at his boyfriend in confusion.
"About what?"
Brendon closed his locker. Now there were only a few stray students hurriedly making their way to homeroom, so Spencer and Brendon had some privacy.
"About us."
Spencer nodded, "Right, well, I was thinking that if we managed to keep in on the down-low for, I don't know, two more years, then-"
"I don't love you anymore."
Spencer froze with his mouth still open, trying to digest what Brendon had just said. He felt almost numb, almost numb enough the pain spreading throughout his chest. He felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.
"What?"
Brendon sighed and leaned against the row of metal lockers and looked up into Spencer's eyes cautiously.
"I've changed. I'm sorry Spencer, I really am, but I just can't love you anymore. I'm sorry."
Spencer felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Just a few weeks ago, Brendon had texted him saying 'I love you'. With hugs and kisses at the end!
"Why? What's changed since you sent me that text? What the hell did they do to you at that camp?"
Brendon shrugged, looking down at his shoes and said, "I don't know. I actually enjoyed it there, really. Gave me some time to think, you know?"
"Think about what? Being someone you're not?"
"Spencer,I'm sorry! I wish I could love you, for your sake, but I'm just not gay. It was a phase and I'm over it now," Brendon frowned.
Spencer shook his head disbelievingly.
"No, no, you said you loved me. You did love me - I can't- I don't..." Spencer hung his head as tears dripped off the end of his nose.
"Spencer." Brendon put his index finger under Spencer's chin and tipped his head up. Without giving the action much thought, Spencer leaned forward and kissed Brendon desperately, wrapping one arm around his waist and pressing the other into his hair, keeping Brendon from pulling away.
It was all wrong.
Brendon didn't necessarily try to pull away, but he sure as hell wasn't kissing back either. The kiss had this vibe of, 'the only reason I'm not pushing you away is to make you feel better'.
It didn't even feel like he was kissing the same Brendon he had known and loved. Brendon didn't even taste like strawberries anymore.
After a few seconds, he pulled back, still keeping his arms around Brendon, and pressed his face into Brendon's neck.
"Please don't leave me." Spencer whispered brokenly.
"I'm sorry I led you on Spence." Brendon said quietly, disentangling himself gently from Spencer's arms and hoisting his backpack onto his shoulder, "I don't want you to be sad. I'm sorry. I thought I was gay, but I'm just not, and I know that now. I have to get to class."
Spencer nodded numbly and stood, rooted to the ground until Brendon walked away around the corner.
Fuck, this was not the way he'd planned for this morning to go.


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I can't even say anything about this chapter. I don't know. I'm sorry. Don't hate me for making it sad!
This is far from the end though, so have hope!
Read and Review or Brendon will tell you he doesn't love you anymore. :,(