Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Simple Series: A Simple Crush
Once I left the show I started to run straight towards my house. Once I got there I realized that is not where I wanted to be. I looked up at my house my lights were on and I could hear my mother yelling at my dad. I had tears already running down my face I couldn’t handle a drunken mother moment. So I left.
I walked aimlessly thinking about all that had happen and how I felt. I was trying to get a grasp of reality. The reality was that I didn’t fully understand why I was even so upset. Gerard was not mine. He didn’t even notice me until yesterday. He can have a girlfriend if he wants. But I swear to god he was giving me signs today that he was interested. I am really questioning my sanity right now. Did it or did it not happen? Was Gerard just playing with me like a toy? Was I imagining everything?
It felt way to real to be my imagination. I never had a good one. Maybe I am just reading the signs wrong I mean it has been a while since I even had a boyfriend and even then that was not a proper relationship. I wish I could have a one, with Gerard. But that apparently is not going to happen.
I don’t know how it happen but I found myself in West Hudson Park by the bridge it was a good 30 minutes from my house, driving, but I was there. I found a tree and sat there still crying. I grabbed my bag taking a pin from one of the patches on the bag. I dragged it across my skin. This is probably the stupidest thing I could possibly do, a boy is no reason to harm yourself. There is no reason to but I was doing it. I knew by doing it I could stop the tears from flying down my cheeks. I wanted to stop crying. I had been crying so much it hurt. I needed a sharper object. I pick up y bag screaching the X-acto blade I swiped from school. I slide it down my arm over and over in the same spot. I stopped when I thought I it muscle. The release of pain was like nothing anything else could do. It took me to place all of my own, it was just me and the knife.
I began to trace the outline of my veins I could feel the blood running down the my arm. The warmness felt good against my cold skin. I looked so pretty trickling down my fair skin. I loved the way it looked I wanted more and more. I sat there digging into my skin letting the flow out clinging to me. It was like the sweetest from of art. I traces more allowing myself to indulge in my art, my pain. I started feeling lightheaded and that when I heard a noise behind me and turned to look to see what it was. I saw to guy holding a huge duffel bag and three other guys holding smaller ones. I didn’t know them or what they were doing but something about them gave me a crept out feeling so I quietly got up from my tree and ran fast, not a very wise choice for me. I don’t know how fast I was going or where I was going for that matter. I just knew I needed to get out of there. I heard one of the men yell something to me and that only made me run harder. I was out of the park and in a residential area when I started to feel as if I was going to throw-up, but I kept running. I don’t really know what happened from there on all I can tell you is that I fell…I don’t know where I am even now it is all dark and there are sounds around me I cant quite make out. OHMIGOD what if I am blind and going def? OMIGOD OHMIGOD OMIGOD! Then I realized I just had my eyes shut. Sometimes I wonder about myself. I look up and an incredibility white ceiling with bright lights. It stung my eyes. I looked over to the side to see a man with fuzzy brown hair staring at me.
“OMIGOD YOU ARE UP! THANK GOD!” He screamed at me. My head throbbed murderously.
“Yes I am up, and who are you?” I asked groggy.
“I am Ray Toro, you passed out in front of my house a early this morning. I couldn’t find any kind of identification on you so I said you were my cousin so we could get you into the hospital.” Ray told me in a rush. The man talked to fast for my aching head. He looked familiar but I could wrap my where I knew him from.
“What happen?” I asked confused at the situation.
“This morning I got up at my regular time to take a piss, as I was doing so I looked out the bathroom window and saw a lump on my grass I walked out thinking that it was an injured dog or something. That’s when I noticed it a girl, you.” I rubbed my head trying to keep up with him story. I noticed a rather large bump on it. “I tried to wake you up but you would not move I even sprayed you with the hoes. I looked closer at you and realized your left arm was bleeding badly.” I looked at my arm that were bandaged up. Man, was I beat up. “I ran inside and got my brother who called the hospital, my parents are out of town. When we got to the hospital they asked if we were related to you I said you were my cousin, because I wanted to make sure you were safe and stuff. I told them your name was Ashley Sullivan, but I wast sure if you were her.” he said in rapid pace. I hardly heard him the boy rambled.
“That’s not my name” I told him.
“OMIGOD! I am so sorry, I thought, I mean you look like this girl in my drama class I have never talked to her but you look just like her.” he explained fast.
“Well that is not much of a surprise as she is my twin sister.” I said to him.
“Wow, you are a twin? Ive have actual cousin that are twins. ” he asked
“Yep. Abigail Sullivan, that's nice.” I said annoyed. People always had to point out when they knew a set of twins. Like I cared.
“Well, Abigail did you remember anything that had happened last night?” he asked me. I cant really explain what I was feeling, but something told me to completely open up to Ray. Even though he kinda annoyed me I felt like I could trust him. I told him my whole story behind me and Gerard. I really have no clue why I did. I never talk to any one and here I am on my first time meeting the guy that basically saved my life, telling him my life story. I told him everything from the first time I met Gerard, to my mom’s constant drinking. I must have rambled on for hours.
“Well in my opinion and really it is hard to grab one in my case, I think Gerard may be interested in you but is tied down by the other women. On the other hand you could be wanting him so bad you are reading to much into his actions.” He told me. Talking to Ray really helped me with my emotions, I felt a lot better after spilling my heart to him and letting my tears fall freely in front of someone. Just then the doctor walked into the room.
“Ah, Miss Ashley you are up now I see.” he told me.
“No, I am Abigail, my cousin Ray here, in his moment of worry, had mixed me up with my twin sister.” I told him with a slight smile. Really I don’t get why I feel so comfortable around Ray. Frank was my best friend and I haven’t even told him the shit I told Ray. Now I am going around calling this complete stranger my cousin and what happened to me? I don’t remember falling in someone’s yard?
“Well then Abigail, I am Doctor Ross Scorpius. Your test results came in. They show that you had a lot of blood loss and judging from the lump on your head I would say the two caused you to pass out.” Doctor Scorpius said. I nodded my head showing I understood. “Now, speaking of the blood loss. Suicide attempts are taken very seriously here and you well need to see a counselor before I release you.
“It wasn’t a suicide attempt, I can ensure you, I just liked the feeling. I would have been okay if I hadn’t ran through the neighborhood like a crazy lady.” I said but honestly I don’t know if I was killing my myself. The frame of mind I was in was so dark. How could one boy bring me there, it was not right. Why do I have so many feelings for Gerard. He is just a person. He is a person I will never have a chance with and here I am laying in a hospital bed because I am so damn obsessed with him. Damnit I don’t want to like him. I don’t want to spend my life fantasizing over this man I will never have. Why is it so hard to stop. I wish he were here…no I don’t! Well I actually…do…NOT! It is so hard to say.
“Miss Sullivan either way were are going to have to have you seek psychological help. Then if you seem fine then you may be released. Is there a parent or guardian that can come and fill out forms for you?” Doctor Scorpius asked.
Shit my parents, I forgot about them, they are scared as shit most likely. I never told Ash where I was going so she didn’t even had a clue. I had to call them ASAP!!!!
“Yes, if I could call my mother that would be great.” I said. He handed me the phone and I dialed 9 then my mom's.
“HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Ashley answered the phone in a frantic.
“Hey Ash it is…” I started.
“Abigail!!!!!!!!!” she screamed into the phone.
“Yes it is me…now I need you to…”
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?!?!” She demanded angry.
“Ash shut-up and I will tell you. Now I need you to go get mom and come to the hospital. ‘Cousin Ray’ brought me here…”
“Cousin Ray? Wait why are you in the hospital”
“Just go with it. Come here and it will all be explained.” a flash of fear came over me as I realized that I would have to face my mom, sister and possibly my father about my wrist.
“What’s wrong scared about them finding out?” Ray obviously saw the look of worry on my face. I simply nodded. “Its better they know that way you can get the help you need.”
“I know but I don’t want them to know, and on top of that because of Gerard?” I said.
“I don’t think that is all, though. I think there is an underline reason that you did it. You may be using Gerard as an excuse to let out built up emotions.” I just looked at him. Why was talking to him so easy? How I feel I can tell him the world and he would just listen to me.
Soon after my mother and sister came running into the room.
“Abigail, Abigail, Abigail are you okay?” Ash called over practically jumping on the bed.
“I am good now but,” I sighed looking over at Ray, who gave me a reassuring smile.
“But what love?” Mom asked me in an un natural calm.
“I had a really bad night. I got really depressed and didn’t know what to do so I started to cut myself, from loss of blood I passed out in front of cousin Ray, play-along, house where he and his brother brought me to the hospital.” I told them in a rush.
“Well Abby you cant cause self harm that is not a healthy thing to do” my mom said. She was being to calm, she must had taken her meds this morning. All shit will hit the fan when she come down.
“I know mom…” I sighed.
“But why doll face?” she asked. Yes, defiantly too calm.
“I don’t know.” I replied. I felt Ray squeeze my hand in a 'tell them' matter but I couldn’t I couldn’t let them know. For one I wasn’t even sure myself. I knew it had to do with Gerard but maybe Ray was right, maybe there was an underline to all of this that made it easier to blame Gerard for. I needed to think, I could not share until I had fully thought what happened and what could have happened. I also cant figure out whether I was flirting with the romance of suicide, I was actually going to do it, or how I figured before, just like the way it felt. So much to think about and everyone wants answers that I didn’t have.
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A/N: Hope you guys enjoy it sorry it took so freakin long to update. Please review it make me smile. Love you reader!
Sarah
I walked aimlessly thinking about all that had happen and how I felt. I was trying to get a grasp of reality. The reality was that I didn’t fully understand why I was even so upset. Gerard was not mine. He didn’t even notice me until yesterday. He can have a girlfriend if he wants. But I swear to god he was giving me signs today that he was interested. I am really questioning my sanity right now. Did it or did it not happen? Was Gerard just playing with me like a toy? Was I imagining everything?
It felt way to real to be my imagination. I never had a good one. Maybe I am just reading the signs wrong I mean it has been a while since I even had a boyfriend and even then that was not a proper relationship. I wish I could have a one, with Gerard. But that apparently is not going to happen.
I don’t know how it happen but I found myself in West Hudson Park by the bridge it was a good 30 minutes from my house, driving, but I was there. I found a tree and sat there still crying. I grabbed my bag taking a pin from one of the patches on the bag. I dragged it across my skin. This is probably the stupidest thing I could possibly do, a boy is no reason to harm yourself. There is no reason to but I was doing it. I knew by doing it I could stop the tears from flying down my cheeks. I wanted to stop crying. I had been crying so much it hurt. I needed a sharper object. I pick up y bag screaching the X-acto blade I swiped from school. I slide it down my arm over and over in the same spot. I stopped when I thought I it muscle. The release of pain was like nothing anything else could do. It took me to place all of my own, it was just me and the knife.
I began to trace the outline of my veins I could feel the blood running down the my arm. The warmness felt good against my cold skin. I looked so pretty trickling down my fair skin. I loved the way it looked I wanted more and more. I sat there digging into my skin letting the flow out clinging to me. It was like the sweetest from of art. I traces more allowing myself to indulge in my art, my pain. I started feeling lightheaded and that when I heard a noise behind me and turned to look to see what it was. I saw to guy holding a huge duffel bag and three other guys holding smaller ones. I didn’t know them or what they were doing but something about them gave me a crept out feeling so I quietly got up from my tree and ran fast, not a very wise choice for me. I don’t know how fast I was going or where I was going for that matter. I just knew I needed to get out of there. I heard one of the men yell something to me and that only made me run harder. I was out of the park and in a residential area when I started to feel as if I was going to throw-up, but I kept running. I don’t really know what happened from there on all I can tell you is that I fell…I don’t know where I am even now it is all dark and there are sounds around me I cant quite make out. OHMIGOD what if I am blind and going def? OMIGOD OHMIGOD OMIGOD! Then I realized I just had my eyes shut. Sometimes I wonder about myself. I look up and an incredibility white ceiling with bright lights. It stung my eyes. I looked over to the side to see a man with fuzzy brown hair staring at me.
“OMIGOD YOU ARE UP! THANK GOD!” He screamed at me. My head throbbed murderously.
“Yes I am up, and who are you?” I asked groggy.
“I am Ray Toro, you passed out in front of my house a early this morning. I couldn’t find any kind of identification on you so I said you were my cousin so we could get you into the hospital.” Ray told me in a rush. The man talked to fast for my aching head. He looked familiar but I could wrap my where I knew him from.
“What happen?” I asked confused at the situation.
“This morning I got up at my regular time to take a piss, as I was doing so I looked out the bathroom window and saw a lump on my grass I walked out thinking that it was an injured dog or something. That’s when I noticed it a girl, you.” I rubbed my head trying to keep up with him story. I noticed a rather large bump on it. “I tried to wake you up but you would not move I even sprayed you with the hoes. I looked closer at you and realized your left arm was bleeding badly.” I looked at my arm that were bandaged up. Man, was I beat up. “I ran inside and got my brother who called the hospital, my parents are out of town. When we got to the hospital they asked if we were related to you I said you were my cousin, because I wanted to make sure you were safe and stuff. I told them your name was Ashley Sullivan, but I wast sure if you were her.” he said in rapid pace. I hardly heard him the boy rambled.
“That’s not my name” I told him.
“OMIGOD! I am so sorry, I thought, I mean you look like this girl in my drama class I have never talked to her but you look just like her.” he explained fast.
“Well that is not much of a surprise as she is my twin sister.” I said to him.
“Wow, you are a twin? Ive have actual cousin that are twins. ” he asked
“Yep. Abigail Sullivan, that's nice.” I said annoyed. People always had to point out when they knew a set of twins. Like I cared.
“Well, Abigail did you remember anything that had happened last night?” he asked me. I cant really explain what I was feeling, but something told me to completely open up to Ray. Even though he kinda annoyed me I felt like I could trust him. I told him my whole story behind me and Gerard. I really have no clue why I did. I never talk to any one and here I am on my first time meeting the guy that basically saved my life, telling him my life story. I told him everything from the first time I met Gerard, to my mom’s constant drinking. I must have rambled on for hours.
“Well in my opinion and really it is hard to grab one in my case, I think Gerard may be interested in you but is tied down by the other women. On the other hand you could be wanting him so bad you are reading to much into his actions.” He told me. Talking to Ray really helped me with my emotions, I felt a lot better after spilling my heart to him and letting my tears fall freely in front of someone. Just then the doctor walked into the room.
“Ah, Miss Ashley you are up now I see.” he told me.
“No, I am Abigail, my cousin Ray here, in his moment of worry, had mixed me up with my twin sister.” I told him with a slight smile. Really I don’t get why I feel so comfortable around Ray. Frank was my best friend and I haven’t even told him the shit I told Ray. Now I am going around calling this complete stranger my cousin and what happened to me? I don’t remember falling in someone’s yard?
“Well then Abigail, I am Doctor Ross Scorpius. Your test results came in. They show that you had a lot of blood loss and judging from the lump on your head I would say the two caused you to pass out.” Doctor Scorpius said. I nodded my head showing I understood. “Now, speaking of the blood loss. Suicide attempts are taken very seriously here and you well need to see a counselor before I release you.
“It wasn’t a suicide attempt, I can ensure you, I just liked the feeling. I would have been okay if I hadn’t ran through the neighborhood like a crazy lady.” I said but honestly I don’t know if I was killing my myself. The frame of mind I was in was so dark. How could one boy bring me there, it was not right. Why do I have so many feelings for Gerard. He is just a person. He is a person I will never have a chance with and here I am laying in a hospital bed because I am so damn obsessed with him. Damnit I don’t want to like him. I don’t want to spend my life fantasizing over this man I will never have. Why is it so hard to stop. I wish he were here…no I don’t! Well I actually…do…NOT! It is so hard to say.
“Miss Sullivan either way were are going to have to have you seek psychological help. Then if you seem fine then you may be released. Is there a parent or guardian that can come and fill out forms for you?” Doctor Scorpius asked.
Shit my parents, I forgot about them, they are scared as shit most likely. I never told Ash where I was going so she didn’t even had a clue. I had to call them ASAP!!!!
“Yes, if I could call my mother that would be great.” I said. He handed me the phone and I dialed 9 then my mom's.
“HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Ashley answered the phone in a frantic.
“Hey Ash it is…” I started.
“Abigail!!!!!!!!!” she screamed into the phone.
“Yes it is me…now I need you to…”
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?!?!” She demanded angry.
“Ash shut-up and I will tell you. Now I need you to go get mom and come to the hospital. ‘Cousin Ray’ brought me here…”
“Cousin Ray? Wait why are you in the hospital”
“Just go with it. Come here and it will all be explained.” a flash of fear came over me as I realized that I would have to face my mom, sister and possibly my father about my wrist.
“What’s wrong scared about them finding out?” Ray obviously saw the look of worry on my face. I simply nodded. “Its better they know that way you can get the help you need.”
“I know but I don’t want them to know, and on top of that because of Gerard?” I said.
“I don’t think that is all, though. I think there is an underline reason that you did it. You may be using Gerard as an excuse to let out built up emotions.” I just looked at him. Why was talking to him so easy? How I feel I can tell him the world and he would just listen to me.
Soon after my mother and sister came running into the room.
“Abigail, Abigail, Abigail are you okay?” Ash called over practically jumping on the bed.
“I am good now but,” I sighed looking over at Ray, who gave me a reassuring smile.
“But what love?” Mom asked me in an un natural calm.
“I had a really bad night. I got really depressed and didn’t know what to do so I started to cut myself, from loss of blood I passed out in front of cousin Ray, play-along, house where he and his brother brought me to the hospital.” I told them in a rush.
“Well Abby you cant cause self harm that is not a healthy thing to do” my mom said. She was being to calm, she must had taken her meds this morning. All shit will hit the fan when she come down.
“I know mom…” I sighed.
“But why doll face?” she asked. Yes, defiantly too calm.
“I don’t know.” I replied. I felt Ray squeeze my hand in a 'tell them' matter but I couldn’t I couldn’t let them know. For one I wasn’t even sure myself. I knew it had to do with Gerard but maybe Ray was right, maybe there was an underline to all of this that made it easier to blame Gerard for. I needed to think, I could not share until I had fully thought what happened and what could have happened. I also cant figure out whether I was flirting with the romance of suicide, I was actually going to do it, or how I figured before, just like the way it felt. So much to think about and everyone wants answers that I didn’t have.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
A/N: Hope you guys enjoy it sorry it took so freakin long to update. Please review it make me smile. Love you reader!
Sarah
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