FicWad

I’d been up all night and most of the day. That’s a whole 24 hours! But, I guess that’s what energy drinks do to you. Mikey was making toast, man I loved the smell of toast.

“Toast faster!” he yelled. “TOAST FASTEEEERRRR!!” Then the toaster dinged. “Finally!” His mouth widened and formed a huge smile. “AW SHIT. It’s stuck… Ray! Pass me a fork, please.”

“What for?” Ray said. We were all so protective of Mikey, and his special habits.

“My toast is stuck…”

“No, Mikey. You’re not sticking another fork in the toaster,” Ray glared at him, whilst poking him with a tea spoon. Mikey pouted.

“Can you please pass a knife then, Raymond?” Mikey smiled, sweetly and gave Ray puppy dog eyes.

“No, just no, Mikey. Use the leaver to pop it up, like every normal person uses while making toast,” he rolled his eyes at Mikey, and got death glares in return.

“GEE! RAY WON’T LET ME GET MY TOAST OUT!” Mikey screamed at his older brother, who had just walked out the other room. Gerard lifter an eye brow at him, then looked Ray, who just strugged his shoulders.

“Well, if you got your toast out the normal way, then you could have had it ages ago,” Gerard rolled his eyes at his younger brother. “Get me a veggie burger, and I’ll get it out for you,” he said, smiling.

“Okay, deal!” Mikey ran round, looking in every corner for a veggie burger. “I can’t find one, I’ll go out and get one!”

“In that?” I piped up. He was wearing black skinnies and an extremely tight silver top and silver DMs.

“Yes!” he grinned proudly.

“Okay, but it’s your reputation,” I muttered, under my breath. Mikey ran out the door, in search for a veggie burger and while he did that, I decided I was going to go to sleep.

“That kid has some REAL problems, going on in that head of his,” Ray commented, as he turned the page of his newpaper.

“I want a pink rabbit onsie, wonder if I can get one on the internet…” Bob muttered from his seat, on the sofa, whilst watching Angry Boys from last night, on BBC iPlayer.

“And there is something wrong with him, too,” Ray exclaimed, dumping his newspaper on the table in front of him, only to have Gerard throw it back at him, because it had landed near his beloved coffee.

“Hey! There is nothing wrong with wanting a motherfucking onsie!” Bob frowned, at Ray.

“There is if it’s a pink rabbit,” I giggled, like a pot head. Bob gave me dagger eyes and I gave him my best grin. “I think I might catch some Zs, been up all night and day, so yeah. Night guys!” I said, running round, hugging them all.

Gerard slapped my ass, when no one was looking. I yelped at him, he was wearing his sexy smirk.

“Where is my goddamn brother with my fucking veggie burger!?” Gerard shrieked. I chuckled at him as I made my way to my bunk.

*

I fell asleep as soon as I hit my head on the pillow.

Skittles were everywhere, dancing around me, chanting my name. Unicorns were flying in the sky and winking at me. A magical place, almost like Willy Wonker’s chocolate factory, just more for me.

Mikey appeared from behind a rainbow, made entirely of guitar picks, clutching a toaster with forks sticking out of it. A crazy grin plastered to his face, eyes half closed, as if he were in heaven.

Pigs flew through the sky, throwing large cans of Monster and enormous bags of Skittles around me. I span around, I was in heaven! This was the most perfect place in the world! Even the rocks were made out of candyfloss.

I frolicked through the hard candy flowers, smiling as I went. Then I fell down a hole, hit my head hard.

*

When I woke up, I was back on the tour bus, with Mikey shaking me.

“Wha-what, Mikey?” I groaned, sitting up. I thought I was hallucinating; Mikey looked like he was in a toaster suit.

“C’mon Veggie-Man! There’s a crisis downtown! We need to get there, Cake Destroya is after all the foods again!” He sounded like something out of a Batman movie.

“What the fuck are you on, boy!?” I shouted. “And what in the hell of all things hellish are you wearing!?” I asked, once I had woken up a bit and realized he was actually wearing a giant toaster.

“I’m Toaster-Boy! Wow, you must have hit your head hard last night,”

“No! You must have hit your head hard! Have you lost your mind!?” I shrieked. Mikey had lost it.

“Get him up,” Mikey said, no expression, looking at my bed.

“What?” Before I knew it, my bed covers had been pulled off of me, and my mattress was turning vertically. I was slowly falling out of bed. “How- how did you do that?”

“Don’t you remember Veggie-Man? I can talk to in-animate objects!” He smiled, so happy.

I heard screaming.

“What’s that screaming? It’s sounds like it’s coming from the fridge!” I ran over to the fridge and opened it.

“Hey, everyone! Frank’s back!” called out an onion.

“Frank! Hey, Frank, how’re you!?” screamed the chorus of fruit, veg and other various foods.

“What the fuck is going on!?” I was so confused, and when I fell on the floor I saw that I was wearing a SuperMan suit. But instead of an S, there was a V and it was green, red and yellow. “Whaaaa!? What the hell!?”

“Veggie-Man, do you not remember anything at all!?” Mikey said.

“Stop calling me Veggie-Man! I’m not Veggie-Man, I am Frank!” I screamed.

“I think you need to lay down, while you read this,” Mikey handed me a file, title Cake Destroya.

It had a picture of Ray on the front, wearing a baby blue baby grow, with a cupcake on the front. There was a cross going through it. Next to him was a picture of Bob, in a pink rabbit onsie.

“What are Ray and Bob doing dressed up like idiots!?”

“What are you talking about Veggie-Man, that’s Cake Destroya and his minion/ psychic/ entertainment/ general weirdo who also plays the drums,” Mikey corrected me.

“I don’t understand…” I wiped my eyes, out of confusion.

“You’re Veggie-Man. Here to save the food of the Earth with me, Toaster-Boy. I can talk to in-animate objects. We’re saving them from the hands of Cake Destroya and his minion/ psychic/ entertainment/ general weirdo who also plays the drums! And right now, they’ve got a veggie burger, under siege. We have to save him.”