Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

Down and Out

by AnotherKnifeInMyHand 3 reviews

Song fic, Down and Out by The Academy Is. Being trapped by the one you love is never a painless experience. Not for Gerard anyway.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres:  - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2011-08-18 - Updated: 2011-08-19 - 2335 words

This is a kinda song fic based on a handful of lyrics from the song 'Down and Out' by The Academy Is. I advise you to listen to the song since its a pretty great song and I've obviously changed the intended meaning a bit because i'm only taking a few lines as inspiration. Sorry i haven't updated anything else in a while but i went on holiday to a B & B and was using my phone to review stuff, but i promise i'll get back into practice from now on.

Out of the box, out of the kitchen.

He was walking the floor as though it were made of lava. Never letting his feet touching the ground for too long lest there be a creaky floorboard and where he lived; This shitty little apartment, there were lots of those. Any noise could be fatal. Could wake the other man from his alcohol induced slumber.

The kitchen was where he had woken up this morning. Bruises fresh on his face and covered in blood. The deep crimson color was stained on all his clothes now. He had had barely enough time clean himself up. The clothes could wait. It was just another day for him. Trapped in this world with man he'd grown so fearful of. So fearful of

I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again, my friend.
This is the end.

He left a quick note on the table written in his messy scrawl, explaining where he had gone and when he would be back. Not that he wanted to come back home, to a place he now associated with anger and hurt. He just wanted to leave this all behind. To never see that man again. To run for the hills without leaving a letter. That way the impact will be much better. Too bad he would never have the guts to end it all. He didn't even have the guts to tell someone, or to stand up for himself when there was a fist coming at his face or even a carving knife pressed against his side.

He grabbed his keys and left. The recording studio was only a five minute walk away but he felt that if he took the car, there was a better chance that he would crash and let the thick sheets of metal slice through his weak and blemished body. Because dying seemed about the only option right now.

I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.

After practicing each and every new song everyday, the band was almost always exhausted. Especially the member that could hardly stand up before he entered the studio. Now he was just hanging around the live room, sitting on one of the huge bass amp's sketching the art designs for their album cover. The blood splattered on their faces reminded him of how he had looked this morning. And every morning for the last 7 months. He sighed and ran his fingers through his greasy black hair.

"You alright Gerard?"

Frank was standing in the doorway staring at him, waiting for a answer.

"I'm fine Frank"

Why, oh why, do you wear sunglasses in the home
when the sun went down about an hour ago?

"Why are you wearing sun glasses? Its like six a clock at night dude" Frank said with a amused grin on his face. Behind his smiling face, the guitarist was clearly a little worried to say the least.

Why, oh why, do you wear sunglasses in the home
when the sun went down about an hour ago?

"No reason" he mumbled, still trying to focus on his artwork.

"Come on man its dark" Frank said coming over to Gerard and whipping them off his face. Gerard screwed his eyes shut as he heard Frank gasp and drop the glasses, letting them clatter to the floor.

"Oh my fucking god" Frank whispered taking in Gerard's beaten up appearance. His face he could see was definitely paler than usual and contrasted greatly against the swollen black eye he was now sporting.

Life should not be that way.

"Who hit you?" Frank said in a voice that suggested he was trying to stay calm for Gerard's sake but inside was failing at keeping his cool.

"No one" Gerard said quickly. "i mean, you know me always mouthing people off"

Frank looked at him skeptically. Obviously not believing his lies.


Always up or down, never down and out.

Gerard remembers how it wasn't always like this. His boyfriend was loving. A person who made him feel safe and protected, who would pick him up when the world was getting him down. The band always helped with his depression, but Alex made him truly happy. Their relationship was perfect, they would go out together and get fucked up, party and have fun. Perfect. Occasionally Alex would go overboard with the drinking and the coke since Gerard made it pretty clear he didn't want to get addicted again. But his boyfriend was persistent. Drinking made him an angry person with no control. It spiraled from there. Their relationship was always up or down. Gerard would be on the floor whimpering as his 'one true love' kicked him repeatedly in the ribs with the foul stench of beer coming off his breath, then the next day when Gerard had gotten into a fight with one of the guys over recording Alex would be there to comfort him. There was no constant, no niceness in normality as every waking moment was an emotional roller coaster.

Dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.

Sometimes it would be sparked by nothing at all. Alex claiming that his boyfriend was giving him a 'look' or was being disobedient. So Gerard had learnt to think before saying anything and hold his tongue when the insults were thrown at him. The beatings haunted his dreams that would always serve as a reminder that he had to watch his step.

"What did you do today?"

"n-nothing much, practice and shit"

"For that shitty band of yours right?" Alex slurred almost incoherently. "No wonder you bring absolutely no money into this house"

A usual comeback for Gerard would be 'I do, it just all seems to go down the drain to your fucking drinking and drugs'. But now after countless punishments he had learnt to just bear it.

"I-I guess n-no-t".

The funny thing was it didn't matter if Gerard stayed silent or not. He would still be punished regardless.

Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.

It had been pretty bad last night. Alex had been doing a shit load of coke, and Gerard refused to go out and buy any more vodka. Gerard didn't stand a chance. He had passed out from pain soon enough and awoke yet again on the floor in a pool of his own blood. His head was fuzzy and he hurt everywhere. For a while it was just nice to lay there and pretend that he wasn't here. That he was anywhere but here. He was just glad he didn't have to go into the studio today.

Out of nowhere Gerard's phone began to vibrate.

"Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Hey Gee it's Mikes" His brother answered cheerfully.

"Hey bro, whats up" Gerard tried to sit up but just succeeded in making his head throb in pain.

" looked kinda down the other day and i was just checking in to see if you were okay. Plus Frankie mentioned you had a black eye. What happened there."

Gerard held back a frustrated groan.

"Nothing, i was just saying shit bout some guy and he took it way too personally" he forced a dry chuckle from his parched throat. "I'm fine"

"And you would say if you weren't?" Mikey pryed.

This was it. He could speak now and he would be free, he would never have to return here into his arms. If he denied it all, his future would be in pieces like shattering glass. He would have zero hope. His dreams smashed. Then again he was already broken.

"I'm Fine Mikey"

Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.

Gerard had no idea how it had gone on this long. Too long. New bruises and marks everyday, more than he could keep up with. He was vaguely aware that maybe the other's were beginning to notice. Not enough to confront him but they would constantly steal glances at him during practice. To Gerard it was oddly touching that his band cared enough to check up on him. Matt would be asking him if he wanted to come out for a drink almost every other day. Gerard would usually refuse as not to anger Alex but it was touching they cared none the less. Mikey would try and drag him back to his and Frank's place, but Gerard couldn't risk throwing his boyfriend into a rage. But he didn't want to loose his band mates. Alex had made him loose so many people already. It had become normal for him to just drop people out of his life. He didn't want this band to fall to pieces.

Weekend warriors, and our best friends

"One drink"

"I can't Toro"

"Gee, man you haven't been out in ages and Mikey's getting worried... fuck i'm worried about you"

"Don't be i'm fine"

"Then come out with us"

Gerard finally looked up at Ray who made no attempt at hiding his concern. Leave to him to help Gerard escape the tortures of his home life if even for only one weekend.

"Okay, but you're paying" Gerard smirked. Ray's face lit up.

The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end.

It was the freedom Gerard loved about that weekend. What may seem to other's as just another night out at a bar, for Gerard was the highlight of his month. He hadn't smiled in so long it felt strange. No violent drunk anger waiting for him at the end of the evening, he planned on crashing at Mikey and Franks place. He could speak without the fear that if he did he would be beaten to a bloody pulp. The night passed in a haze of light drinking and jokes, talk of the band their second album release date. By the end of the night, Gerard had almost forgotten that this was the life he should be leading and not his one with Alex. The one filled with pain.

Mikey had fallen asleep earlier, while Frank and Gerard stayed up talking about anything and everything. Gerard never wanted it end. He didn't want to loose this.

Then again some things, then again some things are far too good,
Some things are far too good to go ahead and let go.

Gerard reluctantly left the apartment early in the morning, before his brother and friend could wake and protest. He had to get back.

Upon arriving Gerard saw that the front door was left ajar, this usually meant Alex had gotten smashed the previous night. Gerard sighed, because it was just going make this that much harder and painful. When he stepped into the apartment he was right. Bottles littered the floor and it reeked of stale beer. Alex was half conscious, sprawled out on the couch. His eyes went from a dull gleam to fury as soon as he saw a very tired Gerard.

"Who said you could go out last night eh?" He shouted, smiling as Gerard flinched at the yelling.

"I was out with the band" Gerard whispered.

"Oh and their so much more important than me hmm, your a piece of scum Gerard i'm your boyfriend you can't have anyone else you're mine" He was standing now, his voice was making the walls quake.

"THEN START FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND" Gerard burst out. As soon as he said it, it felt like a iron weight had been lifted from his heart. All the things he'd wanted to say but had been to fucking afraid were summed up in that phase. Gerard was sure he deserved to be treated right. He was a good person. With fucking great friends and a band that was going to make it big. He didn't deserve this. He never did.


"I belong to myself " Gerard growled, struggling against Alex's iron grip.

Alex pushed Gerard to the floor against the glass bottles, laughing as he yelped in pain as the sharp glass pierced his soft pale flesh. He held him down with one foot on his chest, pushed Gerard further onto the bed of broken glass he was laying on. His cries of pain merely falling on deaf ears. Alex picked one of the bottles himself and broke it against the coffee table with a great force. He was swaying on his feet but still able to look down on his squirming boyfriend menacingly.

"Mine" he snarled. In a quick blur he brought the broken bottle neck down into Gerard's torso and twisted it into his mangled skin. The gleaming edges tearing through him like paper. When he was done he stepped over Gerard and left out the door, away from his victim. Gerard lay heavily breathing. Praying death would come to him soon.

The writers weren't kidding, but the good things will live in our hearts.

This is kinda crappy yes? i dunno what do you think. the lyric interpretations i used weren't half bad for the whole abuse side of the story. R&R because if this isn't good enough i may delete it.

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