Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Best Brother

I'm Not Okay, But I'll Never Face It

by ParanoiaDestroyah 3 reviews

Gerard digs out some repressed memories from when he was 13 and Mikey was 10 while driving to his brother's place.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2011-08-19 - Updated: 2011-08-20 - 1944 words

Gerard's POV

At least Mikey's new apartment was across the street from mom and dad's house, or I'd never be able to find it. I started driving down my street. I drove by Corey's house, and he waved as I passed by. I just ignored him and adjusted my coat. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I couldn't feel compassion toward anyone. Even if I tried. That was fine, too. I wasn't about to commit myself to some douche who's just going to hurt me in the end. Whether or not they meant to. Knowing my luck, if I were to commit myself to someone, they'd die thirty years before I do, and I'll have to be more emotionally desolate than I already am. Or in that case was... Or I'd find them fucking a chick. That'd be quite the insult. "You're not good enough. So I'm sleeping with this chick, and you can blow me... WAIT THAT'S WHAT SHE'S FOR! You're useless in every sense and no one wants you around. Goodbye, get the fuck out of your house because it's mine now, and you can go find some other place. Like over to your brother's. Oh, that's right, he hates you too... Looks like you should just go kill yourself."

It's not like I haven't considered killing myself. Especially for the past few weeks. It would be easier than eventually getting some terminal disease from me being a slut. My eyes started to water at the thought of me getting said terminal disease, and Mikey not caring. He's been one of my only friends since childhood, and he hasn't wanted to talk to me for the past eight months. The only reason I knew were he lived is because his girlfrie- exgirlfriend felt it to be necessary to keep me posted on any and every change in Mikey's life, which I guess in the long run wasn't so bad. But still, he refused to talk to me. And I could not remember why to save my life. I was too drunk, then hung over to remember anything let alone a stupid holiday party. Was it because I was drunk? I know Mikey has a problem with me drinking, but it couldn't have possibly been that bad. I can handle alcohol pretty well when I'm trying. Like last night for example. I was really drunk. Like, -shitfaced because it's new years- drunk. And I knew who's name to call out during the sex, my speech was hardly slurred if it was at all, and I could still form complete sentences that made sense. I don't think I had been that much more plastered Christmas eve than I am any other time. I'm not even very different wasted or sober.

Okay, for example; I didn't drive home last night, or to Corey's place. I didn't drive anywhere. Corey drove my car to his house. I'd never drive while drunk. So I'm guessing I didn't do that Christmas eve. Another example; I still think about what I'm going to say before I say it. I don't let shit just fly out because I'm sloshed. So I wouldn't have done that on Christmas. Third example; I'm the same person dry or three sheets to the wind. Last example; I was handling glass all of last night, and I didn't drop it once. I'm not a clutz when I'm drunk. I really don't understand Mikey's problem. It's not hurting me, it makes me feel better. It makes me happy, and I can't be happy without it. And so far it hasn't done anything bad to me, so I guess Jack Daniels, Lucas Bols, Jose Cuervo, and Yukon fucking Jack are my best friends until I get a good reason for them not to be.

Granted, sometimes I drink a little more than I want to, feel bad about drinking when I'm sober and had to lie about drinking. But that doesn't make me addicted. I just like it. So what? It's not like anyone has anything to worry about. I looked at my dashboard, and saw a folded up piece of paper, I picked it up, unfolded it with one hand and examined the drawing. I used to sing and draw before I started drinking. I wonder what made me stop. Mikey said it was the alcohol. Of-fucking-course. The first thing people blame is the alcohol. Just because I drink often does not mean I'm addicted. And I don't even really drink that much when I do drink. Also drinking isn't a real addiction. The painkillers were an addiction, but I kicked them. So If I do have this 'dependency' like Mikey says I do, I can kick it any time.

I was sitting on the couch watching television in my pajama's, curled up into a ball like I like to be. Batman kicks Superman's ass no matter what any fucker wants to say. I heard Mikey walk down the steps, and he sat a cushion way from me like he always did. It was silent for five minutes or so when I heard Mikey sigh.

"What's wrong, mouse?" I asked, propped myself up on my elbow, and looked at my younger brother.

"Geegee... Can we watch a scary movie?" He said and pushed his glasses back up.

"Sure, like what?" I said and rolled off the couch and over to my movie collection.

"I don't know. Anything you want, I'll watch." He said and grinned.

"Alright." I agreed and sorted through the pile... Nope... No... Nah... Maybe next time... Ah! "Dawn of the Dead sound good?"

"Is it really scary?" He asked bouncing up and down in his seat a little.

"It'll be pretty freaky for you, sure." I said and smiled.

-15 minutes later-

"Agh!" Mikey jumped at the first sight of a zombie.

I simply giggled and looked over at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Gee! Gee! Gee!" He whispered urgently whilst tugging on my sleeve.

"What, Mikey?" I snickered.

"Are those... zombies?" He whispered.

"Yes." I laughed.

"Are they going to... Eat those people?" He said and gave me a horrified look.

"Some of them... Chill out, it's just a movie." I said and the smile was still glued to my face.

-30 minutes later-

Mikey was huddled up into my side, and he hid his face in my rib cage every time he thought something scary was about to happen. Which was quite often. I could barely focus on the movie I was so distracted with how funny Mikey was. He wanted to watch a damn scary movie, and here he was, jumping and screaming every time he saw something he didn't like.

-End of the movie-

"Gee... Gee... I... I... I don't wanna sleep alone!" He said and clung to my shirt.

"Okay. Do you wanna sleep in my room?" I asked and ruffled his hair.

"Will you protect me from the zombies?" He asked with the most serious and worried expression possible.

"Until my last breath." I said and patted his shoulder.

"You promise?" He asked and ever so slightly loosened his grip on my shirt.

"Of course. You're my baby brother. I'd do anything for you." I smiled. I was being completely honest. I'd protect him until the minute I died. Maybe even after that. I'd protect him until the day there was nothing to protect him from.

"O-Okay." He said and slid off the couch.

-Time Lapse-

I starred at Mikey's night light until my eyes hurt. He only used it when he had to sleep with me. All you could hear was the fan, and Mikey was snuggled up to my back, with his stuffed tiger behind him. He said it was 'just incase the zombies got in, he doesn't want me to die, and Tigey would protect us both no matter what.' What an original name for a Tiger? (It's pronounced Tieg-e.) Then suddenly I felt his little body stir, and there was a depression close to my shoulder blade.

"Geegee... Are you still awake?" I heard Mikey ask, close to my ear.

"Yeah... What's wrong?" I asked and turned my head toward him.

"Um... Can I ask you to do something?" He questioned.

"Anything." I said and smiled, even though he probably couldn't see.

"Can you... Teach me how to kiss?" He asked and my eyebrows furrowed. I pecked him on the cheek.

"Better?" I asked.

"No... That's not what I meant..." He started. "I mean... Like... French..." He finished in a whisper.

"Why do you need to know?" I asked and turned over to face him completely.

"Because there's this girl I really like, and she likes this boy, and he can kiss. I want her to like me instead!" He said.

"Mikey... Brother's don't kiss each other like that." I said. I wanted to. Why I wanted to? I don't fucking know.

"But... It's not like we're kissing each other... You'd just be showing me... Please?! I really like her." He asked desperately.

"Mikey," I started. "Drop it. I can't teach you how to kiss."

"But I've seen you kiss a bunch of bo-" He began before I cut him off.

"Damn it! We'll get in trouble, even if I was just teaching you how to kiss!" I said.

"She wont like me if I don't know how! Please, Gee!" He begged.

"Why don't you pick her some fucking flowers, Mikey?! Maybe she'll like you then! You're such a sweet kid, she's bound to admit she really likes you sometime." I said.

"I need to know how to kiss! Alicia wont like me otherwise! Please!?" He continued to plead.

"Fuck. No, Mikey! No means no!" I said.

"But..." He started.

"Mikey, go to sleep or I'll tell mom and dad you were watching my movies without my permission." I threatened.

"You would not!" He said in disbelief.

"Watch me." I paused, and his jaw hung open. "Now go. to. sleep."

"Fine." He sighed and laid down again.

"That never fucking happened." I told myself. "That never happened. Mikey did not ask you how to kiss, and you did not consider while telling him no."

You didn't imagine the way his soft lips would've moved in time with yours after he got the hang of it. You didn't imagine how red and swollen his lips would be after he finally figured it out. You didn't imagine him continuing to kiss you, even after he had a pretty good idea how to. That's sick. You wouldn't have imagined that because He never asked you to show him how. It didn't fucking happen. You didn't think twice about rejecting his proposal. You've never tried to imagine kissing him when he had that frosting on his lips from the birthday cupcake he made you. You never thought about stealing his heated breath from his mouth. Never. Not once. Because you're not a pervert who's madly in love with their brother.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried blinking them away to no avail. It had only been fifteen minutes, and I was crying. I can't imagine how the next two hours and forty five minutes were going to be.

So, what'd you think of this chapter? I tried to write more than usual. Did it work?
Review. Rate. Favorite.

Tigey is actually the name of one of the two stuffed animals that to this day protect me in my sleep. To my knowledge, Mikey never had a Tigey of his own.

I had Tigey the tiger, and Patty the polar bear. Best. Guard. Animals. Ever. XD
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