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Chapter One - Leaving Now Would Be A Good Idea

“I hate hurting you, Ryan.”

I shivered as I felt his face press into my neck.

“You I know I love you.” He whispered, his breath tickling my skin.

I melted automatically into his touch. How could I have been mad? How could I have angered him so much? I deserved what I got from him. He was so perfect, and I was so broken. How could someone as wonderful as him settle for shit like me?

“I love you, too, Matt.” I whispered back, turning my head towards him.

He caught my lips in a gentle kiss, his thumb brushing the tear from under my eye. I winced; it was still sore.

Matt stood, and walked away, leaving me sitting on the living room floor. I glanced around the room, noting the debris of our fight. I slid over to the couch, and pulled myself into a standing position, using the arm as an anchor. I winced as I felt a sharp pain shoot through my ankle; I’d twisted it when I’d fallen, tripping over the now overturned coffee table.

Matt walked back into the room, pulling a jacket around his shoulders as he went. I looked up at him, watching as he crossed the room, waiting for him to tell me where he was going.

He had opened the front door, when he suddenly turned around, and looked at me.

“Get this shit cleaned up, yeah?” He sneered, and turned back to door.

“Wait!” I said, before he stepped out. He looked over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to speak. “Where are you going?” I asked, licking my lips nervously.

“Is what I do any of your damn business, Ryan?” He snapped, turning back towards me.

“No, but-” I said quickly, but he cut me off with the door slamming shut again.

“Do you think that you deserve to know where I’m going?” He shouted, moving towards me angrily, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“No, Matt, I was just--”

“Just what?” He roared. He kicked the table next to one of the chairs. The lamp on it shattered against the wall, and the leg he’d kicked broke away from the table. I shrank back against the wall, trembling.

“What, are you scared of me now?” Matt was right in my face, and I couldn’t help the tears that spilled over my eyes.

“Matt, please.” I whispered.

He raised his hand and slapped me hard across the face, then stepped back. I sank down the wall, huddling into the corner it made with the couch.

“You’re pathetic.” Matt sneered at me. “I’m too good to you.”

His leg snapped out, and I cringed as it made contact with the couch, right next to my head. He turned, and walked back to the door, grabbing his keys and pulling it open.

“Have this shit hole cleaned up by the time I get back, or there’ll be hell to pay.” He warned as he left.

I waited until I heard his car leave the driveway before I could move. I sat in corner, in the tiniest ball I could, sobbing into my knees, which were pulled tight against my chest. At the sudden realization that I didn’t know how long it would be before Matt was back, I leapt to my feet.

I righted the coffee table, cleaned up the shards of glass from the lamp, and was gluing the leg back onto the side table he’d kicked, when I heard the front door open.

I tensed automatically, waiting for the yelling, but a different voice than the one I’d expected called out.

“Ryan? Are you here?”

I relaxed, and called back, “In here, Spence.”

Spencer walked in, and gasped.

“Holy shit, what happened?”

“Me and Matt had a fight.” I answered, still bent over, carefully spreading the wood glue over both surfaces.

“When?” Spencer asked.

“A couple hours ago,” I said, glancing at my watch. “Shit, band practice!” I said, jolting upright.

“Welcome to why I’m here.” Spencer said, looking around the room in amazement.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was.” I said, bending back to adjust the table leg.

“It’s alright.” Spencer said. “Brendon was really worried, though; He wanted to come check on you, but you didn’t answer when he called, so he thought you were mad at him.”

I patted my pockets, but didn’t find my phone.

“I didn’t hear it ring,” I shrugged.

I finally straightened up, and looked at Spencer. His mouth fell open.

“What?” I asked nervously.

“What the fuck happened?” Spencer said angrily.

“What to you mean?” I asked, looking down at myself.

“You’re face…” He trailed off, staring at me in horror.

I felt my face redden, and lowered my eyes. I knew how ugly I was. Matt never failed to mention it to me, but Spencer had never looked so horrified at the sight of me.

“Ryan, where the hell is Matt?” Spencer asked.

“He left after our fight.” I said, bending down to stack up books that had fallen off the bookshelf.

“Has anyone been here since he left?” Spencer asked slowly.

“No, it’s just been me.” I said, lifting the books to take them to the shelf, feeling an ache in my arm where Matt had grabbed me earlier, and used my arm to hit my whole body against a wall in the kitchen.

“Was anyone here before that?” Spencer asked slowly, licking his lips, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

“No.” I answered slowly.

“Then… who did that?” Spencer asked.

“Who did what?” I asked nervously.

Spencer marched across the room, grabbed my arm, and dragged me down the hall to the bathroom. He flicked on the light, and turned me to face the mirror.

“That.” He said, pointing at my reflection.

My mouth fell open in horror. A large purple bruise was blossoming across my left cheekbone, where Matt had hit me before he left. My lower lip was split and swollen. My right eye was bruised, and so swollen, my eye wasn’t even open all the way.

I tore my eyes away from my reflection as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I was so lucky to have Matt. Matt accepted me, even though I was so terrible, inside and out. I looked at Spencer, who still looked horrified.

“Did Matt do this?” Spencer asked.

“No.” I said quickly. “It’s my fault, I made him mad.” I was wringing my hands, terrified of what Spencer would say. I was used to physical pain being the result of anger, and I shrunk back automatically when Spencer raised his hand, only to find he was going to run it through his hair.

“What could you have possibly done to make him mad enough that he had any grounds to put his fucking hands on you?” Spencer demanded, crossing his arms.

I opened my mouth, then stopped suddenly. What had I done? I couldn’t even remember.

“You don’t even know?!” Spencer yelled, and I flattened my back against the wall. Spencer’s expression softened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” He murmured. “I’m mad at him, not you.”

I relaxed slightly, and Spencer walked out of the bathroom. I followed him slowly. The anger in Spencer’s stance was still frightening, even if the rage wasn’t directed at me.

“We have to get you out of here.” Spencer mumbled, seemingly talking to himself.

“No!” I protested, and Spencer looked around at me.

“Why not?” Spencer demanded.

“I love him.” I whispered, more tears spilling down my cheeks. “And he loves me.”

“No he doesn’t!” Spencer protested. “If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this to you.”

“It was my fault.” I whispered desperately.

Spencer looked torn. Even though I was older than him, he had always been like an older brother to me, and I knew that he didn’t want me hurt.

“Please, give him another chance.” I whispered.

“Ry…”

“Please.” I begged desperately.

“Has he ever done this before?” Spencer asked hesitantly.

“No, never!” I lied. In truth, it had never been this bad, but he had done this before.

“I don’t like this, Ryan.” Spencer bit his lip, and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“Don’t tell anyone.” I said quickly. “Please?”

“Okay.” Spencer agreed hesitantly. “But, if I see one more bruise on you, I’ll tell everyone, then kill him.”

I nodded, biting my lip.

Spencer left a short while later. I finished cleaning, and cooked dinner for us, even though I didn’t know if Matt would be back for it or not. After much internal debating, I tried to call Matt.

“Hey, baby.” He answered on the second ring.

“Hey, Matt.” I said nervously, though I could feel my heart melting at the sound of his voice.

“What do you need, babe?” Matt asked gently.

“I was wondering where you were? I mean,” I rushed to explain, so as to not anger him. “I made dinner, and I didn’t know if I should wait for you…?” I trailed off nervously, waiting for a response.

“Aww, Ry, you did that for me?” Matt cooed. “I’ll be there in 20 minutes, so we can eat together, okay, baby?”

“Okay. I love you.”

Matt hung up, and I set my phone on the counter. I set the table carefully, lighting candles, and bringing out the special china that we’d only used once, when Matt’s grandmother had stayed with us for a couple nights.

As I set plates of food on the table, my phone rang again. I scooped it off the counter, and looked at it. The screen read ‘Brendon calling…’, and I pushed the green button.

“Hello?” I said, digging in the drawer for matching silverware.

“Hey, Ry, are you okay?” Brendon sounded worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Bren.” I said, arranging forks and knives next to the plates.

“Are you sure? Spencer sounded weird, and wouldn’t really tell me what was going on.”

“Yeah,” I said, going to the bathroom, looking for my box of makeup. “Sorry I missed practice today, me and Matt had stuff going on.”

“Oh.” Brendon sounded disappointed. “Is Matt there now?” He asked.

“No, he’s on his way; We’re having dinner together.” I said, carefully smoothing foundation over my face, trying to make the bruises invisible.

“Oh…” Brendon trailed off. “Is everything okay with you guys?”

“Yeah, of course.” I lied.

“Yeah…” He knew I was lying. “I’ll talk to you later, okay, Ry?”

“Okay, later, Bren.”

The phone went dead, and I set it on the counter. After admitting failure with the bruises, I carefully lined my eyes, then walked through the house, making sure everything was picked up properly.

Within a few minutes, Matt walked through the door. I turned and looked at him, not sure if his rage had ebbed or not. He grinned when he saw me. Pausing only to set down his keys, and toss his jacket over the back of a chair, he walked over to me. He gently wrapped me in his arms, stroking my hair, rubbing my back, carefully avoiding where he knew there were bruises.

“I’m so sorry about earlier, Ry.” He breathed, holding me away.

I smiled shakily, not really sure what to say. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I wasn’t sure why. Happiness? Sadness? Fear? Who the fuck knows.

Matt lifted my chin, and kissed me. My knees turned to jelly, and if he hadn’t been holding me up, I probably would’ve fallen.

“I love you, Ry.” He whispered.

“I love you, too, Matt.” I whispered back.

I didn’t care about the cuts. I didn’t care about the bruises. I didn’t care that I could smell a cologne that Matt didn’t use on his clothes. I was his.


Hey there, party people! So, I have a few chapters of this written already, but I'm having some writers block on chapter 5, so I'm going to be updating kinda slowly until I can get past it. But anyways, please R&R! Until next time,

xxAnna