FicWad

“Hey Dexter. Did I wake you up?” Lindsey asks me, smiling.
“Oh no, of course not. Your ping did.”
Lindsey rolls her eyes. She puts up with a lot of grouchiness from me. Lindsey pushes past me into the apartment, and makes a face at the mess.
“Dexter! Do you ever clean?”
“Yes. Just not recently.” Go away Lin, please I don’t want to hang out now.
The mess has an order. The random stacks of books are towers, sort of, and they serve as tables for coffee mugs and teacups. Which I collect. I’m thinking about seeing a doctor.
Lindsey opens the curtains, and I’m blinded by light. “ARRG LINDSEY DAMMIT!” I shout, and fail my arms. Ah, flailing arms; they give you the illusion that you’re doing something when you actually aren’t.
“Dexter! What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you been sleeping?” Lin gets closer to me, trying to push my hair out of my face. I lean back, but Lindsey leans forward, trying to make me look acceptable.
“You should cut your hair.”
“No. My hair is staying on my head.”
“And get some sleep.”
“No! Sleep is for the weak!”
Lindsey laughs, and lets go of me. “Dexter, you are such an ass. But you’re funny. So I like you,” Lindsey says, sitting down on my couch, avoiding the books and stuff I’ve heaped there because I am a slob.
“What’s on the box?” Lin asks, and I get the remote. I switch it to a repeat showing of “Hero Man and Dynamite girl.” I love that show, even though it’s stupid.
“This is so bad! God! Change it!” Lindsey tries to fight me for the remote, but I am superior.
“You kidding me? Dynamite girl is so fit! Mmm! Hellooo Nurse!”
Lindsey laughs, head tipping back.
“And from what I hear, Hero Man is alright.”
“He’s alright, yeah. The square jaw is a bit of a turn off, though,” Lin says, leaning against me. “Do I make you horny baby?” I ask her, leering on purpose. “Not anymore,” Lin deadpans. This time I laugh.

Lindsey fiddles with my hand during the show. I just watch Dynamite Girl and Hero Man fight evil terrorists who seek to destroy the American Dream.
“Hey, Dexter?”
“Mmm? What’s up?”
“You have glitter on your nails.”
OH NO. I put nail polish on last week, I liked the way it looked, all clear and glittery. I thought I got it all off! Dammit!
“Really?” I ask, looking myself. Yeah, I do. Well Done Dexter. Way to screw up. “Yeah. You do. Something you want to tell me? Dexter, is there something wrong with you?” Lindsey asks, narrowing her eyes.
Ahoy! Step Lively, Dexter! If you step in the wrong stop, you will die.
“I...don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. Not really. I don’t know why there’s glitter on me Lins. Did you put it there?” I ask, flipping it back on her. Good move, that. Well done.

“No! Dexter! Jeez I wouldn’t!” Lindsey shakes her head and pretends to go back to watching freaking Hero boy like she doesn’t care. But she does.
I can’t tell her about the makeup and the nail polish. I haven’t gone further than that. I mean, really, who cares? It’s fun. But people would be freaked out by that. I don’t like guys, I mean, not a ton, I’m not gay. I like girls more. So I’m normal. Almost.
Makes me wonder who my DNA match is. He must be a total freak.
“Hero! Look out!” Dynamite Girl shouts from the box, and I watch that.
Because that girl is honestly really hot.