Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > A Life That's So Demanding
Erm...the band members are not actually in this, but the band as a whole is mentioned.
And as for why this was written....well, if you read it you'll know why it's written. Also, in case anyone is wondering, yeah...the girl in the story is me...I'm not ashamed to admit it nor am I proud.
But yeah, it's based off events that happened, erm, a few years back now but it's been nagging at me for a while now..
A Life That's So Demanding
'No wonder no one wants to be your friend!'
The words whirled and twisted in her mind, becoming increasingly more painful as they lingered, branding themselves in her head.
'You're such a freak!'
They slammed into her, momentarily winding her as she clutched at her head. Her fingers twisted into the dark brown locks of hair that cascaded to her waist. The ragged nails on her hands broke the skin on her scalp as small beads of the scarlet liquid settled on her fingers.
Slowly she pulled her hands away from her skull and looked questioningly at the liquid that slid along her hands. Then her gaze roved over the room. Soft plush tan rug and a mattress tossed on the floor with pillows and blankets thrown across it. A light beige desk sat in the far corner, journals and sketchbook thrown carelessly over the top. Directly beside the desk a large wooden bookshelf was placed with CD's and books set on the shelves. Then there, on the topmost shelf, a small black stereo an a small wire protruding from it, connecting with her Ipod that played the music it stored.
The girl sat on her bedroom floor. Her back pressed against the door before she lifted a trembling hand a gripped the lock. She struggled for a few minutes until she finally managed to click the lock into place. Music blared through the room, pouding against her eardrums but she heard nothing.
To her there was no sound in the room. There was nothing around her, but inside her mind.
'No one wants to be friends with a crazy freak!'
There was chaos. She was supposed to be safe in this house. In the house that she lived in with her family. She was supposed to be shut away from it all. It failed.
Even in the house, where she was away from all the bullies and tormenters....
'Why can't you just be normal!'
She couldn't escape her thoughts.
'You won't ever have any friends!'
It was like she was being physically hurt. She could hear all the voices of the kids at her school. All the horrible names that they called her, all the nasty things that they would yell at her. She could see the terrifying glares that they tossed her way, the way they would tell her to stay away from then with just one glance.
Each...
'Freak!'
And...
'Physco!'
Every...
'Crazy!'
Taunt..
'Bitch!'
Was like a punch to the stomach. It left her winded, feeling the pain that shot through her. She could almost feel the words burning themselves into her mind as she lowered her head into her palms and burrowed into her fingers. Tears flooded into her eyes, almost burning her as she fought to hold them back. Quickly she snapped her eyelids shut, covering the dark brown orbs, but no avail.
The wet, hot liquid fell from her dark eyes, streaming down her cheeks for a moment of two before gently falling into the palm of her hands. The tears left small trails on her face until they began to pool in droplets on her hands. The small puddles would ripple just the smallest amount as another tear fell against them.
She sniffed. The sound seeming to echo even though the music drowned it out. The pounding against her ears grew slightly louder but she didn't listen.
'You're so stupid to think anyone would want to hang out with you!'
There was a quiet whimper as another taunt flared in her mind, burning the already frayed edges of sanity. Her nails dug into her skin, taking her thoughts away from the flaming words and making her think only of the pain.
It was just a pinch really. Not really hurting her, but it was enough to make her think of something else. Anything else besides the dark thoughts that burned away in her head. Just a small pain but it helped so much. It made the fiery words fade for a moment...
'Ugly!'
Just a moment.
'No one wants to be friends with someone as gross as you!'
Then it all came flooding back. Each and every word was like a live wire that sent harsh electric shocks through her body. She shook every few minutes, but was just the sobs that shuddered through her bones. There would be a pause after every jolt and then another insult would slam against her brain, her eyes would water more and another sob would escape her lips.
There was another pouding against her eardrums and her head snapped up. Her eyes zeroed in on the stereo atop her bookshelf. The speakers shook softly as more tears cascaded down her cheeks and the music finally managed to seep through her.
Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...
The drums beat heavily as her heart thudded in her chest.
And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...
Her eyes continued to gaze at the stereo as the music leaked from the speakers and washed over her.
So many
Bright lights that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak
Then her heart beat with the drums and bass. Weaving through the notes with them as the guitars battled in her mind.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.
Slowly, her tears began to stop their steady stream. Then the words that poured from the speakers were warring with the ones in her head.
Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that so demanding
I get weak
The horrible thoughts were writhing in her head as the music thudded through her body. The electric shocks that had been torturing her were slowly coming to a stop.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.
There was a sharp intake of breath as she realized that the thoughts were being shoved away. All terrifying horrors were being pushed from her mind.
These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
She trembled slightly. This time not from pain or tears, but from the sense of power that almost completed her.
(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead
She closed her eyes slowly, letting the music wash over her. The drums and bass thudding carefully as the guitars tore through note after note.
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
A deep breath entered her lungs and slowly she began to murmur the lyrics.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
'You're hideo-'
The terror crashed back into her mind. Then, before it could even fully form the lyrics pushed them back out. Driving them away before they could prove any real damage.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
A calming breath entered her lungs. The music settled in her mind as it slowly began to fade away.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Her eyes snapped open, a new sense of empowerment filling her veins. The music were still fresh in her mind. Instead of the pain that would bombard her thoughts, it was freedom. The lyrics had shoved the terror from her, had manged to heal the words that had burned into her brain.
She had been freed.
She wasn't afraid to keep on living.
She wasn't afraid to walk this world alone.
(A/N: I needed to let this out.
Thank you to anyone that took the time to read this....well this sad excuse for a story.
Please leave comments, even if you're telling me that you hated it, please comment.)
And as for why this was written....well, if you read it you'll know why it's written. Also, in case anyone is wondering, yeah...the girl in the story is me...I'm not ashamed to admit it nor am I proud.
But yeah, it's based off events that happened, erm, a few years back now but it's been nagging at me for a while now..
A Life That's So Demanding
'No wonder no one wants to be your friend!'
The words whirled and twisted in her mind, becoming increasingly more painful as they lingered, branding themselves in her head.
'You're such a freak!'
They slammed into her, momentarily winding her as she clutched at her head. Her fingers twisted into the dark brown locks of hair that cascaded to her waist. The ragged nails on her hands broke the skin on her scalp as small beads of the scarlet liquid settled on her fingers.
Slowly she pulled her hands away from her skull and looked questioningly at the liquid that slid along her hands. Then her gaze roved over the room. Soft plush tan rug and a mattress tossed on the floor with pillows and blankets thrown across it. A light beige desk sat in the far corner, journals and sketchbook thrown carelessly over the top. Directly beside the desk a large wooden bookshelf was placed with CD's and books set on the shelves. Then there, on the topmost shelf, a small black stereo an a small wire protruding from it, connecting with her Ipod that played the music it stored.
The girl sat on her bedroom floor. Her back pressed against the door before she lifted a trembling hand a gripped the lock. She struggled for a few minutes until she finally managed to click the lock into place. Music blared through the room, pouding against her eardrums but she heard nothing.
To her there was no sound in the room. There was nothing around her, but inside her mind.
'No one wants to be friends with a crazy freak!'
There was chaos. She was supposed to be safe in this house. In the house that she lived in with her family. She was supposed to be shut away from it all. It failed.
Even in the house, where she was away from all the bullies and tormenters....
'Why can't you just be normal!'
She couldn't escape her thoughts.
'You won't ever have any friends!'
It was like she was being physically hurt. She could hear all the voices of the kids at her school. All the horrible names that they called her, all the nasty things that they would yell at her. She could see the terrifying glares that they tossed her way, the way they would tell her to stay away from then with just one glance.
Each...
'Freak!'
And...
'Physco!'
Every...
'Crazy!'
Taunt..
'Bitch!'
Was like a punch to the stomach. It left her winded, feeling the pain that shot through her. She could almost feel the words burning themselves into her mind as she lowered her head into her palms and burrowed into her fingers. Tears flooded into her eyes, almost burning her as she fought to hold them back. Quickly she snapped her eyelids shut, covering the dark brown orbs, but no avail.
The wet, hot liquid fell from her dark eyes, streaming down her cheeks for a moment of two before gently falling into the palm of her hands. The tears left small trails on her face until they began to pool in droplets on her hands. The small puddles would ripple just the smallest amount as another tear fell against them.
She sniffed. The sound seeming to echo even though the music drowned it out. The pounding against her ears grew slightly louder but she didn't listen.
'You're so stupid to think anyone would want to hang out with you!'
There was a quiet whimper as another taunt flared in her mind, burning the already frayed edges of sanity. Her nails dug into her skin, taking her thoughts away from the flaming words and making her think only of the pain.
It was just a pinch really. Not really hurting her, but it was enough to make her think of something else. Anything else besides the dark thoughts that burned away in her head. Just a small pain but it helped so much. It made the fiery words fade for a moment...
'Ugly!'
Just a moment.
'No one wants to be friends with someone as gross as you!'
Then it all came flooding back. Each and every word was like a live wire that sent harsh electric shocks through her body. She shook every few minutes, but was just the sobs that shuddered through her bones. There would be a pause after every jolt and then another insult would slam against her brain, her eyes would water more and another sob would escape her lips.
There was another pouding against her eardrums and her head snapped up. Her eyes zeroed in on the stereo atop her bookshelf. The speakers shook softly as more tears cascaded down her cheeks and the music finally managed to seep through her.
Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...
The drums beat heavily as her heart thudded in her chest.
And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...
Her eyes continued to gaze at the stereo as the music leaked from the speakers and washed over her.
So many
Bright lights that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak
Then her heart beat with the drums and bass. Weaving through the notes with them as the guitars battled in her mind.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.
Slowly, her tears began to stop their steady stream. Then the words that poured from the speakers were warring with the ones in her head.
Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that so demanding
I get weak
The horrible thoughts were writhing in her head as the music thudded through her body. The electric shocks that had been torturing her were slowly coming to a stop.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.
There was a sharp intake of breath as she realized that the thoughts were being shoved away. All terrifying horrors were being pushed from her mind.
These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
She trembled slightly. This time not from pain or tears, but from the sense of power that almost completed her.
(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead
She closed her eyes slowly, letting the music wash over her. The drums and bass thudding carefully as the guitars tore through note after note.
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
A deep breath entered her lungs and slowly she began to murmur the lyrics.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
'You're hideo-'
The terror crashed back into her mind. Then, before it could even fully form the lyrics pushed them back out. Driving them away before they could prove any real damage.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
A calming breath entered her lungs. The music settled in her mind as it slowly began to fade away.
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Her eyes snapped open, a new sense of empowerment filling her veins. The music were still fresh in her mind. Instead of the pain that would bombard her thoughts, it was freedom. The lyrics had shoved the terror from her, had manged to heal the words that had burned into her brain.
She had been freed.
She wasn't afraid to keep on living.
She wasn't afraid to walk this world alone.
(A/N: I needed to let this out.
Thank you to anyone that took the time to read this....well this sad excuse for a story.
Please leave comments, even if you're telling me that you hated it, please comment.)
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