FicWad

I stood at the end of the driveway, staring up at the house. The tears that streamed down my cheeks were hidden by the lashings of rain which plastered my hair to my head and steamed up my glasses. I wanted to stay. I badly wanted to stay at home where it was warm and dry and I knew I'd be fed everyday. But I couldn't. It was too humiliating for me to stay. And I couldn't be in the same house as him, knowing that he hated me for the way I felt. His bedroom light was on. I wondered what he was doing. Listening to music? Watching TV? Drawing? He was such a beautiful artist. His pictures held so much passion, so much emotion, that almost everyone of them made me want to cry. He'd made me cry so many times.
But I still loved him.

~~~~

I started to fall in love with Gerard when I was twelve and he was fifteen. He was in a local drama group's musical interpretation of Oliver Twist, playing Oliver. He had such a beautiful, soulful voice when he sang, and he looked so good in the period costume with his hair messed up and his face made dirty with make up. He made my heart flutter - but I ignored it.

I ignored it for the next three years. I went on several dates, but never got back in touch with them. I didn't want a relationship; it wasn't fair on the other person if I was spending all my time thinking about my brother. I'd see him changing, in just his boxer shorts, and later touch myself to that image. When we watched horror films, I pretended to be more scared than I actually was, so he'd put his arms around me. When we played video games, I let him win so he'd put his arms around me and say 'better luck next time buddy'. When we went to bed, I'd sneak down to his room and pretend I'd had a really bad nightmare so I could fall asleep in his arms. He never suspected a thing. That is, until my fifteenth birthday.

Gee was eighteen by now and looking for a place of his own. Meanwhile, he was still living at home. I decided to tell him while I still had the chance. After my friends had left from the party we'd held, he and I sat alone. He smiled at me. "Good birthday, buddy?" He asked.

"Yeah," I smiled. "And I really need to tell you something. And if you'd listen to me, it'd make today the perfect birthday."

"Sure - anything for my baby bro," He said. I took a deep breath.

"Gee... I love you," I said, as I let the breath out. He smiled.

"I love you too, man," He said. I bit my lip. He meant it as a brother.

"No I mean... not in that way... I mean I really love you," I said. He shocked me by doing what he did next.

He slapped me hard across the cheek. "Mikey!" He said. "That's... that's sick... I'm your brother... it's... it's disgusting and wrong...."

"I know but..."

"No. No buts," He shook his head. "There is nothing you can say to make feeling like that okay. You need mental help."

"GeeGee, please..."

"Don't call me GeeGee!" He snapped. He shook his head. "Mikey... I'm not sure I'm comfortable around you any more."

"No! No, the last thing I wanted was to make you uncomfortable," I said, tears trickling down my cheeks. "I felt this way for a while now, and I just wanted you to know so I could get it off my chest..."

"A while?" He was backing away from me with every word now. "How long's a while?"

"I dunno... about three years?" I swallowed.

"Three years? Holy fuck, Mikey..." He said. He was crying too now.

"I'm sorry, Gee. Really I am. Give me a hug?" I tried to put my arms around him. He pushed me away so violently I fell to the floor.

"No! Keep away from me! Don't touch me, you fucking incested pervert!" He yelled, before running down the steps to his basement bedroom.

~~~

That's why I had to do it. I had to run away from home. I was a shame in my own household now. I was exactly what Gee said I was- an incested pervert. I sighed as I turned away from the house and set off into the big, dark, scary world.

what do you think? Should I live this as a one-shot, or carry one with it?