FicWad

OH MY GOD, IT’S BEEN SO LONG!! So sorry it’s been so unbelievably long since I’ve updated this, guys!! I’ve been going through a really shitty time, but things seem to be a bit better now…fingers crossed! Anyway, I hope you remember what happened in the last chapter…otherwise this won’t really make that much sense. I hope you like it- it’s been so long since I’ve written this story I’m not sure this is any good…I hope it it- you guys certainly deserve a good chapter! Thank you all a million for your wonderful support- it really means the world to me :D anyway, I’ll shut up now so you can read this…PLEASE rate and review so I can know if it was okay or not, and I’ll update as soon as I can (:


Chapter Twenty Seven

Frank’s point of view:

Icy raindrops the size of bullets drum against the kitchen window, trickling down the cold glass like tears as I sit, curled up on the window seat, cradling a mug of steaming hot chocolate in attempt to melt the icy numbness that fills me.
I’m empty. Empty and alone.
It feels like the chilling whisper of the harsh wind that hisses through the cracks in the window pane is sweeping right through me, leaving me even emptier than before.
I feel like a ghost; dead, but not quite ready to let go.
I sigh brokenly, my breath misting up the grimy glass of the window and blurring my view of the bleak outside world.
Everything has died; all the trees bare and spindly, the corpses of their fallen leaves shrouding the dying grass, dead and decaying, the sky gloomy and grey with unshed sorrow that’s beginning to spatter the muddy ground.
I’m dead too.
Dead inside, empty of energy and emotion, like there’s nothing left but endless emptiness. My soul’s in a coma, too scared to wake up and feel again; feel the hurt and confusion, the loss and the guilt, the feelings that butcher my insides like mangled barbed wire.
I refuse to feel anymore. So now it’s just nothing. Numbness.
The bleak silence that fills the deserted house is broken by the harsh shrill of the doorbell.
A few days ago, perhaps, I’d have panicked, emotion overwhelming me, worried it was the person I was longing and dreading to see all at once, but after several days left alone with nothing but my thoughts and my hurt, that’s all gone.
Tiredness has eclipsed it. I’m tired of living, tired of hurting tired of feeling.
Exhausted.
Still filled with the same bone-chilling empty numbness, I heave myself up and wearily make my way to the door, fumbling with the lock and pulling it open.
Bee is standing on the doorstep, shivering violently in the heavy drizzle, hood up, breath smoky in the late October air, curling up into the murky clouds that sit almost on her shoulders.
“Frank!” her big, brown eyes widen with worry as she looks up to see me.
“H-hi.” My voice is hoarse, and I realise it’s the first word I’ve uttered in days.
“You look like a fucking ghost, Frank!” Bee exclaims, stepping over the threshold and pulling down the hood of her Slipknot hoodie, shaking damp curls out of her face.
I shrug, leaning weakly against the doorframe.
“When did you lat eat?” She asks, closing the front door behind her and peering closely at me as if I’m seriously ill.
Maybe I am. I don’t even feel alive. I haven’t felt alive since…
“Frank?” her soft voice jerks my head out of the black thunderclouds.
“S-sorry?” I stammer.
“When did you last eat?” She repeats.
“I-” I pause to think about it, finding I can’t even remember. “…not sure.”
“Where are your parents?” Bee asks, taking off her hoodie and hanging it up on the coat stand.
“Work. They think I’m sick.” I reply.
Bee raises her eyebrows, but says nothing.
The hall is spinning slightly, my head light.
“Fuck, Frank, you really do not look good!” Bee frowns.
“Thanks.” I manage, clutching the doorframe. “Why are you here anyway? Hasn’t school started?” I glance at the clock; it’s nearly half nine.
“Yes, but I decided you were more important than double physics.” She replies. “And I’m here cause I’m your friend and I’m fucking worried about you- you haven’t been in school since Monday and I know you aren’t really ill.”
I blink.
Bee rolls her eyes at me like I’m completely retarded. “Okay Frankieboy, here’s the plan- you eat something, get ready, and we’ll go.”
“Go?” I repeat stupidly.
“School.” Bee clarifies firmly, gently propelling me into the kitchen.
“But…I can’t…” I protest feebly, sinking down at the table.
“Won’t, not can’t.” Bee corrects me, opening the fridge.
“But…what about…Gerard…?” I mumble, eyes on the tabletop.
Bee straightens up, holding a yoghurt and closing the fridge.
“I just can’t, Bee.” I repeat weakly.
Bee scoops up a spoon from the draining board, sits down beside me and pushes the yoghurt across the table toward me.
“Eat.” She commands. “And about Gerard- you know he doesn’t hate you, and you know he’s too scared to even fucking look at you, so what’s the big deal?”
I shrug, eyes on the yoghurt.
“Eat it.” Bee repeats.
I sigh, reluctantly peeling off the lid and dipping my spoon in.
“Look, Gerard needs you- as a friend more than anything else right now, and I know you need him too, Frankie.” Bee says softly.
The yoghurt is suddenly hard to swallow.
“He won’t even talk to me properly now.” She sighs.
I look up. “Why not?”
“Well, firstly, I don’t think he even wants to talk to anyone right now, but…the thing is, I’m kinda going out with Mikey…” she trails off, a smile playing across her lips as she says his name.
“That’s great!” I say, surprised to find I actually mean it; but hey, Bee and Mikey would be really cute together.
“Well, it is…but I think Gerard thinks I was just using him to get Mikey-which I wasn’t- and that I don’t care about him anymore, which is totally untrue. But really, couldn’t you just go in, smile at him or something? It would make his day and I know it’d make you feel better too.”
“I can’t though…I can’t see him again!” I shake my head furiously.
“Why not?”
“Because I miss him like hell.” It’s nothing but a broken whisper, but Bee stops tracing patterns on the tabletop and looks up at me.
“Oh Frankie.” She sighs, sliding her arm round my shoulders, the familiar comforting scent of her jasmine perfume tickling my nostrils.
I bury my nose in her hair, silky soft and still slightly damp from the rain, clinging to her like she’s my life support.
“It’ll get better, Frankie.” She says softly into my fringe. “I promise. You just have to let it.”
*

Twenty minutes later, I find myself walking weakly to school beside Bee, the drizzle a fine, cold, grey mist seeping through my hoodie and making me shiver. I’m too tired to argue with her, even though I’m dreading walking through the gates that loom ominously only metres ahead.
Gerard’ll be in there…gnawing at his bitten-down nails, looking nervously around, doodling vampire bats on his school jotters…
“I don’t think I can do this…” I gasp suddenly, grappling a Bee as my world spins.
“Yes you can…you’re just feeling a bit funny cause you’ve hardly eaten anything.” Bee says in attempt to reassure me.
I nod shakily, clutching her arm.
“Oh, you wanna come to a sleepover at mine tomorrow?” Bee asks, obviously trying to distract me from my fate. “Mikey and Ge-Gerald, my-uh-cousin are coming.”
“Gerald?” I look sideways at her, but she looks as innocent as ever.
“Yeah…please come- it’ll make you feel better.” Bee pleads.
“I dunno…” I mumble distractedly; we’re at the dreaded school gates now, my heart pounding scarily fast, palms clammy with sweat.
“Please?” Bee presses.
“I…” my mouth dries up as we pass through the gates and cross the damp, dreary grey yard, chewing-gum speckled and empty of student life; they’re all stuck in class, and I can feel their eyes on me from the classrooms as Bee and I cross the seemingly endless concrete desert until we’re safely through the doors of the main entrance.
Bee sorts out late slips and timetables for us both as I follow her blindly around, mind a haze of thumping hearts and school corridors, until I notice which classroom we’ve stopped in front of.
My heart stops.
“I have fucking BIOLOGY, Bee?!” I cry in anguish.
“Sorry, Frankie…you’ve only got half the lesson left though.” She smiles sympathetically at me, then knocks on the door.
“Come in.” Mrs. Evans voice comes from within the classroom in response to Bee’s knock.
“Go in- I’ll see you later.” Bee gives me a little push.
I take a deep, shuddery breath, preparing myself to die, and open the door.
My eyes swivel instantly to Gerard’s seat.
I expect to see him sitting there, hiding behind his hair, all alone, eyes flickering towards my empty seat.
But it’s not empty.
Sitting in my seat, at my desk, by my Gerard, is a girl.
A pretty girl, with curly blonde hair and big, baby blue eyes.
“Mr. Iero, are you feeling alright?” Mrs. Evans is looking expectantly at me, eyes mildly concerned.
I nod silently, thrusting my late slip at her and walking shakily towards the desk behind Gerard, where I sit down, trembling.
Mrs. Evans carries on with the lesson, but all I can concentrate on is the tow people in front of me who are whispering away.
They just look wrong together…it makes my stomach churn unpleasantly as I look at them; Gerard; hair blacker than midnight, eyes unusual startlingly greeny-hazel, soul searching and unique, faded black skinny jeans and the usual scruffy band hoodie, and then…her…the girl, who I recognise as Annabel from my physics class; girly and giggly, hair pulled back with a pink bow, eyes wide and naïve, school uniform pin-neat.
I feel sick. Sick with…hurt?
Why should this bother me so much? Why should this make me feel as though all the bones in my ribs have shattered, their tiny, sharp shards piercing my organs?
I try and ignore their whispers, but they’re louder than shouts, echoing deafeningly in my ears.
“Gerard! You’re so funny!” Annabel’s giggle rings out.
I expect Gerard to stay his usual, darkly mysterious, shy self, but then he giggles too. That proper high-on-helium, insanely cute giggle.
Hurt stabs my chest like a blunt dagger, contorting my ribs and breaking me.
I feel as though all my organs are withering and dying. I feel as though I’m fucking dying.
I need to get out of here. Now.
“So, Gerard…do you fancy going out with me sometime?” Annabel’s whisper makes me freeze.
All my emotions coming rushing back, gushing around inside me like oil and water.
My stomach lurches dangerously and I stagger up, stumbling from the room, vomit rising in my gullet like poison, burning me, choking me as much as Annabel’s whisper.
I push blindly out of the fire exit, into the yard, where I empty my insides all over the harsh grey concrete, choking and spluttering.
I keep on retching until there’s nothing left inside me, just the sour, bitter taste of hurt and jealousy.
Wait…is that what I am? Jealous?
I slump down against the wall behind me, gasping into the muggy air.
Jealous?
Is that why it hurts so much?
Deep down, do I like Gerard more than I should?
Truthfully, I think I know the answer, but I’m not ready to look at it.
Not yet.
*

The rusty chains of the swing creak as I swing gently back and forth in the murky drizzle, the overcast, grey clouds weighing heavily on my shoulders. But the park is still and quiet, peaceful and silent, calming me, nothing here but rotting leaves and gnarled trees, frozen skies and a cloak of heavy drizzle, the air bitter, whipping through my hair as I swing and tasting dying autumn, salty tears and ominous cloud on the tip of my tongue.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting, thoughts whirling round and round my head, gradually getting caught up in each other like flies entangled in the web of a poisonous spider, clogging up my head with foggy cobwebs.
I don’t know what time it is, why I’m here or when I’ll leave.
All I know is that I need something to change, something to make me understand all the things I thought I was so sure of before someone, just one single person, came along.
Suddenly, squinting through the misty rain, I can see a pale, skinny figure approaching, shuffling through the decomposing muddy leaves.
Raven black hair, wide eyes and ghostly skin.
It’s the person I want to see most and the person I want to see least.
The person I want to forget and the person I miss more than anything.
The person I love and the person I hate.
The person who made me believe.
The person who is Gerard.
But he’s not alone…following behind him, is a shadow, dark and twisted, cruel and cold, stalking his hurried footsteps.
I don’t need to peer through the tears of rain, the spiky branches of the spindly trees or the broken clouds to know who it is.



How was it? like I said, it’s been so long since I wrote this story, I wasn’t really sure if it was okay…let me know what you think please, cause I’m really worried it’s shit. If it is, please let me know though, so I can improve. The next chapter will be VERY interesting, trust me xD anyways, hope it was okay and pretty please R&R like the awesome readers you are :D thanks once again for your support- I fucking love you guys!!!

CosmicZombie xo

p.s. please check out the short story I had to do for English and R&R it…it would mean a lot (:
http://www.ficwad.com/story/167804