FicWad

Frankie’s P.O.V.

I watched as my girlfriend Jamia sat down next to the Christmas tree and hand me her gift with a huge grin plastered on her face. She was a beautiful girl but tonight I had to end it. I took her gift and opened it.
“Wowie, Green Day tickets. Uh, thanks babe.” I said. Wow, she got me a great present. Too bad. She is in for a huge surprise.
“Yeah, I thought we could go visit my parents and then go to the concert.” She said smiling. Oh, fuck no. Her parents are creeps. They were telling us about how we should ‘make babies’ and weird stuff about their hippy life. I mean, no way in hell am I going back to that mad house. I took the little box her present was in and she totally started crying. Did she think that…no, she totally doesn’t think that’s what it is. I handed it to her and she slowly opened the black velvet box. When she saw what was in it she stared at me with a confused look on her face.
“It’s a rainbow pin. I don’t get it.” She said. Wow, she is stupid. I pretended like I was reading a letter. I pulled out a piece of paper.
“Dear my lovely Jamia, Your free. We cant be together anymore. Bye babe, sincerely Frank.” I said. I handed her the piece of paper and went to the door. She let out a wailing sound as I exited her house.
“Your gay! I had sex with a gay guy! Frank! You-You ugh!” I heard her yell.
“I hope your children get cancer and more tumors than white blood cells!” She was a bitch. I was glad to be rid of her. I laughed a little under my breath and continued walking down the street to my apartment I shared with my best friend Ray Toro. Whistling ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ under my breath. Such a wonderful Christmas this was turning out to be. I was finally free.

Gee’s P.O.V.

“I know, Mom, but look at me! It’s Christmas, like three people I know are in town, Brandon’s marrying some stewardess...oh, fucking whatever, flight attendant...it’s miserable! I don’t want to be here anymore...yes, I think I made a brilliant decision to move home. I just don’t want to be here for another three goddamned months. What? Oh, let the turkey burn, I’m experiencing the sadness! Can I please just take my gay drama queen self and come home?OK. OK. Yes, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. No, I wont call myself that again. I’m sorry. I know. Bye mom.” I glared out the window taking a sip of coffee. “Oh yeah, Merry Christmas.” I said bitterly sarcastic and hanging up. My best friend and roommate walked in. Frankie sighed and looked at me shaking her head.
“You look like a fucking Muppet when you cry. Come on, cheer up and get dressed we are going out.” She said. I didn’t fight back. Mostly cause I was too damn tired to. But maybe going to a party would help me cheer up.

Frank’s P.O.V.

I watched Ray and Bob. Bob was eating a mass load of fries, stuffing them in his mouth. And Ray was fighting with me.
“Why are you always so hard on me?” He complained.
“Am I wrong? I’m not wrong. And you’re so wrong that your kids deserve years of stunting pain.” I said flipping through TV channels until I reached the local horror channel. I gave the clicker back to the bartender.
“Dude, come on.” Ray said.
“How does it feel to know you’re so abjectly stupid?” I said to Ray watching Buffy the vampire slayer.
“Well I don’t know what “abjectly” means, but I’m pretty sure that’s just your…” Ray started. I took one of Bob’s fries and threw it at Ray.
“Go fuck yourself.” I said. “Get AIDS. Get rampant, lesiony AIDS
and die in agony.” I said turning my attention back to the sexy character who goes by the name of Angel.
“What’s with the diseases and cursing them on me?” Ray said all sad.
“I’ll take it all back. Just agree that breaking up was the right decision, you troglodyte.” I said.
“STOP USING WORDS I’VE NEVER HEARD
BEFORE! I CANNOT DEFEND MYSELF IF
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE
SAYING!” He said frustrated. I smirked and Bob stopped eating his fries. Ray sat back, exasperated. And Bob continued to wolf fries. After a couple moments Bob talked with his mouth half-full.
“You broke up with her on Christmas day. While exchanging gifts. After she’d just given you Green Day tickets. What’s so wrong with this girl?” Bob said without using his head. I played along for a bit.
“She doesn’t like dogs, she doesn’t like porn, and she smelled like feet. The tickets were a great gesture, except the third was for her mother. That’s like being given a happy childhood and then being told you were adopted.” I said sarcastically. “And maybe the fact that she is a GIRL.” I said glaring at Bob.
“Fine, but YOU broke up with HER, and you’re sitting here being a miserable bastard.” Bob said. Ray laughed a little under his breath.
“Oh am I?” I said glaring at the two of them.
“God, you’re miserable. You’re such a miserablist.” Bob said. I turned to Ray.
“Not even remotely a word, Webster.” I said. Ray glared at me. I turned back to Bob. “Megan has nothing to do with this, so let’s stick to shit that’s relevant.” I said.
“How about you stick to shit?” Ray said. I looked at him.
“What?” I said clearly upset.
“I’ll stick you to shit.” Ray said angry at me.
“What?” I said again.
“I can handle this if you need me to.” Bob said to Ray.
“Thank you yes I’d like that.” Ray said.
“I’m not trying to pry into your business, man, but I don’t get it. You’ve been an angry dickface all night and, I’ll point out again, YOU broke up with HER.” Bob said eating a French fry.
“So?” I said. Clearly Bob wasn’t thinking. I was gay. Ray whispered in my ear.
“Quitter.” He said.
“So help me God I am going to elbow you straight in the larynx.” I said really mad at the two of them.
“What part of my body is that on?” Ray asked Bob who just patted him on the shoulder.
“My point is that the person who does the break-up is usually the one who cares less. Then there’s you, who’s ended a totally insignificant part of his life only to go out to a bar and sulk.” He said. I looked down. My life sucked.
“Aw, poor little Frank, his mommy and daddy split up and he starts to doubt true love.” Ray said. I looked at him with hurt and anger in my eyes.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Bob said.
“I wish you had a family.” I said leaning in.
“What?” Bob said confused.
“They got divorced last year.” Ray said.
“Who gets divorced in their fifties?” Bob said.
“Frank’s parents.” Ray said.
“That’s some cold, cold shit. Ah well, two Christmases. But you can’t hate love in general because of that.” Bob said. I hit his shoulder.
“I don’t.” I said.
“You only dated her for four months.” Ray said.
“I’m fine.” I said. They knew I was gay.
“She was the fifth girl you dated this year.” Bob said.
“All failures.” Ray said.
“PLEASE shut the fuck up, Ray. You know I’m-” I started.
“Swearing at me isn’t going to get your parents back together.” Ray said.
“It just doesn’t make sense to me. This girl was a non-issue. It’s something else.” Bob said. I stared at them. Unbelievable.
“What if I told you that I’ve become convinced that I can’t be happy in a relationship?” I asked.
“I’d say that you’re twenty-five years old and your fake misery is annoying. Cheer the fuck up and be glad you have a job and working genitalia.” Bob said.
“Like your mom works the genitalia. Of everyone who isn’t your dad.” Ray said. I hid my face in my hands.
“Ray, look, I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight anymore.” I said frowning.
“OK, I’m sorry. I love you too.” He replied.
“I didn’t say that I loved you.” I said.
“Fair enough…Wait, you don’t love me?” Ray said. I shrugged.
“Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” Bob said.
“I don’t know, man. I’m not even sure if I want to be in a thing with somebody, but I keep falling into a thing and then falling out of a thing at the first sign of trouble and then I’m thinking about the next thing and how bad I’m going to blow it, but that’s dumb because I end up getting rid of them before I blow it…” I said.
“You sound like a 35 year-old woman with twenty cats and a hunchback. Not all relationships have to end in painful break-ups.” Bob said.
“Are your parents divorced?” I asked Bob.
“No. They love each other very much.” Bob replied.
“I could get mine divorced in ten minutes if I wanted to. Mom doesn’t know it, but Dad once made some very bad mistakes in a public park. In Norway.” ray said. Bob and I stared at him. Bob turned and talked to me.
“Still...your parents getting divorced and you deciding to hate relationships...come on, you gotta see that it doesn’t make any sense.” Bob said.
“I didn’t say I made any sense, Bob. It’s just the way it is. I know there’s something wrong with me. At the same time, though, am I a douche just because I’m waiting to be really excited about someone? Isn’t that the point?” I said thinking about my dream guy.
“You can’t find an exciting girl in Los Angeles, you’re fucking Helen Keller-level worthless. There’s a whole subculture of girls on Craigslist who want to be used
as sexual slaves. Most of them don’t even want you to ask their name.” Bob said. I hit him lightly on the back of the head.
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t know if I can be satisfied with someone who doesn’t think and act exactly like me, but Bob you know I’m fucking gay.” I said. Bob nodded and laughed a little.
“Oh yeah. Sorry. Then just be single for a while.” Bob said.
“No. That makes too much sense. It’s too logical. Really, I probably should take your advice, but you know I’m not going to. I’m gonna play a round of Centipede
and get another pitcher. I expect you both to help me drink it, and later I hope at least one of you gets diarrhea and has to vomit at the same time.” I said. Bob and I look at Ray who has a cigarette through each nostril. I took them out and threw them away walking over to my beloved game.
“Do I need to remind you that you can’t smoke in here?” Bob said to Ray.
“My eyes nose and throat hurt.” Ray said. I saw their girlfriends walk in. Nolee walking over and sitting on Bob’s lap and kissing him. And Alexa sitting next to Ray hugging him. Looks like I would be alone the rest of the night. I sighed walking over to the bar. I ordered a beer and hit my head on the counter. Defeated. And now my motherfucking head hurt.
“Geez, you okay there buddy?” I heard a girl say. I looked up and saw a girl staring at me holding back a laugh. I shrugged.
“Christmas sucks.” I said.
“Join the crowd of Christmas haters. Its no fun after a break up.” She said.
“You just broke up with someone too?” I asked. She shook her head.
“Nope. I just found my boyfriend cheating on me with a preppy little prada wearing bitch. I‘m Matilda.” She said. I took a closer look at her and she seemed like someone I’d be close friends with. I mean she had fucking pink hair.
“I’m Frank or Frankie or any other nickname you can think of.” I said smiling a bit taking a sip of my beer.
“So, Frank what make you a Christmas hater?” She asked. I sighed.
“I broke up with my girlfriend and came out to her.” I said. She laughed a little.
“Wow. So, why are you mopping around? Your free. Go party or something.” She said.
“Eh, I don’t believe that I’ll ever find the right guy. I mean, I always screw things up.” I said resting my head on the table. She smirked. “What?” I asked.
“Come on. I’m going to take you someplace you would love. And prove to you that you will find love.” She said. I smiled a little.
“Really?” I asked. She nodded.
“You are now officially my new project and I’m gonna be Cupid. Lets go do some matchmaking.” She said. She grabbed my hand and we got in a taxi. Next stop, Club 18.