Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Calling You
There were times in the middle of the night that Gerard sat in the center of his floor, staring at the window, blaming Frank. He thought to himself that he wouldn't have been in the mess of drugs and alcohol again if it weren't for the small boy with the mesmerizing eyes and big heart. He got angry at Frank, throwing his bottle of pills against the wall in hopes that if it hits the wall the plastic bottle will shatter, along with the memories of Frank. It never did though. The cap just snapped open, spilling pills across the maroon carpet. Which then led to Gerard crawling to the wall, picking up every last pill that was dropped onto the maroon carpet and placing them back in the orange tinted bottle while pictures of Frank radiate through his head.
There were other times when Gerard would walk past the Cafe, just to see if Frank is working. (He never is though. The younger man went back to school months ago.) Then after casually peering in the full length windows of the Cafe, he would make his way over to the park, sitting down at the table where they had their first meal together. His fingers would dance over the inscription on the wood table and now, more than ever, he wondered if this couple is together. Were 'H&S' destined to the same fate he and Frank were? Or maybe because their initials were 'set in wood' they needed to last. He had thought of carving his and Frank's initials into the wood. Every time the two of them were together in that park he wanted to take out his keys and carve out something meaningful, something that would last. If he would have done that, would they still have been together? Probably not, but Gerard could dream.
Gerard hadn't talked to Frank since that night. Mikey had, but Gerard hadn't. He couldn't. He felt ashamed and angry. He was ashamed that it got that far, that he had to steal from his boss, his boyfriend's mother, just to get a fix. He was angry that he couldn't just walk away from the rest of his stash. He was angry that all he needed to do was hand over the small amount of white power and the four pills that he had under his bed and he would have Frank back. He was angry that Frank didn't understand. That Frank pushed him to an ultimatum that he wasn't ready for. How could Frank even ask him of that? It's like having a loaded needle in a heroin addicts' hand. They can't put it down. Gerard couldn't understand how one more high would really change that much, but apparently it did.
When Mikey called Frank, four days after Thanksgiving, the younger man sounded tired, Mikey had relayed to Gerard afterward. He had just gotten back to his school and had told Mikey that he wasn't going to be seeing Gerard anymore. Frank had reiterated to Mikey that he wasn't trying to be an ass and leave Gerard in his time of need, but it needed to be done. For Gerard, having Frank around was worse than the actual drugs. Frank was an enabler. Frank knew what was happening and he let it go too far. Or so the younger man thought. As the two men ended their conversation Frank left off with this:
“Tell him that I’m sorry, Mikey. Tell him that he needs this and that he's going to be okay. In a few years, when he's sober and happy, he'll realize that this is what was best for him. He may never thank me, and that's okay, but he needs this. Tell him that he's smart, that he can do anything in the entire world.” He had paused, taking in a deep breath to try to control his emotions.
“Tell him that I love him, Mikey, please? I know it's a selfish thing for me to ask, but I need him to know it. I don't need any response back from that, either. I don't want to see him again, neither of us can handle that, but he needs to know it. He needs to know that this is because I love him that I’m not going to see him anymore.” He paused again, swallowing as he finished his goodbye to Gerard.
“Just tell him to be happy. Tell him that he can get through it and be such an incredible, strong man. Tell him that he can change the world, tell him that he will.” Frank sighed, pausing once more. “Just make sure he knows this all, please? I need him to know.” And with that, Frank hung up the phone, cutting off his contact with Gerard.
Frank eventually moved on to a prestigious medical school, graduating with a high G.P.A and landing a job at a great office. This job was only temporary, he was still going to try and fulfill his life long dream of running a clinic for the disadvantaged families of Jersey, but that would have to wait until the twenty nine year old had enough money to start that up. It could take years, decades even, but Frank wanted to do it. He needed to do it.
Frank was good on his word, too. He never did see Gerard again. He only went home to visit his mother during breaks, but spent the rest of the time on campus. Frank hasn't even seen Mikey since the morning at the Way house. He did talk to him, though. Mikey had called Frank to tell him that his brother did get clean. Gerard went cold turkey, struggling through tough days and nights with Mikey by his side. Mikey wished that he would have had some help, besides his parents. He wished that Frank would have been there to help his brother. But he knew, it wouldn't have helped. The clean break was what Gerard needed. It was better for him.
So, Gerard went back into New York City with a clear head and a new aspiration. Comics. Well, that wasn't so new, he had done that before, but this time he wanted to write his own, not just draw somebody else ideas. It took him a long time to get to where he is now. There were a lot of late nights drawing up ideas just to have the rejected or changed by agencies. But he made it. He got a contract for his own comic and they were flying off the shelves. He was happy and sober and proud. Just like Frank had told Mikey he would be.
Frank was happy. Or content. Or living day to day. It didn't really matter. He was making other peoples lives better, healthier. He woke up every morning, worked long shifts, then went home to his one bedroom apartment to shower, eat and sleep before getting up at doing it all again. Then on weekends, the doctor would make his way to a clinic that helped people with no insurance. He loved working there. He didn't get paid much, but that didn't matter. This was what he wanted to do. He wanted to start his own, one that catered to families, and this was a great way to start that.
Frank had dated briefly, just small things here and there throughout college. Nothing really stuck, though. When his mother asked why he had nobody to bring to Sunday dinners, or holidays, he would say that it was hard to have a relationship with someone with the work schedule he kept. Now, that was true, but Frank worked all those days so he didn't have to have a relationship because, if he was being honest, nothing can compare to what he felt with Gerard.
He always questioned if what he and Gerard had ever really meant anything. It was a summer thing. A short, passion filled summer. Why would it still be affecting him? Why is it that he always wonders where Gerard is, what he's doing, and if he's happy, sober, better? Can something that lasted for such a short amount of time mean so much? Apparently so because Frank couldn't get the dark haired man out of his mind, even ten years later. So he jumped, head first, into his work. Giving excuses when the nurses would set him up dates. And he was content...ish. He was without the older man, doing what he loved, and he knew he'd find love again. It was just a matter of time. Right?
Gerard however knew that he'd find Frank again, however. To Gerard, Frank symbolized the good in his life, which was weird because Frank was part of the reason why everything had gone so badly. But Frank always meant good. The times that Gerard spent with Frank, the countless hours that he talked with the younger man were the best times in Gerard’s life. It was when they were apart that it was bad. Gerard was also in a much better place now. He had his own career, his own house, a dog even. Everything was great for the thirty three year old comic book artist. He didn't have a relationship, though, but then again, he wasn't really looking. He was happy with the solitude. It helped him to write. His mind wasn't so bogged down with things that he needed to remember. And he was waiting for Frank. Not in the sense where he wouldn't even date. He dated. He had been on many, many dates since Frank. There were a lot men and women all who were part of Gerard’s past, but none of them were Frank.
And Gerard would find his Frank again. He had to. The reason? Oh, that's simple.
Gerard engraved 'F&G Forever' in the old wood table. The one that stood in the park across from the small cafe at the corner of Arden and Kay. The same small cafe that was owned by a single mother.
This is short, I know, but I'm not really too sure where I want to go from here. Or really, where you guys want me to go from here. I have a whole section typed out for the next chapter, but if you guys want me to end here, where you can make up your own ending then I will. But if you wanted more I could continue writing this. So give me feedback!
Oh and I'm so sorry that I haven't responded to any comments. Don't feel that I'm not appreciative. I really, really am. I've just been so busy and sick. :( It's horrible. I will respond to everyone. I promise.
xox
There were other times when Gerard would walk past the Cafe, just to see if Frank is working. (He never is though. The younger man went back to school months ago.) Then after casually peering in the full length windows of the Cafe, he would make his way over to the park, sitting down at the table where they had their first meal together. His fingers would dance over the inscription on the wood table and now, more than ever, he wondered if this couple is together. Were 'H&S' destined to the same fate he and Frank were? Or maybe because their initials were 'set in wood' they needed to last. He had thought of carving his and Frank's initials into the wood. Every time the two of them were together in that park he wanted to take out his keys and carve out something meaningful, something that would last. If he would have done that, would they still have been together? Probably not, but Gerard could dream.
Gerard hadn't talked to Frank since that night. Mikey had, but Gerard hadn't. He couldn't. He felt ashamed and angry. He was ashamed that it got that far, that he had to steal from his boss, his boyfriend's mother, just to get a fix. He was angry that he couldn't just walk away from the rest of his stash. He was angry that all he needed to do was hand over the small amount of white power and the four pills that he had under his bed and he would have Frank back. He was angry that Frank didn't understand. That Frank pushed him to an ultimatum that he wasn't ready for. How could Frank even ask him of that? It's like having a loaded needle in a heroin addicts' hand. They can't put it down. Gerard couldn't understand how one more high would really change that much, but apparently it did.
When Mikey called Frank, four days after Thanksgiving, the younger man sounded tired, Mikey had relayed to Gerard afterward. He had just gotten back to his school and had told Mikey that he wasn't going to be seeing Gerard anymore. Frank had reiterated to Mikey that he wasn't trying to be an ass and leave Gerard in his time of need, but it needed to be done. For Gerard, having Frank around was worse than the actual drugs. Frank was an enabler. Frank knew what was happening and he let it go too far. Or so the younger man thought. As the two men ended their conversation Frank left off with this:
“Tell him that I’m sorry, Mikey. Tell him that he needs this and that he's going to be okay. In a few years, when he's sober and happy, he'll realize that this is what was best for him. He may never thank me, and that's okay, but he needs this. Tell him that he's smart, that he can do anything in the entire world.” He had paused, taking in a deep breath to try to control his emotions.
“Tell him that I love him, Mikey, please? I know it's a selfish thing for me to ask, but I need him to know it. I don't need any response back from that, either. I don't want to see him again, neither of us can handle that, but he needs to know it. He needs to know that this is because I love him that I’m not going to see him anymore.” He paused again, swallowing as he finished his goodbye to Gerard.
“Just tell him to be happy. Tell him that he can get through it and be such an incredible, strong man. Tell him that he can change the world, tell him that he will.” Frank sighed, pausing once more. “Just make sure he knows this all, please? I need him to know.” And with that, Frank hung up the phone, cutting off his contact with Gerard.
Frank eventually moved on to a prestigious medical school, graduating with a high G.P.A and landing a job at a great office. This job was only temporary, he was still going to try and fulfill his life long dream of running a clinic for the disadvantaged families of Jersey, but that would have to wait until the twenty nine year old had enough money to start that up. It could take years, decades even, but Frank wanted to do it. He needed to do it.
Frank was good on his word, too. He never did see Gerard again. He only went home to visit his mother during breaks, but spent the rest of the time on campus. Frank hasn't even seen Mikey since the morning at the Way house. He did talk to him, though. Mikey had called Frank to tell him that his brother did get clean. Gerard went cold turkey, struggling through tough days and nights with Mikey by his side. Mikey wished that he would have had some help, besides his parents. He wished that Frank would have been there to help his brother. But he knew, it wouldn't have helped. The clean break was what Gerard needed. It was better for him.
So, Gerard went back into New York City with a clear head and a new aspiration. Comics. Well, that wasn't so new, he had done that before, but this time he wanted to write his own, not just draw somebody else ideas. It took him a long time to get to where he is now. There were a lot of late nights drawing up ideas just to have the rejected or changed by agencies. But he made it. He got a contract for his own comic and they were flying off the shelves. He was happy and sober and proud. Just like Frank had told Mikey he would be.
Frank was happy. Or content. Or living day to day. It didn't really matter. He was making other peoples lives better, healthier. He woke up every morning, worked long shifts, then went home to his one bedroom apartment to shower, eat and sleep before getting up at doing it all again. Then on weekends, the doctor would make his way to a clinic that helped people with no insurance. He loved working there. He didn't get paid much, but that didn't matter. This was what he wanted to do. He wanted to start his own, one that catered to families, and this was a great way to start that.
Frank had dated briefly, just small things here and there throughout college. Nothing really stuck, though. When his mother asked why he had nobody to bring to Sunday dinners, or holidays, he would say that it was hard to have a relationship with someone with the work schedule he kept. Now, that was true, but Frank worked all those days so he didn't have to have a relationship because, if he was being honest, nothing can compare to what he felt with Gerard.
He always questioned if what he and Gerard had ever really meant anything. It was a summer thing. A short, passion filled summer. Why would it still be affecting him? Why is it that he always wonders where Gerard is, what he's doing, and if he's happy, sober, better? Can something that lasted for such a short amount of time mean so much? Apparently so because Frank couldn't get the dark haired man out of his mind, even ten years later. So he jumped, head first, into his work. Giving excuses when the nurses would set him up dates. And he was content...ish. He was without the older man, doing what he loved, and he knew he'd find love again. It was just a matter of time. Right?
Gerard however knew that he'd find Frank again, however. To Gerard, Frank symbolized the good in his life, which was weird because Frank was part of the reason why everything had gone so badly. But Frank always meant good. The times that Gerard spent with Frank, the countless hours that he talked with the younger man were the best times in Gerard’s life. It was when they were apart that it was bad. Gerard was also in a much better place now. He had his own career, his own house, a dog even. Everything was great for the thirty three year old comic book artist. He didn't have a relationship, though, but then again, he wasn't really looking. He was happy with the solitude. It helped him to write. His mind wasn't so bogged down with things that he needed to remember. And he was waiting for Frank. Not in the sense where he wouldn't even date. He dated. He had been on many, many dates since Frank. There were a lot men and women all who were part of Gerard’s past, but none of them were Frank.
And Gerard would find his Frank again. He had to. The reason? Oh, that's simple.
Gerard engraved 'F&G Forever' in the old wood table. The one that stood in the park across from the small cafe at the corner of Arden and Kay. The same small cafe that was owned by a single mother.
This is short, I know, but I'm not really too sure where I want to go from here. Or really, where you guys want me to go from here. I have a whole section typed out for the next chapter, but if you guys want me to end here, where you can make up your own ending then I will. But if you wanted more I could continue writing this. So give me feedback!
Oh and I'm so sorry that I haven't responded to any comments. Don't feel that I'm not appreciative. I really, really am. I've just been so busy and sick. :( It's horrible. I will respond to everyone. I promise.
xox
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