Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > I'm Not Okay

Who Are We?

by einsteinflygirl 3 reviews

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: G - Genres: Angst,Drama - Warnings: [V] [R] - Published: 2011-09-21 - Updated: 2011-09-21 - 620 words

Slash wasn't quite sure why they'd called him. He hadn't spoken to Axl in about twenty years. Surely Izzy would have been a better choice? Even Duff would have been better. He felt as if he didn't even really know Axl.

Oddly, the man sitting on the bed in front of him seemed only a little different to the man he'd known so many years ago. He was skinny with long, straight, red hair flowing down his back. His eyes were bright and green but with a dullness lurking behind them, the only outward sympton of the problems that had brought them to this moment.

It wasn't the ideal reunion. It had started off with panic and had only become worse from them on. Axl clearly hadn't been eating properly if he was this skinny and something had obviously happened to cause this sudden reappearence of depression. The bandages were new though. He'd never been so direct in a suicide attempt before. Pills were one thing. Slit wrists were something else. He was pale faced and shaky. When his gaze fixed on Slash, however, he seemed to calm down a little. Finally, Slash decided he could get away with sitting down next to Axl.

"I don't know what to say." He decided to be completely honest.
"Why're you here?" Apparently Axl had come to the same decision.
"They called me." Axl raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I don't know why either."
Axl looked down at the bed, "Thanks." Then, "What I said earlier... I am sorry. I fucked up so badly."
"Yeah, you did."
"They... they were saying I didn't know... But I did. Kind of." He rubbed his eyes with his fists, "God, I don't know. It's all such a blur."
"They put you on meds?"
"Yeah." Axl scowled, "I hate taking meds." Then his expression softened a bit, "But these kinda work." There was silence for a few moments, "I'm kind of a bitch."
"That's not who you really are."
"I don't know who I really am." He sounded a little hysterical and Slash deperately wanted to give him a hug and tell him it was all going to be okay. He wondered if that would actually work.

"This is the first time I've let anyone really put me on anything." He said quietly after a while, "I feel kind of lost."
"It's working though, right?"
"I haven't thrown you out yet."
"Good point."
The words suddenly spilled forth, "I didn't mean to hurt you. But I'm so fucking sorry that I did. I'm not sure I'm sorry for what I did but I didn't mean it to work out that way and I wish it hadn't. I was trying to... I'm not even sure what I was trying to do. I just remember being so fucking scared and thinking you guys were going to kill yourselves and I didn't want that to happen and then Kurt died and that was really scary and I couldn't deal with any of it anymore." Axl stopped to try and get his breathing under control again.
"Calm down. It's okay." Slash reassured him, "I don't know if I get it. But I know you well enough to know you mean that."

Axl looked up at him, "I don't want to die anymore."
Slash let out a breath he wasn't even sure he had been holding, "Good." Slash honestly didn't want Axl to die. And that realisation seemed to make something click in Axl's brain.
"I miss you." He said, suddenly. Then, "I'm glad you're here."
Slash thought about it for a second, "I think I am too. I wish it hadn't happened like this." There was a long pause, "Axl, what happened?"
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